Daniel Villarreal dabbles in the pornographic and masturbatory arts. He also attended the Dallas kiss-in protest this last weekend, but only ended up kissing his old buddy on the cheek—what a prude.
Porn stars get plenty of experience learning how to play the organ and grinding to bad techno. So it makes sense a few of them occasionally try their hand at making music outside the bedroom. But smut stars still shine brightest between the sheets. That is: Their tunes likely won’t blow your mind (or anything else). Nevertheless, we’ve picked five notable players from the porn pantheon whose tracks might have you appreciating them for more than just their bodies.
Though probably not.
(NOTE: Some images and links on the following pages may be NSFW. No frontal nudity or anything, but we are talking about porn stars.)
JEFF STRYKER
Porn Career Began: 1988
Music Career Began: 1995
Best Single: “Pop You In The Pooper”
Best Film: Bigger Than Life (1986). This is Stryker’s debut, where he sings the titular song completely tone-deaf alongside an 80’s rock band.
John Waters once called Jeff Stryker “the Cary Grant of Porn,” but Stryker’s more like a dominating, well-hung Mickey Mouse. His gay porn super-stardom left as many stains on international culture as bedroom walls. Not only did Jeff’s cock help mold the best selling dildo of all time (Margaret Cho even has one), but he’s also hung in international art galleries painted by Pierre et Gilles, has performed his one-man shows around the world, and continues to sell his extensive line of Jeff Stryker products including greeting cards, Stryker Lube, and the Jeff Stryker Action Figure. Jeff supposedly created a country CD called Wild Buck in 1995, but little information about it exists; some sites refer to it as an “electronic/dance” EP, with three remixes of a single track. Amazon.com has it on sale for $79.98. Luckily, his country-influenced single “Pop You In The Pooper” survived the digital revolution, providing some idea of what the rest of Wild Buck might have sounded like.
MITCH BRANSON
Porn Career Began: 2007, with RandyBlue.com
Music Career Began: 2006
Best Album: Groove Compass
Best Film: Colt’s Hawai’i (2007). Mitch humps ex-Marine Gage Weston in a scenic infinity pool.
You gotta respect a porn star who mixes his own music for a policeman strip routine. Mitch Branson went to school just to learn digital audio design, but he ended up learning a far more valuable lesson — not to sing on his album. Many porn stars have fallen prey to the lure of hearing their own voice, but Mitch’s silence is a saving grace of an otherwise unremarkable debut.
Groove Compass is marketed as “perfect for playing in the background at a party, while driving, or in your store.” Yes, if your party’s at a bathhouse, if you’re driving to an Indian buffet, or if your store sells Wiccan supplies. But play his world music anywhere else and risk discrediting yourself as an appreciator of “good music.” However, if Middle-Eastern witch orgies are your thing, you might appreciate the sampler from his upcoming album Darkness of Pleasure. Listening to it is like ingesting bad acid in a leather bar—the wobbly synths, operatic samples, and repeated tempo changes will most likely leave you confused and grinding your teeth.
JOHNNY HAZZARD
Porn Career Began: 2003
Music Career Began: 2006
Best (and Only) Single: “Deeper Into You”
Best Film: Rascal Video/Channel 1’s Bolt (2005). Johnny fucks almost every one of his hand-picked co-stars while serving as slaves in a sci-fi dicktatorship.
As far as porn talent goes, Morning Goods star Johnny Hazzard is as versatile as they come. He not only enjoys dildo play and orgies, but he’s also penned music reviews for LA’s oldest LGBT magazine, made his own (naked) online cooking show (Hazzardous Life), and acted alongside fellow porn musician Colton Ford in hereTV’s homo-vampire drama The Lair. The shrewd, sexy little beast also had smarts enough to produce only one decent dance single instead of an entire felch-tastic album—it sounds like an understated Depeche Mode track with the great lyric, “You have no idea what you do to me, or what I’ll do to you”—if only, Johnny. He can now be seen waiting tables at posh LA restaurant CommeÇa.
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DEAN MONROE
Porn Career Began: 2001
Music Career Began: 2009
Best (and Only) Single: “Closer To You”
Best Film: Heaven to Hell (2006). Dean plays a handsome devil (complete with prosthetic horns) who then gets his fill of forbidden fruit.
Taking a page out of Johnny Hazzard’s music book, voracious bottom Dean Monroe created just one catchy single and it’s much better than Johnny’s. Sure, “Closer to You” is total club fare with typical bubble pop lyrics—Monroe sings, “Take me up to a galaxy / where stars and comets collide / it’s the distance between our dreams / growing smaller inside,” which make no sense even if you own a Lisa Frank notebook—but its bumping beat, echo effects, and energizing synths make it downright danceable. Plus, Monroe’s voice suits the genre well. Sadly, it seems a one-off rather than a move towards an eventual album.
