Here you thought the Oscars were less gay this year. And while it’s true that no awards went to any LGBT films or roles, the Academy made up for it with a splashy telecast dipped in glitter and showtunes.
The Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles gave host Seth MacFarlane a dozen or so helping hands when they opened the show with an ode to cinematic cleavage, “We Saw Your Boobs.” The musical interludes, however slightly classier, didn’t stop there.
Magic Mike‘s Channing Tatum kept his clothes on and his crotch gyrations to a minimum with a surprisingly balletic Charlize Theron as MacFarlane sang “The Way You Look Tonight.” The host was then joined by pint-sized heartthrobs Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe for a little soft shoe to “High Hopes.”
MacFarlane wrapped up the opener with “Be Our Guest” featuring some dancing dudes in dapper duds and twirling girls in golden gowns. They had nothing on Dame Shirley Bassey, however, who belted out “Goldfinger” in a clingy gold gown that showed off her 76-year-old curves.
Fellow grand dame Barbra Streisand brought the In Memoriam to a heartfet conclusion with a tribute to her friend, the late Marvin Hamlisch. Babs sang his Oscar-winning tune, “The Way We Were,” ad-libbing in true Streisand fashion, “If we had the chance would we do it all again, would we? — of course we would.”
Everyone’s favorite plucky gal Jennifer Lawrence introduced everyone’s favorite British import, Adele, who after performing “Skyfall” took home the Oscar for Best Original Song. Sadly, Taylor Swift was nowhere to be seen.
And then we have noted heterosexual John Travolta.
The Hairspray star announced the tribute to movie musicals, which started with Catherine Zeta-Jones proving she still had those gams and could still belt out “All That Jazz”; Jennifer Hudson nearly stole Anne Hathaway’s Best Supporting Actress trophy while bringing the audience to their feet with “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going”; and the cast of Les Misérables stormed the stage for “One More Day.”
With all the musical numbers, one might have mistaken the 85th Academy Awards for the 55th Grammy Awards, or considering how stagey everything was, the 66th Tony Awards. But the Oscars managed to “outgay” both of them and that’s called the magic of movies, kids.
Here is the full list of winners:
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Best Original Screenplay
Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino
Best Adapted Screenplay
Argo, Chris Terrio
Best Original Song
“Skyfall” from Skyfall, music and lyric by Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth
Best Original Score
Life of Pi, Mychael Danna
Best Production Design
Lincoln, Production Design: Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson
Best Film Editing
Argo, William Goldenberg
Best Supporting Actress
Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
Best Sound Editing
Les Misérables, Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson and Simon Hayes
Best Foreign Language Film
Best Documentary Feature
Searching for Sugar Man
Best Documentary Short
Best Live Action Short
Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Best Animated Short
Best Animated Feature
Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda
Best Visual Effects
Life of Pi, Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliot
Best Costume Design
Anna Karenina, Jacqueline Durran
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Les Misérables, Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell