Being gay isn’t always easy.
Sure, the LGBT community is gaining momentum politically. Same-sex marriage bans are being overturned left and right, but there are still plenty of states that don’t allow gay marriage or have non-discrimination laws based on sexual orientation or gender identity. More and more celebrities are coming out, but there are still many who remain closeted out of fear of damaging their careers and reputations. So there’s work to be done. Still, we’re optimistic. In part because there are a lot of really fantastic things about being gay.
Here are eight great things about being gay…
8. Gay bars
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Face it, gay bars are superior to straight bars. The music is more fun, the drinks are more potent, and the people are in better shape (except for maybe at bear bars), not to mention better dressed (ditto). Most importantly, there’s not that awful denigration towards women you see at douchebag straight bars. Sure, we oogle each other, but no one feels subjugated (unless, of course, they want to).
7. Fashion
Speaking of being better dressed, gay men aren’t afraid of taking risks when it comes to our wardrobe. We have a natural ability for mixing patterns. (Granted, sometimes we do it more successfully than others.) We know how to accessorize. And we’re not afraid of bright, flashy, flamboyant colors.
Gay fashion rule #1: It’s not what you wear. It’s how you wear it.
While there are certainly plenty of gay couples who practice monogamy, open relationships are much more common (or at least commonly discussed) among gay couples than among straight ones. And, no, that doesn’t mean the gay guys in said relationships are sluts (unless they want to be) or that they aren’t still deeply committed to one another. It just means they’re able to separate NSA sex from real love, and they know how to appreciate both simultaneously without all the petty drama.
5. Grindr, SCRUFF, etc.
Thanks to advent of dating apps, getting laid has never been easier or more convenient. Your next paramour is just a finger swipe (and 235 feet) away. Sure, there are hookup apps for straight people (Tinder and Scout, to name a few), but they haven’t caught on the same way as Grindr and SCRUFF have.
4. CherGo to any Cher concert and you’ll find yourself in a stadium packed with ecstatic gay men dancing and singing along to every song without missing a single lyric (although they miss plenty of notes). We understand the dance diva in a way that most heterosexuals–save for a few suburban housewives–simply don’t. They see a female drag queen. We see a deity. Cher herself acknowledged her influence over gay men in 2013 when she said: “It seems like I’ve always had gay people in my life. In the beginning, I actually thought that ‘gay’ was code for fun.”
3. Unplanned pregnancies
That great fear among horny heteros everywhere in a total non-issue for us. Don’t blame us for those million plus abortions every year!
2. Sexual liberation
While straight men are just now opening up about their love of anal play, gay men have been outwardly embracing it since, well, Adam & Steve. Generally speaking, gay men are more willing to experiment. To celebrate our sexual freedom, we’ve created festivals like Folsom Street Fair and Dore Alley Fair. The fact that these outdoor homages to perversion are now being overrun by heteros just goes to show we’ve always been slightly ahead of the curve.
1. The Great Wardrobe Expansion
Perhaps the best part about being gay is that magical moment when you first move in with your boyfriend and realize your wardrobe has just doubled. Or when you realize you can spend extra for that cashmere sweater for his birthday knowing that you, too, will enjoy wearing it. You are always shopping for two.
Related stories:
10 Totally Obnoxious Things You Have To Be Gay To Fully Understand
‘Sup Bro: Eight Things Gay Men Need Straight Dudes To Know
Don’t Be That Gay: The 10 Most Obnoxious Types Of Homosexual Men
ingyaom
I used to like going to gay bars (to be surrounded by other homos), but now when I go they’re half-full of heteros. No fun. At least now I have a new pick-up line: “Hi. Are you gay?”
Realitycheck
I think most of the 8 points are strictly subjectives,
I have seen great straight bars, I did not care for them because they
were full of straight guys lol, but they were fun places.
Gay men dressing well? I disagree big time, many people from
both genders and the various sexual preference have that innate capacity,
I often find gay men to be the opposite.
Open relation ships OMG, relations ships are for 2 not 20, is that simple,
and more importantly nothing for nothing in this life, if you truly love some one
there is NO sharing and NSA with others, 3 words that totally apply to
open relationships are: slut, selfish, incapable to commit.
A relation ship is like anything else in life, it needs work to grow and keep
on going, that doesn’t happen in a open relationship, the opposite it creates
unlimited opportunities for break ups.
Sexual liberation, it all depends on the person, some guys are willing to experiment and some are boring, it is about personality not gay vs straight.
Cher, love her big time, and I wonder why at 68 she can do with everybody approval what madonna cannot even dare to? LOL
Giancarlo85
Wow. 8 shallow, ridiculous points. Are we really that plastic?
