Former “ex-gay” activist and executive VP of the defunct Exodus International Randy Thomas has come out of the closet… Again.
In a blog post titled “A Peaceful Disclosure – I Am Gay,” Thomas writes:
I have read many stories of people who have “come out again” or accepted they are gay after some time in the ex-gay world. Many of their stories are compelling and well-written. But, sometimes I wish they would get to the point right off the bat. Just say it and then tell the story. So that is what I am going to do: I am gay.
Thomas then spends the next several paragraphs detailing his journey from gay, to ex-gay, to gay again.
It all started back in January 2013 when a man Thomas dated 24 years ago committed suicide.
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“We remained good friends up until his death,” Thomas writes. “His death was shocking and I still mourn his passing. Michael had several difficult issues contributing to his suicide, and I know he also struggled with his faith and sexuality.”
Thomas says Michael’s suicide “shook me to my core” and forced him to reflect on himself and his life’s work. After having a long, hard think about everything, he came to the following conclusion:
I am gay with some level of bisexual tendencies. The truth is, that my primary sexual attraction is toward men. It is also true that to date the love of my life has been a woman. I was attracted to her in every way. Many people won’t believe me but what I just shared is true. I would be lying by omission if I didn’t share that side of myself. For me, developing strong sexual attractions is driven by emotional attachment more than anything else. My relational history has shown that I can indeed have attractions to either gender if the emotional attachment is there.
Thomas goes on to write that he has been celibate for the past 24 years and is in no hurry to change that, though he could eventually see himself in a relationship with a man (or maybe a woman). Right now, however, the only relationship he’s focused on is the one he has with Jesus H. Christ.
“I rest in God’s grace and trust Him to be the Good Shepherd He has proven, over and over, to be,” Thomas says. “Whatever happens, loving Jesus is at the core of who I am. Regardless of any relationship I have or will have, abiding in Christ will always be my ‘Home.'”
Thomas concludes by saying that he hopes the gay community will welcome him back into the fold, though he understands if some people are hesitant, given his past work.
“Even though I have issued two apologies to the gay community (here and here) and found my first sense of identity and community as a gay youth/young man, I am not sure many will accept my apologies or this disclosure,” he writes. “I would definitely understand some people’s reluctance given my history. That said, while I care about what others think, I am doing this because I feel it is the right thing to do.”
H/t: The Bilerico Project
Related stories:
Former “Ex-Gay” Activist Marries A Man And Finally Finds His Happily Ever After
It’s “Ex-Gay” Awareness Month! Here Are Five Former Homos And What They’ve Been Up To Lately
An Ex-Gay Therapist Was No Match For This Amazing Harvard Law School Student
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
SHOCKING!!!!!
(not really………………………)
ngblog
Keeping in mind the new edict that was released thru transavocate.com last week regarding activists who have criminal records being disqualified from advocating for a federal law that would ban conversation therapy in the United States, and how we, the collective L G B T must never give anyone convicted of sexual offenses redemption or second chances, it now begs to question whether gay and transgender incorporated will describe his “peaceful disclosure” as an act of courage and will lavish Randy Thomas with praise and awards, despite the fact that were it not for people like him, we wouldn’t be having teenagers like Josh Alcorn committing suicide by truck.
Michael93
I forgive you get over here! *big hug* Happy to hear you accept yourself for being bisexual! I would like to say though all these so called exgay men and women are either two things and two things only bisexual or liars, its not possible to switch ask a straight guy if he would suck dick or cuddle a man and watch him quiver with disgust which doesn’t make him homophobic just straight
Michael93
@ngblog: wow that is true, I can’t help feel some anger towards him and the rest of the exgay community their only making this fight that much harder because they are not exgay just retreating back into the cozy lonely closet
DarkZephyr
@ngblog: another thing that contributed to *Leelah* Alcorn’s suicide was the denial of her true identity. You just called her “Josh”.
Cam
“”Thomas says Michael’s suicide “shook me to my core” and forced him to reflect on himself and his life’s work. After having a long, hard think about everything, ”
__________________________________
While he was reflecting on his “Life’s Work” perhaps it occurred to him that his life’s work was most likely a contributing factor to his friends suicide.
It’s also funny, they claim to have left the Ex-gay world but they still can’t get away from it, claiming that the love of your life was a woman, and you were attracted to her, oooops, but then you mention you’ve been celibate for 24 years, Hmmmmmm, guess you weren’t THAT attracted to her now were you?
ngblog
@DarkZephyr: Really? Today we had an “ex-gay” rock star admit something many of us have known all along, that’s he gay; Said ex-gay who invited the notion that being gay and or transgender is a phase or behavior that can be recitified thru prayer. It’s an idea or concept that may have caused Joshua or Leelah’s – whatever makes you happy – parents to take him or her to a christian counselor. But instead of agreeing with me people like Randy Thomas must never be forgiven, no matter how many apologies he publishes or reshares on his social media, you want to have an argument with me over pronouns.
