It’s a combination of envy and fear of competition. Be aware that women are the enemy here.

Anyway, when I wrote about older married men (married say during World War II through the early 80′s (and some even still) who were definitely not Bi; well that was my only point – I knew for sure they weren’t since they said so themselves and yet being married to women, with children and grandchildren it would be easy for someone to presume they were Bi.

I’ve already said this, but just in case I’m not saying Bi people don’t exist.

Just for fun though, I might say that anyone over 30 or so started out as “Bi” in a way. We were all taught that straight was normal and had to discover we were Gay.

I know you said you can’t remember how you got to this site – so that means this is the only post you’ve contributed to? Because this topic is not accessible from the home page, (when one types in “www.queerty.com”)

The old format had “previous” at the bottom of the page so you could go back years even if you wanted to scroll back that far. If you can remember anything at all, I’m thanking you now.

I agree that gay folks have have got married tried to become straight or assumed a bi identities in order to fit into societies norms.

In relation to your point about your research about bisexuals. I think asking gay people about bi’s won’t get you far. Very few Bi men are in the gay community. They male well be in Sauna’s or cruising spots (together with gays posing as bisexuals) or in a deeply repressed place mentally and not out to themselves but for sure you won’t find many in gay community groups.

My view is that bi men are 20 years behind bi women. They are the last group to come out. They could well be the biggest group to come out.

Remember societies were built on male bisexuality Rome, greece,shoguns in Japan.

Secondly – you say you are astonished at what some Gay men think about Bi’s. Not sure what your point is – If there are 100,000 different ideas about any subject, “some” people will share any given one.

If I say, for example, some men married to avoid the Gay label because prior to 1973 being Gay was a mental illness, well some did. That didn’t mean they were straight or even Bi, but doing what they thought they had to do. Some might have been Bi, but reading a lot of Gay history, watching historical specials listening to actual men, meeting much older guys at the Gay community center, I can say for sure SOME of them (married to women) guys were definitly not Bi. But I’m not speaking of all, only SOME.

1 They are not really attracted to women

2 Have to force erections about them

3 Don’t like sex with them

4 Don’t love women

It is almost laughable if it didn’t reflect the the views of some in the Gay community. It’s very naive indeed.

I think tom ford was right about sleeping with the same and opposite sex at least once in your life time. Some on this site might want try that and they may get a different or realistic perspective on human sexuality

Your quote of Mark Simpson is absolutely accurate. He’s one of the only realy smart gays around.. I spent many years being very gay and out and then got caught up in a relationship with a woman, which I was in for 8 years. I could have gone on at that point and been either one.
I’m not to happy with the heterosexual lifestyle, even though I Identified as being Bi ; until now I see that gays are trying to copy them. But I know who I am and have decided that I would rather be an open and free gay.
I don’t need to buy into gay hypocrisy or any particular version of being gay that is being pushed. I am who I am -that’s all there is to it.

The one self proclaimed bi guy that I have ever been up close and personal with admitted recently that while he had been “bi” he had never actually been with a person of the opposite gender.

So for all those “I’m bi!” people, I’d say to you “ok .. fine nice to know”. Have ball .. go for it.

But please don’t hide behind a label just because you’re afraid of being what you really want to be.

Those so-called “reputable” academic sources you quote have been widely debunked for years! EVERY GLBT organization in the country condemned and pointed out their all-too-numerous flaws ages ago. I can’t believe ANYONE still takes them seriously! Where have you been these last four years??!!

I suggest that any fair-minded person genuinely interested in this “study” go to the following link, where it has been dissected, point-by-point (four years ago!!!) by The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force:
http://www.thetaskforce.org/fi.....tSheet.pdf

Here’s a link to an overview of the criticism:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/peopl.....05-05.html

And for a good look at J. Michael Bailey, the “scientist” Gay is the Way thinks so highly of, check out this story from The Advocate, entitled “Kinder, Gentler Homophobia”
http://www.advocate.com/exclus.....d29121.asp

I know ignorance is bliss, but SHEESH!!

I believe Mark Simpson said it best:

“Fear and loathing of male bisexuality is something tends to bring heterosexuals and homosexuals together. Instead of pondering the possibility that public attitudes towards male bisexuality are a truer, less censored indication of what many people actually feel about male homosexuality in general and its enforced incompatibility with masculinity, gay men too often rush to condemn bisexual men and reassure heterosexuals: don’t worry, you’re not being homophobic when mouthing off about bisexual men coz we hate them too!”

http://www.marksimpson.com/blo.....sexuality/

I’ve dated men and women, and have been in a monogamous “straight” relationship for nearly six years. My partner is 100% fine with it; I happened to have fallen in love with a woman. If her personality, spirit, and wonderful mind were incarnate in a man’s body, I’d love him and fuck him just the same. The grass is greenest on both sides.

Also, my personal pet peeve is when gay men say “I knew someone who said they were bi but then came out as gay, so I don’t think it’s real.” I personally have seen (for example) Ted Haggard and Larry Craig say they were straight but end up … something else. That doesn’t make me question heterosexuality. I’ve heard “gay” men whisper to me “I sometimes fuck girls but don’t tell anyone because that would make things too complicated.” Gays say that bi people are closeted gays, but have they ever thought about how many closeted bisexuals are posing as “gay”?

