I’ve been working with words for all of my adult life, which is longer than I care to say—and I’ve been a queer person for even longer than that. So I feel fine about appointing myself as a one-person Vocabulary Task Force: I’m bored with (and occasionally offended by) some common gay words and terms, and I want us to get rid of them! Strike them from your conversations, blogs, and tweets. Wag your finger at anyone (LGBT or other) who uses them.
And if I’ve missed one, use the Queerty “Comments” section to tell me which words and terms you think need to be shaken out of the queer argot.
> Twink or twinky: I just hate this derogatory term for a young man who is sexually desirable but probably stupid—it manages to be both dismissive and self-loathing. (It might be OK when used to refer to oneself if one is under 25, sexually desirable, and stupid.)
> Fierce: This word is played out. It is the “fabulous” of a new generation. I’m as guilty as anyone of overusing crutch words like this, but I vow today to start being more exact with my adjectives.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
> Gay-friendly: The term seems to indicate that “gay-unfriendly” is an acceptable option. I say no. There should be just “normal human being” and “despicably homophobic.”
> Tranny (used derogatorily): Adorable Project Runway designer Christian Siriano called something or other a “hot tranny mess”—and suddenly we were all saying it. It’s insulting. Stop it, unless you can own the term.
> Breeder: This term just grosses me out. It makes me think of a farmer inseminating cows. Blech. Plus, I don’t think straight people like it much. (It might be OK as an insult if used very infrequently and on people who deserve it.)
> Fag hag: This is an awful, misogynistic term that people use carelessly. (I guess it’s OK for woman to refer to herself as one, but I don’t see any need to insult our women friends otherwise.)
> Anything said with a fake English accent: So many of us are still suffering from an intense Ab Fab hangover. And now the dynamic duo is purportedly shooting new episodes. I love the show myself, but Sweetie Darling? You can no longer say “Sweetie Darling” unless you are verifiably English.
> Gay marriage: It’s just marriage. We want marriage equality, not “gay marriage.”
> Straight-acting: This is another self-loathing term—and it doesn’t mean anything, really. I mean, Vin Diesel is straight, but so is Liza Minnelli. “Straight-acting” means having sexual or romantic feelings for the opposite gender; use it that way.
Did I miss one? Let me know!
Photo by GayCities New York City editor JJ Keyes
Charles Purdy is the author of the book Urban Etiquette: Modern Manners for the Modern Metropolis and a longtime manners-advice columnist. In this new column, he will be addressing issues related to social behavior. Find him on Twitter: @charlesqueerty
erikdsteel
1 queer attitude that needs to go: sanctimoniously telling other queer people what to do.
QJ201
if twink is on the list, then troll (lecherous older gay man) needs to go to (of course unless you apply it to yourself).
and I would also add
Grrl, Gurl, or Girl
Mangina
princewonder
Twink also entails a racial expectation of white, blond, blue eyed. I’ve never heard of twink being used for gays of color.
Meowzer
My “pet peeve” is having to refer to my Partner as my Partner. I can’t say husband, spouse, etc. because none seem appropriate. Partner sounds like we’re in business together or running a law firm.
Jonathan
Very smart. Thanks for the insights particularly on the term “gay marriage.”
Fitz
I like the word Twink, and for exactly the reasons that you don’t. (except they don’t sexually excite me). My best work-friend is FTM, and he refers to himself as a Tranny ALL the time. I use that word with no vitriol at all.
Kirk212
@erikdsteel: You got that right! No one’s business telling other’s how live, when to come out, etc.
Jimmy Fury
A few thoughts:
1. Twink is derogatory? Honest curiosity. I have never been under the impression that it was derogatory in any way. I’ve always thought it was just another body-type-label. Never heard it used to call someone stupid. Or specifically to mean desirable… and @3 you’ve really never heard or seen the term “latin twink” before?
2. Can I add “calling a male by any female pronoun unless they are in full drag” to the list? It grates on my nerves and does nothing to help fight the “gay men want to be women” stereotype.
3. @QJ201, I’d have to disagree with grrl. Riot grrls started that one. It’s not ours to disallow.
Kev C
“Top” and “Bottom” need to go because they’re mostly used for straight jokes.
Pitou
Gurrrl, I just Love Straight-acting Twinks who hit the bars friday nights with their Fag-hags and the rest of their crew. They snob the Trannies working their Fierce outfits and tucks, all the while frequenting Gay-friendly clubs.
But face it Sweetie Darling, Saturday will be spent partying it up, while Sunday will be spent with our Breeder families. So much to do whilst young, but in the end all we want is Gay marriage with our Partner! We also avoid Trolls like the plague!
Pitou
@Kev C: How so? Many of my FAG HAGS complain about always having to be the top..
Zeus
@Meowzer: I was just talking about the other day how I HATE the word “partner” ! The only time I see it fine to use is when referring to much older people who are together, but not married (it’s kinda weird to call an 80 year old person your boyfriend/girlfriend), or when just using it in the romantic, marital sense like in wedding vows. A gay person who is with someone more serious than a boyfriend or girlfriend and having to call them their “partner” is almost insulting because it’s a substitute for them not legally being able to say husband or wife. Straight people of any age (unless rather old, like I mentioned) refer to the person they are dating, but not yet married to as their bf/gf or fiance. That’s it. So why should we use the word “partner”?
Pitou
Mr. Purdy, did I hit enough of em for you?
Don’t tell me what the F to say, to whom, or when. TYVM.
I’m one for etiquette, but certain words in certain company are all fair game.
JumpingUpAgain
Get rid of “teh gheyz”, which gays must think is an accurate representation of how homophobic African-Americans speak. Homophobes speak in a variety of accents, as do black people.
Zeus
@JumpingUpAgain: What are you talking about? I’m pretty sure the “teh” speak is how nerdy people speak online. Eg. Word of Warcraft. It’s like online gay lingo.
JumpingUpAgain
So it’s meant to make fun of….homophobic nerds ?
Jay P
I like the phrase “fag hag.” I haven’t been able to think of another term that completely describes the pseudo intimate/romantic relationships (or obsession) some girls develop for their gay friends.
Plus, isn’t “offensiveness” really just based on context? You can pretty much make any word offensive with the right context. I agree with Pitou “I’m one for etiquette, but certain words in certain company are all fair game.” I’m not going to tell people what to say. Now if their intent was to be offensive, then its a different story.