And anyone can dress well or dress poorly. I’m gay. I don’t dress in expensive clothes… I sometimes find nice stuff to wear, but I also have my style (considering urban).
And gay bars aren’t all that great from my experience. Some gay clubs are good in Los Angeles (Arena+Circus for one… but they are said to be shutting their doors this year).
Open “relationships” aren’t relationships at all in my book. I may take criticism for that, but how can you be committed with someone when you’re out banging everyone else? This is one of the things that makes me a bit shameful of the gay community. And I tell others… I am not that way. I will never be that way. And yes, I agree with reality check… INCAPABLE TO COMMIT. That’s what I see from open “relationships” of any kind (gay or straight).
Grindr, Scruff… yes… because life is all about getting laid. I don’t think I have anything else to say about that one. And yes, I’m being sarcastic.
Cher… meh. Mediocre artist at best. I’m not saying she’s bad, but she isn’t all that. And no, I’m not going to attack her age. Funny how some attack Madonna’s age, but Cher is fine in their book. I listen to mainly classic rock (Stones, Queen, etc) and reggaeton.
The third point. Well that kind of pisses me off. Sure we might not have unplanned pregnancies to worry about, but we also have to worry about all the STDs and HIV epidemic out there.
To be honest, this article seems to be promoting slutty behavior. lol.
And what the heck is kashmere? I don’t know what that is… I guess I’m too ghetto to know what it is.
wagnerwallace
The majority of these are not good and dont usually lead to a healthy & fulfilling lifestyle. This list is why so many gays eventuslly end up lone and become caricatures of gay stereotypes.
wagnerwallace
**This list is why so many gays eventually end up lonely and become caricatures of gay stereotypes.
vive
Grindr and Scruff are really not all that good for getting laid in my experience – here they are used for endless chats that seldom lead to actual hookups. For hooking up going out is easier. But maybe my small city is just especially full of online flakes and maybe things are somehow different in NYC and LA.
NoCagada
@wagnerwallace: It’s a good thing there are no lonely straight people!
vive
@Giancarlo85: “INCAPABLE TO COMMIT.”
I don’t see why that is an insult. Is commitment necessarily such a good thing? I don’t see any particular reason, despite the cultural brainwashing we all receive.
By the way, some people have committed open relationships of various kinds that last a long time. Again, not that commitment is necessarily a good thing, but there you have it.
petensfo
Well, these might not be my reasons, but for some I’m sure they’re valid.
I always tell my mom, ‘the gay kids are easier; you eat better, do more interesting things, and the house isn’t a wreck when everyone goes home.’ lol
We also take better vacations, generally have a larger world view, are more prepared to offer compassion to others having experienced undeserved criticism on any number of fronts ourselves. Plus, we love a party, and outside of bars we tend to be friendlier than straights & more willing to expand our friendships to new people.
And that’s srsly just the beginning.
Jack77
More like 8 stereotypical things that are great about being gay. I agree with the others, are we all so vapid, plastic, and shallow that our defining qualities rely on fat shaming, fashion, f@cking, and music icons? Id like to believe we are more than this. That we are great because we finally stood up for ourselves. Because we came out of the fake fog and the techno beats and into the light. That we don’t slink home with out black eyes and our hurt feelings anymore that we make the world see us as we are, and we don’t back down and play weak anymore. That we’ve moved into an era where having the same freedoms are just a dream anymore, but a reality, and those that choose to not be fashionista club kids can have their dream too. Im sure the author meant to be light hearted and upbeat but it just hits me as the same mold we’ve all tried so hard to fit into in the past to feel accepted and loved by each other… Just another closet door to break down.
Giancarlo85
@vive: Not buying it sorry. And commitment can be a good thing. I’m not saying it’s bad. And I’m not saying its cultural brainwashing. If I find someone I love I stick with that guy. I don’t care what society says.
What are committed open relationships? No… that’s not commitment… that’s just straying.
ted72
@Giancarlo85: Thank you for posting this. I feel the same way.
passingthru
Good grief. These comments are ridiculous. It’s just a playful, fun article. These comments are so narrow minded and judgemental. Let’s forget about having fun and constantly trudge life down. Yikes – how dare anybody yuck it up and have some fun. I, for one, enjoyed the article.
Taskebab
@passingthru: I dunno, I actually find the article much more judgemental than the comments, it once again helps with this idea that “this is how gays are and should be and everybody who is not like that is a bad gay”
DC_FamilyMan
@Jack77: nicely stated…. This list is definitely an echo of shallow gay stereotypes that we should be working toward eradicating.
passingthru
@Taskebab: Yeh, OK. I’ll bet you’re the life of the party and everybody wants to sit by you. The best to you!
DC_FamilyMan
@passingthru: Taskebab may be attending parties that don’t mimic high school and he or she probably has a high self esteem and doesn’t need to be the “life of the party”.
mastik8
Sucking dick didn’t make the list? Really?
