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moments of clarity

Before Saturday Night, We Only Thought Taylor Lautner Liked Boys

Does discussing Taylor Lautner’s sexuality equate discussing Taylor Lautner’s sex appeal? Or his sexual relations? Because, given the guy is 17, that’s kinda creepy. Or have we been treating America’s underage female stars the same way for years? We’d argue yes. We’d also argue neither is terribly appropriate for upstanding members of society. But because we have readers under the age of 18, who are morally and legally able to lust after Mr. Lautner, we are going to excuse ourselves. Especially because we just saw Mr. Lautner on Saturday Night Live, and OMG that was gay.

Particularly because, literally, it was gay. Exhibit A:



(Click to watch)

And in Exhibit B, we learn that cross-dressing does not make you a gay, but effortlessly manufacturing feminine character traits does. Especially when the actor doing so is, well, not that great an actor, so you know this isn’t talent.



(Click to watch)

And in Exhibit C, Taylor’s opening monologue, we see that he’s the worst heterosexual boyfriend, like, evs:

By:           editor editor
On:           Dec 14, 2009
Tagged: , ,
  • 55 Comments
    • David Dust
      David Dust

      My Gaydar BROKE while watching Lautner on SNL, and therefore I’ve come to the following conclusions…

      Taylor Lautner is gayer than Provincetown in July. He’s gayer than Sunday Brunch on Rip Taylor’s patio. He’s even gayer than a Unicorn carrying clutch-purse full of rainbows … at the Tony Awards.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 1:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chris
      Chris

      My (straight) brother watched it for ten seconds and said, “Oh, he’s gay. Yeah, he’s gay.”

      Gay or not, legal or not, he’s insanely adorable.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 1:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FakeName
      FakeName

      Oh my lord, that “monologue” was painful to watch.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 2:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Republican
      Republican

      I though the monologue was awesome. No, it wasn’t particularly funny, but the martial arts stuff was impressive.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 2:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Josh
      Josh

      Not convincing as straight at all….

      Dec 14, 2009 at 2:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FakeName
      FakeName

      Repub, I will admit that I do admire the way he handled his staff…

      Dec 14, 2009 at 2:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Taylor  Siluwé
      Taylor Siluwé

      That monologue was probably one of the corniest routines ever. But why did it TOTALLY turn me on?

      Dec 14, 2009 at 2:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • James
      James

      He’s not just gay – he’s “parade” gay… lol

      Dec 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lauther Lover
      Lauther Lover

      I wasn’t sure until saw SNL….but he is gayer than Clay Aiken and Perez Hilton combined! His “romance” with Taylor Swift is just the latest in a long and storied history of Hollywood giving gay actors a “beard” for the public….but until America continues its’ progress of accepting gays, pretending to be str8 is good for his career.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 3:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      My Gaydar was pinging like the torenau clock shop at
      midnite!!!!!!

      Dec 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Same Crap
      Same Crap

      His monologue was lame and painful even with the martial arts, but he was actually pretty good in the skits; a little hammy at first. But he found his groove as the night went on.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 3:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dk
      dk

      Very gay… It was a horrible show too, but I don’t blame him for that, the skits were lame except for Kristin Wiig.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • GeoffM
      GeoffM

      He’s 17. Leave the kid alone.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ryan
      ryan

      Gay gay gay gay gay. And hot. In the state in which I am living it is acceptable to say he is hot.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 7sn
      7sn

      I’m barely 18, so I’m totally good, right?

      Oh god, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay…

      Taylor Swift is such a fag-hag, she’s already ‘dated’ Joe Jonas, too, and that one…well.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 7sn
      7sn

      Also: Taylor as “Mikash”: total Bel Ami boi.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FakeName
      FakeName

      Age of consent laws vary by jurisdiction. He’s legal in a lot of places in and out of the US. But for those who insist on waiting until this elfin tightbody turns 18: http://worldofwonder.net/2009/08/07/The_countdown_until_you_can_tink/

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I think it was camp, not gay. Big difference. Camp is flamboyance, gay is two men in love.

