AUTHOR’S NOTE: Originally my post named the object of my desire Patrick J. Kennedy, which is wrong and likely due to my deliriously infatuated state/the fact that Kennedys all have super similar Irish Catholic names. Thanks to commenter Jason for pointing out the error.
Dear Joseph Patrick Kennedy III,
While we here at Queerty will miss Barney for his Frank nature and tireless championing of gay causes, we have to admit that we were quite titillated at a bit of news hitting the internet recently—namely that you are “seriously considering” running for Frank’s newly gerrymandered district.
In the name of hot ginger pride, among other things, please consider this opportunity as strongly as possible. If you are elected, it’s very possible you could wrest the crown of hottest member of the House from 150% totally not-gay Aaron Schock. We haven’t see you shirtless (yet), and Aaron’s body is pretty sick, but he is an evil Republican so we’re hoping you could maybe add some star power to the hotness factor of the Democratic party.
Plus, everybody knows that the Kennedy family is ca$h-money connected, and gettin’ the paper for your campaign will be as easy as tapping a drunk girl in a Red Sox cap at the Kettle-Ho.
And, hey, your politics are pretty awesome too. Says the Cape Cod Times:
Even though he’s a scion of a legendary political dynasty, he could also position himself as an outsider in an election year likely to be brutal to incumbents and career pols, the source said. He speaks fluent Spanish and spent two years in the Dominican Republic for the Peace Corps — big pluses in a district with a growing Latino population, the source told the Herald.
¡Dios mío, que caliente rojo!
So let’s elect you, hotter version of Conan O’Brien five years ago/Ron Howard circa Happy Days, and be done with it already. See you on the campaign trail! Provincetown fundraiser next summer? Do Barney good, boy.
P.S. Are you seeing anyone right now?
P.P.S. A reader writes in to laud Mr. Kennedy III: “I can confirm that he’s just as smart and sweet as he is hot. We went to law school together. At least back then he was dating an equally hot, smart, lefty woman.” So he’s not gay, boo. Bi? Bi-curious?
Photo via dbking