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STYLE COUNCIL

Breaststroke Of Genius: Queerty’s 7 Swimsuit Do’s And Don’ts

The Who-Wears-Short-Short

ronaldo-short-shorts

Do: wear if you’re the aforementioned pocket gay  (it elongates the gams) OR your legs look like they can, and have, choked out a bear — of either the forest or Scruff variety.

mad-men-hawaii-jon-hamm

Don’t: wear if you’re Jon Hamm trying to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.

parke-ronen

Try: 2″ Angeleno Print Swim Trunk – Goa Flame, $125, Parke & Ronen

By:           Les Fabian Brathwaite
On:           Apr 17, 2013
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
  • 20 Comments
    • sanfranca1
      sanfranca1

      (#5) Brioni Mid-Length Houndstooth Check Swim Shorts, $395. Seriously…$395??? Ridiculous.

      Apr 17, 2013 at 1:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PatrickStone
      PatrickStone

      Well I have to say I was very happy to see slide number 7 – wear whatever the hell you want with confidence!! Matching body types to required swimwear styles is demeaning and downright stupid. If you don’t like it, don’t wear it….

      Apr 17, 2013 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kurt_t
      kurt_t

      Caftan it is.

      Apr 17, 2013 at 2:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shadeaux
      Shadeaux

      Love #7

      Apr 17, 2013 at 2:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bozen
      Bozen

      The writer of this article is an idiot. The only people who have the money for $50-plus bathing suits are either inherently selfish or far-removed from today’s working class. In either case, both are off putting.

      Apr 17, 2013 at 2:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie in Charge
    • Derek Williams
      Derek Williams

      Tom Daley Speedo rocks!

      Apr 17, 2013 at 3:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      @Derek Williams: that’s so small it’s no longer even a speedo.. it’s just a spe

      Apr 17, 2013 at 3:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • demetri.last
      demetri.last

      Hot, but Lame! I was hoping to see the guy in the lime green thong bikini!

      Apr 17, 2013 at 4:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bozen
      Bozen

      @Charlie in Charge: @Charlie in Charge: I prefer target yo ;p

      Apr 17, 2013 at 5:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BiL
      BiL

      I love how an advertisement for men’s swim wear is passed off as an actual news article.

      Apr 17, 2013 at 6:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dixie Rect
      Dixie Rect

      At this point in life, if you don’t know what looks good on you, than you are completely hopeless.

      Apr 17, 2013 at 7:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TinoTurner
      TinoTurner

      My $7 regular, plain navy blue Target bathing suit turns heads…

      Apr 17, 2013 at 7:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hotshot70
      hotshot70

      You can buy decent swimsuits for low prices. The main idea is you are to SWIM in it. I hate these vain men and women who will spend big $$$ in a suit, then get angry if someone splashes them! Better deal, go to a nude beach or your own private area and be naked!

      Apr 17, 2013 at 11:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DOFEK
      DOFEK

      The Speedo! for sure. Come sit on my face HOMIE: AdamHomo

      Apr 18, 2013 at 12:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DOFEK
      DOFEK

      Fourteen for sure!!. AdamHomo

      Apr 18, 2013 at 12:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Vince Smetana
      Vince Smetana

      Bucket of chicken? Really?

      Apr 18, 2013 at 1:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tdx3fan
      tdx3fan

      @Bozen: I am more than capable of dropping that money on a bathing suit if I really wanted to. I have an amazing husband, and I have no actual bills, so every cent I do make goes directly to what I want, and I also have a credit card with a high limit that he pays the bill on. However, I would never be able to bring myself to actually drop that coin on fabric. I can think of such better uses for that money, and I would much rather buy a $20 bathing suit and give $300+ to charity!

      Apr 18, 2013 at 4:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bozen
      Bozen

      @tdx3fan: You just reinforced my point(s). Thanks!

      Apr 18, 2013 at 9:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @tdx3fan: Ahhhh…daddies little princess.

      Apr 18, 2013 at 2:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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