COLTON FORD
Porn Career Began: 2001
Music Career Began: 1986
Best Single: cover of “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” with Pepper Mashay
Best Film: All World’s Conquered (2002). Ford and Caesar’s other servants give the roman orgy-style “Royal Treatment” to a conquering gladiator.
In almost every interview he gives, Colton Ford reminds us that he started his music career long before his brief stint in porn. But he made an infinitely better porn star than he does a musician, so one BARELY cares.
Here’s the problem: In porn, he was a versatile salt-and-pepper muscle daddy—instant niche! In music however, his vocoder-heavy covers sound just like every other gay dance tune you keep dancing to in hopes of getting laid.
Thankfully, Ford strips down in almost every one of his music videos. Plus, he gets points for sheer audacity—his soon-to-be-released album of covers (ingeniously titled Under the Covers) includes songs by Fleetwood Mac, Nirvana, and an ultra-gay dance version of R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” (featuring Ford looking all angsty and racoon-eyed in a full-body fishnet suit).
twstone
You forgot about Dempsey Stearns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf1ZeznwBTw
naprem
I heart Johnny Hazzard deeply and will hear nothing against him.
NOTHING!
JAB
Yum, Mr. Villarreal! I like your sexy photo the best!!
Matt
Johnny Hazzard was my waiter several months back when I visited a friend in LA. He was very nice. Shorter than I expected. If he is waiting tables obviously his singing career isn’t working out too well.
Qjersey
Colton Fords singing is better than his acting in Dante’s Cove.
Jeff Stryker is SO BAD, TERRIBLY BAD that it isn’t even campy.
Bob Lablah
@Matt: That reminds me of the late Gordon Grant. Back in the 80’s I saw him at a bathhouse in LA working the check-in.
I wonder what ever happened to Tony Davis. Does anyone know?
jason
Most of these porn stars are as talented as Britney Spears. Nuff said.
mikeandrewsdantescove
Mitch Branson new album drops September 1st featuring Royal Lush.
Mike
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSyB0f0l4is
Chuck
Wow – people actually pay money to watch these guys?
Steve
I think Mitch Branson’s new album is awesome. He wrote and produced the entire production. It may be challenging for people to take him seriously, but at least he’s motivated to make things happen. I sure can’t write and produce an album. That would be cool though.
Jim
I think the reviewer is a jealous troll.
Josh
Mitch Branson’s album is great!
Cindy
Hey, Britney’s making more money than you’ll ever see. I respect these guys for taking a risk.
Tanya
I love Mitch Branson’s music!!!!!
He is sooooooo talented.
Everyone should check it out!!
Mercedes Alexander
With the release of this cd I see Mitch’s fame exploding. It has always been known that he is incredible to look at, NOW his TRUE talent is going to take the world by storm. I for one am very happy for him and wish him great success.
iltman
Johnny has been a professional waiter long before he started to do porn or the singing gigs, and by the way is one of the nicest and most down to earth people you could wish to meet, you go Johnny!
terrwill
I guess Johnnny really means it when he says “Coffee, Tea, or Me?”………………..
Wayne
I know the reviewer is striving for humor, but it comes across as a hater’s inability to believe someone can be both hot AND talented.
Alas, the world is unfair, and some guys DO have it all.
Lucky for us when some guys, like Mitch Branson, willing to share it.
I can’t speak to Mitch’s “Groove Compass,” but I have a hard time believing anyone would fault the “Darkness of Pleasure” sampler track for “changing tempos.”
Of course the tempos are going to change. He’s giving you a taste of all the songs on the album!
The music on the sample sounds lush, intelligent, wide-ranging, and engaging. I can’t wait to work out to it. I can’t wait to fuck to it!
Porn stars who attempt to branch into other pursuits are an easy target, and the reviewer has to get an article done, so I understand.
But, based on the sample, I think Mitch deserves an honest, unprejudiced listen to the entire album.
WTF?
The waiting tables line was funny, what a sad note to end such a send up on. However, this comment “Johnny has been a professional waiter long before…” truly takes the cake. Not only does it seem to elevate waiterdom to the status of something requiring an MBA, but it implies that there are semi-professional and amateur statuses in the world of table waiting. My god! OF COURSE he’s a professional waiter. You wait tables, you get paid. What a fucking tard!
Doug
The reviewer needs to hear the entire album of Darkness of Pleasure. I just downloaded a couple of tracks from iTunes. Fantasies of a Mistress…that’s not an operatic sample, he hired the girl to sing it. I’m also into witch orgies and that’s why I downloaded Roller Coasters of the Haunted House.
My point is…do your research before you write an article.
D.
