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Body Beautiful: The Best Underwear Styles For Every Body Type

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By:           THE UNDERWEAR EXPERT
On:           Mar 21, 2013
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
  • 57 Comments
    • yaoming
      yaoming

      What underpants do average homos wear?

      Mar 21, 2013 at 6:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jason
      Jason

      Yep. That’s it. Every body type right there. There are no other gay body types at all. That’s all of ‘em.

      :: sigh ::

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sfbeast
      sfbeast

      @yaoming: fruit of the loom : )

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rad
      Rad

      Do you have anything that would fit my half-century, Buddha-esque physique? Perhaps something more based in reality? And maybe found at the local Walmart?

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ncman
      ncman

      Kinda weird how they describe a low-rise bikini from Aussiebum as a “classic brief”. LOLOLOLOL Here I thought that “classic brief” described full-rise tighty whities.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      “Short and stocky”? That’s what your idea of short and stocky is?

      Gay mainstream culture at its finest…

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Happyemblmer
      Happyemblmer

      They must have meant ever gay porn actor body type.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 8:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NateB79
      NateB79

      @Adam: I know right? That’s there idea of “a little extra”?! Extra what? Extra 6′s in the pack?

      Mar 21, 2013 at 10:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • NateB79
      NateB79

      @Happyemblmer: I think you hit the nail on the head.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 10:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      Gay men already have serious body-image issues due to unrealistic expectations in a large swath of the community.

      I’d like to take a moment here to thank Queerty for… well, not only being a large part of that problem, but actually actively campaigning to become the LEADER of that problem.

      Here you go Queerty, here’s some more salt to rub in wounds. Another knife to turn?

      Queerty, the bully.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 10:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dot Beech
      Dot Beech

      This may be the stupidest article I’ve ever seen on this site which never, ever aims too high. It’s so stupid that it’s shameful.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 11:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kelehe
      kelehe

      EVERY body type? What a bunch of bullshit. This is nothing more than an underwear ad. This is a perfect example, along with the A-Lister-with-a-small-peen-won’t-be-in-Playgirl “article”, of why this site is 95% garbage. Schmag “articles” aside, there is a theme of perpetuating gay stereotypes and promoting negative self-perception.

      I remember when Queerty went away a while back. Maybe it should have stayed. It has a long way to go to get me to regularly visit.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 11:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      Queerty, you showed your hand- and I find you lacking.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 11:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TinoTurner
      TinoTurner

      Fire the editor of this so-called website. Seriously? This is revolting and makes me sad.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 11:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • imperator
      imperator

      A third of Americans are “overweight” and a third of Americans are “obese.” That’s 2/3 of the U.S. (Canada isn’t much better) who look [i]nothing[/i] like the models in any of these pictures. I think I’m fairly average (or fitter than average, given an average wherein 2/3 are overweight) and [i]I[/i] don’t look like any of those models. Granted, I wish I did, but the point is– as others have already stressed– this article [i]in no fucking way[/i] depicts “every body type.” And it’s practically an assault on the morale of people struggling with their weight/body-image to suggest that it does. This article [i]negates[/i] the sizeable majority of people who are of ‘average’ size or bigger– it says “you don’t (or shouldn’t) even exist,” and I find that pretty appalling from a site that makes any pretensions to caring about gay mens’ well-being.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 12:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • imperator
      imperator

      @imperator: And this site uses a different formatting convention than I’m used to on every other site I frequent, and has no option to edit posts, so just treat everything between an [i] and an [/i] as italicized for emphasis >:-P

      Mar 21, 2013 at 12:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ncman
      ncman

      This post is nothing but a [aid advertisement for “The Underwear Expert” and Queerty should be ashamed of itself for publishing it as anything other than an advertisement.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 12:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BiL
      BiL

      Wow Queerty you have managed to piss off the guys with normal body types. Stupid.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 1:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Powellful
      Powellful

      I had to create an account just so that I could express how much I hated this article.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 2:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      @imperator, if Americans are that bad, maybe they should be shamed into taking better care of themselves. Most of the comments here are basically saying: “I let myself go, now cater to me.” Maybe get off your fat ass instead, you’ll live longer.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 2:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PornForPatric
      PornForPatric

      Queerty, I’ll volunteer to write a few of these body & style articles from the perspective of an average sized member of the gay community. Do you really think an article like this serves the needs of your readers? Honestly, the “short and stocky” model is anything but. Where are the guys with an extra 10 lbs? Where are the bears? Where is the underwear for the guys who are not 6’2″ Australian models?