I guess I feel this post has an overall rude undertone to it, maybe its just me. meh.
chrissie riot
@Jimmy Fury:
3. @QJ201, I’d have to disagree with grrl. Riot grrls started that one. It’s not ours to disallow. Thank you. 😉
But I do agree on the calling men by female pronouns when they aren’t in drag, I’ve never been terribly comfortable with it as it is kind of diminishing to women (sorry ya’ll but it’s true). On top of that there’s this idea in the homophobic mind that the effeminate man is by default gay, gay men calling each other girl doesn’t help with that stereotype.
In regards to the original article: Can we also include calling anything gay that isn’t a gay person especially by gay people? Also dyke, just don’t.
I’m not going to stop using fierce though. Sorry. I’ve been calling things fierce since forever.
Devington
I’d like to stop being referred to as “queer.” Let’s get rid of that one too.
Jimmy Fury
@JumpingUpAgain: no… it’s just lolspeak. it’s not targeting anyone for anything.
And for the record yes, there are plenty of homophobic nerds in the world.
Kev C
@Pitou: Anything gay is automatically the BUTT of straight jokes. Breeders are too boring and stupid to be funny. Without homo jokes, most comedians would be out of a job and Telemundo would be off the air.
George412
I like all the words used above. Since Queerty is trying to make them extinct I will make a point of using them even more.
George412
Instead of trying to get rid of words how about not posting photos of unattractive men like the one of the “twinks” above? I’m sure there are many more photos of goodlooking twinks to choose from. Later gurl!!!
cybernoelie
I only agree with gay friendly and gay marriage – apart from that I think you need a good fucking.
Benjamin Phillips
@Meowzer: I dislike Partner. It makes me feel like I’m part of a law firm.
Lez.org
I just finished a post on “Faggot” being the new F-bomb and was starting to work on something very much like this from an all-girl perspective. Love it!
Tez Anderson
How about we stop saying the unpronounceable “LGBT”. Let’s just leave it at “queer” or something, but L-G-B-T sounds like something worked out in a tedious committee meeting and it excludes our humanity.
christopher di spirito
I thought “breeder” had become a porn term? As in, “Watch Mark “breed” Chase with his massive 10 inch cock….”
Josh
@erikdsteel: ZING!!!!
Personally, I never found twink all derogatory, dismissive, or self-loathing. It’s just a word to describe a body type.
bob
@meowzer
@zeus
I used to lament that there was no word in the english language for a person in a long term male-male relationship. Now, I’ve come to realize that a man saying “my husband” works just fine. Yes, it’s less than polite to say that to the haters, but then again, it’s downright rude to make a face or complain that it’s not a “real marriage”.
But if you choose not to take your lover up the aisle, I guess ‘boyfriend’ works.
@jumpingupagain
‘Teh’ is an early internet meme. It was meant as a sarcastic flag for a poorly thought out and quickly stated idea; where the person apparently doesn’t even bother to correct the simplest typo, much less a gross error in logic and/or reasoning. Teh internets are a bunch of pipes; being a SysAdmin would be fun if it weren’t for teh lusers; teh gheyz are soooo sensitive; etc. And the only time I’ve seen ghey used seriously was someone trying to irritate people who complained about the phrase ‘that’s so gay!’. Which is one of my personal pet peeves.
chrissie riot
@Tez Anderson: Not everyone like queer. Historically speaking if you called something queer it was odd, curious or out of the ordinary. The idea that we’re going to perpetuate that our sexuality is out of the ordinary implies that only cisgendered heterosexuals are normal and we are then “other.”
I’m all for claiming it though and calling it a blanket term for the LGBTQIAAP (so many letters!!) community.
Improbable
who sits around thinking about this?
David Ehrenstein
“Breeder” I like.
rory
@Devington: Agreed!
Nick Thiwerspoon
@Meowzer:
Call him your husband. Make it clear that even if society won’t permit you the legal and social term, you will use it, and use it with pride. It will get in the face of homophobes.
When Chief Albert Luthuli was being demonised and had had his title stripped from him by the Nasty Party of South Africa, the police used to beat up ppl who referred to him as ‘Chief’. They knew the power of words.
Say “this is my husband”. Don’t let yourself be fobbed off with something inferior.
Jake the libertarian
@erikdsteel: AMEN and Thank You!!! I am so sick and tired of fucking fagots telling me what to say and do. Hey bitch! You aren’t any more gay than me, you didn’t have a harder time than me growing up than me, and you don’t get to make rules for me. Stick a cock in that mouth and shut the fuck up!
Sceth
“You can no longer say ‘Sweetie Darling’ unless you are verifiably English.”
Ergh. I sound British, including to some British people (because British accents are so diverse) and it has a little basis in truth, but EWWW. ‘Sweetie Darling’ sounds so redundant it’s cloying.
@cybernoelie: Agreed.
ChrisM
@Nick Thiwerspoon: I like that husband idea a lot.
How about us gays stop using the word fag? Queerty seems to do it a ton. How about for a gay pride resolution, you guys stop using the homophobes’ insult?
Chris
@Zeus: Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds like dating. Husband/wife is a (often) different level of commitment. If I had been in a committed relationship for 20 years or so, I wouldn’t want to say girlfriend/boyfriend either.
Syd
Trust me. Vin Diesel is not straight.
zach
twink to me is a guy who looks really young thats it any race any hair color anything just skinny and young like i said b4 thats just it alot of the words u stated r perfectly fine to use breeders my favorite word we deserve to have an insult to use against them when they call us fags not that i approve of insults i dont love straight acting i prefer to call them manly or girly and i dont use fierce or fag hag but i dont really have anything against them except for fag i hate that word so dont care for fag hag but it is fun lol so i agree with 2 of them essentially i never even heard the british accent thing that sounds dumb as hell
GreatGatsby2011
This is just sad. Words are words and slang is slang. These things are going stick around until they become unfashionable and then they’ll fade away. And the argument against “gay-friendly” is simply asinine. Why not go ahead and ban words like “love” and “good” simply because by existing they create the opposing concepts of “hate” and “evil”? And “breeder” as a perfect word to use when organizations like NOM seem to believe that breeding is the only reason for marriage. They brought it upon themselves.
And is it bad that I imagine the write of this post sitting on a throne holding a scepter and wearing a big ass tiara as they decree some words acceptable and some words not?? Well, dahling, I could care less what you think is appropriate and will continue to speak as I see fit.
Tah!
Mesa
@Jake the libertarian: You get best response post of the week. Hopefully the self righteous old regular Queerty queens take your advice! Some are in this thread.
Eminent Victorian
I’m flabbergasted that the writer of this “article” has published a book. Please piss off.
Spike
Left out the term “Queer” and any variation of it . . . .
