Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register

Bill Hemmer’s Heterosexuality Breaks Our Nonexistent Heart

We’ve lusted after former CNN anchor turned Fox Newser Bill Hemmer for – well, for far too long to admit. Our fantasies came crashing down this morning, however, when a reader sent us this very official missive:

Dear Queerty:
So, Bill Hemmer of Fox News Channel made it official this morning during his news program that he has a girlfriend!! In fact he took her to the top of the Empire State building yesterday, and proudly pulled out his cell phone while live on the air, found her picture on his cell phone and forced it in front of the camera for the world to see the lovely Mrs. future Hemmer.

His co-host of America’s Newsroom, Megyn Kelly seemed shocked and amazed by stating “that doesn’t sound like you”! I guess Mr. Murdock or Roger Ailes have finally figures out (and straighten out) Hemmers sexuality for him.

Finally!

Thank God we now all now know Mr. Hemmer is straight. Now I can sleep well now knowing there is no future for he and I!!

While this Boston-based reader may be sleeping well, we’re vowing never, ever to sleep again. In fact, we’ll never eat again, breath again or blink again. Our future has never seemed so bleak – or short. Why, Bill Hemmer? Why?!

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Jan 28, 2008
Tagged: , , , , ,
  • 48 Comments
    • drunkonsweetolive
      drunkonsweetolive

      Damn it all to hell!!After all that waking up early in the morning everyday and his punk ass has a girlfriend. Guess I’ll just watch MSNBC. Dan Abrams is still single, right??!!??

      Jan 28, 2008 at 12:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Wolfie
      Wolfie

      Hey Dan Abram’s is a cutie. IMO its a trade up

      Jan 28, 2008 at 1:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lamptopper
      lamptopper

      He’s been with this girlfriend for 3 years. It’s nothing new.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 3:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hells kitchen guy
      hells kitchen guy

      He’s the only reason to watch Fox.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 3:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • pc
      pc

      Abrams is straight too guys. Better go back to Anderson Cooper.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 3:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • biscaynebiker
      biscaynebiker

      Gimme CNN anchor TJ Holmes. All those others are just pretty boy talking heads.

      Jan 28, 2008 at 5:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • afrolito
      afrolito

      T.J Holmes is one of the few reasons I still suffer through CNN. He is HOT!

      Jan 28, 2008 at 5:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james_boston
      james_boston

      i third t.j. holmes…the boy is hot. in fact, cnn has two really hot black anchors (i forget the other guy’s name) and one smokin’ italian, rob marciano (even tho he’s a complete himbo unlike t.j. and the other guy…they moved him from doing weather to reading the news…i guess they figured out where their bread is buttered but he can barely read the teleprompter and talk at the same time, not that i care. when i want real news, i go online anyway.)

      Jan 28, 2008 at 6:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bitch Republic
      Bitch Republic

      Just because a guy has a “girlfriend” or even wife, doesn’t mean they’re not gay. Just look at Ted Haggard and Larry Craig. I still think he’s a homo.

      http://www.BitchRepublic.net

      Jan 28, 2008 at 9:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nitesurf
      Nitesurf

      Anderson, TJ and Don are the hottest newsmen. Hemmer doesn’t even come close. And he’s on Faux which is unforgivable.

      Jan 29, 2008 at 5:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CarolinaGuy
      CarolinaGuy

      Hemmer is a 6 compared to Rob Marciano. (In my book, Rob is a total 10+). I think I would just about do anything for one night with Rob demonstrating his weather-pointer abilities on me!!!

      http://www.reportercaps.com/Home_CNN/cnn_rmarciano.php

      Jan 29, 2008 at 11:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Doh!
      Doh!

      Reader twisted the segment.

      Jan 29, 2008 at 1:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jake
      Jake

      PC,
      Abrams is SO not straight! And thank God, I’d marry him tomorrow!!! Nice try though MSNBC staff.

      Jan 30, 2008 at 12:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • OCF
      OCF

      I think the hottest of them all is Bill Hemmer by far…He is HOT

      Jun 4, 2008 at 6:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • OCF
      OCF

      ABRAMS IS GAY? He is an ASS

      Jun 4, 2008 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gregg
      Gregg

      I think Bill Hemmer is SOOOOOO hot and am still holding out hope!