Realitycheck
Glad to see so many negative reactions to this shallow article, as I believe it does not represent the majority of
gay guys.
To be honest I have seen few articles on this web site and gayguys.com promoting open relationships
as they were now the norm, when in fact most people do not engage in, nor they approve of them.
Exactly what kind of message are we sending to world? That gays are 100% shallow? Incapable of a serious commitment?
And we are all about fun with out any responsibilities, or brain?
To the editors of Queerty, “can we have some more serious and perhaps deeper article about real life problems and
tragedies and all the wonderful people that help other people, can we talk about people in successful long term relation ships?
Cute guys, go go boys and funny drag queens are great, but they are only part of that on stage illusion that only happens at night.
Lets have a mix of everything, lets prove gay men are more then most people think we are.
passingthru
@DC_FamilyMan: LOL – you’re funny!
AJAnders
Seriously Queerty? This list is about as nauseating as one could get, filled with vapid shallowness and almost every gay cliche in the book. You should have added to the list our massive access to glitter and the giant disco ball that falls from our bedroom ceilings every morning while we get dressed before we’re off to work as hairdressers.
jayj150
The only truly inherently gay item on this list is the one regarding the impossibility of unplanned pregnancies, which is, in fact, a great thing. The rest is a bunch of ridiculous generalizations. I was particularly annoyed by the alleged superiority of gay bars; yeah “there’s not that awful denigration towards women you see at douchebag straight bars”, but that is instead replaced with that awful, shallow, ageist denigration toward older men, or those who don’t fit the ideal of what a young, good-looking gay man who dares to go to a bar should look like. And Cher might be an icon, but she is neither gay, nor a gay icon.
wagnerwallace
@NoCagada: That wasn’t all I said leading up to why I think gays end up lonely.
I think that the constant need to go clubbing, the habitual meaningless sex, and the inability to be able to commit to a monogamous relationship – all things glorified in gay culture, all things glorified in this article – doesn’t lead to a healthy or fulfilling life, which is why a lot of gays end up alone in the end and become caricatures of gay stereotypes.
And no, I’m not sanctimonious, stuck-up, or a prude. I just feel there’s more to life than what gay culture would have you believe.
passingthru
@wagnerwallace: I’m not sanctimonious, stuck-up, or a prude” – Be careful. You just might be and you just don’t know it.
“I SEE DEAD PEOPLE”.
onthemark
I’m puzzled the most by The Great Wardrobe Expansion thing (at No. 1, yet):
– Hey, now you guys are stealing a joke Jerry Seinfeld made 20 years ago? But at least he prefaced it with, “IF you meet someone your size, you double your wardrobe.”
– In real life, it’s probably fairly uncommon to get involved with someone who is the exact same pants size as you. Never mind the shoes! Even the shirts won’t really work if one guy is 5’10” and the other is 6’3″.
– But I suppose this dovetails with a recent Queerty obsession, that of dating someone who’s as much like a twin brother as possible (e.g. article a couple days ago about the “bizarrely sexy boyfriend twins”).
– As for the more general “#7. Fashion,” please inform the writers of “Looking” where the glamorous characters in San Fran mostly dress like they’re homeless and the shelter just kicked them out for the day.
wagnerwallace
@passingthru: Being that you haven’t contributed anything of worth to this conversation thus far, your opinion is irrelevant. And the fact that you have to use a reference from a movie to respond to me further shows your low IQ level.
Elloreigh
I’m not one to make New Years’ resolutions, but I think I’ve found one I can keep:
No more clicking on/reading Queerty list posts that purport to say something about gayness, but always turn out to be a bunch of ridiculous stereotyping.
Who’s with me?
passingthru
@wagnerwallace: Well my dad can beat up your dad…..
vive
@wagnerwallace, your comment on open relationships could have been copied word for word from a right wing site condemning gay relationships in general. One would think gay people would learn to avoid narrow-minded judgment from being the targets of it, but no, that’s too mnch to ask apparently.
Giancarlo85: “What are committed open relationships? No… that’s not commitment… that’s just straying.”
Whatever dude. Have you been 16 years in a loyal and respectful relationship with the same guy, as are a couple of friends of mine whose relationship is open? Maybe come back and comment once you have achieved that milestone.
polarisfashion
@onthemark: I have yet to live with someone or date someone that wears the same size clothing I do. I also know several gay guys that do not dress up in fancy clothes with accessories. Most of the guys I knew were jeans and t-shirts type of guys. In spite of my namesake, when it finally warms up I’ll be wearing khakis shorts, a button up shirt, and flip flops. For know I’ll settle for tennis shoes, an Ohio State hoodie, and jeans.
