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An Open Letter To Tim Tebow, New York City’s Newest Evangelical Football Star

Hey Tim,

Just heard that your trade to the New York Jets from the Denver Broncos was finalized. Congrats! New York is a big city, and Denver kind of sucks. I think you’re going to like it here.

But let’s set some things straight first.

We don’t give a shit about your religion here. We think it’s a cute little aspect of your life, and this is a live-and-let-live city: you can pray for mad touchdowns at St. Patrick’s Cathedral every Sunday, have brunch with Cardinal Dolan at Swifty’s over virgin mimosas, whatever.

But don’t get it twisted: New York City is a fundamentally agnostic place, and we don’t want to hear about your religious calling.

Do keep Tebowing, though. That’s silent, cute and easy to make fun of.

Money and power run New York, Tim, not God. Which is why you’re going to need to step it up and trade verse 3:16 for 316+ completed yards a game.

John Elway, legendary Hall of Fame quarterback and owner of the Broncos, didn’t have much faith in you. He told ABC News: “Tim Tebow’s a great kid. If I want someone to marry my daughter, it’s him.”

He called you a “great football player,” but refused to say much about your primary duties: being a great quarterback. And now he’s canned you after one season, opting for the more bankable Peyton Manning.

Your 46.5 completion percentage? I’m a flaming homo and I know that ain’t good. Step. It. Up.

And while we know you’re an evangelical Christian, what do we know about your political views? You and his team refused to make an “It Gets Better” video, which, whatever, you’re not obligated to. More tellingly, he starred in an anti-abortion ad from Focus on the Family that aired during last year’s Super Bowl.

Be careful, Tebow. You’re going to get the best reporters in the world asking about your stances on every political issue of the day. You better have some good answers, and “no comment” is not going to fly.

We’ll just say this: even if you don’t like gay people, or think we suck, or shouldn’t get married, do not say so. Because that, above all else, will not fly in New York.

Love,
Queerty

Photo via Becky White

By:           Evan Mulvihill
On:           Mar 22, 2012
Tagged: , , , , ,

  • 52 Comments
    • Shungaboy
      Shungaboy

      Oh boy, can’t wait for all the discussion on this one! All I know is he’s got a great bod, handsome face and jazz hands (see Manhunt).

      Mar 22, 2012 at 10:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      “you can pray for mad touchdowns at St. Patrick’s Cathedral every Sunday, have brunch with Cardinal Dolan at Swifty’s over virgin mimosas, whatever.”

      Evan, have you ever been outside of New York? At least he won’t be doing any of that – people like him think Catholics are not “real” Christians!

      Mar 22, 2012 at 11:11 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JayKay
      JayKay

      New York has “the best reporters in the world?”

      That gave me quite a chortle.

      Unless we’ve somehow traveled back in time 50 years and they’re no longer paid left-wing shills. But if that’s the case, I’m gonna go write Titanic or something.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 11:11 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChristopherM
      ChristopherM

      @JayKay: Are you talking about the same people who keep giving airtime to the likes of Tony Perkins in the misguided attempt to prove unbiasedness? You are delusional.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 11:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Flight Cub
      Flight Cub

      Queerty’s love-hate obsession with Tim Tebow speaks volumes. They loathe the man, and yet they can’t stop talking about him.

      Evidently, in the queer stratosphere, not praising gay people translates as gay-bashing.

      Queerty’s disdain for all things religious only furthers their position of intolerance.

      So can someone remind me why it is I’m supposed to be proud to be gay?

      Mar 22, 2012 at 11:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • adnan t.
      adnan t.

      @the other Greg:

      “people like him think Catholics are not “real” Christians!”–

      and yet those people support Santorum–a catholic

      but I guess all haters tend to stick together.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 11:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NoVa Scotty
      NoVa Scotty

      @JayKay: Are you going out on a limb and suggesting that the NY Time, ABC, CBS, NBC, et al, are somehow biased in favor of the left? What, just because 85% of their reporters, editors and producers admit their preference for Democratic candidates and liberal causes? But that would be journalistic malpractice, and we all know that journalism is the most noble and ethical of professions, no? Why, with crazy notions like this, next thing we know you’ll be telling us that D.C. is corrupt and that water is wet. (watch out, I think opinions like these might be gay blasphemy)

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JayKKK
      JayKKK

      @JayKay: I love when my fellow KKKonservatives are condescending, especially in a not-funny way.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @adnan t.: Yes, but we’re all lucky Frothy Mix wasn’t an evangelical – he’d have gone further in the primaries than he managed to do and would probably have got the nomination.

      Seems to me that Tebow will fit oddly with the Jets fan base, since the vast majority of white Christians in the NYC/NJ area are Catholic, they don’t really get how the evangelical scene works, it’s an alien culture to them and they probably won’t be all that interested. Plus TT might say something dumb to annoy all the Jewish fans there. And then there’s the huge number of people there who just have no interest in religion. You don’t have to be GAY in metro NY to not give a fuck about religion; that defines most straight people around there. (One thing I’ve always liked about the place.)

