Okay, gays, weigh in: is it possible to find a long-term relationship on a dating app? We always thought so (and some of our friends seem to bear that out), but maybe we’re naive. Are Grindr and Scruff only good for hookups?
We ask because lately there’s been a little buzz around a newish app called Mench’d (iPhone only) that purports to be “the first dating app that is exclusively for gay men.” Hahaha, what? Well, apparently, the creator of Mench’d feels that other dating apps are too much about being “playful” and not enough about “love.”
Also, this guy goes by the name “Justin Maxx,” so make of that what you will. Here is his Twitter account, from which you will quickly learn everything you need to know about him.
We took the app for a test drive, and found that it had no crashes or major bugs, which is something, we guess. You answer a limited handful of questions, and then the app matches you will people who answered similarly. You might ask, “how is this different from OkCupid, which has been doing this for years, and has a huge user base, and lots more questions and tools?” Yes, you might ask that. You might ask that indeed.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Mench’d might one day have more users, more questions and more features. Until then, you can safely stick with Scruff, or Adam4Adam, or GuySpy, or Bendr, or VGL, or Gayvox, or Maleforce, or OkCupid, or Zoosk, or Grindr, or BoyAhoy, or GayPark, or Skout, or Jack’d, or Hardline, or Hornet, or u4Bear, or Stagg, or Atraf, or Mister. There are a lot of apps already in this space, is the point.
According to Justin Maxx, if that is his name, “At the end of the day, we are all looking for a best friend and a life partner,” which no we are all not. Some of us are looking for sex. You’d think that someone with two Xs in his name would be a little less eager to marginalize sex and kink.
But we’re willing to accept that lots of us are, indeed, looking for long-term relationships. Mench’d obviously isn’t the answer to that, but is it possible that its more polished competitors are?
hyhybt
The underlying problem is people not using sites as they’re intended. No matter the intent of the site’s designers, people wanting only hookups WILL insist on using it, and will, if necessary, tell any lie necessary to get what they want.
tardis
Depends on what you’re using it for. Personally, they’re depressing as hell, so I stay away from them, but that’s just me. They’re pretty empty places…and that’s not to say you can’t meet someone substantially, because you can, but I’d say that 95% of the time, guys just wanna get laid.
ragobash
Personally, I met my current boyfriend on Scruff and we’ve been together for 5 1/2 months, now. I can’t say that I wasn’t on Scruff originally not to find someone to hookup with, but with my current boyfriend I suppose I didn’t really have any agenda when we first met. I thought he was very attractive, I liked his Star Trek metaphors, and he seemed like an intelligent, genuine dude so I agreed to meet up with him.
QuintoLover
I met three boyfriends on Grindr (regretted my first one INSTANTLY) and that kept me hopeful that I could find something credible on these easy to access apps but lately it’s been one “Looking?” after another “Bttm or top???” and I’m becoming extremely discouraged that I’ll be able to find someone even outside of the app. These tools teach guys that it’s okay not to go for any serious interaction with a guy beyond f**king and completely screw over anyone looking for something more if it’s easy and fun to do. It’s hard enough having every guy out there in the back of the closet and enticed by polyamorous flings, a guy like me who just wants a monogamous, fulfilling relationship has no chance against these devices.
DonW
Yah, men are pigs. Traditionally, straight guys would go steady and then get married because that was the only way to get their gals to put out. Gay guys can have commitment-free shags a lot more easily. Even before hookup sites and apps, the bars served the same purpose.
However, some of us have a quickie and then discover we actually like each other. We just get the lust part out of the way first.
A friend of mine used to joke:
“Straight men go on a date and, if they get lucky, have sex.
Gay men have sex and, if they get lucky, get a date.”
texchiguy12
I’m just looking for love, but it’s so hard to find out there. There’s no real place that you can go and run into a guy and just hit it off. I think I’m a decent guy. I would bring me home to mom and dad when it got to that point. Where are the guys who want relationships?
petensfo
Call me old fashioned, I like to meet my guys at the gym; they’ve seen me naked, I’ve seen them naked, before we ever even have a date.
As far as the sites, they’re imperfect, for sure… but I do like that tops can find bottoms, cut & uncut, age/interests/etc. I know people will say that shouldn’t matter, but it kinda does.