Talk about 70’s . . .
jason
I actually loathe the expression “gay bar”. What on earth is a gay bar? Is it a bar with a sexual orientation for other bars? Is there a dating service for gay bars? Of course there isn’t!!! The only reason the expression exists is because it’s used to market to gay men. It’s a marketing construct.
All in all, note how it’s usually gay men who use these horrible terms. Gay men are the worst when it comes to transgressing. They’re cliche-riddled category queens.
TJ
@Meowzer: Yeah, referring to someone you love using a term that makes them sound like a lawyer; Ick!
Ginasf
@Fitz:
http://www.bilerico.com/2008/09/is_tranny_offensive.php Read, please.
A) Trans men aren’t insulted, bought and sold using the term tranny… so they don’t get to ‘reclaim’ it or to decide if it’s okay or not.
B) People who aren’t trans using the term ‘tranny’ are claiming a whole lot of entitlement… not too different from straight people using fag. Some trans people use tranny in an ironic sense or as a community term amongst themselves… you as a non-trans person doing it is opening yourself up to a LOT of resentment from many trans women and, believe it or not, doesn’t make you sound more queer hip or an ally, in fact, quite the opposite.
Arthur
A bit overwrought. Since when is “twink” derogatory? Any word can be a slam when uttered by a bitter old queen, but that’s hardly an appropriate yardstick. It just means young and smooth, without derision and without implied ethnicity. I agree on “gay friendly” in principle, but in real life there are enough problems with “unfriendly” places the distinction still serves a purpose.
Ganondorf
Imagine the old, overweight unattractive former twinks and other types of FORMER younger hotter horse flesh who only get shade now, pounding out their angry comments on their keyboards with their sausage fingers about how they hate twinks. About how superficial, stupid and “ugly” they all are for not finding them hot and sleeping with them. Full circle. Twink is a ridiculous word, but this isn’t going to change anything about usage. File this under head firmly up your own ass, and who gives a care.
Truthsayer
Someone wrote:
My “pet peeve” is having to refer to my Partner as my Partner. I can’t say husband, spouse, etc. because none seem appropriate. Partner sounds like we’re in business together or running a law firm.
——————–
Here is my advice: Use the terms “life partner”, “companion” or “spouse”. That’s what I do.
jeem
Instead of “fag hag”, how about “fruit fly”?
Ganondorf
Instead of “straight acting,” how about secret fag? Tired of ‘tranny’? Try casserole of nonsense down there. Breeder=shit ass, and fag hag is now morbidly obese damaged goods. This is fun.
Red Meat
What really needs to go:
Queer – I hate the way the word sounds and the way its spelled.
Gay – Why do I want to be called happy? I get angry just as much as any straight hooker.
Lesbian – where the hell did they get that from? It sounds like less-being (less human being).
I personally like “homo” and homosexual for the formal necessities. We should try and claim this word as our identity like black people took “nigger” except that word was created by racists’ and homosexual is purely scientific and so unhomophobic.
JElder
The only words I have to agree with are Fierce, Gay Marriage and Tranny.
I use the term Breeder frequently, in a derogatory sense.
It annoys me when people say Gay Marriage, because it truly has nothing to do with Sexual Orientation and everything to do with Gender.
BlogShag
There were so many terms here that weren’t mentioned, like fudge packer, silver daddy, daddy hunter,chubby chaser, bear, poz queen, stud cunt, “son”, mandingo lover, mandingo, jungle fever whore, man whore, hole boy, man cunt, twink tweeker, etc.. I suppose this article is about politically correct speech, but it’s up to each social circle to make that determination. What’s offensive to some is polite and cool to others.
Now, if guys would stop calling each other “BRO”, I’d be very happy. I hate that term. It’s always the jackasses that use it and think they’re cool when they say it.
Jeffree
Expressions that deserve to be banned, but that we don’t use: “gay agenda” and “homosexual lifestyle.” Hear those & expect buy-bull verses to follow.
I don’t like or use “fag hag” but we don’t have another good shorthand code for that.”
I’m glad “guppy” / “guppie” is gone, though.
Robbie K
What happens if you were born fierce..on snap!!
Metronomic
Oh what a concept words that are in or out of fashion. FAIL. I’ll continue to use these and many others. TRANNY. BTW you seem to not even know what half of these mean.
Elloreigh
I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t say. I will, however, be happy to offer my criticism of what comes out of their mouth. After all, I have the same freedom to express myself, including my displeasure with certain words.
I disagree on “gay friendly”, but I’m fine with the rest of the list.
Interesting how feel about the word ‘partner’. I can remember when ‘lover’ was popular, and I never liked that one, since in the time and place that I grew up ‘lover’ often referred to the man with whom a married woman cheated on her husband. I’m personally ambivalent about ‘partner’. I’ll sometimes use ‘life partner’ for clarity. Or husband, even though we’re not legally married and haven’t even had a wedding, commitment ceremony, etc. I’m not fond of ‘significant other’ (I only have one man of significance in my life, there is no ‘other’). We were certified ‘domestic partners’ at the county level until the voters of my state adopted one of the broadest anti-gay marriage amendments, effectively voiding any recognition of it.
As for words I dislike: fag, faggot, queer, and homo. All have been used pejoratively against me at various times in my life.
Not a fan of being called ‘she’, ‘her’, ‘girl’, etc.
Elloreigh
@Red Meat: I’m not of ‘gay’, either. But I don’t like ‘homo’ or ‘homosexual’. The latter is a clinical term held over from the days when same-sex orientation was considered a mental illness. ‘Homo’ is obviously just ‘homosexual’ in short form, and was used pejoratively when I was growing up, as was ‘queer’.
I consider the idea of ‘taking back’ words unrealistic. We tried that with queer, and it’s still used in the pejorative sense by people who hate us. ‘Queer’ in my grandmother’s day was used to describe something that was weird or a bit off. The whole point of calling someone ‘queer’ is to emphasize their difference in a negative way, to keep them marginalized. Calling ourselves queer doesn’t change that in the least. It just reinforces the idea that we should be kept separate, unworthy of an equal place in society.
Elloreigh
My position on ‘breeder’: It’s sinking to the level of the haters. This is now the way to win allies.
I’m also ready for ‘bitter queen’ to be retired. It gets thrown about anytime someone dares to express a difference of opinion.
Elloreigh
“not the way to win allies’. Bad case of fumble fingers tonight.
ostreg
You missed the term “clean” to refer to yourself as DDF, as hiv + guys arent dirty (well, some times, they are pigs as anybody else). this term is just contributing to stigma, as more hiv+ have a more healthier and safer sex life than many gay people, especially with hiv drugs.
