Right-wing hate monger Peter LaBarbera has asked Ann Coulter to reconsider her appearance at GOProud’s 2010 Homocon Event. He’s right, she should step down — but not because she says awful things about gays. (Gawd, she’s just kidding, alright? Stop complaining like the blacks). No, Coulter must stand down because she has no right hogging the homophobic lectern all for herself. What about all the other great homotastic conservatives dying to speak at Homocon? We’ve got some ideas on other guest speakers (and their choice talking points) who would love to host GOProud’s self-loathing soiree.
Attendees please note: Though GOProud is holding the event in the depraved liberal orgy that is New York City, we’re certain executive director Jimmy LaSalvia is working hard to find the most homophobic venue possible so that you can feel comfortable in the fact that you’re not the only person repulsed by your lifestyle. Please stay tuned.
By announcing his intent to open a Muslim gay bar next to the Ground Zero mosque, the Fox News host has suddenly become the biggest gay advocate in the Republican Par-tay! He’ll not only discuss his plans for Manhattan’s holiest gay bar but also help gay venture capitalists fight conservative congregations with Super Sabbath happy hours, caliphate cocktails, and hymnal karaoke. Praise Be! Now there’s a speech that even Jesus would rise from the dead to hear.
Who better to deliver a rousing speech about fleecing gay groups than the failed openly gay Virginia Republican congressional candidate who supports DADT and each state’s right to ban gay marriage? GOProud supported him during his race and now they can help him make ends meet during the lean times by teaching gays how to trick fellow queers into getting you elected just so you can turn around and fuck them (politically, that is. Actual gay sex would be… y’know, too gay).
This selfless Baptist crusader revolutionized ex-gay therapy with his “spank the gay away” therapy and most likely supports “psychological striptease” as a way to get young men to cum in his mouth become straight. Rekers knows the healing power of massage (especially when you’re counseling an 8-inch uncut twink about the Lord), so he’ll lead a guided strip meditation and instruct attendees on how to grasp a man’s rippling back and supple pectorals in a way that will squeeze the gay right out of their taut muscular bodies.
NOTE: Rekers assures us that he’s much more dashing than in his horribly overused web pic.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
The future Queen of the United States is no bigot. She knows the pain of choosing to be gay — just ask her imaginary gay friend (he’s out there in the Alaskan wilderness somewhere). What’s it like to be a tiny flea with living alternative lifestyle on the deadliest she-moose in America? Listen and find out! His co-speaker will be Cliff Kincaid, spokesman for Accuracy In Media, who will deliver a brief but stirring invective entitled, “You Are All Horrible Sodomites And Have No Place In God’s Party.” Bring your noisemakers!
Openly gay conservative pundit Tammy LaBruce (also known as “the poor man’s Ann Coulter”) once said “Hate crime legislation accomplishes only one thing — the notion that some people in this country are more important than others.” She’s right. GOProud knows better than anybody that gays don’t need political protection because they should be indistinguishable from everyone else (in fact, GOProud would vote themselves out of existence if their fabulous charter didn’t prohibit it). Bruce will further GOProud’s shame-fest by reassuring everyone that conservative market forces will eventually provide equality for all (except for blacks, the poor, the effeminate, and transgender people) if we will just all engage in an orderly discussion while are several more hundred thousand queers are fired, infected, and killed—it’s called civil political discourse, people.
GOProud Tea Party Homocon
Bring on libtarded haters! GOProud is the future!
greybat
Bad Queerty! No! No! You’re starting to make me want to ATTEND!
adman
Li@GOProud Tea Party Homocon: LIbtarded? Haters? You must have learned these powerful rhetorical skills at the bible college around the corner from the 7-11. Libtarded, really? *scratches head*
GOProud Tea Party Homocon
@adman: You people are pathetic!
Instead of supporting LGBT group trying to gain foothold and work on hearts and minds of the Conservative Movement you are siding with true bigots who want to pretend there are no gay conservatives. You are no different from Peter LaBarbera, just like him you desperately want to deny Gay Conservatives the right to exist.
We are here! We are GOP queer! Better get used to us, bigots of all stripes!
Lexy
Is Sarah Palin’s imaginary gay friend from Look at this Fucking Hipster?
randy
“Instead of supporting LGBT group trying to gain foothold and work on hearts and minds of the Conservative Movement you are siding with true bigots who want to pretend there are no gay conservatives.”