Geez.
McShane
@ngblog: Let’s leave Leelah, out of this conversation. She, has nothing to do with this.
“Thomas goes on to write that he has been celibate for the past 24 years”
I don’t believe that for a second. No freaking way, any part of that is true.
enlightenone
FOX “news” will hire him!
b2rocketfan
Actually, excluding a 5 minute touchy feely time at age 25 I was celibate until the age of 40. I was trying to pray my gay away. I finally decided I wanted to see what I was fighting against. Turns out I was fighting against who I was. I turned in my ex-gay card July of 2013 and never been happier. 🙂 my boyfriend and I both waited until we were 40 to come out and it’s been amazing. And, I knew several of the ex-gay “stars” and they are All much happier being their real selves. I am too. It was lonely in my exgay closet. Not any more.
I know people get mad about all this, but we didn’t know any better. Now we do. People can get all crazy mad at folks like Randy, but now he’s out. I am and I’m never going back in that closet. That cage.
DCDawg
Speaking on behalf of the LGBTQ family, in the words of so many “Christian parents” inspired by his story, “We disown you, Randy Thomas.”
It’s people like him that get us kicked out of our families and homes. There’s a huge queer homeless problem. My parents don’t welcome my partner in their “Christian home.”
I’m glad Randy finally sees the light of day. It is a good thing for him personally and even for me and all LGBTQ. But 3 words don’t earn your way into this family. Become a Ken Mehlman and we’ll talk. Until then… Have fun at the rest area bathrooms looking for your community, love, and acceptance.
enlightenone
@b2rocketfan: “…but we didn’t know any better.”
At 39? What didn’t you know at 39 that you KNOW at 40?
“…I know people get mad about all this.”
Not “mad,” it’s your life, just dumbfounded!
Will you can now pray for the MEN in drag who died at the hands of cops that has made it possible for “it’s been amazing.”
Black buns
There was this street minister in my hometown that loved to conduct his service on right smack in the middle of town. I found this to be good because sometimes hearing kind words can uplift your spirit/soul. Person that never get the chance to hear anything good should be able to receive messages of hope and love. You would think even if someone claims to be this a holy solider, they would have some compassion for their fellow man and regardless of who he or she was and what they believed.
Now I heard this voice that not only carried but that rattle in your chest because he was extremely passionate about what he was talking about. Before I saw the man, I heard him 2 to 3 blocks away, like he had a mega-phone but he didn’t. At first I couldn’t put what he was saying together because it was a bit muffled because I was far away but I still heard him.
The closer I got, I was looking forward to a nice sermon, a nice service and then I got closer and instead of this awesome love letter from above read aloud, this man was shouting every horrible word and name about gays and this fiery pit that gay men would live in forever. It was awful and no one was really standing by him or paying him too much attention on this very busy street but I did.
I still couldn’t see this man because I was so instantly blinded with rage, fear and hurt but I heard his voice and it was just downright rude and disrespectful. Now where I live there isn’t a huge LGTBQ community but we are here and in a small number but we seem to add something colorful and bright to a sometimes dull and colorless place. Now the closer I got, I caught a glimpse of who this man was because I had to see his face and then I was stunned like I been shot with an automatic machine gun. His face and his voice were so familiar to me and I couldn’t put it together at first. I stood there and watched the rage and hate spew from his lips, I was frozen and stuck in one place. I had to get away from him because I wasn’t sure if I was going to say something or throw something at him and that would be just as bad. It took me a minute to walk away and try to remember why I knew his face and let me shame the devil and tell the truth, he was extremely good-looking.
I couldn’t think to save my own life. Was he a bus driver?
Did he work at the local mall? Believe you me, I was wrecking my brain trying to figure this out and then when I forgot about it, it hit me like something falling from the sky. This man used to frequent the Adult Bookstore (head shop) and would sit in the movie house for hours on in and smoking cigarettes like they are going out of style. I would love to think he was doing research but he was more than just someone standing on the sidelines watching everything happen, he was a willing participant and more than one occasion. This man stood on a corner and talked about casting gays into a lake of fire because they were sinful and useless but a few weeks prior to his big service, he was on his knees in a lake of love and I pray you know what kind of love I’m talking about. It’s odd that maybe Mr. Thomas isn’t as lethal as this Pastor, Preacher whatever he was but still they share the same kind of thinking, LGTBQ especially gay men need to be saved from ourselves destructive selves.