Sean
I’ve also never thought of twink as a derogatory term… I never heard of it implying stupidity until I read this article. Maybe it suggests being a little naive, but only in a young, possibly new-to-the-scene sense. Mostly it’s used to mean those highly-sought-after, young, good-looking and (nearly-)hairless guys, the last item being an important distinction between twinks and bears / otters / what have you.
You don’t hear “breeder” as a term for straight people much anymore. I was figuring that was because so many gays are having kids. I do hear “breed” as a verb (synonym for f–k) now and again, as christopher di spirito points out.
Fag hag is a great term, and all the gay guys / female friends of gay guys I know who use it generally say it in an ironic, tongue-in-cheek way that doesn’t sound remotely misogynistic to me. Nothing else really captures the spirit of the female pal of a gay guy quite as well. You’re coming off a little thin-skinned on that one, and a few others on this list.
I’m with you on “straight-acting”, though. If I see a profile with that term on a dating site, I click “Next”.
ElectricHarpsichord
@Jay P: I really love “flame dame,” myself. Means basically the same thing, but you’re not calling your friends hags!
Shannon1981
Straight acting = self loathing. That definitely needs to go, but won’t, because there will always be queers filled with self hatred who worship straight people and want to be more like them, hence showing disdain for more obviously gay people because they envy our self confidence and comfort in ourselves.
twink– don’t see anything wrong with that one. I think it’s kinda cute.
Fag Hag– well, I prefer “lesbro” for the guys, and “fruit fly” for the respectable girls. But the folks who are socially awkward and have struck out with the straights and just hang around a bunch of gays out of desperation because we accept them when no one else will are fully deserving of the term.
Tranny– that is total context. Enough gender variant people have no problem with the word to where it isn’t really a problem IMO. The key word here is derogatory.
Fierce– Color me old school, but still one of my faves.
Breeder– Not one to hate on the straights, and this a term specifically designed to do just that. However, some of them deserve it, no doubt. Not that two wrongs make a right, but this is a snark blog and I reserve the right to be vindictive when need be.
Gay- Friendly– While I agree that gay un-friendly most certainly is not acceptable, there are still enough people who disagree to where this is simply a term to be used by people to let us know they are alright with us, and that we are safe with them. Until the climate changes, it is needed.
Gay Marriage I prefer Marriage Equality. You are right- marriage is marriage, and the gender of the participants is irrelevant.
Danny
What really needs to be phased out is gay celebrities having kids to make themselves more acceptable and relevant to breeder audiences… that really needs to be phased out.
Gigi Gee
@Meowzer: And now the breeders, er, straights are using the term partner. I heard some woman talking about her partner the other day and she got really offended when she realized that I thought she was a member of the family. Don’t even get me started on that one!
MikeE
QUEER… now there’s a word I loathe.
It was an insult when I was a kid, I STILL hear it as an insult.
Who was the idiot who thought it would be a good thing to use a pejorative to describe us?
That is definitely one word we should deep-six.
Sebastian
How about getting rid of the clinical word homosexual and havin heterosexual and beter-osexlual
I do really dislike straight or straight acting! What am i crooked do I act like a crook?
fredo777
@BlogShag: Actually, I kind of like “bro” + use it (+ variations of it, sometimes ironically) with a few of my guy friends. It’s usually just for silly reasons, though. For example, one of my hip-hop loving Italian friends from New York just had a birthday + on his facebook page I wrote “Happy Birthday, Bro DiMaggio”.
David Ehrenstein
@Jake the libertarian: No YOU shut the fuck up!So you’re a “Libertarian”? Then go eat out Rand Paul’s ass! We don’t need you.
JAW
Queer needs to go… it is offensive, it is an evil term… and looking at the responses so far it looks to be the word that more people want to go away then any other word… and Hell… It was not even one of the original choices
I wonder why???
J
I guess the only ones I’m entitled to comment on are “fag hag” and “breeder”
Love the “fag hag” term – I don’t think it’s a put down, but a term of endearment from my gay friends.
Hate the “breeder” term — like all I’m good for is breeding the next generation and as though I don’t have a brain to see the inequality of our laws or a heart to feel the pain that discrimination and bigotry cause.
Want to get more straight allies? Drop “breeder” from your vocabulary!
jeff4justice
If you’re gonna get rid of twink, are you gonna tell the porn companies to stop using it? Because if you are, it’d be nice if you also tell them to stop glorifying bareback sex.
In fact, while were at it, how about replace “bareback” as a porn category with “profiteers of the spread of HIV.”
Lastly, I voluntarily ditch “fabulous” which these days is often used to indicate materialist, partier, shallow, self-absorbed. I’m content to just to be my multi-dimensional self.
ToptoBottomNYC
I am SO GLAD ‘twink’ is at the top of the list. I’ve been ranting on about it forever but no one ever listens to me. It’s not just reference to body type, because guys from skinny to athletic have been enveloped by the term. You can say it’s someone who looks boyish, but when was the last time you heard someone of depth or intelligence referred to as a ‘twink’? In any event, I’ve been called a twink a great deal in my life. I resent the term, and if I don’t identify myself that way, than I have the right to be free of that label. Not enough people get this.
Anthony9691
I feel like people just need something to complain about. Twink…. really? The term, in my opinion, has no reference to someones intelligence. If you’re gonna have a war over words, then lets just strip all of the categories “the gay community” uses to break us into smaller groups (twinks, bears, jocks, gym bunnies, cubs, otters, fem, masc). Also,I don’t think our issues with acceptance comes from the use of words like girl, gurl, or whatever else you wanna place blame on. The issue we need to address is the fact that we are viewed as a bunch of promiscuous whores who are incapable of maintaining a serious monogamous relationship. So lets address the REAL issues that are to blame for our lack of acceptance and stop bitching about petty things that are just personal preferences. PS. If I had to add a word to this post, it would be flamer.
Jane
All you people defending the “t” word, you should learn some respect. The “t” word is a 100% derogatory term. So in that case should I refer to all my lbg friends as “faggots” every time I see them? No, that wouldn’t go over very well. I don’t call you by terms you loathe, quit thinking you own the “t” and it’s not painful.
JAW
@Jane:
Not every M2F finds the word tranny derogatory. Like the word queer, many have embraced the word. Many, if not most hate the word. Most of the words here have duel meanings. Most are hateful to many, but not all, people.
We keep changing what we, or some of us, want to be called. sometime names have been taken from people, because others did not like to be associated with it. One word that come to mind is Transvestite. Who decided that those that had used Transvestite for generations now are to be called Cross Dressers. I was told that M2F Trans people did not wan to be associated with confused with Transvestites.