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Codswallop
      Codswallop

      Oh Christ, the resident GOProud crybabies are at it again.

      “The liberal media, WAH WAH WAH.” It’s the job of journalists to deal in facts and sadly for you, reality has a well-known liberal bias. Believing in it does not make Trickle Down Economics work, does not make tax cuts spur economic growth, doesn’t make Laissez Faire capitalism actually fair, does not make corporations actual persons, and last but far from least, does not make Christianity (the true source of all GOP social positions) the law of the land.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aric
      Aric

      @JayKKK: Omg, your name, I can’t breathe.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Owen
      Owen

      @NoVa Scotty: They are Democrats because they are mostly intelligent, thinking human beings. Most Republicans, if they aren’t dummies, are lead by their own greed and prejudice. I forgive the dummies, its in the Republican’s best interests to keep the population stupid by stripping schools of funding and money for good teachers. Its the intelligent Republicans that truly disgust me. Truly. Disgust. Me.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Marie Cohn
      Marie Cohn

      Keep Tebow away from New York City’s mohels!

      Mar 22, 2012 at 12:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Marie Cohn
      Marie Cohn

      Dayum! That is the GAYEST national flag in the whole cosmos. Does the purple parrot have a name?

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fawkes
      Fawkes

      @Aric: Calm down, I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be satirical.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DenverHo
      DenverHo

      Uh… Denver does NOT suck
      NYC isn’t the “the shit” it just smells like it…
      and we traded that whiney lil’ beeyotch because he couldn’t STOP talking about God and pissed off all his team mates… it is a football TEAM, not a Football STAR and some backups that wins games. Good luck with that one.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Belize
      Belize

      @Flight Cub:

      “Evidently, in the queer stratosphere, not praising gay people translates as gay-bashing.
      Queerty’s disdain for all things religious only furthers their position of intolerance.
      So can someone remind me why it is I’m supposed to be proud to be gay?”

      Because there are a lot of gay people who are not like you; the ones who aren’t dumb enough to generalize an entire community based on the actions of a few considering the fact that they have also been subjected to this kind of discrimination. #1+1=2

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Belize
      Belize

      @NoVa Scotty:

      “Why, with crazy notions like this, next thing we know you’ll be telling us that D.C. is corrupt and that water is wet.”

      Honey…

      You.are.golden.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LittIe,Kiwi
      LittIe,Kiwi

      @Flight Cub: you’re not supposed to be proud to be gay. you’re supposed to be as resentful about being gay as your family is at having to be related to you.

      stop blaming other gays for the fact that your own family won’t stand up for you as a gay man. until you grow a pair and a spine, you’ll give them no reason to.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DenverBarbie
      DenverBarbie

      Ohhhhhhh, Evan!! Ohhhhh, Evan!!
      What sucks about Denver?
      Our freaky deaky, unique public art?
      Our internationally renowned museums?
      Our mix of gorgeous wildlife and urban sprawl?
      Our exploding music scene?
      Our 300+ days of sun?
      Our pretty residents (we boast the 4th fittest state in the nation, and NY didn’t beat us!)?
      Our reputation for having some of the friendliest locals in the nation?
      Our restaurant and alcohol snobbery that has left our dinning scene leaps and bounds ahead of others?
      Our lax marijuana laws?
      Our ability to turn out the best reality stars (Hello, Nina Flowers! Hello, Mondo Guerra!)

      Or, I’m willing to wager it all on this one, are you one of those New Yorkers pisses off about the Yves St. Laurent exhibit only hitting Denver, and skipping NYC? I’ll send you pictures! It might almost feel like the same thing!

      And, as for Tebow, we were more than happy to get rid of the religious nut! You want a Focus on the Family spokesmodel, he’s yours!!

      Mar 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aric
      Aric

      @Fawkes: What are you even talking about?

      I commented about how funny I found it. You need to calm down.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 2:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • doomsday1038
      doomsday1038

      Tebow is hot.For all the media bs tell me this if more people watch fox news and listen to talk radio how is that not the mainstream media.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      you can believe in God or not, it makes no difference…
      But any athlete who prays to God to help his team win a game, or thanks God for a win, is a complete fucking moron.

      If God exists, he really doesn’t give a flying spaghetti monster fuck of a care about your stupid football game.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LittIe,Kiwi
      LittIe,Kiwi

      right-wing Christians make God look like an idiot, and an asshole.

      Apparently, God is so busy helping people win football games, and helping insecure gay men develop a taste for pussy, that He has no time to, you know, cure little Jessica of her leukemia or do anything for the millions of people dying of starvation all over the world.