      Jul 26, 2008 at 12:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Peter
      Peter

      Bill Hemmer is totally gay because He checked me out about 4 years ago in front of Virgin Records on 14th street and he even smiled at me. Trust me we locked eyes,,he is soooooooooooooooooooo gay

      Jul 28, 2008 at 12:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jo
      jo

      Everyone always seems so intent these days on knowing what everyone else is, that it tends to drive those in the public view into the shadows. First, a certain country singer who had a child recently came out(ding ding) and Second, who really cares? Maybe it would have happened sooner if people eased back and gave a bit of room to breathe. It’s always better to be someone than something, and who wants a tag hag calling them out?

      Oct 2, 2008 at 10:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Paul
      Paul

      I agree, Peter, but maybe not quite as gay as you.

      Oct 2, 2008 at 6:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bill Hemmer
      Bill Hemmer

      I am so glad I’m straight! You faggots make me sick!

      Oct 3, 2008 at 10:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ERIC,NYC
      ERIC,NYC

      HAHAHA !!! I’m a proud man’s man cocksucker.
      *I LOVE MEN ONLY* and I agree with #20 above me….(BILL HEMMER)
      The comments I have read makes me say the same as #20 above…”YOU FAGGOTS MAKE ME SICK !”
      Bill Hemmer is a “devout” Catholic.I know many “devout” Catholics that are “straight” that have given me a mean blowjob….He is 43,sooo handsome and I cannot believe a “devout” Catholic with genes like that that would not want to progeny by now….
      He has a girlfriend,so what? I love my horny “straight” men….they are all around,you girls are just so faggy that no real gay man wants to identify with silly giggly sissies !!

      Nov 2, 2008 at 10:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ERIC,NYC
      ERIC,NYC

      ….oops !! I meant “want progeny”.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 10:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Helen
      Helen

      Shep Smith is the hottest of them all!!! Is he gay or straight?

      Nov 7, 2008 at 10:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mary Houston
      Mary Houston

      Oh Please! Leave Bill Hemmer alone. He is a good Man, kind, polite, educated and a decent human being. I don’t need to know about his sexuality any more than I need to know the color of his underware or if he even wears any!!!! Get a life!!

      Nov 7, 2008 at 12:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • buddy
      buddy

      hemmer’s nose is too small.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Mastromano
      Frank Mastromano

      America’s Newsroom should change their name to America’s Doom and Gloom. This morning in one half hour they reported the job reduction this month to be over 500,000. That should help keep the resession going strong.

      Dec 5, 2008 at 10:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sam
      Sam

      @Helen: Shep is gay, I hope! I’d do him in a split second!

      Dec 30, 2008 at 11:27 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jim
      Jim

      I have to admit, when I watch in the morning, it start my day off great. I think he is a 12.

      Feb 10, 2009 at 8:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rickhatch1
      rickhatch1

      You guys like all the same newsmen that I like. I love Bill Hemmer, Dan Abrams, Shep Smith, Rob Marciano. I think they’re all straight though! But,like some of you have said, there are married men who are ‘bi’ or ‘gay’ too. We all know that. But I don’t think people worry as much about it as they used to. I think a lot just lead their lives, like Anderson Cooper does, and not say anything. Who would be bothered to get married? LOL– Hey, #20 comment on here is not really from Bill Hemmer is it? I can’t picture him writing anything like that.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 12:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • alco251
      alco251

      All I know is that he had a boyfriend in high school. Maybe working at Fox Noise has straightened him out since. ;-0

      May 24, 2009 at 1:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jen
      Jen

      Where there’s smoke there’s fire! Been rumors about Bill Hemmer for years. Having girlfriens doesn’t mean someone is straight. My brother was married and has 2 kids, and he’s homosexual. Dan Abrams… well, he might not be ‘gay’ as we know it, however I don’t think he’s totally straight either. Met him a few times. Just a feeling I got. It’s not so black & white people! Sexuality is complicated.
      Anderson Cooper – 100% gay.

      Sep 17, 2009 at 10:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dave
      Dave

      He’s a champion and you are all sad fools! I’m the straightest guy in the world but what he is, he could still get more chicks than any of us sad cases. T.J Holmes is an ape!

      Dec 21, 2009 at 9:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bow
      bow

      Right.

      This so-called devout good Catholic boy, who has never been married and is 45 years old, is seriously believed to be straight?

      Please, buy my swamp land in Arizona. I have been without work since June and could use the money.

      He has to keep up the conservative image of Fox, I’ll give you that.

