All That Glitters: C.J.’s First Oscars

Since my invitations to the Oscars seemed to have been lost in the mail, I decided to watch with Nana Grab Bags at her house.  I took C.J. with me and Nana Grab Bags bought a few crafts for him to do with Pa while we watched the festivities.

C.J. was not interested in the crafts; he was interested in the red carpet and the show.  It all started when he caught a glimpse of Kristin Chenoweth interviewing people.

“Is that the girl from Dance Moms?” he asked.

“No, it’s not Chloe,” I said laughing.

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“Is that a girl or a lady?” he asked dumbfounded.

“It’s a lady.”

“A real lady?”

“Yes, a real lady.  She’s older than me,” I said, mostly because I like to point out when people are older than me.  It makes me feel full of youth and vigor.

“She’s a little real lady with a little girl voice?” he asked still confused.

“Yeah.  You should hear her sing, you would love it.”

“Who’s that?!  I want her hair!”

“Jessica Chastain,” I said.  Her and C.J. have similar color hair.

“I’m going to grow my hair out like that,” he decided.

“Okay.”  This was a different Oscar viewing experience than I was used to.  Nana Grab Bags is pretty quiet when we watch together.  C.J. is not.

There was Jane Fonda is a shocking yellow dress that I didn’t particularly care for.

“Oh, that’s a fun color yellow!” C.J. said.  My son has a thing for colors that pop.

Then, along came Quvenzhané Wallis with her puppy purse.

“If I ever went to the night when everybody dresses fancy, I would totally have that purse!”  He was now referring to the Oscars as “the night when everybody dresses fancy.”  Strange, because I was in sweats.

“Is Uncle Uncle going to be on this show?” he asked out of the blue, stealing kettle corn from my bowl.

“He wishes,” I said with a snort.

“But, it’s by his house.  He didn’t get invited?”

“Nope.”

Then, came C.J.’s favorite dress of the night, which really confused me because it wasn’t flashy, showy, sparkly or poufy.  C.J.’s favorite dress was the one worn by Jamie Foxx’s daughter, even thoug

h (as he commented) “it was a little inappropriate around her belly.”

“Oh.  Em.  Gee.  Mama, that lady is wearing tennis shoes!”

“She made Bradley Cooper, so she can wear whatever shoes she wants,” I said.

Then, he saw Halle Berry’s dress and was in shock.

“That dress is totally inappropriate.  You can almost see her boobs.  That was not a smart choice.”  C.J. has been working on making smart choices for more than a year now.  According to C.J., Halle Berry’s dress choice was not smart.

“Ohhh, now that’s my favorite dress!” he said when he saw Anne Hathaway. “I like it because it is pink, but I wish her hair was long like yours, Mama,” he said smiling up at me and stealing my iced tea.  If I cut my hair, I’d break his heart.

“Mama, what dress is your favorite?”

“Stacy Keibler’s.”

“No, it’s not that fun,” he said shaking his head.

The show eventually started and soon Charlize Theron was dancing across the stage (though my eyes were on Channing Tatum).

“If she’s going to dance like that, she really should be singing,” C.J. said with his right leg crossed over his left and his arms folded.

Seth McFarlane started singing a song about boobs, which elicited giggles from C.J.

Jennifer Aniston appeared on stage in a vivid red dress to present an award.

“Wow, there are a lot of ladies looking sexy tonight!” C.J. exclaimed.

“There sure are,” Nana Grab Bags said in agreement. I gave them both a look and she just smiled at me and shrugged her shoulders like she couldn’t possibly disagree with him because he was speaking the truth.

Brave won for Best Animated Film, which was disappointing to C.J. because he was voting for Wreck It Ralph.  Then, he saw Director Mark Andrews get up from his seat to accept the Oscar.  Andrews was wearing a kilt.

“Look at his skirt!  Look at his skirt!” he pointed bouncing up and down on the couch.

“Wow.  That’s a nice skirt!” I admired.

“Is he gender-nonconforming?”

“I don’t know, but I like his style.”  I said.

“Me too, I think he looks the prettiest.  When I get invited to the night when everybody dresses fancy I’m gonna wear that man’s skirt and that little girl’s dog purse.  And, have red hair like that one lady.”

There, it’s all settled; C.J. has selected his Oscar outfit.  Now he just needs an invite.