Realitycheck
@vive:
I have been 23 years in a commited monogamous
relationship, and can tell you that Giancarlo is 100% right.
Nothing for nothing in this life, an open relationship is
about all the things one usually and happily gives up
to be in a truly loving relationship.
Open relationships in a way are today version of the flower
child mentality or anything alike, meaning the trend will
pass and people will roll their eyes looking back.
This is not about liberal vs conservative right wing,
but simply about basics common sense, can’t have
your cake and eat it too.
wagnerwallace
@vive: You totally put words into my mouth. Just because I don’t think open relationships are meaningful and that they display your inability to be commit to one person, doesn’t mean I’m anti-gay relationships. First off, I am gay and in a relationship. Second off, how do you come up with such a conclusion.
Also, a word of advice – just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make them anti-gay or Republican. That is by far the dumbest comeback and logic that I’ve heard in a very long time.
wagnerwallace
@vive: And a 16 year open relationship is not a milestone, nor is it anything to brag about or be envious of.
Happyemblmer
Come on! Though not one thing on that list applied to me personally, there is nothing wrong with a positive, uplifting article about the gay community for once. I prefer straight bars, have no idea how to dress, have been married for 6 years and have never used grindr, but all those things are great for a lot of people! We have enought stabbins and disease to go around, let’s just all be positive and maybe try something new on the list we don’t know about.
Giancarlo85
@vive: “Whatever dude. Have you been 16 years in a loyal and respectful relationship with the same guy, as are a couple of friends of mine whose relationship is open? Maybe come back and comment once you have achieved that milestone.”
What a crock. I’ve been in a relationship since I was 23 with the SAME GUY. That’s six years. I’m 29. In other words, ages for most gay men because I don’t go around sleeping with others. 16 years in an OPEN relationship isn’t a real relationship. My 6 years in a monogamous relationship is worth far more than that 16 years.
Vive is sloppy and all over the place. He’ll probably accuse me of being anti-gay. LOL. Yet I’m in a relationship with a guy! Open relationships don’t prove anything to me and aren’t milestones I want to be in.
Giancarlo85
@polarisfashion: Ditto. I am 6’1″ and my bf (he’s 27, I’m 29) is 5’6″. Yeah. Not even close lol. Not even our shoe sizes either.
passingthru
@Happyemblmer: You rock!
redcarpet30
Fuck this!, Sincerely, The Bears.
Daniel-Reader
Most importantly gay people do not concoct religions that devastate billions of people’s lives each day in the name of make believe creatures.
T101
Wow – this article/list is absolutely awful… So much so I want to stop reading Queerty altogether.. “open Relationships” really?!?! Many gays are in healthy monogamous relationships… this list is so old school… and in a bad way stereotypical… Pls take this down.
darian
I feel all of the things are acceptable when your young or fun things to do for the sake of saying you’ve done it, but as you get older Continuing to carry on with any of these things will leave you a lonely life.
DarkZephyr
To be fair, at least as far as the “open relationships” one goes, I think queerty is trying to be all things to all gays. I think it was last year that Queerty posted a piece about a high profile gay man who was in a monogamous relationship and Queerty referred to him as “respectable”. Several of the commentors took that as a personal insult because of their belief in open relationships and really got passionate about it.
HOWEVER. I think that THIS time Queerty went to far in the *opposite* direction when they called monogamy “petty” and “dramatic”. Seriously Queerty, I see no reason to sacrifice one set of gay asses in your effort to kiss another set of gay asses. You do not have to call monogamy “petty” to impress the open relationship advocates.
@Giancarlo85: @vive: I think both of you are being a little impolite about this. I believe that we are all wired differently. Some of us are wired for monogamy; some of us are wired another way. Neither is in of itself bad or good. Vive, with all due respect, I think its JUST as f*cked up and judgmental of you to call the preference for monogamy “brained washed” as it is *cked up and judgmental for Giancarlo to trash your friends’ 16 year open relationship. Fellas. Neither of you is “right”. We all have to do what is right for us as long as we aren’t hurting other people.
Me, I AM wired for monogamy and this is not because of any societal conditioning or “brain washing”. Its just how I am. I have been completely and madly in love with my fiancé for 2 years now and the thought of being with anyone other than him for *any* reason and for *any* amount of time holds absolutely NO appeal for me. When I get horny and want satisfaction, I want it from him. I don’t want and don’t NEED it from anybody else and he feels the same way about me. He and I are totally hot for each others’ bodies and touch. There just isn’t any logical reason as far as we are concerned to seek the sexual company of other men. There is nothing a stranger’s penis or ass can do for me that my fiancé’s penis or ass can’t do for me and vice versa. And that is just how we feel. Other people feel differently in their own relationships and lives and that is fine. It doesn’t affect me and my relationship at ALL just like my relationship and impending marriage to my fiancé has no affect on the relationships and marriages of heterosexual couples.