We are a diverse group, with differing opinions. We all want OUR Opinion heard, and others to fall in line with how we think. Sadly that day will never come.
J
Personally, I get really riled up when the word “gay” gets pluralized. It’s not a noun damn it!
JM
I wish Queerty could understand the difference between QUEER and LGBT.
Gay Marriage is an LGBT issue, not a queer issue.
Queers want nothing to do with marriage.
ElectricHarpsichord
@JM: Actually, gay marriage is more of an LGB issue. Trans* people will remain largely unaffected.
Jane
@electric
Just because i’m not largely affected doesn’t mean i’m not fighting the good fight with you because we are a minority that needs to stick together to advance our civil rights.
@JAW for a word that “Many, if not most hate the word.” the rule should be to not use it unless the trans person is cool with it. I would never say some words regarding the LBG part of the community without first knowing what that person feels about it. Even if they are ok with it I still refrain from using the word out of respect for those who are.
ElectricHarpsichord
@Jane: Erm, I apparently wasn’t clear enough. “Gay marriage” will probably not apply to the trans* community, just as DADT repeal did nothing to allow trans* individuals to serve in the military. Currently, if trans* people try to get legally married, their ability to be wed is basically left up to the discretion of individual judges, due to the fact that trans* individuals are viewed as “hybrids” of male and female.
Something that makes me giggle is that currently, my girlfriend and I can get married because she’s pre-op and legally male. We both, personally, think that the idea of marriage is kind of silly and carries antiquated values and mores, but I’m still planning on marrying her because yay, loopholes. =)
Jane
@electric
Point taken. The thing I dislike about the LBGT community is how sometimes we fight among ourselves as opposed to fighting the real enemy. I took the comment the wrong way, my fault.
Red Meat
@Elloreigh: Homosexual is the same as heterosexual, which is why I like it. Homo is the same (I like the same), hetero is the opposite.
JM
@Red Meat — the point Elloreigh is making is that those words, HISTORICALLY, have been very clinical and degrading to people of the same-sex attraction.
@Elloreigh — I have to disagree with the idea that ‘taking back’ expressions doesn’t work. I think it’s very therapeutic, and engages people to understand WHERE the word actually came from.
That’s my largest concern with people who identify. Sadly, gay youth culture lost quite a few heroes to the AIDS epidemic and an entire generation was wiped out. All of the progressive ideas about relationships and bodies went away for a while – maybe it went underground. I guess it depends on who you talk to.
But now a days, people use these terms without knowing where any of them came from. People say ‘equality’ and have no historical context to what they’re saying.
As a young queer – I’m saddened by what I see around me.
dustin
i don’t get this list at all. I say almost all of these and wont be stopping Im sorry. But I will agree with some of the other posts up here. I will never call my husband my partner. Just sounds second class. I can maybe see gay-marriage because I agree that marriage should just be labeled as such (another second class scenario). I also could see tranny be offensive, I am not trans-gender and therefore I really can’t understand how that word feels. I am completely confused about the fake english accent thing( don’t get how that refers to gays at all) and fierce….. really? I think the writer of this is a bit of a hater, you can stop saying them. 🙂
Felicity
I’m surprised to see that the word ‘Gay’ wasn’t on the list. In the sense of it being used by countless hundreds to describe something they find to be anything other than what they deem acceptable. Don’t like that shirt? It’s so gay. Didn’t like that movie? It’s so gay. Sure, I wish everything was gay, being a gay myself, but seriously, let’s drop the negative connotations of this term and if you don’t like something, you just don’t like it.
Mesa
@David Ehrenstein: Wow, the old girl has her panties in a wad. Must be tough being in charge of the gay agenda and the gay rules by which to live.
declanto
@Mesa: Being one of those “old” Queerty queers, I find the whole idea of dictating rules of behavior to the people who frequent the “comments” here laughable. It’s not so long since the term “queer” would have fit into your category of totally offensive terms. I still associate the word with the thud of hard leather on tender flesh, as in “f*kin’queer (Kick, stomp)” Lighten up. words always change. Sometimes you can change them yourself by just owning them.
declanto
Sorry Mesa, that wasn’t really intended for you–my bad 🙁
Tim
Twink doesn’t necessarily sexually desirable or stupid. Just young (18-22), skinny and probably blond. To me, that’s gross.
The only word of those I agree needs to go is “straight-acting.” I used to tell people who used that on their internet hook-up profiles that the way to be “straight-acting is to be fucking women. The rest of those words I either love saying, or just don’t care.
Scott
I dislike “gay” being used as a noun. ex: he’s a gay
I also find “gay” as an adjective redundant in the following contexts:
– he’s a gay man It should just be: he’s gay.
– gay sex Sex is sex regardless of the genders involved.
I’ve never found the word “twink” to have a pejorative subtext. I’ve never thought of twinks as stupid. Perhaps one might be inexperienced but I wouldn’t have generalized that all twinks are dumb blonds. It might be used pejoratively by jealous old queens in the same way young boys say “that’s so gay”.
Jake the libertarian
@David Ehrenstein: Need me or not, you’ve got me. And I’m every bit as much of a member of the gay community as you. You don’t have to be a fucking bleeding heart, vegan, hemp wearing, douche bag to be a good gay… we come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and political outlooks. I happen to be the insensitive version… So to all of you oversensitive whiny bitches who want to take out half the english vocabulary because it makes you cry…. SACK UP.
galefan2004
You forgot shallow and vapid in your definition of “twink.” Its one of those words where if the truth hurts then it sucks to be you.
Ryan
I hate the terms “fag” or “faggot.” I hate it when straight people say it, and I hate it when gay people say it.
To me, it’s like saying n*gger. I don’t want people to refer to me as a “fag” or think that it is acceptable to use so I always get on my friends when they say it in my presence.
person
@princewonder: I’ve heard of ‘twink’ being used for a hispanic guy…but that was only once.
IzzyLuna
Charles: “twink” doesn’t mean someone who’s sexually desirable but probably stupid. It means a kid in their late teens, early 20’s who have a thin, lanky body-type.
And for the new generation, the word is “sickening”, not fabulous.
So, you want me to say, “you should check out that clothing store. They’re ‘normal human beings.” don’t think so. Gay-friendly is short, sweet and less hateful sounding.
Seems like this Vocabulary Task Force needs to hang with more trannies and breeders and twinks to find something they’re better at than choosing the words we shouldn’t use.
Mesa
@Jake the libertarian: LOL, I love you Jake, we need to date!