      *eyeroll*

      Mar 22, 2012 at 2:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ana
      ana

      I am sorry, but this is some of the most intolerant speech I have read in a long time. So basically Tim Tebow can come to the Jets as long as he keeps his mouth shut about his opinions. WTF is that about? We as a community would flip our shit if there a gay athlete/businessman was told the same thing. There would be protests & calls for boycotts all over the twitterverse.

      Yeah, Tebow is glad his mom went against medical advice for an abortion. He is allowed to feel that way. Yes, he prays and wants to stay a virgin until he is married. That’s great. It is a hell of a lot better than trouting the likes of Snooki and Kim K around as role models.

      Whether you like him or not, he is moving to NYC the most open and accepting city of the world. If you have such a problem with a person just reppin how they were “born this way,” then the gay community has become exactly what they have fought against since the Stonewall riots. You are pushing ANYONE who doesn’t believe and support EXACTLY how you feel into a closet. We are all allowed to have or own opinions.

      I will leave you with a great quote I saw online today:
      You don’t need Tebow’s tolerance. No, I will not always validate your lifestyle or beliefs. Don’t worry about it though. You don’t need his permission to live your life however you want. It’s within your rights as a human to live and believe as you wish. And it’s within my rights to disagree with your choices. My acceptance of your choices or lack thereof in no way hinders your ability to make them. I’m not going to celebrate you, unless it’s your birthday. And I’m not waiting for you to throw me a party either.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Idi Amin Dada
      Idi Amin Dada

      Honey, I heard he has a little dick. Nothing will get him ostracized faster by the queens in NYC than that.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fawkes
      Fawkes

      @Aric: I guess I’m just used to whiny gays who can’t take a joke.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CHIP1218
      CHIP1218

      I am surprised that Queerty didn’t do their research regarding the Jets ownership. The majority owner of the Jets had a lesbian daughter who was engaged to Tila Tequila before she passed away. She was a party girl but also had a genetic condition that might have led to her passing on in her 20s.

      I don’t think the owner of the Jets will think too kind of his backup quarterback publicly bashing gay people (if Tebow were to do that).

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frederick
      Frederick

      @ana-NYC is not the “most open and accepting city of the world”. I can think of many other cities which fit that description better than New York…

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • twilightblows
      twilightblows

      How much time till he’s marching in the NYC pride march??

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LittIe,Kiwi
      LittIe,Kiwi

      you’re actually wrong, Ana.

      not all opinions are to be respected, especially if those opinions and beliefs are inherently centered around exclusivity and disrespecting others as equal people of worth.

      the quote you posted was stupid beyond words, and anyone who reads it and thinks it makes intellectual sense should do the world a favor and get their tubes tied.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 3:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LittIe,Kiwi
      LittIe,Kiwi

      “You don’t need Tebow’s tolerance. No, I will not always validate your lifestyle or beliefs. Don’t worry about it though. You don’t need his permission to live your life however you want. It’s within your rights as a human to live and believe as you wish. And it’s within my rights to disagree with your choices. My acceptance of your choices or lack thereof in no way hinders your ability to make them. I’m not going to celebrate you, unless it’s your birthday. And I’m not waiting for you to throw me a party either.”

      I’m gonna dissect this since some folks are too stupid to see why it’s a load of B.S.

      “No, I will not always validate your lifestyle or beliefs. Don’t worry about it though. You don’t need his permission to live your life however you want.”

      It’s that mindset that created Closet Culture. And LGBT Suicides. LGBT people are born into the Closet because of ignorant bigots clinging to their “right” to their bigoted opinions and beliefs.

      “It’s within your rights as a human to live and believe as you wish. And it’s within my rights to disagree with your choices.”

      Same thing, with the added reality that their bigoted beliefs are being used to affect LAWS and POLICIES that do, indeed, negatively affect LGBT people’s lives, and the options of choices they can make. LGBT people cannot legally marry across America. Why? Because some ignorant bigots have a Problem with it.

      “My acceptance of your choices or lack thereof in no way hinders your ability to make them.”
      It hinders the ability for many young people to Come Out, as they see and hear this bigotry in their communities, families and political and religious leaders. these same people continue to codify their bigotry and get it put into law. in MOST states, they’ve succeeded.

      so that, Ana, is specifically why you’re a complete idiot. thanks for proving it.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Flight Cub
      Flight Cub

      @LittIe,Kiwi: What’s this shit about my family? Not surprising for a liberal to be projecting your own misery onto me, but my family and I are golden. However, it does say a lot about your mental state when your opinions are borne of fantasy and prejudice, and not rational thought. Next time you go throwing insults around, perhaps you should first get to know something about your subject.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 4:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lady Haha
      Lady Haha

      when your opinions are borne of fantasy and prejudice, and not rational thought

      Like “global warming is a hoax” or “evolution isn’t real” or “a man in the sky watches over everything everybody does.”

