Many people consider Easter a religious holiday, but they’re wrong. Once upon a time it might have been, but like everything else sacred — marriage, parenthood, Christmas — we homosexuals have slowly but surely claimed it as our own. Today, Easter is perhaps one of the gayest holidays of them all, second only to Gay Pride and Harvey Milk Day.
Don’t believe us? Check out these eight reasons why Easter is totally gay:
From biblical epics like The 10 Commandments in which Yul Brynner spends the entire 217 minutes shirtless, to fun movie musicals like The Easter Parade starring none other than Judy Garland, there is no shortage of Easter-themed feature films geared towards gay audiences.
Rainbow colored eggs
Need we saw more?
No holiday inspires more brunching than Easter. And everyone knows gay men love to brunch. Easter brunch specifically allows us an opportunity to recover from our Saturday night hangovers and swap stories about the previous evening’s sexcapades while at the same time giving thanks to Jesus Christ for that whole dying on the cross thing.
Barbra Streisand’s birthday
Barbra Streisand was born on April 24, which occasionally falls on Easter Sunday.
Gay means happy, and what can be happier than accessorizing oneself in the brightest colors and loudest patterns available? Easter fashion is a celebration of every color of the rainbow (just see this extremely accurate representation of it in the classically gay Steel Magnolias).
Bunny tail butt plugs
Feathered bunny tail butt plugs first hit the market a few years back. These whimsical glass sex toys come in a variety of different colors and sizes and make for a fine Easterly accessory in the bedroom.
The Easter Bunny
Contrary to popular belief, the Easter bunny isn’t actually a bunny rabbit. He’s a male prostitute one hires only on Easter Sunday. The word “bunny” is slang for a gay hooker. Don’t believe us? Look it up in the all-knowing Gay Slang Dictionary and see for yourself.
Bishop Gene Robinson
President Obama shocked the religious right when he asked openly gay bishop Gene Robinson to deliver the closing prayer at the White House Easter Prayer Breakfast this year, putting a big fat Presidential seal on the matter.
Easter. It’s all about the gays.