Jeffree
“My wife”? Twice over the last week I’ve heard gay guys using that to refer to their S.O. / bf /partner/ mate.
Context: non-married, not civil-unionized (!) male couples —one not even cohabitating–, and not genderqueer, either. Not said as a joke or punchline.
I’m not sure why it got on my nerves, but it made me think “um, are we really going there now?”
I’m not one to say “yeesh, quit saying that” because it’s not offensive, but it just seems off.
fredo777
@Red Meat: To each his or her own, but I’d never want anyone calling me a homosexual, as I find it way too clinical. Also, in most of the instances when I hear a person refer to someone as a homosexual, it’s some bigot who refuses to use the word “gay”, as though it would possibly validate a neutral (or even positive) outlook on same-sex attraction.
Ginasf
@ElectricHarpsichord: Actually, there are a lot of trans people who are unable to change their legal gender and are unable to marry the partner of their choice. So, while I agree there are more important issues for trans people, like job and housing discrimination, health care and helping trans youth, marriage equality is, in fact, an issue which impacts many in the trans community.
david
I think “twink or twinkie” is pretty much an equal opportunity term in SF, applied to pretty much anyone of any ethnicity who happens to be young, attractive, and flirty. However, I’m not sure it’s derogatory, and I think the authors assertion that it implies “stupid” is more a reflection of the authors own bias and experience than anything rooted in fact.
No Troll Here
Troll is universally offensive!
Greycellredux
I find “queer” to be an offensive term but I don’t preach against those who use it. They simply had best not refer to me as such. I find LGBT uncomfortable as I do not, by default, have anything in common with “L”, “B”, and “T” folk other than the technicality of being a “sexual minority” – which is another PC phrase. I’d prefer “Civil Unions” for all instead of government sanctioned “marriage” by anyone due to its religions connotations. I don’t feel that anyone has the right to tell me what words I as a gay person should or shouldn’t use. I’m a grown person and can generally maneuver the social intricacies of an evening with friends of all types without causing shock. I’m just a gay man who is sick of pretentious folk telling me how to think, how to vote, and how to live just because I happen to like dick. I find those of this sanctimonious type to be as revolting as other fundies of any and all flavours.
Elimelech
WOW, why is everyone so fucking catty? If you hate this site (and/or the opinions of everyone else) then don’t visit it!
The author isn’t being a dickhead about this, he’s just saying that if we want to be taken seriously by other people, we should start treating each other more seriously. I’m sure he doesn’t care what you say to your friends/in intimate settings, but seriously, the next time you’re in a crowd of people who aren’t necessarily so comfortable with gays (not that that’s even slightly okay, because they should honestly grow up) maybe don’t walk around in your rainbow underwear calling everyone silly bitches.
Y’know, or you can, and that’s fine. Just don’t be a dick when someone tells you what they think. Seriously.
hibiscus
‘Tranny’ really isn’t ok to use whether it’s derogatory or not. Perhaps when we don’t have rampant transphobia (which translates into violence) within and outside our communities it will be different.
Emma
Trans MTF here… tranny is not really cool. It may be used among the brothas and sista trans folk here, but the gay crowd BEAT IT THE FUCK TO DEATH. It’s the same way you hate people using ‘gay’ to describe everything negative from teenagers. When the gay community uses ‘tranny mess’ ‘htm’ or describes themselves as tranny when they’ve got sloppy makeup on or are outrageously drunk, think of how WE feel. It’s like, thanks a lot assholes, for equating trans with sloppy drunken obnoxious whores.
It’s the same thing you bitch about daily, then you turn around and commit the same offense. Knock it the fuck off.
MikeE
@Emma: “gay crowd”? you really need to hang out with a better class of people then. I’ve never heard that term (“tranny”) used in such a hateful manner as you describe (stop watching RuPaul’s Drag Race or whatever that stupid show is). I agree completely that it is a derogatory term and should die a quiet death in its corner. I DISagree that it is widely used by gay people for all of those disgusting uses you list.
It’s so strange reading the comments on this forum.
Obviously there are two very very separate and distinct “gay worlds” out there. There’s a world of openly out gay men and women out there who respect each other and the people around them.
Then there seems to be a group who delight in hate, spite, vitriol, and relishing the application of stereotypes as a means of establishing a “pecking order” within their community.
I believe the former are the larger group, while the latter are a loud, obnoxious, and overly-visible minority.
Bob
And who appointed you as the Gay spokesperson. If you don’t like these words, don’t use them, but don’t tell everyone else not too! Most of these words are used in fun so get over your self-righteous act!
Jim
I completely disagree with this guy. I’m also an old queer, in my mid-fifties. I *like* being different. I think I’m a perfectly normal *queer* person.
I’m not a queer person who wants to be straight. I don’t want a traditional wedding, I don’t want to be ‘normalized’. I like all the different queers that make up our world. I like twinks and fag-hags and making fun of breeders.
What I want is for the rest of the world to accept us as we are, not change us into who they think is acceptable.
That includes our vocabulary.
It would also be nice if some of the younger queers could accept us older guys (you’ll be here one day – scaring yourself in the mirror when you catch a glimpse of what used to be a pretty nice ass)
meego
@Jim: I’m with you on that, Jim.
Ginasf
@Shannon1981:
As to tranny, I don’t care if gender variant people are okay with the term, my concern is that trans women who are NOT okay with the term don’t have it shoved down their throat. If trans friends want to call each other tranny that’s certainly their choice. But referring to an entire group of people as trannies is offensive. To pretend that trans men or FAAB gender variant people are impacted the same by the term as trans women is absurd. And as to some people using the term, I might point out that for at least a decade after it was publicly considered an offensive term with which to refer to African-Americans, some black people still insisted on being called ‘negroes’ and even as ‘colored people’ and there was a lot of infighting in that community over use of those terms.
Queer Supremacist - Words, Words, Words, I'm So Sick Of Words
Twink: Let’s just get rid of any sub-category intended to pigeonhole us (we get enough of that from teh hetroes), and take “top” and “bottom” with you.
Fierce: Another word Obama made meaningless, along with “hope,” “change,” “progressive,” “liberal,” and “leader.”
Gay-friendly: Will probably die a natural death in a couple generations when acceptance becomes the norm.
Tranny: Don’t have a problem with it.
Breeder: Unless you can think of a better derogatory term for those murderous, bigoted, slovenly, provincial, baby-farming, gay-bashing sexual imperialists, or they change their ways (fat chance of that happening without major changes in human nature), you can have that word when you pry it from my cold, dead tongue.