I think what happens is that as human beings we always tend to think OUR way is the ONE true way because we cannot really totally comprehend what we do not experience ourselves. This is why religious people become the dangerous fanatics that they are, but dangerous fanaticism is not restricted to the religious.
I will admit Giancarlo, that my instinctive response is to be more sympathetic to you than to Vive because your position is one that I can comprehend much better being that your way matches how I am personally wired much better than his does. BUT I know better and I resist that instinct because I know there is no “one true way”. No human being is the arbiter of this. I think human beings are TRULY wired differently. I think about half of us are wired for monogamy and about half of us aren’t. I think we have to respect one another as best we can and not call each other out and trash each other over it. We have bigger fish to fry in those who want to crush us, kill us and take away our rights.
Dipest
Good or bad this article got its purpose, getting us reading and replying!
I don’t agree either with the stereotype portrayed here. I’m a man who loves men and so proud of it, it doesn’t matter the way you dress, if you go or not to bars, and I had a 16 years relationship with another man that would have lasted if he hadn’t pass away. Love and comitment is possible, I know that.
dunner
i read all the comments im going to be 60 this mon i live in sf for 30 yrs i think they should put your age when commenting i would have ans every 5 yrs i changed i know that i i can not put my views to others people are people rob
Giancarlo85
@DarkZephyr: Yes I could have been nicer with the way I put my response, but I still don’t view a 16 year open relationship as an accomplishment. He basically said I don’t know how it is like to have such a relationship.
“Maybe come back and comment once you have achieved that milestone.”
Petulant. This is why I act defensively! I have achieved BETTER milestones, like being in a monogamous relationship.
Migue
Number 1 on the list had me beaming. God yes expanded wardrobe tybg
Giuseppe
The music is Top 40 sugar, it’s filled with 50% women and everyone is on one app or another messaging a guy 20ft away. Gay bars (at least in NYC) are at an all-time low. All you need to do is change the name of the bar, they’re that similar. PLEASE bring back the bars of the late 90s: diverse and fun music and ALL MEN.
Giuseppe
@ingyaom: Agree 100%, too many women and the music sucks!
jwtraveler
@Daniel-Reader: I would love it if that were true, but I’m not so sure.
jwtraveler
#9 Superficiality. Wait, that was #1-8.
Madox
Dicks. Let’s not forget about dicks.
enlightenone
“It just means they’re able to separate NSA sex from real love, and they know how to appreciate both simultaneously without all the petty drama.”
Still delusional or 15 “straight,” “gay,” “bi,” or “no labels!”
IvanPH
Look at all these hateful and bitter comments.
Gay people ridiculing other gay people… As if being ridiculed by straight people is not enough.
No wonder many gay people still refuse to come out.
vive
@DarkZephyr, you misunderstood me.
I didn’t say people who want monogamy do so because they are brainwashed. Not at all – lots of people are indeed wired for monogamy, as you state. I meant that mainstream culture brainwashes people into thinking that monogamy is the only valid option. Indeed, Giancarlo is telling us that non-monogamous relationships are invalid.
enlightenone
@IvanPH: “No wonder many gay people still refuse to come out”
Nice of you to drop in w/your Pat Robertson theory and crusty point-of-view!
Giancarlo85
@vive: I’m not arguing whether a non-monogamous relationship is invalid. I’m arguing that they show the people are not capable in committing to each other. A non-monogamous, open relationship isn’t about committment in my opinion. Now this is JUST my opinion.
And no, this has nothing to do with mainstream culture telling me that. This is about how I feel MYSELF. I am fully capable in making a rational conclusion myself.
enlightenone
@Giancarlo85: “…A non-monogamous, open relationship isn’t about committment in my opinion. Now this is JUST my opinion.”
But a “non-monogamous”/OPEN relationship does throw a monkey wrench into the commitment armor. And yes, we need the armor, at least for now, in a world that still seeks to destroy our relationships (potential relationships)/bonds from so many fronts here and around the world from no workplace protections, “religious liberty” to being thrown from roofs, to public stoning.
CoachS
Thanks for playing into stereotypes Queerty. I feel so “un-gay” after reading this. I’m just not that into clothes and like half of these mentioned fashion. Also, my partner and I are vastly different sizes (though he occasionally wears my XXL golf shirts on his L frame). He’d look pretty funny in my pants or my suits (and certainly most unfabulous in the traditional Brooks Brothers “sack suits” that I favor).
