Have you ever stuck your foot so far in your mouth that it came out the other end? That’s just what a poor fellow did recently on Scruff, Grindr‘s bearded big brother.
“Love your tat too dude! Very straight!” a user wrote to Little Kiwi, who later blogged about the exchange.
“Straight?” LK responded.
“It’s a tatt a straight guy would get. I love it,” he wrote back, adding that he meant it as a complement. Nice try, but Little Kiwi’s tattoo is a tribute to Harvey Milk.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Sometimes it can be hard to feel awesome about being gay when people complement you on being something other than what you really are. Do you cringe when you read profiles that say “straight-acting”? There’s so much to unpack there: The sadness of having to adopt an act rather than being true to yourself, whether that’s the the marginalization of femmes or butches.
We get it: some guys are butch. Some guys like butches. And sometimes it’s pretty sexy to fantasize about the straight dude who transgresses into our world. Just, you know, watch your language and have some respect for what you, and other people, are.
“God I’m an idiot,” Little Kiwi’s new friend texted after learning the truth.
LK assured him there was real no offense taken but later blogged that it was “a teachable moment”:
For many men there is still a desire to “pass for straight.” It’s not healthy. It shows a great fear, on their part, that being gay makes them “lesser” as men. Disdain for “visibly gay” people is often another symptom. This has nothing to do with concepts of masculinity, however. Such an argument may come up, but that too will be only in the mind of the man who still wants to appear “straight.”
…The guy who sent me this message is in no way an awful person. Just someone who would benefit from a change of mindset.
Rethink your value systems. Interrogate your attractions, your securities, your insecurities, your sense of self and identity. You cannot hope to find happiness in others or yourself if you are still comparing yourself next to a straight male as your way to validate your being.
Steve
Oh my god, I got to the second use of “complement” and couldn’t take it anymore. WTB editor. It’s “compliment” in this situation. Colors complement each other, people compliment each other, except for when they complement each other. Either way, look it up…
QJ201
Gay men and the masculinity issues…arrgh.
are you masc? Are you straight acting?
why?
Cause I need a tough straight dude to pound my p*ssy
seriously, I’ve had similar exchanges too many times to count.
Mike
*Yawn* Oh it’s about Little Kiwi the narcissist who cares?
Darren
Queerty has stooped to a new low when it has pointless and silly articles about its resident troll Little Kiwi. You might as well have a post about Jason or JayKay.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
although i don’t “act” gay (unless i’m in bed you), i would reject the description of myself as “straight acting.” i have no desire to fit in with societies preconceptions of appropriate straight or gay behaviour. but, also, i’m not ACTING.
i’m fine with being gay but i don’t want to be “read” as gay — or its opposite for that matter — not because of internalised homophobia, but rather because i don’t want total strangers to assume they have a window into my soul and that they can easily categorise me.
just to underline: not ashamed of being gay, i wouldn’t want to change my same sex attraction even if i could… but still, i ain’t ever planning on wearing leather chaps and carrying a chihuahua in a peaked cap (which is a shame, in a way, because i really do have the ass for chaps.)
Tyson
Oh Lord, this is just giving that attention whore Little Kiwi even more attention than he deserves and now he’ll claim that most gay men both in general and here on queerty are homophobic or have issues with their masculinity just because they happen to be masculine, or because they don’t have attraction to men who are effeminate. You’re feeding a professional troll queerty.
Matt
Queerty’s taking the nonsensical ramblings of a troll on queerty. Must be a slow news day.
Matt
Queerty’s taking the nonsensical ramblings of a troll on queerty and making them into a blog post. Must be a slow news day.
Riker
You guys missed it, a blog post of his was also posted to Reddit’s /r/ainbow subreddit a few days ago; I suspect is was a self-post. Queerty is just another platform for him to proselytise about how we should be tolerant of everyone, as long as they agree with him. He’s worse than the Scientologists.
What the f**k
Whiff of “set up”.
N
I had a little issue with this myself just recently. I was on youtube and somehow ventured into the gay videos but they were more woe is me, life story gay issue videos. I watched one because the guy doing the video was really cute and very “straight” looking. I thought he would be touch and have a deep voice, but as soon as he opened his mouth he talked like a valley girl and I said to myself “ew” and almost turned the video off, BUT, he was still cute so I watched it and after a while It didnt bother me. He seemed like a cool guy, reguardless of how he talked or how limp his wrists were. So Im proud of myself for overcoming that. People, myself included, need to look beyond appearances and mannerisms.
darkorient
Don’t hate on Little Kiwi just because he’s not self-hating losers like you.
Scott
LMAO I agree with you Riker. He thinks that everyone here on queerty and other sites he trolls are all closeted, self-loathing, etc. This is a pointless article and queerty is just giving a troll attention.
Brandon
Completely staged, and it’s pointless. Just more BS from Kiwi about how men who use grindr or other apps are closeted, or how if you like or prefer masculine men how you’re self loathing and closeted.
Riker
@Scott: Largely what you said. He says that no gay Republican has ever shown their face to him (on the Internet) because we’re too afraid to. I proved him wrong by giving him a link to my Facebook, which he proceeds to post all over Queerty.
Also he tells me that my parents don’t love and support me like his do, because his parents march with him in the Pride parade etc. My being a Republican is obviously a ploy to get my (liberal) family to love me. Except that i’m sure my parents would be doing more to love and support me, if they were alive.
ATV
@Brandon: Obviously, if one states a “preference” for “masculine” men, one is not necessarily “self loathing and closeted.” But, it’s pretty disingenuous to claim that one JUST SIMPLY prefers “masculine” men.
ATV
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: You don’t think people are doing that to you all the time, regardless of what you think signifies (or doesn’t) your apparent lack is observable sexuality?
ATV
@Darren: Really? I think a lot of others believe this almost unreflective fetishizing of “straightness” is super important and should be debated.
LittIe,Kiwi
@Brandon:
I guess you didn’t read any of it, then. Because you’re making that all up 😀
LittIe,Kiwi
thanks for picking up on this, Queerty!
I do think it’s a teachable moment. At least for everyone who has a desire to have a real life. For those that continue to use the internet as their burqa, it’s just a source of bitter frustration.
Note – there’s nothing about “masculinity” in this article, or in the blog post. It’s entire about the idea of “passing for straight” or “Straightness” being a premium.
At no point have I ever said that guys who use apps like Grindr or Scruff are Closeted. Duh. I’m clearly using it 😀
It’s very telling that in a blog, and post, that has nothing to do with masculinity and everything to do with “gays comparing themselves to straight men” the usual roster of anonymous boys comes online to…..complain that i’m making a point that i’m actually not making. which you’d know if you’d read it.
so, thanks for proving me right 😀
rock on, Queerty!
LittIe,Kiwi
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID:
i’ve never worn leather chaps and the dog i walk is a pitbull. and yet i’m not hoping that people think i’m straight. because i’m gay. i rather *like* being gay. i dare say i love it.
LittIe,Kiwi
curious: rather than being angry that this blog-piece was featured, do any of you have any specific objections to the content of the story and the way i handled the situation?
thanks 🙂
LittIe,Kiwi
sidenote – i have literally no idea who any of you are.
batesnight
I get, “Are you sure you’re not straight?” As if that’s supposed to be a compliment. More alienation that you’re seen as attractive by a gay man when you come off what society to believes is ‘straight”.