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THE GOOD WORD

Brave Teen Uses Dan Pearce’s “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay” Essay To Come Out To Mom

Some months back Dan Pearce (right), the Utah blogger behind Single Dad Laughing, wrote the fairly amazing essay, “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay.” Though he’s received a mountain of responses to the post since then—and had pretty much decided to move on to other topics—Pearce announced this week that he had gotten  an e-mail about i that he just had to share.

And we felt the same.

The e-mailer, “One Proud Mom” says her 15-year-old son was given a copy of “I’m Christian, Unless…” by his teacher and told to write about it. The lad decided to use the assignment to come out to Mom, even though she had always been rabidly (and vocally) anti-gay. Having learned the error of her ways, OPM forwarded Pearce her son’s plea for acceptance, which—fair warning—will just shred your heart.

He writes, in part:

I am gay and only my one friend knows so far. My mom doesn’t know yet. My dad doesn’t know yet. You didn’t know it when you gave us this homework. I am only 15 years old and I have never felt so alone. My mom and dad always are being angry about gay people and talking about how they are bad and going to hell and they also always talk about how all the gays should be shipped off to their own private island or something so that the rest of us could live God’s commandments in peace.

I have been so scared of them finding out that I’m gay because I know that they would hate me and would want me out of their life and at the same time I can’t keep this secret anymore because it is not something I asked for, never in a million years would I ask to be gay in a town like this where everybody would hate me. And anyways I can’t keep this secret anymore because I’m about to do something crazy like run away or hurt myself or something. I just want to be dead sometimes…

Tonight I am going to send this to my mom and see what she says I guess. I don’t know what will happen but I know that I deserve to be loved just like everybody else does I just hope she thinks so too.

Read “A Teen’s Brave Response to ‘I’m Christian Unless You’re Gay,” in its entirety to learn how a scared gay boy’s courage and honesty helped open his mother’s mind and her heart. Then hop back here and share your thoughts in the comments.

Photos: Dan Pearce, Lord Ash

 

By:           Dan Avery
On:           Apr 4, 2012
Tagged: , , , ,
  • 21 Comments
    • Hyhybt
      Hyhybt

      The last sentence of the article is a perfect example of why Queerty ought to make such links the kind that automatically open in a new window when clicked.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      When One Proud Mom was hating the filthy homos and harming their families because her religion required it, that was cool and righteous because she was being a faithful Christian. Then, when she learned this behavior was harming herself and her own family, she suddenly decided Christianity no longer obligated her to hate gay people, such as her son.

      So does she blame Christianity or her religion for brainwashing her (and people like her) into becoming such hateful, selfish assholes?

      Well, of course not.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hyhybt
      Hyhybt

      @the crustybastard: As the “I’m Christian Unless You’re Gay” item points out, Christianity does NOT require hatred of gay people or anyone else.

      That so many Christians believe it does, including leaders of most denominations, is a problem not helped in the slightest by insisting the whole thing is that way and trying to get rid of it on those false grounds. And if your goal is to get people to stop hating gays, on a practical level that’s easier to do if you *don’t* demand they abandon their entire belief system.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hyhybt
      Hyhybt

      On the other hand, if you don’t care what anyone thinks about gay people or how they treat us, but only want to use that as an excuse to disparage religion, your approach is exactly right.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      @Hyhybt:

      I don’t need to disparage religion. Religious people are doing a splendid job of that without my assistance.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Codswallop
      Codswallop

      You know, I read that whole post and the article that inspired it and while I’m glad this mother saw *some* light, it’s still frustrating that until it became all about HER and HER son, she was ranting and raving about gays and threatening to get the teacher FIRED! But then it turned out that, “HEY, this actually effects ME so now I’m going to give it some thought!” (And nowhere in it did she say she wasn’t going to send her kid to ex-gay camp or wherever.)

      And the original article isn’t just about Christianity. Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, and atheism are all mentioned too as groups that can be loving or, all too often, hateful and judgmental.

      I think of it as Cheney Syndrome, and not just about gays or gay rights. Would Dick Cheney support marriage equality if Mary Cheney wasn’t gay? I doubt it. And there have been other GOP lawmakers who have spoken eloquently about gay rights and, oh, it just so happens they have a gay kid. Up until then, when it’s a matter of having empathy, sympathy, or compassion for people unlike themselves, putting themselves in another person’s position, the Dick Cheney words they’re most likely to quote is “Go fuck yourself.”

      And again it’s not just gay rights. Social Security, Medicare, health care, welfare, food stamps. Up until it’s about THEM or someone in their family it’s all “Godless Socialism.” And even after they have this sudden epiphany that, gosh, it actually effects them or someone in their family they get protective of that ONE program but still attack the rest as enablers of lazy Socialists. 24/7, if it’s not about THEM you can just forget it.