If people want to have open relationships – so be it. I think the best thing about being gay is that I don’t have to worry about fashion. I don’t have to worry about changing who I am to suit the female that I’m courting (my partner and I both like football and hockey and speedvision and shows that a woman would typically want us to turn off). I don’t have to worry about him being in the mood. Is that five things? Do I have a “Top Five List”? I could publish on Queerty I guess.
enlightenone
@enlightenone: @Giancario85, sorry it should read: And a “non-monogamous”/OPEN relationship…
vive
@Giancarlo85, I’m fine with what you say, as long as you don’t tell non-monogamous people that their relationships as “less than” yours. It just sounds to me as if you are saying to us that their relationships are “less than”, whatever adjective you want to put between the “less” and the “than”. I am neither for or against open relationships, but I just think that nobody else really has the right to judge from the outside what is going on between any two (or more) people. Being morally judgmental about other ways of being in the world is a way of trying to control others, and nobody has the right to do that, as much as they might personally feel threatened by the idea of non-monogamy.
Also, telling other people what they are capable of or incapable of usually doesn’t go over well.
vive
@CoachS, just to be fair, you criticize stereotyping of gay people and then turn around and immediately stereotype women.
Giancarlo85
@vive: I can say anything I want as it is my opinion. And I will say it is less than mine because I hold commitment highly (on a personal level). I do not feel that is the same for an open relationship. Sorry, won’t ever agree to that. My relationship isn’t the same as an open relationship. It’s better.
And no, I’m not controlling anyone. Do what you want. But this is just my view of things. Don’t let my view interrupt or interfere in your life. I’m not making any law against you.
And you said I don’t know what it feels like to have an open relationship and touted it as some kind of accomplishment. Sorry but no.
Giancarlo85
I’m not telling anyone how to live.
What I say is regarding me alone. I don’t view open relationships on the same level as monogamous relationships. But people can do what they want. I am not making any law or advocating harm to others.
vive
@Giancarlo85: “My relationship isn’t the same as an open relationship. It’s better.”
Good luck finding/keeping a relationship with that awful personality. You’re going to need it.
There are many monogamous relationships where the partners are miserable and treat each other like shit. And there are open relationships where the guys are happy and treat each other like princes. I know which of these two is better.
Giancarlo85
@vive: And here we go again.
My “awful” personality” What about your awful personality? You have shown nothing but to a bitter angry old man.
I’ve been in a relationship for six years with a nice guy. I am not miserable and I’m not awful. So get a reality check and get a GRIP.
And there are open relationships where the guys are happy and treat each other like princes? So that is exclusive only to open relationships? Man oh man, you have such hypocrisy.
Giancarlo85
@vive: BTW, I’ve seen open relationships fall apart into chaos and cheating. The guy not telling the other they are boning more guys and then dating someone else. Yeah, seen it all the time.
vive
@Giancarlo85, the point is, you are saying your family is better than other kinds of families. Where have we heard that before? Oh yeah, from the religious right.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: “I’m not telling anyone how to live. What I say is regarding me alone.”
If you really thought that, you wouldn’t have started this argument, and later bragged about how you are “BETTER” than everybody else.
Then you pretend to wonder why on earth anyone might be annoyed at what you say. Or maybe you want the entire “gay community” to acknowledge your superiority and award you a medal?
Why do the gay monogamy fanatics always, always, always feel such a compulsion to proselytize like Jehovah’s Witnesses? Dude, every gay guy is AWARE that monogamy is an option. You don’t need to do the frickin’ sales pitch nonstop like that.
If you’re really that happy in your relationship, here’s a suggestion: why don’t you just enjoy it as your private secret? (Kind of like a favorite restaurant that you hope the reviewers won’t ruin.) Silence is golden!
vive
@Giancarlo85, by the way, I am currently monogamous, so you are not putting me down. I just don’t like it when people are being put down.
And by the way, people who are happy and secure in their relationships don’t usually feel the need to put down other people’s arrangements. Think about that.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: Because this vive guy said I don’t know what it is like and I don’t have the sense of accomplishment of being in an open relationship for 16 years. Look if you guys can’t read that isn’t my issue.
Giancarlo85
@vive: You totally missed the point. I am talking about me alone. And I am not putting anyone down. I just refuse to equate my monogamous relationship with an open one.
And no not like the religious right at all. I am fine with two in an open relationship marrying if they wanted. Not my business. Live and let live. But you made this personal by the quote you made on my own life and saying I don’t know what it is like to be in a relationship.
You are a hypocrite.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Re: anyone calling any relationship an “accomplishment”… well, that’s totally subjective. That seems an extraordinarily minor point for you to get THIS upset about.
Some people might say that no one should use the word “accomplishment” about relationships, period. These could be people who haven’t been in relationships yet, or who are totally unimpressed by relationships. Or even people who are totally happy in relationships they don’t compare to the Olympic decathlon. Or, some people who’ve been in monogamous relationships for decades might scoff at someone at the 6-year mark.