      Mar 21, 2013 at 2:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ncman
      ncman

      @viveutvivas: No, no, no…. Most of the comments here are noting that the article is NOT WHAT IT WAS ADVERTISED TO BE. It clearly says it will address ALL BODY TYPES. It doesn’t even come close. In fact, the model it “claims” to be an example of a stocky body type couldn’t be further from stocky. Even the two they claim as twinks are too muscular to qualify as twinks.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 2:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • iregisteredtobemadatqueerty
      iregisteredtobemadatqueerty

      Fuck you, Queerty.

      Just fuck you.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 3:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MuscleModelBlog.com
      MuscleModelBlog.com

      @ncman:
      I completely agree. When I saw the picture for the “stocky” bodytype, I had to look again. Definitely not stocky. Although people hound advertisers for causing body images issues, at the same time, it’s the consumers who respond to the unattainable body types…if consumers bought underwear with “normal” models, things would be different, I think.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 3:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • davegun2
      davegun2

      I’m and old fat guy. I’m going with the twink low rider trunks. Want a picture?

      Mar 21, 2013 at 3:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dizzle
      dizzle

      I came to this site to read an article that was linked from Facebook. I saw the link to this article and thought “what the hell, I’ll see what gay men think about what type of underwear is best for my body type”. Mine isn’t there. In fact, there’s only one body type there: bulging muscles and a six pack. Fuck you Queerty, I’ll never come back to this site.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 3:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bean
      Bean

      I dunno about the rest of you, but I read the opening paragraphs and called bullshit. I stopped reading and just looked at the pictures. I recommend using this method in the future.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 4:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Badjers
      Badjers

      Disgusting. Nothing more than eye candy, why not just call it like it is? There is nothing else in the this article.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 4:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Badjers
      Badjers

      @Powellful: Same!

      Mar 21, 2013 at 4:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EccentricGent
      EccentricGent

      @viveutvivas: There’s such a thing as an “average” male body type. I’m 25. I eat healthily, occasionally treat myself with pizza or a dessert, I walk everywhere and workout when my schedule allows, but I’m also NOTHING like any of these. This kind of article is why I call myself “gay fat, but straight thin” and why I (and TONS of other gay men like me) have horrible and crippling body issues. I stay away from clubs–and my own community–because of this typical bull.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 4:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      @EccentricGent, if only! If only we saw guys like this in bars or clubs here. You should come to RI then; it’s a parade of horribles. You’ll be in demand.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 5:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      …or you would be in demand, except that nobody talks to anybody they don’t know here. :(

      Mar 21, 2013 at 5:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bean
      Bean

      PS, @viveutvivas, fat shaming very rarely has the effect you think it has. Typically, fat people are very aware of their weight, and already feel like shit about it. Further shaming is more likely to make them feel hopeless and helpless and lead to them “eating their feelings” rather than inspiring them to get into shape. It’s not easy to get into shape.

      And, letting my mind wander a little, I have to wonder how many people have an EXTRA hard time of losing weight and getting fit because of medical conditions that their doctors aren’t diagnosing because they think the weight is a cause instead of a symptom. I started getting fat when I was eight or nine years old, and then after that I started getting a lot of other health problems. All I heard my whole life was “Lose some weight and you’ll get better” until I was diagnosed with Cushing’s disease when I was 18. Surprise! My body was doing things that could make me gain weight on a diet! Over a decade later, it’s finally been fixed (it took three brain surgeries) and I’m shedding weight like my dog sheds winter fur (about 100 pounds in a year) but I’m still dealing with all of society’s fat shaming (I have about 100 more to go) and I’m getting really sick of it, now that I know it wasn’t my fault.