There are gay groups that happen to be conservative, and there are conservative groups that happen to be gay.
The former work together with other gay groups to advance gay rights. The latter work to promote the conservative agenda. I have no idea which one GOProud is, but by the way they have acted (which is the only true measure of any organization), they seem to care more about irritating liberals than advancing any sort of agenda.
Until the organization gets some grown up leaders who can be taken seriously, and actually work to advance our right — and perhaps get a success or two under their belts — they will be viewed as a bunch of frat boys playing pranks on the libtards.
Ponyboy
Well what do you know, GoProud is just another freeper front, right down to the lingo and buzzwords.
Fake internet queers are the worst kinds of people.
Ryanthehulk
First of all, I thought that Meghan Mccain was our designated Republican hag. If she can’t make it we have Cyndy Mccain and former first lady Laura Bush as backups.
P.S.- Would the Bush twins be up for it?
GOProud Tea Party Homocon
@Ponyboy: Whoa! We are here! We are GOP queer! Bigots better get used to us!
julilove
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Jeffree
Great Job Queerty on filtering out the spamalot!
Remind us loyal readers please: who minds the boards here?
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
@Jeffree: J that would be no one…… :-p
And as to the Gay repugnaticans…….Don’t you guys realize they really, really don’t like you guys? It is the same with the “reaching out” to the Black community. They need to show “hey we like Black guys too” after Obama was elected and appointed Steele the Chairman of the GOP, yet they all can’t stand him and give him zero respect. They can’t say what is really in their hearts, that they would prefer a lilly white male party, so they halfheartly tolerate the Gheys and a few Black politicans……….
Andrew
@GOProud Tea Party Homocon: I’m waiting for a black KKK supporter to post.
Queer Supremacist
@randy: GOProud has no agenda. Just desperately trying to fit in with immature fratboy douchebreeders. Notice how all the Republicans and conservatives who are actually freakin’ pro-gay (as in 100% supportive of homosexual equality, not 80%, not 75% and not 50%) are speaking before Log Cabin Republicans and think GOProud is a joke.
Bill Perdue
@GOProud Tea Party Homocon: You and QSKapo are the future only if the country goes NAZI, and I doubt that’ll happen.
GOProud Tea Party Homocon
@Bill Perdue: Did you get your tickets to Iran already?
Dennis
@GoProudHomocon…
Yeah, making our country “safe” for tax cuts for rich people at the expense of everyone else, safe for ZERO corporate accountability or oversight, safe for tolerating discrimination against immigrants, religious minorities, and the financially disadvantaged…
Seriously, GO FUCK YOURSELVES…no self respecting, sane queer person wants anything to do with ANY of you. Nobody cares if you suck dick or take it in the ass, you are not part of the LGBT community as most LGBT people understand it. You are nothing more than traitors to the cause of true liberation and equality and are not worthy of our respect or support.
If the LGBT movement had been left up to the likes of you, we’d have made NO progress at all, and the limited successes we’ve actually had would be non-existent. Have fun sucking Ann Coulter’s cock, I’m sure she really deserves some ‘payback’ for all the great things she’s done for out community…excuse me while I vomit…
Queer Supremacist
@Dennis: Religious minorities who hate gays SHOULD be discriminated against.
@Bill Perdue:
You’re calling me a Nazi? You’re the one calling for the destruction of Israel and forcing the Jews to live under Palestinazi rule, like you did here:
http://www.queerty.com/michael-lucas-practices-islamophobia-why-is-the-advocate-continuing-to-publish-his-bigoted-rants-20100810/#comment-334292
KapoQS, the zionist colony in Palestine has no shred of legitimacy. It’s a terrorist colony founded by mass murderers like Begin and Shamir (Deir Yassin). Gays are murdered and harassed in the zionist colony.
Those colonists will have to learn to live in a democratic secular Palestine or face the consequences of what always happens to those who commit the crimes of apartheid and ethnic cleansing.
Zionism is racism.
Listen, donal1944 at msn dot com, you have lied to me, you have libeled me, you have taken my words and twisted them out of context. If you don’t want a lawsuit for harassment on your hands you get the fuck out of Queerty and take the next flight to one of those gay-loving Muslim countries you stick up for. I’m sure they’ll be impressed by your hatred of Israel and of the Western Civilization that made gay rights possible.