But I doubt you’d agree with any of the above. You want everyone to acknowledge that you’re “better” (ain’t gonna happen) and yet you CLAIM you’re “not telling anyone how to live.” You can’t have it both ways.
CoachS
@vive: Just stereotyping the women that I’ve dated… all of whom were not football fans. Even my sister, who loves football, criticizes him when he watches TV. Sometimes it’s a stereotype… and sometimes it’s nothing more than a fundamental difference between women and men. At any rate, my partner and I both watch sports and don’t share a wardrobe.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: He was going after my credibility and saying I didn’t have an idea about an open relationship or any relationship for that matter. So I opened up and told a bit about myself. I consider this matter concluded. I’ll agree to disagree. We simply have different viewpoints on matters and that won’t change anytime soon.
I’ve seen bad monogamous and bad open relationships alike.
People can live how they want and should be able to marry the one they love. Would I do an open relationship? No. Not for me. I wish everyone the best. I won’t judge any more. And yes, I think my relationship is better than an open relationship. But that is my own personal view.
CoachS
@CoachS: *him being my brother in law. Oops.
Giancarlo85
Oh and I don’t want anyone to acknowledge anything I’m saying. Get a grip!
enlightenone
@Giancarlo85: “…I’ve seen open relationships fall apart into chaos and cheating. The guy not telling the other they are boning more guys and then dating someone else. Yeah, seen it all the time.”
“…Yeah, seen it all the time.” And so has Vive and he knows it or he’s living in a delusional bubble!
enlightenone
@onthemark: “…That seems an extraordinarily minor point for you to get THIS upset about….”
Not for you to minimize HIS “point” or how “upset” HE may or not be?
Continue…
enlightenone
@Giancarlo85: “…I won’t judge any more.”
You are not judging, you are challenging and we as a community need it to get clear, evolve, change, grow. Folks that say you are judging 9x out of 10 is using this judgment as a defense. See how it works?
Keep sharing your OPINION/wisdom. There are those who will have your back and others won’t. That’s a given on these blogs/social media as I know you know!
Giancarlo85
It just gets kinda tiring arguing with people who misinterpret everything and then blow everything out of proportion. Some accuse me of being like the Christian right which is just silly. I’m more leftist than any democrat in America. In fact, I am considered Social Democrat/Green in most developed countries.
They just don’t like to hear different ideas…
wagnerwallace
@Giancarlo85: I get what you’re saying and I have way more respect for a 6 year monogamous relationship than I ever will for a 16+ year open relationship.
A lot of gays have the tendency of accusing any one with a moral compass or different ideas as the “Christian right”.
Giancarlo85
@wagnerwallace: Yea, but it’s so crazy they throw that at me. I even view Obama as center-right. LOL.
I identify heavily with the Greens and SPD in Germany (just using an example).
I’m about as left wing as it comes.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: “They just don’t like to hear different ideas…”
But that’s just it – what’s different about that idea? It’s the exact same idea we hear from the hetero world. So if someone like vive says you’re acting similarly to right-wing Christians, and you think that’s unfair, well the Christians are basing their position on something (their crazy scriptures etc.) however crazy it may be. You are basing your position on… what, exactly? Nothing?
WHY is monogamy “better”? Just because you say so?
You imply that it’s kind of, like, hard to do. You imply that it’s at least (ahem) somewhat of a strain for a male to do. … Which, ironically, is exactly the position the open-relationship people take.
I do think what originally annoyed you (in your first post, way back) was Queerty’s clumsy phrasing in the article. I think what Queerty was trying to say was that gay men in general, demographically, are more OPEN to open relationships than straights are – which is undeniably true – but they phrased it badly and implied that MOST gay men are into that, which is probably not true.
enlightenone
@wagnerwallace: “A lot of gays have the tendency of accusing any one with a moral compass or different ideas as the “Christian right”.”
If true, they are gay jackasses! I don’t know of the “Christian Right” with a moral compass, at least not in their so-called “political” rhetoric, their policy platform, their personal behavior, how they talk about our president and his family, or the inhumane, Koch Brother’s bills!
enlightenone
@onthemark: “…I do think what originally annoyed you (in your first post, way back) was Queerty’s clumsy phrasing in the article.”
So appreciate this comment from you, especially given the back and forth between you two. This is the “onthemark” I have grown fond of!
onthemark
@enlightenone: Thanks!
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: What a pile of pretentious nonsense. The same rhetoric we hear from the hetero world? So I have to be a whore running around with a bunch of guys in order to prove what? That I am different? No. Wrong. Totally wrong. Monogamy has nothing to do with the Christian right. In fact many atheists do monogamy too.