      I’m not saying this is the common cause of obesity. I’m just saying that when you see a 350-pound person struggling to get around, don’t automatically assume that they had half a dozen Big Macs for lunch and have done this to themselves. Give them the benefit of the doubt if you don’t know their circumstances.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 5:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jpatrickhanley
      jpatrickhanley

      I’m not mad, Queerty. I am just… disappointed. I guess I just wonder where I went wrong. Did I not hug you enough when you were little? Was it those soccer games I missed? I know it’s been difficult these last few years. And I know growing up is hard. But I expected better from you. I still love you. But you’ve broken my trust, and I guess it is just going to take some time to earn it back.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 5:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kurt_t
      kurt_t

      Thank heavens I’ve reached a level of maturity and self contentment where I don’t feel like I need to give a moment’s thought to my choice of underwear. Every morning, I just roll out of bed, thank the Lord for another day of life on this beautiful earth and pull on a fresh pair of Depends.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 5:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Victor_in_PA
      Victor_in_PA

      They seemed to have mis-categorized this advertisement as an article. It should be called “The Body Beautiful: The Best Underwear Styles for One Body Type, Hella Muscular”. Frankly, I don’t see the difference between any of them except one guy has body hair and one guy is black. Nice to look at but then they’re models and they get paid to look like that. I prefer real, naturally fit guys with a brain.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 6:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Zack_Attack
      Zack_Attack

      Guys, I’m pretty sure the article is suggesting that buying this very expensive underwear will instantly and magically give us these bodies. Right?

      Mar 21, 2013 at 6:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stevenw
      Stevenw

      My god!

      These licensed pictures are shot on models, posed to be as flattering as possible to the branded underwear!!

      I would *never* have seen that coming!!!

      Seriously, while I don’t necessarily disgree with the general thrust of these comments, I find it hard to believe anyone is as truly ‘shocked’ as they are claiming. As resfreshing as it would have been to see more ‘average’ guys pictured instead, how likely does anyone think that was going to be? If they did just have average guys pics here, I bet half the comments would be complaining about how horribly ugly the models were instead.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dixie Rect
      Dixie Rect

      I always love how Queerty tries to pass itself off as a legitimate, serious gay news blog! This is just too ridiculous, even for Queerty. I’d love to drop by their offices and see who decides to put out this poorly written inane dreck. And of course, what underwear they have on, and how good or bad they look!

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jack
      Jack

      I was just telling my partner how much I loved this site (discovered it fairly recently) and then I ran across this piece of crap article. I still like (love might be too strong a word) the site, but I this article references “every body type”. There must be a “page two” (based in reality, I would hope) that I can’t find . . .

      Mar 21, 2013 at 7:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ncman
      ncman

      Queerty has a penchant for writing headlines that mis-characterize the articles, or in this case the paid advertisement.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 8:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Yiannis
      Yiannis

      @Jason: lol

      Mar 21, 2013 at 8:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • samwise343
      samwise343

      Imagine the complaints if they had shown a bunch of Grindr rejects.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 8:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rcs831
      rcs831

      Lame article. Even lamer author

      Mar 21, 2013 at 9:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boygorge
      boygorge

      Maybe this would be useful if every single guy in those pictures didn’t have the same exact body type. Ridiculous. Wear what you want and what you feel looks good on you.

      Mar 21, 2013 at 11:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wroady
      wroady

      which one is for a short fat guy with a little penis?

      Mar 22, 2013 at 2:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bean
      Bean

      I guess we’re supposed to go commando, @wroady.

      Mar 22, 2013 at 2:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chaseypoo
      Chaseypoo

      Oh hey, what about the short 210 pound guys with packers and Buddha bellies??????