      Dec 28, 2009 at 6:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tim
      tim

      wow, I can’t believe the hate for Fox. I like to watch all of the cable news networks,
      including Fox. Yep, they are the only news outlet on cable that isn’t totally left-wing.
      I don’t know about F&B, but at least they have both points of view, instead of just the
      socialist views. you guys are hilarious

      Jan 22, 2010 at 10:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MissTransSylvaniaTV
      MissTransSylvaniaTV

      OH, he is HOT, as hot as a FOX! haha, just a little joke to sweeten our lives my honeypies…

      Jan 22, 2010 at 10:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Amy O'Conner
      Amy O'Conner

      I landed on this site after Googling Dan Abrams to find out where he’s from. Anyway, I’m not gay but have always wondered why gay men tend to be unusually immature. Just about every gay guy I’ve ever known acts like he’s 15 years old. It can be annoying.

      Jan 23, 2010 at 3:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JBiscuits
      JBiscuits

      I landed on this site after Googling Amy O’Conner to find out where she’s from. Anyway, I’m gay but have always wondered why straight women tend to be unusually immature. Just about every straight woman I’ve ever known acts like she’s 15 years old. It can be annoying.

      OMG, just kidding. I guess it’s the 15 year old in me. But in all seriousness…

      …Amy, your statements are idiotic.

      Jan 28, 2010 at 10:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kieran
      Kieran

      Wouldn’t it be great if Fox News’ Shepard Smith and CNNs’ Anderson Cooper started dating each other and then came out the same week on national TV?

      Jan 28, 2010 at 10:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve NY
      Steve NY

      Personal reference says he’s gay. He’s gorgeous. But he’s Republican, so he’s a lizard inside.

      Feb 1, 2010 at 11:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ferlin Finfrock
      Ferlin Finfrock

      I just want to say that Peggy Kusinski-Bonfiglio-Jenkins is the hottest manmeat I have ever seen. He/she is hot

      Mar 5, 2010 at 4:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hephaestion
      hephaestion

      10+ years ago when I was in Atlanta, the city had lots of folks saying Bill Hemmer was gay & had been seen in various gay spots in Atlanta while he was at CNN there. Evidently he is very religious and will never come out to his family.

      Aug 10, 2010 at 2:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hephaestion
      hephaestion

      @Amy O’Conner: Dear Amy, why don’t you try going thru life being told that you are evil, being unable to date the ones who you have a crush on throughout your youth, being a third-class citizen, being told that everything you do is evil and wrong, and being unable to talk with your parents, siblings, teachers, friends or religious counselors when you have difficulties growing up, and see how well-adjusted and mature you come out.

      Aug 10, 2010 at 2:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jun
      jun

      amy…your comments are ridiculous. I guess you know the sexual orientation of every person you’ve ever had a conversation with then? Maybe a lot of people who DON’T act like 15 year olds, MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GAY without you knowing it? IDIOT!

      Dec 11, 2010 at 8:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chad Hudson
      Chad Hudson

      Well for close to 7 years, Bill and I were f*ckbuddies. It ended because I wanted to take it to the next level and he didn’t want that given ‘who’ he is. He’s a great guy, beautiful in (and out, trust me on this one!) of his clothes and loads of fun (and I do mean LOADS plural) in bed. I wish him well – he and his ‘girlfriend’. Have to add when a friend told me about that bit on the air with the pic of his g’friend, i thought ‘how sad’ that he felt he had to lie that much. Trust me, in the 7 years I knew him (and knew every inch of him), there wasn’t anything remotely straight about him.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oprah
      Oprah

      Anderson Cooper and Dan Abraham would be perfect as a couple, actually. But -arent they both– bottom—iish>? lol

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chad Hudson
      Chad Hudson

      Hemmer goes to my gym. We’ve had plenty of ‘workouts’ back at my place – trust me. We spot each other on chest press ups, then go back to my veeeeeeeery private penthouse and f*ck like it’s the end the world. And yes, naked he looks every the ‘god’ you guys think he is. Girlfriend/fiance or not, we’ll be ‘working out’ for a long time to come (ahem, ‘cum’).

      May 6, 2011 at 9:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Amazrd
      Amazrd

      Amazed Chad that you would settle for being just a f*buddie after wanting to move it to the next level. Ever meet his GF? Do you travel with him at all? How ripped is he?

      May 21, 2011 at 7:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gemcityjeff
      gemcityjeff

      @Peter: I believe Bill is gay and have always thought he was. He’s just another closet case. More than likely because of his career. If he ever does marry, it will simply be a marriage to help him continue to pass himself off as a straight man.

      Aug 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Please log in to add your comment

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.



  • QUEERTY DAILY

     


    POPULAR ON QUEERTY


    FROM AROUND THE WEB

    Copyright 2014 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.