And by the way I am not even saying sleeping with many people is wrong. People are free to do what they want. But what I am saying is if you think I am taking rhetoric from the Christian right you are an ignorant fool.
Giancarlo85
And don’t you dare tell me what I implied or not… It is obvious you spin everything I say. You are more off the mark than Bill O’Reilly.
enlightenone
@Giancarlo85: “They just don’t like to hear different ideas…”
For some yes, yet others just misinterpret what you write or the writing may not be so effective for any given entry – it happens given the nature of this platform.
Some of my entries can be better written at times!
Don’t be discouraged!
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: “So I have to be a whore running around with a bunch of guys in order to prove what? That I am different?”
Again – WHY is monogamy “better”? That’s a moral judgment. I asked you what it’s based on, and apparently the answer is absolutely nothing?
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: It is obvious you either can’t read or refuse to read. Off the mark again with your ridiculous comments.
I already explained it. I feel better being committed to one guy and feel more complete with one guy. I don’t need others to help me feel sexually satisfied. And if you think this is the same logic the Christian right uses, you are a Los cause.
Your pathetic replies are based on nothing but vitriol. Grow up!
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: At least you’ve slowly changed your self-righteous pr1ck attitude from being “BETTER” than everyone else, to just being “different” [i.e. different from a “whore”!], to simply… monogamy being *better for you.* Great! I hope you’ve learned to stick with the latter story and not be surprised when the previous versions piss people off.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: You are the one acting like a self-righteous prick and honestly you make me sick. I have nothing else to say to you. You are just another bitter pathetic troll. A dime in the dozen I think the saying goes.
And yes, I stick by my statement my 6 year monogamous relationship is better than a 17 year open relationship… absolutely 1000%. Not just 100%, but 1000%! And I don’t care if I piss someone like you off… grow some skin. Never have I met someone so thin skinned like you.
enlightenone
@Giancarlo85: “…And yes, I stick by my statement my 6 year monogamous relationship is better than a 17 year open relationship… absolutely 1000%….”
EXCELLENT!
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: I almost don’t want to break this to you but I’m not the one who was pissed off (vive was). I think you’re hilarious and I’ve enjoyed your two-day meltdown immensely!
As I said before – why not just enjoy your relationship and keep relatively quiet? (Which in real life as opposed to online, you probably do.) Stop worrying that the monogamy message is unknown to gay men. Everyone is aware of it.
Giancarlo85
@onthemark: What self righteous behavior.
Someone questioned my own integrity so I brought up my own relationship. Someone said that I don’t know what it feels like to be a 17 year relationship, a 17 year “open relationship” that is. Vive was the one that said it… and sounded like an idiot saying it.
I’m not worrying about anything. And I’m not the one having a meltdown. You simply lack the intellectual capacity to even discuss anything. Keep on making yourself look bad. Have fun!
Giancarlo85
Oh and just to put it more clearly for you… since you have issues reading… I am not responding to you anymore in here. It’s obvious you have some sort of agenda and have the same kind of mind as Bill O’Reilly (where you dismiss anyone and everyone who disagrees with you).
So have a good one! Maybe you’ll get over yourself one day.
onthemark
@Giancarlo85: Hey drama queen, you already said TWICE ALREADY before now that you were finished with discussing this.
But we have established where you’re coming from. You think monogamists are a poor, pitiful, repressed minority group in the “gay community.” Therefore you feel the need to proselytize for monogamy 24/7 like a Jehovah’s Witness because you think the gay “whores” out there have never heard of monogamy before. (I assure you that they HAVE heard of it, really, but whatever.)
And looking back at the whole comment thread, the ONLY thing we’ve found out about your wonderful relationship is… you’re (supposedly) monogamous! Well whoop-te-do, we’re impressed. How amazing. You’re just like a straight person.
Your medal is in the mail!
downeaster1
Articles like this make me hate this site. What a stupid list of bullshit.
tdx3fan
I only go for one of the things on that list, and even straight couples can have open relationships.
rukateria
from what this seem the writer is only telling from location he been not all places is the same for an example some of better than other than there some or horrible than other. if i misread the part about bear being in the bar i hate to tell you some bear are most likely be the best boyfriend to have compared to all the other twink muscle head guy (this only to the guy i met or try to talk to not to all of them)some of us bear cannot help for being big or little fat on us. the open relationship is most likely the one of the main reason people cant kkep their relationship going cause it too tempted to be with someone else once they done it. so if i meet a guy who want that he has to respect my feeling toward that i dont want that if he cant he just lose me automatic this article is too narrow minded and i feel as a BEAR that it tend to attack us guy who are a bear. the writer should do better research on his statement it feel it mainly toward big city he probably need to travel to small town see the different and so on.