      Let’s make sure we distinguish between camp and gay in order to prevent the trivialization of our sexuality.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • naghanenu
      naghanenu

      Isnt interesting how gays obsess with straight guys as if hoping they are gay?

      This kid is sooo straight…im a straight man btw

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ryan
      Ryan

      Maybe. It doesn’t really matter though. He could have gone into denial mode and lashed out at the rumors, acting just as immaturely as many people who are accused of being gay at his age (whether true or not), but he didn’t. So I don’t think we should be actively trying to push him in any direction. He’s 17 and still entitled to come to terms with it if he is gay or bisexual… and he may not be. I hope if he is gay that he’ll find the courage to come out, but I wouldn’t begrudge him at all if it took him a few years to do it.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Clark
      Clark

      Naghanenu, he gay. And I’m not attracted to twinks, but I can tell. He’s gay as the day is long. It’s just not ok to say so, even in 2009.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 4:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joe
      Joe

      I have gotten flak for saying this to my friends, but I have thought he was gay for a while now. Although I wonder, would we be considering this so strongly if he didn’t have that body and wasn’t as cute as a button?

      Although until I saw him on SNL, I didn’t really have much evidence to point to…now I kinda do. During his monologue just his speaking style and the way he carried himself he seemed pretty gay. Who knows, maybe he’s just a little effeminate.

      If he is gay, I hope he doesn’t stay in the closet. I hope he can find the strength to come out ala Rupert Everett & Niel Patrick Harris. And not follow the path of John Travolta & Tom Cruise.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 5:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jessica
      Jessica

      OMG, that skit where they were eating yogurt… at first I was offended like,”why they gotta make the punchline that he’s a gay guy? that’s not even funny” then I thought, “well at least he’s portraying the guy accurately without any lisps or ubercampiness, it looks natural” THEN it turns out that he’s not even gay in the skit. I knew right then…

      The only thing that could keep him from coming out in the near future is either mega superstardom or the church of scientology

      Dec 14, 2009 at 5:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scott
      Scott

      I think he’s a great actor in that his performance on SNL had everyone’s gaydar pinging. I’m guessing he’s straight and the powers that be ordered him to play the role of host the way he did in order to set the gay men a-twitter thereby getting him more free publicity, more noticed, and, therefore, more in demand.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 6:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • G
      G

      He could be a camp straight guy. They exist, contrary to popular belief.

      Regardless of whether or not he’s gay (I don’t think he is – but if he is, he’s never coming out… dream on), I think it’s great that he’s at least gay friendly. He doesn’t have problems doing drag/camping it up, and he seemed to have no problem with the gay question when asked it in Rolling Stone.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 7:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Vegas Tea Room
      Vegas Tea Room

      He looks like Juliette Lewis in drag.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 7:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Landon Bryce
      Landon Bryce

      I’m remembering why I quit watching SNL– since Lautner’s girlfriend or beard posted a great show several weeks ago, it’s been consistently awful, Andy Samburg’s digital shorts being the only successes.

      Lautner was not funny at all, but he was very pretty and seemed really, really gay.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 7:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      Many gay men have a petty obsession with calling everything gay. There’s a bizarre form of ownership going on here, as if “gay” is a piece of territory.

      For instance, if a man engages in one act of same-sex behavior with another man, he’s suddenly gay. Yet if that same man engages in many acts of opposite-sex behaviior, he’s still gay.

      Petty, petty, petty. And we wonder why the gay community has lost all credibility….