Most of their thinking is based on sex that is pretty clear both of these men know more about gay sex than your average gay person. Not that we aren’t sexual creatures because everyone on this planet is but the most misunderstood thing is the facts about LGTBQ community (especially gay men) is how we are talented, loving and caring individuals. We aren’t just horny toads that everyone thinks is having sex 24 hours a day. Do you know that the people having the most gay sex aren’t really gay?
demented
Well, good for him for finally realizing what his sexuality is.
b2rocketfan
@enlightenone:
I’m glad to know that after all these years of self hatred and fear of bring my true self that the first time I post so trying I get attacked by you. For someone who calls themselves “Enlighten One” you seem to only see your side if this issue while I have fought for get rights for the past 20 years. Yes, I was deluded in my religious beliefs, but I have Always fought for freedom and equal treatment for all people. Now, you can come off your self righteous high horse since you sound Exactly like those you’re so upset with.
And just to set the record straight, I’m pretty sure those drag queens would rather have someone who has been afraid his whole life to step into the light than someone spreading their pissed at the would attitude all over the place.
martinbakman
That smile!
Is he happy with all the money siphoned off of desperate queers while acting as the straight VP of the outfit? Unless he spends the rest of his life trying to pay these people back, I have little time for him.
Harley
@Black buns: zzzzzzzzzz….. Oh, what did you say? Post was a little long there.
Tobi
@Harley: You have the attention span of a gnat. *sigh* 😉
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ngblog
@ngblog: My post wasn’t about Leelah; however, being that he or she has been on everyone’s mind, who better to exemplify? Here we have the man responsible for it all, who gave birth to the idea sexual orientation and or gender identity/expression are undesirable behaviors that can be treated thru christian counseling. Where exactly did Alcorn’s parents come up with that idea to take their son to a christian counselor?
I tell you where It’s from guys like Randy Thomas, that’s what. But it looks like indeed the gay media is willing to throw away years of irreparable harm this man, and Alan Chambers caused at our expense and are lining up outside his door in Florida to fuck him.
This whole thing makes me sick.
nature boy
@Harley: @Black buns: black buns, thanks for taking the time to tell your story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I only wish you had the man’s name to add to it. Sad to say, those who publicly yell the loudest about gays are in fact those who are struggling the most internally with their own issues. And it’s not that they are accepting themselves privately and then publicly attacking gays. They are attacking themselves on the inside with the same intensity. The only way they can deal with it is to externalize that struggle as well. It’s a hell on earth for them but some do come around in the end and repent.
OzJosh
So this makes how many ex-gays who have come out in just the last year or so?
Interesting that they all think a half-assed, too late admission and a vague sorta/kinda apology for offending anyone is enough to atone for the atrocities they’ve committed. Sorry, but it’s not enough. The very least these guys owe us all is full disclosure. Admit that you were never, ever, even for one second, able to pray the gay away. Admit that none of the poor saps you “counselled”, “treated” or “ministered to” was able to pray the gay away either. And admit that all you really achieved was prolonged anguish and psychological torture for those unfortunate enough to be ensnared by your misguided/evil endeavours. We all know this to be true. But these spineless wonders (see above) aren’t capable of being honest, even when they’re finally “being honest”.
nature boy
A public apology is not enough but it’s an important first step. At least people they’ve hurt have the ability to find it and read it once it’s online. NOT making a public apology and keeping the realization secret would be far worse. So for the same reason that you don’t scold a dog for running away after it’s come back to you, but instead you praise and reward it for coming back, I do believe these people who are confessing their errors should be treated with public encouragement to publicly continue their redemption and restitution process. You know, “good for you, thanks for making this statement, we’re eager to hear your future plans for how you will attempt to heal some of the pain you have caused people over time.”
AtticusBennett
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2014/07/stop-being-part-of-problem-not-solution.html
the “celibate because i still think gay sex is a sin” stance also leads those to take their lives, their families to disown them and put on them pressures that they cannot meet.
i’d like to know why he’s celibate. if it’s because he thinks it’s a “SIN” ,then there’s your reason for why the LGBT community hasn’t welcome you back “in” with open arms
enlightenone
@OzJosh: “And admit that all you really achieved was prolonged anguish and psychological torture for those unfortunate enough to be ensnared by your misguided/evil endeavours.”
“Achieved” income w/o education, training, licensing on the backs of these re-traumatized youth and those who committed suicide!
Billysees
@Cam:
” While he was reflecting on his “Life’s Work” perhaps it occurred to him that his life’s work was most likely a contributing factor to his friends suicide. ”
How true…
jack512
Welcome to the Out Gay Community. Hope you have a long an happy life as an Out gay man.