Adult film star Jesse Jackman got quite a shock when he logged onto his mom’s computer last October.
“I went into her study, turned on her computer, and to my utter horror was greeted by a browser window that was open to a very familiar website: my blog,” Jackman writes in a new essay published on The Huffington Post. “My very NSFW blog.”
He continues:
“My heart sputtered. I was instantly nauseous, and felt like I was in free fall. The ramifications hit me at once: if she’d seen the blog, she knew everything. She knew that I was a porn star, that my husband Dirk (whom I’d met through my studio) was a porn star, that my frequent trips to California were not really to visit friends.”
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After getting over the initial horror, he decided it was time to confront his mother about his profession, which he had been keeping a secret from her for years.
A few days later, he and his husband arranged a dinner with her. At the dinner, Jackman said:
“Mom, there’s something I want to talk to you about. I stopped by the house a few days ago and used your computer, and it was open to…”
“Your blog,” she interrupted.
Jackman was speechless.
His mother explained that she had been aware of his profession for some time, after finding an unusual deposit on one of his bank statements sent to her house.
“Several months earlier she’d noticed a deposit from a source she didn’t recognize — my studio — and traced it back to their website,” Jackman writes. “At the time, Dirk and I had just released a bondage film called Loud and Nasty, and our images were plastered all over the studio’s homepage. With video!”
Amazingly, she didn’t care too much about what her son did for a living. She was more upset because the bondage scene she stumbled upon looked like he was being tortured, which made her sad.
“We explained to her that everything we did was consensual, exciting, and a tremendous amount of fun. Boundaries were respected, and nobody got hurt,” Jackman writes.
He concludes:
“I don’t think she fully understands my decision to make porn; she has difficulty grasping how I can be so open about something as private and intimate to her as sex. But that’s not really the point. The important thing is that we actually talk about stuff now. If I can tell her I’m a friggin’ porn star and she still loves me, then I can tell her anything.”
If that doesn’t warm your heart, nothing will.
RSun
She sounds like a great mom…though a bit snoopy. 🙂
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
If I thought my mom even suspected my genitalia functioned sexually my boys would curl up and die — LITERALLY DIE.
Pee pee only mummy, honest.
hrnpip
Give that woman some grandchildren!
mz.sam
Now that the Pandora’s box is opened…mom will want a cut of his profits as manager of his online memorabila!
Throbert McGee
Kudos to Jackman’s mom for being a bit baffled as to why anyone would want to mix torture imagery with something as wonderful as man-to-man sex!
Quiet and polite boos to Jesse Jackman for giving his mom an explanation that was only half-true. Yes, some gay men like BDSM scenes simply because they’re exciting and fun. I do like a bit of rough wrasslin’ and Dom/sub myself, sometimes, though I’m versatile about it and don’t understand why anyone would want to be pigeonholed into Master/Slave roles, because both domination and being dominated can be fun and sexy in different ways. Plus, the smell of sweat and leather is like ambrosia to me.
HOWEVER, the more complete truth is that some gay men get into BDSM and leather because they’re insecure about their masculinity and the leather scene offers a form of off-the-shelf machismo that you can buy with a credit card. The classic joke about this is the see-gar smokin’ leather daddy who knows how to butch it up and put on manly-drag, but in his bathroom is a crocheted toilet-paper “cozy” made to look like a pink French poodle.
Personally, I think pink-poodle toilet-paper cozies are campy and hilarious, and do not in any way make a gay dude “unmanly.” But “OMG the homophobic homophobes think I’m a second-class citizen and Chik-Fil-A is worse than Hitler” = very very unmanly.
Then, too, some gay men get into BDSM as a sort of “mortification of the flesh” (akin to Opus Dei ultra-conservative Catholic men self-flagellating) because on some gut level, they believe they’re unworthy sinners who are lesser beings than straight guys; and they can’t accept that HOT GAY SEX was actually invented by God (who can see into the future) as a sort of “thank-you note” to Michelangelo for not making God’s tummy look too fat in the Sistine Chapel painting; and therefore, they need to punish themselves for the sin of being homosexual, and also (by proxy) for the sins of heterosexual men against women.
I’m not saying ALL gay guys who enjoy BDSM think this way, only that some of them do, and Jesse Jackman should explain to his mom that he’s not like that.
Mezaien
Forger about the mom! I want the son.
Geeker
Doesn’t Jackman’s husband do extreme S&M videos,like the really rough stuff?
Tracy Pope
The title is a little misleading. It was his porn blog that his mother was perusing. He kind of had to say something don’t you think?
@Throbert McGee: It should be clarified that BDSM and “the leather scene” as you put it are not exclusive to each other. There are those who wear leather as a lifestyle who would not consider BDSM. Conversely, some people are into BDSM but have nothing to do with leather.
While most of us think of it as a whole, the BD and SM of BDSM aren’t necessarily exclusive to each other either – but that’s another issue 😉
james_in_cambridge
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: LMAO! I’m so with you!
Cobalt Blue
I think she accepted the situation because she is always fearing to loose her only ‘ child ‘. Jesse Jackman said he was unsure if she understood the BDSM thing…And I’ll add that even if her son had killed a whole family, she, as a ‘good mother’ would support him and ‘understand’ because, to me, she seems to accept acritically whatever ‘ his angel-lamb’ do for fear to became alone. This story let me thinking about moral conscience, human decency…Things not important at all.
Cobalt Blue
Sorry: *…would had killed; *…fear of become…
Cobalt Blue
@Cobalt Blue: I’m afraid I mixed my language with English. What I was trying to write is ” …without criticism…” instead of ‘acritically’ ( Does this last word exist in English? ).
Geeker
Somehow I doubt his mom is as cool with all this as he wants to believe,Especially if she finds out his husband is tweeting words of support to Mike Dozer.
darkanser
@RSun: My sentiments exactly. I’m wondering if he gave his mom permission to open his bank statements.
darkanser
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: I assume you’re being overly dramatic to make a point. I used to find it hard to imagine introducing my husband or fiance — if I had one — to my mother. But things become less inconceivable with time.