      Mar 22, 2012 at 5:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevininbuffalo
      kevininbuffalo

      @ana: You spoke the truth but the clones and haters on Queerty will never understand it. They’re every bit as bigoted as they think Tebow is.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 5:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dave
      Dave

      @Flight Cub: Because obviously you hate yourself.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 8:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DouggSeven
      DouggSeven

      Gay men should strive to have a body like Tim’s. I am tired of these skinny twinks with big boobs thinking their the shit.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 10:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtis
      Curtis

      Shhhhh.
      HOT.

      Mar 22, 2012 at 10:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jeff
      Jeff

      Uh? In what universe does Denver suck? What an unnecessary, irrelevant, and inaccurate slam. Denver’s a beautiful city with a lot of good-hearted, great-looking people. I have to believe you’ve never been there.

      Mar 23, 2012 at 2:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      Tebow won’t last in NYC. He is gonna do or say something to offend people, and that will be that. He’ll become a liability to the Jets and they’ll can him.

      Mar 23, 2012 at 3:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JBS
      JBS

      @DenverHo: agreed! Denver is an amazing city with beautiful mountains, friendly people, a growing LGBT scene, and Boulder is not far away. It’s cleaner than NYC. Gays can afford to live there. Skiing is right there. San Francisco is a cheap beeline away. It also has a growing tech scene.

      Once again, Queerty and other LGBT publications show their hatred for non-coastal America. Even though this is where many LGBTers live.

      Mar 23, 2012 at 8:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Clockwork
      Clockwork

      @ana:
      Excellent comment Ana, very well said.
      Always refreshing to hear from someone who truly understands the First Amendment.

      Mar 23, 2012 at 9:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tony
      Tony

      Denver sucks? Ha. Haha.

      Hey New York, where are your world class ski areas? Where is your white water rafting? Where are your countless snowcapped peaks (your cute little hills don’t count)? Where is your beautiful weather and fresh air? Where is your hiking and climbing?

      Oh, it’s over here in Denver. And that fancy “city” stuff, yeah we have that too.

      U jelly? Understandable. :)

      Mar 23, 2012 at 10:22 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ousslander
      ousslander

      I just don’t understand the venom spit at this guy. he didn’t make a it gets better video. Big F-ing deal. He wants to talk about his god, change the channel and don’t listen to him.

      You have freedom of religion not freedom from religion. Ya’ll sound like bigots.

      Mar 23, 2012 at 11:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DouggSeven
      DouggSeven

      @ousslander: It’s because of his dumb religion that we aren’t equal in terms of many laws, inclusions, and are generally hated by their devotees. Freedom of religion is one thing, but denying me (and you) my freedoms based on some antiquated book I don’t agree with is another. I also don’t agree that’s okay to hate someone and for people to say ‘oh, it’s just part of their religion so it’s fine if they hate people’ logic. You don’t think that’s dumb and deserves to be challenged? Really!?!

      Mar 23, 2012 at 12:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Curtis
      Curtis

      @Jeff:
      New yorkers tend think a little too highly of themselves sometimes xD

      Mar 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CBRad
      CBRad

      @Curtis: Uh…..nobody working for Queerty is a New Yorker, so stop putting us down. Real New yorkers know Denver is awesome (albeit expensive).

      Mar 25, 2012 at 6:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CBRad
      CBRad

      @the other Greg: More evidence that Queerty is not run by New Yorkers. New Yorkers know about the traditional hostility between Catholics and Protestants. Tebow sure ain’t Catholic (in fact, he’s a “heretic” to Catholics).

      Mar 25, 2012 at 6:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scott Gatz
      Scott Gatz · Queerty Editor

      @CBRad: You might be careful with your facts there. Nobody works for queerty in New York? Tell that to our two full time writers in New York and several of our freelancers. Disagree with their take on catholic/Protestant relations, but don’t say we have no New Yorkers.

      Mar 26, 2012 at 2:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CBRad
      CBRad

      @Scott Gatz: No, I said you’re not New Yorkers. You might be temporarily located in New York City, but you are transplants and visitors. And only hire transplants and visitors. Real New Yorkers are born here (and know the difference between Catholics and Protestants).

      Mar 26, 2012 at 3:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D P
      D P

      Anyone seen teboy’s press conference released on CBS? He kept making use of the word [b]excited[/b] so someone in editing decided to make a composite clip of it. I wonder if instead of ‘excited’ teboy meant to say ‘aroused?’

      I’ll place a link here, but I don’t know if it will embed:

      w w w . youtube . com/watch?v=uNcMFohJkbs

      Mar 27, 2012 at 10:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • steven
      steven

      What ya say, boy — bottom to vers. top?

      Dunno, but def. missionary position

      Mar 27, 2012 at 10:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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