Fag hag: Doesn’t bother me. If it doesn’t bother them (did you even ask? I doubt it)
Anything said with a fake English accent: I admit to having a bit of an anglophile streak, and I will make exceptions for accurate accent mimicry, but the dyke that this should have ended with was named Dick Van who was in that Disney movie.
Gay marriage: It doesn’t matter what we call it because the breeders will oppose it.
Straight acting: I have a problem with this mainly because I have a problem with referring to heterosexuals as “straight,” which implies there’s something wrong with us; the exact opposite is the case.
We also need to get rid of:
Self-loathing: It’s a lazy short-hand for “anyone who disagrees with me”. Ooh, look at me: I oppose an increase in the capital gains tax. I’m a traitor to gay rights!
Internalized homophobia: See above. Save it for real psychological cases.
Partner: Too formal.
The gay community: The majority of men who live in gay ghettos are about as welcoming and inclusive as cobras.
Any play on a word that takes a long “a” vowel sound and replaces it with “gay”: Gayborhood, gayby boom, etc.
LGBT: Remember the Judean People’s Front from Monty Python’s Life of Brian? This reminds me of the guy who added “and women” to everything because he wanted to be a woman and have babies. Less is more, people!
Genderqueer: Doubt it’s used outside of academia, but every time I hear it, this is my reaction:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k
@Jake the libertarian: If I wasn’t already spoken for I’d ask you to marry me.
Jim
@Jake the libertarian:
I love this ..I’m pretty much the same way.
Jake the libertarian
@Mesa: @Queer Supremacist – Words, Words, Words, I’m So Sick Of Words:
Awe!!! Love you guys 🙂
Jake the libertarian
@Jim: Love u too
Daez
@Tez Anderson: Especially when you consider that in many cases, its a complete misnomer considering that many gay men don’t really get along with lesbians (or vice versa) and the vast majority of queers don’t really understand trans or want them as part of the group since they realize that our rights would be much easier to obtain if we weren’t linked with the boy in a dress image.
Bronxite
I think “straight-acting” is a perfectly acceptable term because it’s something that was imposed on certain guys by the gay community itself. Apparently I come off as a straight guy, straight-talking, straight-walking, everything.. because I’ve been asked “you know this is a gay bar ?” just by walking into a bar on Christopher Street, and “I thought you were a straight guy who came in here by mistake” in a bar in the East Village. I’ve also gotten dirty looks at the Gay Center (like “what is this ‘breeder’ doing here”). It’s just me. So half the gay community told me I’m “straight-acting” but the other half says, “You can’t use that word about yourself. That’s self-hating.”
Bronxite
LOL @ Supremacist on “the gay community”. So true !
UWSguy
Totally agee. Some other that needs retiring:
Mary!
Rice Queen
Dinge Queen
Chicken Queen
Girl, Gurl
Using “She” or “Her” when referring to another gay man
Almost everything on Datalounge
JM
Queer Supremacist — what a sad contradiction.
::YES – littered in judgment::
Shannon1981
@Ginasf: I was just giving a run down of my view of all the terms. I highly doubt any of it will actually change due to this article or any amount of bitching. I don’t use the term “tranny”, because, while genderqueer, I am not trans, and therefore don’t have that right. I do know trans people who are just fine with it though, including trans women. That is where that statement came from.
But I do see where you are coming from. I am African American. I refuse to indulge people who use any variation of the n bomb or any other bastardized version of referring to my skin color, even if said people are of my own race.
Emma
@MikeE:
Welcome to Salt Lake City, UT. Please enjoy your stay. Granted I haven’t truly experienced LGBT communities other than in SFC for a short while, I can honestly say it’s beaten and overused in the SLC community. Sorry if the generalization was too broad 🙁
at least, in my world, with a very small trans community and a large 3k+ gay community, it is overused.
Johnny Q Doe
How about stop calling each other “faggot”?
Josh
Honestly, if you’re going to make a list about derogatory and homophobic remarks, you shouldn’t make some of the terms acceptable for some people. If a homosexual shouldn’t say fag hag, then why is it OK for a fag hag to call herself that? It just makes it OK for others to say it and continues society’s (and homophobes’) use of the word.
Izzy
Fuck that shit, I say what I want bitch, so fierce, twink, breeder, fag hag
the best part of claiming who are is NOT following other people’s rules. get over yourself TRANNY and THAT i mean with love.
Boop! (there’s a new term for someone to whine about)
justnow
Straight acting does need to go- its offensive to the fems the mascs and the inbetweeners its also offensive to nelly straight men. Its just stupid.
Bronxite
justnow : When gay men stop telling certain guys “I thought you were straight” (usually with contempt) because of the way the guy acts, THEN “straight-acting”, as a term, can go away. But if gays want to insist there’s a difference between how gays and straights appear and behave, then we’re gonna use the term to describe ourselves.
Jeffree
@josh: I think the takeaway message is that people in a group can use words referring to themselves, but those same words shouldn’t be used lightly from people outside that group.
I think that’s true whether you’re talking about race, gender identity,ethnicity, sexual orientation, HIV status, and even religion, disability status, & social class.
In my experience, social relations go more smoothly when I’m respectful of others’ identities & they respect mine.
Jeffree
I hope Queerty will review the post moderation process: in a topic like this it’s hard not to trip the system. Thanks!
(The post that went missing was on key & within TOS, although I’m sure I’ve overstepped before without the dreaded Warning of DoooM!)
Guy
I agree with ‘fag hag’ and ‘breeder’. Breeding is not a bad thing, if our parent’s didn’t do it we wouldn’t exist. And if these women are our friends and want to share our lifestyle why are we calling them something nasty like ‘hag’? I found your thoughts on gay marriage clever. But I’ve never been bothered by twink before, not now at 28 and not a few years ago when I was a thin, fair 25yo. I always took it to mean as the reverse of bear: hairless, slight, young etc. Really you could turn any word into something nasty if you use it in anger, disdain or disgust and possibly that what you’ve heard of twink?
littleone
@Kev C: Actually, I use top and bottom when I teach sex ed. Position matters with STIs and it helps.
Jennifer
@Guy: I AGREE 100% WITH Guy / No. 134. I’m a girl in my 20s and I have a gay best friend from childhood as well as many other gay friends I’ve made since I started working in the fashion industry. Some of them began calling me their “Fag Hag” after watching Will & Grace. It always rubbed me the wrong way but I kept my mouth shut because I knew they were saying it in a friendly and playful way. Then I realized that if I respect them, support them, and never call them anything remotely derogatory then they should do the same for me.