      Dec 14, 2009 at 8:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FakeName
      FakeName

      Get over yourself Jason. So a bunch of homos who will never have a shot at taylor Lautner no matter what his orientation are having a little fun on a message board. This hurts the cause how exactly? Oh, right, it doesn’t.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 8:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • romeo
      romeo

      Oh, Jason, get over your clueless self. LOL

      BTW: he was a hoot in that blonde wig.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 8:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Taylor  Siluwé
      Taylor Siluwé

      @no. 28 Jason —

      You have a great point about the ownership/territory thing, as if we were canines we’d walk up to Taylor and pee on him.

      But so what? Ultimately I agree with FakeName & Romeo – you should probably get over it.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 9:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SG
      SG

      He was way gay. Not that it’s a bad thing. But the romance with Lautner is funny when you want this SNL and realize the poor guy has no idea what a flamer he is.

      Dec 14, 2009 at 10:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • schlukitz
      schlukitz

      This video has been removed due to yada, yada, yada.

      Damn!

      I was really looking forward to seeing Taylor shake not only his booley, but his, uh…vitamin water as well. ;P

      Dec 14, 2009 at 11:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sal(the original)
      sal(the original)

      ok i have to admit i did think that too buttttttttt i dont wanna jump to conclusions,i mean if he is straight its nice that he’s so secure in himself so i dont wanna make straight guys feel like they have to be some stereotype to be straight

      Dec 14, 2009 at 11:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sal(the original)
      sal(the original)

      we gays of all people should not hate on a guy who doesnt feel bound by some silly image of what we should and shouldnt be

      Dec 14, 2009 at 11:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chuck
      Chuck

      Thank you for reminding me why I quit watching SNL about 25 years ago! This totally sucks.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 12:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CyD
      CyD

      Still not gay for me.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 1:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stef
      Stef

      The bit about him winning an oscar was well placed. Skit was shitty, but that line got me to crack a smile.

      Dude is way hot. As a straight woman who is 23, I’m totally embarrassed and feel extremely creepy and cradle robberish. But dude is hot.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 1:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob
      Bob

      “Gayer than a Unicorn carrying clutch-purse full of rainbows … at the Tony Awards.” Wins the thread. I don’t actually care one way or the other, but man, he seemed gay in every sketch. Like, he was the least gay when he was wearing a wig and doing the “Team Edward vs. Team Jacob” skit. And that was pretty gay.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 3:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AxelDC
      AxelDC

      Gay??? Next you’ll be telling us he’s on steroids!

      Dec 15, 2009 at 7:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      Many of you are dysfunctional. I’ve actually noticed this a lot on the gay scene. You have this need to claim even the slightest hint of camp as “gay”, the slightest bit of interest in men as “gay”, and even restaurants.

      This mindset comes from either one of two things: you’ve either spent too much time having your brains washed by gay commercial interests who use the word “gay” as a marketing ploy, or you’re drug-fucked.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 7:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AxelDC
      AxelDC

      @Jason:

      We can’t think someone is gay based on our observations of his behavior, but you can diagnose us as clinically “dysfunctional” just based on a few anonymously written comments on a gay blog?

      Dec 15, 2009 at 7:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I’m diagnosing on the basis of my vast experience on the gay scene as well as the posts I see here and there.

      I sometimes can only weep at the deterioration of the gay community. It’s become an unthinking mass of collective idiocy. Gay men today are more interested in dancing to the latest over-processed dance tune than in activism.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 7:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Anyway
      Anyway

      His highly athletic schtick in the monologue is the reason he’s been assigned fame. Certainly not the acting. As such, we’ll see him seven to ten years from now coming out (iffffff he’s gay, of course) as an attempt at a second act, a la Lance Bass.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 10:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chris
      Chris

      Gay guys want to think the cute boys are gay for the same reason straight girls want to think the cute boys are single. Sure we’ll probably never meet him, but it’s nice to dream.

      As to why we think he’s gay? Come on. I’m glad Jessica mentioned the yogurt shop sketch (the only really funny sketch all night) where he was just supposed to be playing a shy teenager, and the character came across as blatantly gay. Like Jessica, I kept waiting for the “punch line” where he’d reveal he was queer… but it never came.