      Mar 22, 2013 at 6:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DarkZephyr
      DarkZephyr

      @viveutvivas: You can have a healthy body without bulging biceps and 6 pack abs. No one suggested that every model up there should be overweight. Are you REALLY saying that THAT is how every American should look? Is that how every European looks then?

      Mar 22, 2013 at 9:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DarkZephyr
      DarkZephyr

      @Stevenw: You would have a point if the headline didn’t read “The Best Underwear Styles for Every Body Type”. The word “Every” being key.

      Mar 22, 2013 at 9:22 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Presty15
      Presty15

      About 30 years ago I would have bought this kind of underwear. And would have worked out to get the right silhouette. I have not gained a pound, though gravity has a profound effect, and I am done with weightlifting forever, good riddance. But even when I was at my peak body type, these fuckin underwear were so goddam uncomfortable, tight around the nuts, riding up the ads crack, I could not wait to get home and take them off. I swear I have a slight feeling of what it must be like for Ru Paul’s gals to untuck, no lie. Give me a pair of baggy cotton boxers any day.

      Mar 22, 2013 at 9:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      It’s weird the opposing reactions here. To me these pictures are automatically a challenge to improve myself just the extra little bit, not the affront they seem to be to so many guys here. Maybe it is for that reason that I still look pretty good compared to other men my age.

      Mar 22, 2013 at 1:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ncman
      ncman

      @viveutvivas: You keep missing the point. Queerty is LYING in their headline. They said they would show us the best underwear for E V E R Y body type and then they didn’t produce what they promised. In fact, even the models they produced to demonstrate “short and stocky” and “twinks” weren’t what they claimed to be. There’s nothing wrong with the models they did show. But, where are the rest ofthe body types they promised us?

      Mar 22, 2013 at 3:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stevenw
      Stevenw

      @DarkZephyr: Hmm, no I don’t think it was the ‘every’ that was the problem – queerty are notorious for the looseness of their article titles, yes? It is the pictures everyone is complaining about, not the text, or that they’ve left out body type X or Y.

      It really is quite interesting how personally insulted people seem to have got. Even though the picture on the article’s link was definitely no ‘average’ guy, people read the link and assumed that an approximation of their own body type would be here. Then they got upset when presented with an idealised model-esque figure instead of some body-type closer to their own. Ego-bruising, I guess? Women have been putting up with this kind of thing for the past century or so – diet ads and all that kind of thing – so its quite interesting seeing the shoe on the other foot.

      Still, that the pictures weren’t well suited to the article at all is worthy of a gripe, of course. Maybe we should do the positive thing and follow Davegun2′s suggestion: start posting pics of ourselves in our undies, and demand the (so-called) Underwear Expert offer some proper advice to real people! Plus, it would hysterically funny. I will if you will. ;)

      Mar 23, 2013 at 8:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • viveutvivas
      viveutvivas

      @ncman, your objection is only valid if you can seriously tell me with a straight face that you wanted to read this article because you don’t know, and expected them to tell you, what underwear to wear.

      Mar 23, 2013 at 9:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • xmegamegax
      xmegamegax

      @viveutvivas:

      I can tell you with a straight face (or, actually, bisexual face) that I was genuinely interested in seeing if there was a particular underwear that complimented my body (tall, kinda flat ass, larger thighs) better than the boxers I currently wear. As someone who lost 70 lbs and still couldn’t get the washboard abs that every single one of these guys have, I wouldn’t mind a little advice on making my clothing choices more appealing.

      Mar 24, 2013 at 2:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • man5996853
      man5996853

      viveutvivas…keep drinking that sugar-free kool-aid, but don’t complain when you start binging and have anal leakage.

      An average body is not the equivalent of “I’ve let myself go”. Most gays like you would consider a fairly decent body, by almost any standard, as average. The short and stocky guy above has a better body than 99 percent of the population.

      Mar 31, 2013 at 8:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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