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A Gay-By-Play Recap Of The Unbelievably Absurd Johnny Weir Divorce Saga

1395268204_138933410_johnny-weir-victor-voronov-467When Johnny Weir retired from figure skating and glided off the ice for good, we didn’t think much of it. But little did we know a storm was brewing.

It would be a tale with all the drama of the most technically adventurous skating routine, all the panache of the most outlandish costume accessories and all the havoc of the most disastrously nail-biting mid-axel tumble.

But this ice storm brewed outside the rink. In a land known as matrimonial bliss. Where the two ice princesses lived in the highest tower amid their gems and jewels.

The very public saga of Jonny’s marriage woes with Victor Voronov are the pinnacle of absurdity, and as things seem to wind down (for now), we thought it would be a good time to revisit this cautionary tale.

Questions remain unanswered: is it all a publicity ruse? an overblown media hoopla? or are Johhny and Victor really, truly the catty, spiteful lovebirds their story makes them out to be?

We may never really know the true version, but damn it’s been one entertaining ride.

Here’s how it played out:

Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 7.39.31 PMThe Bite

Back in January, Voronov allegedly filed a police report claiming his fabulous husband had bit him in a way that was totally unwelcome.

This came just before the Sochi Olympic Games, where Johnny was set to appear as a commentator. Putin would not be proud.

When the two appeared in court, Voronov put his hand on Weir’s knee and whispered into his ear before the case begun.

All charges were dropped, but the first snowball had officially been thrown in what would build into a bitchfest for the ages.

The Break

The scars from those bite marks would apparently never heal properly as Johnny  announced the imminent end of the two year marriage.

Weir used Twitter to break the news to his fans, telling them, “It is with great sadness that I announce that my husband and I are no longer together. My heart hurts, and I wish him well.”

Nice enough, but soon we’d see that Johnny perhaps meant “I wish him welts” instead of “well.”

Oh, the crazy that would soon be unleashed.

Things Get Messy

Victor tweeted that he was, “shocked by the abrupt ending of my marriage and am dealing with the trauma including multiple things I am just now becoming aware of.”

And that whole biting thing came under a new light, with Johnny telling reporters, “You’d never see a mark on my body, but the damage done to me mentally was crippling.”

The stage was set.

The Claws Come Out

We get the first inkling that there was some infidelity on Weirs part, and our first taste of the absurd battle brewing.

An email surfaces wherein Weir writes, “If you decide to wreck things, please wreck cheaper things than Birkins,” Weir wrote. “The f*** you on the Birkin is kinda cool, though, you artist. I know you don’t care about Hill I’ll survive if you divorce me, but please leave my Birkin bags, Celine bags and Chanel bags alone.”

Leave. Birkin. alone!

Oh and Voronov’s bite gets a mug shot.

unnamed7-670x622

Ouch.

Celine-Croc-Phantom-Bag-2013The Claws Get Painted 

A custody battle erupts for the couples pooch, Johnny is accused of sexting with a porn star, and Voronov  asking a judge to make Johnny return a comically fabulous list of luxury goods taken from Voronov’s house (plus the Japanese Chin dog), including:

– Crocodile Celine bag
– 40 Balenciaga bags
– 20 furs (including a $125K sable)
– Green Hermes shoulder Birkin
– Orange Hermes 35cm Birkin
– 12 Chanel bags

Weir also alleges that Voronov ransacked their apartment after learning their divorce had gone public, stealing valuable items including a Faberge egg, a Louis Vuitton trunk, jewelry and an Hermes ashtray.

Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 7.51.40 PMReconciliation?

We don’t hear from the sparring lovers for a spell, and when next we do, things may have turned around! A reconciliation is announced, but not without its share of Weir-worth caveats.

Like, actual written caveats. Of course.

Here’s what’s off-limits according to Weir’s document:

– sex outside the marriage
– oral sex outside the marriage
– kissing or making out
– sexting
– aggressive flirting
– mutual masturbation
– social media/grindr/dating

Not So

Shockingly, this method of putting the spark back in a struggling marriage doesn’t quite hit the mark.

When recently asked about the reported reconciliation, Weir says:

“Nope. I had hope and Victor and I were talking about reconciliation, but it was for not.”

 

What’s next in this gripping tale??

By:           Dan Tracer
On:           Apr 17, 2014
Tagged: , , ,

  • 11 Comments
    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
      PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      They should fight it out on the ice Nancy Kerrigan v Tonya Harding style. The winner gets the bottom half of pooch (which is what this is all about) Don’t judge. Look at them both..they’ve fucked far worse.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 8:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billy Budd
      Billy Budd

      They can be as crazy as they want, but they should not make it public., It is bad for our image. They represent the “regular” gay couple in the public’s imagination.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 8:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Zekester
      Zekester

      Has anything that Johnny Unbelievably Absurd Weir ever touched anything that wasn’t, or didn’t become, unbelievable absurd?

      The two of them deserved each other. Johnny would sell his soul to be Russian and Victor would sell his soul to be famous.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 8:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AxelDC
      AxelDC

      Let’s face it, Johnny Weir is one of those strange guys who happens to be gay. We don’t like people calling gays weird, but some of us just are.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 9:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      As I mentioned earlier, the thing that is so pathetic about Johnny Weir, is that if ANYBODY had asked you a few years ago. “Hey, if Johnny Weir and some guy get married one day, how do you think it will go?”

      Most people would have predicted this exact thing. Immaturity, phony drama, nothing done in private.

      Just pathetic.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 9:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Snapper59
      Snapper59

      I’m thinking like Lance and Reichen, one half used the other for personal gain and was never in love and the other more famous but less attractive half, was.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 9:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • YouGoGurl
      YouGoGurl

      Yikes, Snapper59 …. Lance and Reichen. LOLOL What was THAT about? Reichen would audition to be a Kardashian if he thought he could get away with it.

      Apr 17, 2014 at 1:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IcarusD
      IcarusD

      I realize the mistake was in the original, but it should be “…but it was for naught,” not “but it was for not.”

      Apr 17, 2014 at 4:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sisko24
      Sisko24

      Silly me! And I thought Birkin was the name of their dog: something actually worth fighting about. Sheesh!

      Apr 17, 2014 at 6:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • modernfamilyfan
      modernfamilyfan

      Updated with Voronov’s criminal history dating back to 2008.

      http://www.ripoffreport.com/r/Victor-S-Voronov/internet/Victor-S-Voronov-vityazvesda-twitter-Investment-Fraud-Internet-830706#comment_1

      Apr 24, 2014 at 6:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Louis
      Louis

      I can’t be the only one wondering how johnny weir can afford all those things…

      May 8, 2014 at 1:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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