@Jaroslaw: I see what you’re saying, but don’t think you’ve thought this through. A bisexual can choose their behavior, but not the fundamental orientation, a fact that actually backs up the principle you’re concerned about. Bisexuality is not changing orientation, it IS orientation in itself. I can see how a bisexual would give Joe the Plumber the idea that people can choose, but fundamentally I certainly did not choose to be bi. God knows that in middle school I could have been straight, I’d have been all over it. Hell, I’d be happy to be gay, just to have a “home” and that brings me to my final point.

So many bisexuals I’ve met have said “well I’m mostly into guys so I don’t tell anyone” or “I prefer to call myself queer.” I do this too; my interior monologue considers myself queer rather than bi. Why? Plenty of baggage that comes with the term, for example LOTS of fucking articles LIKE THIS questioning whether what I’ve experienced my whole life is “real.” If there was an article questioning the legitimacy of gayness, it would seem so 1950′s and GLAAD would be all over that. But here it is, not even reposted by Queerty with a shocked, indignant headline, but just a restatement of the thesis as a “pertinent question.” I respond patiently every time, trying to make my case, but I always wonder “When will this stop being okay?” I know that in my current relationship, I can marry and adopt without issue. But it’s always in the back of my mind that if my partner were male I may not have that right. Bisexuals are not a barrier between gays and straights, we are a bridge and need to be recontexualized as such. I have fought, hard, for gay and same-sex rights, even though I may never need them. I could pass as straight but I stick my neck out for honesty, for fulfillment, for love, for YOU. When will gays back me up?

There needs to be more bisexual visibility. More groups, more conferences, more leadership, more people OUT as BI. For fuck’s sake, 3 different people have thought that my bisexuality meant I had a dick and a vulva.

We are legitimate. We are real. I had a shit adolescence because everyone around me was too stuck in the binary to be honest with themselves. Our queer youth need role models, our LGBT movement needs to grow up, and bi people need to come out. Socially, psychologically, closet-wise, bisexuals are 25 years behind gays. Fellow readers, editors; keep this in mind as you encounter (and write about) bisexuality in our diverse, beautiful, and sexy world.

I guess I like to keep things in easily definable categories, and someone who could literally “go either way” is a challenge to my thinking.

While googling, I found several references to stories about gay men and lesbians having sex with each other. I need to read some history to see just how long this has been going on, how widespread that is, and how that factors into thoughts about bisexuality.

Pragmatist, I take most of your points and concur but as for Craigslist….no, my experiences were from personal relationships (I’m gay by the way), had several relationships with bisexual males, five in fact. One was married and didn’t tell me until many weeks later, so of course, I had to end it, wasn’t for me. The remaining four had no interest in anything longterm or permanent. Two of those four weren’t into kissing so those were abruptly ended. I’m now in a committed, monogamous relationship with a wonderful guy for more almost 16 years and consider myself very fortunate.

Jaroslaw, I do fully understand that relationships, even marital relationships do change but the thing is….if a bisexual is going to marry someone of the opposite sex or same sex for that matter and later in the relationship discovers that monogamy for him or her as the case may be is no longer possible, then there is really no reason to stay married. Lets face it, marriage is about loving someone above all others and even if that changes later on because monogamy just doesn’t work for that individual, then why stay married? Obviously those who cheat aren’t cut out for a long lasting relationhip, married or otherwise. Its not for everyone, but its a very serious commitment that has serious consequences should anything go awry to cause the relationship to irretrievably breakdown either on grounds of philandery or adultery. Its not something anyone should take lightly. For me personally, if I were bisexual, I couldn’t marry someone of the opposite sex and live in fear that if I’m not truthful about my sexual identity, that I’d have to spend the rest of my married life always wondering that maybe one day, I may just be found out. I can’t imagine the trauma, the pain and the sense of betrayal experienced by the other. Also, I can’t fathom the mindset of someone who cheats and has sex outside his marriage or committed relationship and then comes home and has sex with his or her partner feeling next to no remorse or guilt, let alone the chances of an STD getting in the mix since there is no such thing as “safe sex”, safer perhaps but never safe. I would also hazard a guess and say that the majority of bisexual married people are not monogamous and that statistics are comparable to straight married people who cheat.

It seems to me that male bisexuality is most common among men who consider or call themselves straight. So, it’s likely that looking for bisexuals in the gay male community will result in a misleadingly low count. Perhaps bisexual women are more likely to consort with gay people.

I chatted with one bi guy who essentially believed that gay men and lesbians did not exist. He kept insisting that I “declined” or “refused” to get into women sexually, when in fact I don’t have that option.

But that’s just my take. I wouldn’t judge a man for hiding his bisexuality from his husband or wife, provided he never cheats. The fact is that most marriages are NOT my platonic ideal of open communication. As long as you’re faithful, there are a lot bigger secrets you could be keeping than that your sexuality is broader than previously thought.

I’m not exactly sure where this impression comes from that all bi men are running around cheating on their unwitting girlfriends and wives. Craigslist? Most of the bi people I know are in open relationships with a very high level of communication and mutual respect. Nothing to worry about there.