In a fascinating new interview with NPR, 90-year-old Hector Black talks openly about his very long journey to coming out.
“I felt like I was nobody in the whole dang world was a weirdo like me,” Black recalls when thinking back upon his adolescent years. “I had no idea what it was. All I knew was that I was attracted to men. The word gay was never even mentioned, or even homosexual. It was whispered if it was used at all.”
Related: This Heartfelt Video Of Gay Seniors Giving Advice Will Make Your Monday
Black, who was born in 1925, lives in rural Tennessee, where his family owns a plant nursery. He had his first sexual encounter with another man while studying at Harvard in the 1940s.
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“I thought this is not me,” he remembers. “This cannot be me. And I was just horrified. And then, you know, after a few months, I started thinking about it and then I realized that I’d wanted to experience this again. And — and so we became lovers.”
Black continued to struggle with his sexuality, however, and eventually underwent treatment in hopes of becoming heterosexual.
“It was the treatment that people felt was the right treatment in those days — you take estrogen. And so I took that until I started growing breasts. And then, of course, they said OK. So I quit, and then I seemed to be OK.”
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He eventually married and had children, but his attraction towards other men never went away. It wasn’t until his daughter came out as gay that he found the courage to come out himself.
“We both loved her just as much as ever–more even because I knew how much she had been through, how much she suffered because of who she was,” Black recalls. “And I just said this is it–that I can’t–how can I love her and hate myself for what I am?”
When asked if he had any regrets about coming out so late in life and the struggles he faced as a result, Black says no.
“There were some things just amazing how being gay helped me to understand what it means to be different,” he explains. “I really am grateful that my heart has been broken a good many times because it does help me to love.”
Grant Mealey
Wow…what a journey …
Jason Whaling
Nice. I love old people. So much life to tell.
Leonard Woodrow
I, too, am 90, but my story is a tad different. I was lucky enough to find the hidden, homosexual world when I was in my late teens, although I stupidly fought against it and tried to be straight. Homosexual actions were illegal in those days, so I had a girl friend and planned to get married when I was in my 20’s, foolishly believing that it would all work out. Fortunately, my libido was so strong that I couldn’t go through with it, preferring to risk prison and the scorn of my family and friends.
I had several experiences before settling down to life with my partner, and we have now been together for 55 years, despite the bigotry of society. How lucky the youngsters of today are, who can love without the fear that we felt!
kevininbuffalo
“There were some things just amazing how being gay helped me to understand what it means to be different,” he explains. “I really am grateful that my heart has been broken a good many times because it does help me to love.”
This is wisdom. I’m grateful for all our Gay forefathers and mothers who helped to pave the way for the freedom GLBT people have today. God bless them.
rand503
I’m grateful for all our Gay forefathers and mothers who helped to pave the way for the freedom GLBT people have today. God bless them.
@kevininbuffalo:
Amen to that!
Kangol
I love that Queerty is featuring the words of our elders. Let’s not forget the journey that made possible the world we live in today. This gentleman certainly has lived through a great deal of it.
Also interesting that while he was at Harvard in the 1940s, a number of famous gay people were there too, like Professor F. O. Matthiessen (who sadly leapt to his death in 1950 after being pursued as a gay Communist), and writers John Ashbery, Frank O’Hara, Edward Gorey, Adrienne Rich, and many others.
MacAdvisor
I heard the interview on NPR on Wednesday as I drove up to Portola, CA, (go to Truckee and turn left) to spend my first Christmas with my step family there. My father, at the age of 76, married the most wonderful women. They summered there in the Portola house and wintered in Sacramento, where I live. Christmas was, thus, in my old family home, as has been the case for half a century. My Dad passed away in March and his widow now lives full time in Portola. Her middle son was the pastor at the local Baptist church and Dad was close with him and the new pastor. At his memorial service there, the whole congregation was simply wonderful to me. The new pastor’s 18-year old son wants to be a lawyer like me and we’ve become friends.
SO, there I am on Christmas Eve, at a conservative, Baptist, Bible-believing church (says so on the sign outside the church) welcomed by the congregation, the pastor, and his family. They all knew I was gay (and hiding that fact would be like hiding an elephant in a phone booth), but their honest love outweighed some church belief. As the lights went out and the pastor lighted his one lone candle, to then light others, the light of all these candles spread throughout the worship hall. I felt my Dad with me.
We gay people have come so far. Even in places that shouldn’t really care now do. Mr. Black has lived essentially from the earliest days when we gained self-awareness as a people until out liberation. What a life.
BTW, the family name up here is Black and they think they are a distant relation of the fellow on the radio.
nitejonboy
God bless him, what a wonderful story.So happy that he is finally at peace with himself.
Scribe38
@Leonard Woodrow: 55 years!!!! That really gives me hope. Just celebrated 21 years yesterday. Sometimes it is a struggle. Hugs brother to you and your partner. Any advice on how you guys make it work?
Giancarlo85
@Leonard Woodrow: I can’t even begin to understand that kind of fear. I congratulate you on all those years with your partner. It’s hard for gay people even these days to ask for relationship advice, and I can’t even imagine how it was for you.
It’s horrible some can’t even tell their family how much they love someone… who happens to be of the same sex. My family is accepting of me, but I was so scared to even tell them at first out of fear of ostracization. And I’m just 30.
alphacentauri
Why did he wait so long to finally come out?
Leonard Woodrow
@Scribe38: Hi Scribe,
Thank you! The only advice I can offer is to forgive one another when you make a mistake. Nobody is perfect, and true love is always forgiving. Good luck to you both!
Leonard Woodrow
@Giancarlo85: Yes, life was difficult in those days … and although things have changed enormously in the last 40 or so years, we still have a long way to go. We must just keep doing our best to show the bigots why they are wrong to condemn us.
I wish you all the best for the future!