      Sure, it’s possible he’s straight and just has very gay mannerisms. Same for Zefron. On the other hand, if it lisps like a duck… ;-)

      I do feel a little bad for the kid. He is only 17, after all, and if he’s questioning or unaware or uncomfortable with his orientation, stuff like this could be really hurtful for him. On the other hand, based on his mannerisms and the interviews where the question has been raised, I’d wager he’s pretty comfortable with himself and just keeping quiet because – whether we like it or not – it’s a wise career move for a teen heartthrob.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 10:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • vitamine
      vitamine

      Idk…I’m picking up potential “churchdar.” You know how sometimes you’ll meet a guy who seriously confuses your gaydar, then you find out they were raised religiously and it all makes sense? I say he’s either gay or uber Christian.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 11:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kelly
      kelly

      No one ever questioned Michael J. Pollard’s sexual orientation…

      Dec 15, 2009 at 2:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Marcus
      Marcus

      I wouldn’t feel bad that people are questioning his orientation, Chris.

      Yes, he’s 17, but he seems more self-aware that we could ever know…if I didn’t know any better, I would say he reads what we write, and if he doesn’t I’m sure that Sean guy he’s been seen everywhere with is telling him.

      Dec 15, 2009 at 6:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael W.
      Michael W.

      “I hope he can find the strength to come out ala Rupert Everett & Niel Patrick Harris. And not follow the path of John Travolta & Tom Cruise.”

      Yeah, why choose the path of those guys, who became two of the biggest movie stars in the history of cinema, when you can be Rupert Everett and Neil Patrick Harris instead? LMFAO.

      Dec 16, 2009 at 2:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LWJII
      LWJII

      I think that’s Joe’s way of calling them gay, but anyways. Lautner seems to be a good actor, and someone nice to look at on the big screen. Whether he’s gay or not don’t really care, it’s not like we will ever be with him, wishful thinking. If he is gay there’s a lot of pressure that a 17yr old actors have to deal with, that it doesn’t help for people try to pressure him to come out of the closet.

      Dec 17, 2009 at 1:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hannah
      hannah

      okk. he may seem gay to other men out there or older ignorant women. im 18 and find him so adorable gay or not. i have a gay cousin. a gay friend. and my mother is gay. not one of them says that taylor lautner is gay. he just doesn’t put that off. he is an outgoing boy who i think could go either way. otherwise he is just someone who will do something funny and gay to get laughs. i think he does the whole gay act to fake and in character to truly be gay.

      Dec 28, 2009 at 8:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AxelDC
      AxelDC

      So, the kid has a nice bod. His face is nothing to look at and he seems as bright as the Xmas bulbs I threw out.

      Jan 3, 2010 at 8:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • whatever
      whatever

      how rude of you to assume that hes gay from a skit. leave him a lone hes 17 plz If you guys really met him in real life, and I doubt you did. He is super super nice. and anyways I have met him hes not gay. You a mean ppl to think hes gay over a TV show.

      Jan 5, 2010 at 3:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • whatever
      whatever

      You ppl are probably just jel about him any way I had looked at all your comment and I don’t know if I was the only person who knew, but most where in fact B,O,Y,S

      Jan 5, 2010 at 4:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tina
      Tina

      TAYLOR IS EXTREMELY GAY. WHY DON’T THESE ACTORS JUST COME OUT ALREADY? GEORGE CLOONEY, ZAC EFRON, CHACE CRAWFORD, TAYLOR LAUTNER..HELLO, HELLO?

      THEY WOULD PROBABLY GET BETTER ROLES IF THEY JUST COME OUT!

      AND FOR ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE IN DENIAL THAT TAYLOR ISN’T GAY…JUST LOOK AT HIS ROLLING STONE COVER? IF THAT’S NOT A CUPCAKE, I DO’NT KNOW WHAT IS.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 11:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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