Trevor
Groove Compass was very pleasant and atmospheric, albeit a bit raw. What I like about Darkness of Pleasure is how it shows a progression in Branson’s engineering. Some of the tracks are really good, even if you’re not an IndianWiccanBathhouse-goer.
I think that when porn stars publicly branch out when into other entertainment arenas, they’re put under the microscope. It’s as if reviewers collectively roll their eyes and exclaim, “How dare he have aspirations other than being a truck driver??” Come on, people in porn are people first, and they’re not just porn stars.
Mitch Branson’s & Colton Ford’s albums are enjoyable, and if they want to use their porn fame to help sell a few CDs, I’m okay with that.
Manni
Since Mitch Branson’s music is autodidaktisch (self-taught) it is very good. He does have the technical skills, the musical ear, the necessary feeling for rhythm and most importantly, he knows counterpoint.
Credit where credit is due!
Doug
[img]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SDvxxuWp7I[/img]
I came across the Darkness of Pleasure Sampler on u tube. The singers name is Amanda Dieck. She’s incredible.
Doug
Let me try that again. 🙂
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SDvxxuWp7I
Daniel Villarreal
Would anybody be standing up for the musical talent of these guys if they weren’t porn stars? Sure, Mitch Branson’s music may be very good for someone who only took one digital audio class, but compared to his contemporaries, it’s still pretty mediocre.
I’m all for the idea that drop-dead handsome porn actors get taken seriously in another field, but only if that’s the same level playing field that everyone else competes on. While I commend these guys for their creativity, their music shouldn’t sound any better just because a gay porn star made it.
Doug
Then produce an album yourself Daniel if you’re such a music critic. Anyway I can care if a porn star produced Darkness of Pleasure. It’s all about his singer Amanda Dieck. She’s wonderful and Mitch wrote the songs.
Control Me, Should I fall in Love again, fantasies of a Mistress.
You go Mitch…and have the last laugh!!!!
Wayne
Where is this “level playing field” I keep hearing so much about?
Every entertainer we know and love has benefited from something more than their musical ability. Maybe they had the right connections. Maybe they caught a lucky break. Maybe they had the money and the spare time to pursue their dream.
Everyone successful in the music industry got a leg up from somewhere. If Mitch Branson and the others get a leg up because they had their legs up, that’s fine by me.
The “level playing field” is a myth.
And looks and sex play a part. Would Justin Timberlake be anyone if he looked like Margaret Cho? Would his latest single get noticed at all if his name and image weren’t attached? You could apply that logic to anyone.
There’s no reason to compare “Darkness of Pleasure” to anything else. I plan to take it on its own terms, and of COURSE I will like it better knowing a stud like Mitch created it.
Robbie
I think Mitch Bransons’ new release is more polished than his prior “groove compass”, i believe he has incorporated his his adult film experiences with his music and created a darkly sexy, moody and romp into the dance genre. when first hearing the sampler, i wanted to both dance and F*** to it. good job mitch! kudos to wayne for his comments on the “level playing field” if one looks at really any industry and scratches beneath the surface, there is RARELY anything resembling “level”.
some individuals portray themselves as looking down on adult film actors, but i would guess most of those either would like to BE them or DO them and can’t — hence the hate. really quite tiresome. good music is ultimately made to be enjoyed – especially dance music. can’t we all just lighten the F*** up! 😉
Daniel Villarreal
When I say that all artists should compete on a “level playing field” I mean that an artist’s work should be judged on its individual merit, not in light of its creator. While an artist’s identity adds an important context, it doesn’t change the quality of the work itself.
That being said, there’s no use in arguing with fans–Thom Yorke could poop on a CD and I’d snatch it up in a heartbeat.
diego
i think that man its really hot and sexy… i love the harly chet like hi have… wof!
if its so good singing like do movies i gonna buy te cd right now!….
Zack
To be honest,
I don’t know who any of these guys are. So I googled them. Colton Ford is not joking around when it comes to his music. I’ve seen music videos, read interviews…he’s out there aggressively promoting himself. His new album, Under the Covers are cover versions from what I understand. I found a few interesting music videos on u tube from Johnny Hazzard. 🙂 I took a listen of Mitch Branson’s new witch orgy album and it’s as bad as the reviewer says it is. I’m not into dance music at all, but I like some of the down tempo tracks. Mitch is a producer not a singer. He’s features a variety of vocalists that are actually very good. I agree with one of the other comments made that the Darkness of Pleasure sampler is to advertise the content…it’s not suppose to be a dance megmix.
Jim
What’s with all the lousy club music? Yuk! Not a rocker in the bunch!
The Milkman
I actually own the Wild Buck CD.
Daniel Villarreal
@The Milkman: Any chance I could get my hot little hands on that?
