Some think self-proclaimed bisexuals get the best of both worlds, but that’s hardly the case. In fact, this sexual social class often finds itself on the outskirts of queer circles, particularly by gay men: Most gays feel that bisexuality is a cop-out. They just don’t think it exists. When they are finally free from that closet, they are staunchly gay. They are free and liberated, and don’t want to accept any other label. Amity Pierce Buxton, who founded the Straight Spouse Network – a support group for individuals whose spouses have come out – remarks tell The Star Ledger:
Most gays feel that bisexuality is a cop-out. They just don’t think it exists. When they are finally free from that closet, they are staunchly gay. They are free and liberated, and don’t want to accept any other label.
The same article notes that openly bisexual people remain a rarity, with only 1.8% and 2.8% of men and women identifying as “bi”, respectively, while 2.3% of men and 1.3% of ladies who identify as gay. Yes, we understand it’s tempting to dismiss the seemingly sexual greedy but, as we’ve mentioned before, dismantling sexual binaries may be one of the best things we can do.
The comment came up with regard to the debate surrounding Michigan’s anti-bully laws. Opponents of those laws – which would ensure legal protections against homophobic bullying – argued that the state would be granting gays special privileges. We remarked that people have no problem erecting laws protecting their religious expression. This readiness arises from the multiplicity of religious expressions. Of this, we wrote:
It seems to us that people find spiritual protections preferable because there are more religions than socially recognized “sexualities”. This got us thinking: what if we lived in a world in which there were more than just the popularly conceived “straight” and “gay”? A world a la Sam Delany’s Trouble on Triton? What then?
People could hardly object to “protecting” multiple sexualities. If they did, they’d be shooting themselves in the foot: they would be explicitly “protecting” heterosexuality (which they are, but to a less noticeable extent).
If gays and lesbians were more accepting of bisexuality, perhaps we could expand the debate, rather than making it seem as game of zero-sum politics. By widening the playing field, gays would broaden the debate and, perhaps, strengthen our legitimacy in the eyes of those who hate us most.
Ben
It certainly couldn’t hurt.
M
The fact of the matter is if bisexuality was more openly accepted there would be more people who were free to be open about it. I’m married to a woman and we are both openly bisexual. There are plenty of people out there who identify as bisexual, but do not freely express it because of the judgment that it is a road stop on the way to gay or a cop-out. Straight people who aren’t comfortable just lump you into the gay category and some gay people feel you’re hurting them by lying about your “true ” identity.
The all or nothing mentality is hurting everyone. Being more accepting of bisexuality in all its gradients would might make otherwise ignorant straight people more comfortable with other sexualities.
Martini-b0y
Why did you quote Amity Pierce Buxton twice: once cited and once not?
That there is sloppy writing, boys. Tsk tsk to you!
Ash
The problem here lies with labels. There is no bisexuality or homosexuality or heterosexuality, there is just sexuality. When we label ourselves we limit ourselves. I’ve been an out lesbian for several years and damn was I shocked when I realized I had a big crush on a boy a few months ago. Now we’re together and he’s wonderful and amazing and totally cool with the fact that I still really dig women. The problem has been with my friends’ reactions: my gay pals are trying to be supportive, but it’s obvious a few are skeptical and annoyed, or feel that I’m “betraying” gayness. And my straight friends are waaaay too jazzed about crossing over to their side. I feel like I’m in the midst of a reverse coming-out. If I hadn’t gone through the painful coming out process, this wouldn’t be a problem. So now instead of being a proud dyke, I’m just me, I’m definitely not straight or bi, but I guess I’m not technically a lesbian either. It’s silly and complicated, really. Too bad we don’t live in a society where we can just be.
nystudman
someday people will just be “sexual” without the silly 19th century nomenclature of “homosexual,” etc. Until then, though, we’re stuck with the limiting terms. Also, not many women will sleep with gay or bi men since the ’80s for obvious reason (even with protecction). at least not knowingly. That said, I do believe that most young “bisexuals” are ‘mos who don’t want to fully come out yet. I used to date women and still find them attractive, but I’m a card-carrying homo.
acyclovir
Good work!