Fag is a derogatory term against gays. And hag is a derogatory term against women. Why would any gay man want to insult himself AND his female buddies? Makes no sense when you really think about it.
ALSO, THE PROBLEM IS A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF THE WORD “HAG”. Look up the definition of it:
A witch, esp. one in the form of an ugly old woman (often used as a term of disparagement for a woman)
An old woman considered ugly or frightful
An unpleasant or ugly old woman
A woman who is old
An ugly, slatternly, or evil-looking old woman
A female demon
An evil or frightening spirit
Once I explained to them that it really is a nasty misogynistic word and that they shouldn’t be calling themselves fags for any reason, that trend just kinda stopped in my circle of friends. My gay friends now call me their “female buddy” or “straight girlfriend” or “gal pal”. Maybe some of them stopped using the term just for me, but I’d like to think at least a few of them realized it made no sense and was a very backwards way of thinking.
Terms like “fag hag” along with “twink” and many others only get in the way of progress. Whether we like to admit it or not, vocabulary plays a big role in our society and shows just how progressive we are. Just look at “pimp” versus “whore” to put up men and tear down women. Or stud (a strong virile attractive straight male) versus fairy/faggot (weak effeminate gay male).
Tenshinigami
My boyfriend, gay friends, and straight friends (be it male or female) all hate the word Fag Hag. Instead we use the term “Fairy Princess.” Sure it sounds a little silly, like something out of a Disney movie, but it’s a helluva lot more positive sounding than Fag Hag.
NotCharles NotPurdy
I nominate “Charles” and “Purdy” as tired, overworked gay clichés that need to be eliminated from any good gay’s vocaublary.
scottp
Vin Diesel is straight. LOL
Chad
While I agree with most of the words on this list, as well as the reasoning for wanting them banished, I am having difficulty with “twink”. I feel like in order to get rid of that word, we also have to get rid of bear, cub, otter, or any other word in our culture that provides a label (and, thus, a sense of community) for a particular body type.
Granted, we have to ask ourselves what are the inherent issues related to having subcultures based soley on physical characteristics (and there are many). Perhaps that’s best left for another article.
For the record, I don’t ever use “fierce” and rarely associate with anyone who does. I don’t have a problem with it, but usually users of this word come across to me as shallow and insipid.
rhet
I think this whole idea of being completely pc in regards to terms in the GLBT (dare I say I, Q, A… etc etc) community is complete hogwash! As a culture, this is our language, and being that our culture is so uniquely diverse, the language is equally so! It is time to stop separating ourselves by acronyms, races, and sex and just come together as a community. As such, we should be free to try to subversively use these terms to create our own identities and heritage.
Furthermore, these terms are fun! Part of being queer and being able to cope what it means to live in a hetero-normative society, is the right to be completely outrageous and campy – if not only in drag, but in speech and demeanor as well! Furthermore, by mixing up these terms and using them in speech we can deconstruct their original demeaning divisionist intent, which in turn allows us to play with many different identities. Face it queens, queers, and fags – these words are going away, and they aren’t going away because they represent who we are.
Jayson510
Terms like ” rice queen ” and such also need to go. I love Asian guys, but that term makes me wanna kill myself.
Opheliac
I often jokingly refer to myself as my friend Nick’s “lesbian fag hag”, but I think that some women take it way too seriously.
spacerangeredd
geek lingo and gay lingo are inbreeding!
Raquel Santiago
One word that we as a community are using more and more is the word Queer, unfortunately this word still has negative annotations even we we are as a community trying to bring power to the word. But power doesnt negate the historical useage of this word and its still viewed negatively by many in our community
Raquel Santiago
@rhet:
These terms may be fun but they are negative. If we want to empower and entire community to grow from what we have had to deal with in the past and current, we cannot continue to ostracize people within that community. Sure you can continue to have your sexual preferences and likes/dislikes but we dont have to continue to promote hate and discrimination within the same community that fought for the rights we have today and continue to fight for. We are no better than any other person in our community and we need to act like adults and not 10 yr old uneducated children.
puppybone69
DDF, UB2 both need to go, and so does the phrase “HIV neg and plan to stay that way”. Both are most often used by those who bareback, “as long as you’re neg like me” or “DDF as I am”. Drop the BS already! Either you bareback or you don’t, enough with the conditional barebacking! Also, use of the word “clean” to imply HIV- needs to go as well, as in the standard question “Are you clean?” Sure I am, I just took a shower! I also just douched, so I’m “clean” as a whistle, inside and out, so let’s bareback and call it “safe” sex, shall we?
Arran
@Raquel Santiago.
I’m sorry but using mildly risque language for comic effect is NOT the same thing as promoting hate. If you wish to sanitise our modes of communication to this extent then you must start by poring over your own various infractions. In the style of this article, lets analyse your post!
In the first line, you suggest that there is a ‘community’ of gay people. But to say there is a community suggests being gay makes us all similar to one another – which is negative! Why should we suddenly be expected to get along just because of our sexuality? You then say we need to be ’empowered’, which suggests that currently we are, collectively, weakened – which is negative. We are not all weak and helpless!
You then use the phrase ‘sexual PREFERENCE’ – that is negative! Is it really a preference? Isn’t that the same as saying it is a choice? And in the last line, you say we must not be like a “10 yr old uneducated child”. That is negative! Many children are denied a proper education in life and it is not their fault. etc.etc.
Well ok, I am parodying the style of the article. Incidentally, the title of it “9 queer terms that need removing” is offensive! There is nothing ‘queer’ about being gay! Queer is just about the most offensive word of the lot, if you are going to go down this route.
There is another way. Accept that in order for there to be any kind of wittiness in the world, there needs to be offense caused too; and actually the problem is with the person TAKING offense not the person CAUSING it. If your feelings are so sensitive that the entire of the rest of humanity has to regulate their words in order to cushion you from real or imagined offense then the problem is with you.
Arran
@J
‘In my experience, social relations go more smoothly when I’m respectful of others’ identities & they respect mine.’
In my experience social relations go more smoothly when I don’t ascribe any ‘identities’ to people whatsoever. I don’t say ‘X is muslim’ so ‘muslim’ is his identity and i must respect this ‘identity’ of his. I just chat to X as a friend. I don’t say ‘Y is female’ and this is Y’s identity, and moderate how I behave towards Y as a result. I just chat to Y as a friend. I would find it incredibly patronising if someone attempted to ‘consider’ my feelings as a gay male and moderated how they spoke to me as a result…rather than giving me the ‘real deal’ of their views, speech patterns, honest feelings, humour and all the rest; Unless you do that, you are not really treating people as equals at all…