Dempsey Stearns
Its Dempsey stearns and actually I AM A songwriter/recorder/producer and I compose all kinds of wonderful crap here:
Myspace.com/badmusicgoodpeople
ENJOY ahahaha I think my favorite is uncle vince@Daniel Villarreal:
Chris
I LOVE how jealous this reviewer is. Obviously most porn stars aren’t going to be Michael Jackoson, but some put out nice commercial and very listenable stuff. If you guys think you can do better, why haven’t you tried? BTW, Britney Spears is a mega star icon with more money and every hater on this blog has put together.
Rick
I can tell that the guy who wrote this is getting up there in age. He seems very in the 90s. He seems to think Dean Monroe’s song is the best of the bunch. Let me tell you what someone from THIS generation thinks: Dean Monroe’s song sounds like a late 90’s cover by Aqua of Van Halen’s song “Jump”, as if intended specifically for Eurovision. It’s out of date and campy. Colton Ford, (who sounds like he’s trying to impersonate Boys II Men, therefore typically also being very out of date sounding himself), does have a modern sounding track, “Thats Me.” Mitch Branson’s “Control Me” also sounds modern and sleek with it’s electro influenced mainstream pop sound. Johnny’s song is not bad, and also sounds more contemporary than Dean’s. In fact, Dean’s song is the worst of the bunch here. I would say it is closer in the range of “Pop You In The Pooper” with it’s corniness. Sure, the lyrics are bland and generic pop fluff, but the beat and melody of the song scream camp. His vocal’s sound like decent karaoke, especially when compared to the singers Mitch Branson uses, and Colton Ford, (who’s singing STYLE sounds dated, but his voice is decent). Word to Daniel: the next time you review music, don’t review it like you are in 1993. Thanks.
Dane Hornsbruck
What happened to Dempsey Stearns? He removed all his music from the web and deleted all his accounts like twitter and myspace.
Dempsey Stearns
@Dane Hornsbruck: I decided I just had too much spiritual love and enjoyment of the simple things in life and besides, alot of my music was vile and outdated and offensive. I smelled fish. Nevertheless, There is one and only one song left I just reposted on youtube. Its called “Lorazepam” and if you feel like watching it… just youtube “Lorazepam BMGP”. I doubt I will be producing anything else nor will I ever launch another facebook or Twitter. I simply feel too lazy and I guess im a “mature” or even “old” soul… I just dont want it bad enough.
jason
Just goes to show that just because you call yourself gay, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good.
Dempsey Stearns
@jason: That makes sense. Now you go bust out with something good. Then we can have coffee. U poor frustrated soul.
Dempsey Stearns
@jason: “Not good” was quite an understatement. I was awful. Just pathetic but I thought it was funny and thats why I did it. Like jason Sechrest put it, It was Low-Fi. It was bad music. And I loved making it. Then i got twice the rush sabotaging it and removing myself from contact than i ever did rising up to wannabe stardom in the first place. I learned what angers people more than succeeding? Not giving a F**K. People hate insensitivity.
Dempsey Stearns
@jason: I figure…. Why be like all these haters and go around hating on other people when I can just make an ass out of myself? Its not something i set out to do with intent, it was my lifelong personality. I was diagnosed with Autism. I also am addicted to embarassing myself for the humor of it. I mess up really badly and get fired from mcdonalds and then walk home looking at myself from 3rd person saying “LMFAO NOW THAT GUY GOT CANNED”!.
Dempsey Stearns
Now youre going to click on my new music video and ur going to hate it, youre going to bash me. here you go 😀 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O62LUvkxyc
Fee
@Dempsey Stearns: @Dempsey Stearns:
Sorry to hear you deleted your stuff Dempsey Stearns, I remember trying to see if you had some new stuff, and feeling rather sad that not only there was no new stuff, all of your other work was all gone (and that I never got to show you my comics/art that you said you wanted to see).
Anyway, hope you’re having fun with whatever your doing, and you’ll let us know if you are gonna give it another go! =D
Eric
@Dempsey Stearns: Well Dempsey…..from someone else who constantly looks like a jackass; “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” Do what makes you laugh and to hell with what evryone else says!!! If it makes you happy, then there was a point to it after all.
F
@Eric: Agreed with Eric! I have autism too, and have always felt like an “old soul” but the way I see it, I can use my abilities to connect with other old souls. If you do what you love, you probably will too!
Dempsey Stearns
IM BACK AND WITH A VENGEANCE!
BonniePLC is the Channel on Youtube
afterhourskpft
We actually play “pop You in the Pooper” on the radio here in Houston Texas. We have a three song cd given to us by Jeff years ago. Also play “My Vida Loca” not sure on the third song.
After Hours: Queer Radio with Attitude on KPFT 90.1 FM in Houston, and dot ORG on the web.