      So while I’m glad she came around some when she realized she was in very real danger of harming, even killing, her own gay son, it’s unfortunate that’s what it took before she saw that her self-righteous, god-bothering bullshit was putting plenty of other kids at risk, not just her own.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Codswallop
      Codswallop

      You know, I read that whole post and the article that inspired it and while I’m glad this mother saw *some* light, it’s still frustrating that until it became all about HER and HER son, she was ranting and raving about gays and threatening to get the teacher FIRED! But then it turned out that, “HEY, this actually effects ME so now I’m going to give it some thought!” (And nowhere in it did she say she wasn’t going to send her kid to ex-gay camp or wherever.)

      And the original article isn’t just about Christianity. Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, and atheism are all mentioned too as groups that can be loving or, all too often, hateful and judgmental.

      I think of it as Cheney Syndrome, and not just about gays or gay rights. Would Dick Cheney support marriage equality if Mary Cheney wasn’t gay? I doubt it. And there have been other GOP lawmakers who have spoken eloquently about gay rights and, oh, it just so happens they have a gay kid. Up until then, when it’s a matter of having empathy, sympathy, or compassion for people unlike themselves, putting themselves in another person’s position, the Dick Cheney words they’re most likely to quote is “Go f**k yourself.”

      And again it’s not just gay rights. Social Security, Medicare, health care, welfare, food stamps. Up until it’s about THEM or someone in their family it’s all “Godless Socialism.” And even after they have this sudden epiphany that, gosh, it actually effects them or someone in their family they get protective of that ONE program but still attack the rest as enablers of lazy Socialists. 24/7, if it’s not about THEM you can just forget it.

      So while I’m glad she came around some when she realized she was in very real danger of harming, even killing, her own gay son, it’s unfortunate that’s what it took before she saw that her self-righteous, god-bothering bullcorn was putting plenty of other kids at risk, not just her own.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scottland7
      Scottland7

      hey. I am Christian AND gay. As a Christian i can tell you gay people in general still get a bad reputation? from the majority of the religious sectors because people get caught up in the god said don’t. Instead of the message of love that you’re meant to live life by. Do you want things to change? Then be brave. Decide the buck stops here. Instead of feeding back the hatred you’ve received. Give out some love and understanding. Think about it. One person can make a difference.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hyhybt
      Hyhybt

      @Scottland7: Amen… but for daring to speak such truth *here,* get ready for a hailstorm of ridicule from people who are every bit as black and white in their thinking as any anti-gay church leader you ever met.

      (Though it would, of course, be a pleasant change to be wrong about that.)

      Apr 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bipolar Bear
      Bipolar Bear

      I’m glad this kid’s mum had a Road to Damascus moment, but it sadly doesn’t always work out this way. I’ve just been speaking recently to an 18yo guy whose mum sent him off to Christian counselling, even though he’s old enough to say no. He did it to shut her up and keep peace within the family. He’s not financially able to move out of home yet, so there’s a certain amount of my house, my rules pressure going on.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dave
      Dave

      Can I just add that anyone who claims (or even thinks) that they’re ‘living God’s commandments’ are most certainly NOT Christians to begin with. This is only further evidenced by what the boy quotes them as saying about other human beings (their ‘neighbors’). If you believe someone is boastful about their sin, you teach repentance & forgiveness, not separation and good-riddance.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChrisC
      ChrisC

      Gay Christians are sell-outs and traitors.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Quentin
      Quentin

      @Scottland7: What next are you going to demand from us? To try to understand cannibals? Give them some love? Homophobia is just slightly more reasonable than cannibalism. In a way, it is a psychological cannibalism.
      Abrahamic fates are barbaric. They are not suitable for out time. They were useful for some nomadic tribes in the Middle East. They alowed a family patriarch to treat his wives and children as slaves by telling them that a powerful mythological creature is on his side.
      “But what about Egyptians, the pharaoh?”, asked the little boy. “They really don’t care about your big powerful friend, dad.” The Egyptians were an actual civilisation on whose margin these primitive nomads used to live. The father answered that they are going to go to hell and that all the natural catastrophies and deaths of their innocent people and soldiers are God’s punishment for they being fags and all that. “And god really hates fags!” So the boy started to be afraid of his dad. If his powerful friend is able to send so many innocent Egyptians to death, what can he do to him? The only solution was to let his dad enslave him and to obey his every command.
      Basically, Abraham was Fred Phelps and Egypt was the larger American society. To this day nothing has changed.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 6:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Parson Thwackum
      Parson Thwackum

      Tired of this nonsense where Christians duck their responsibility for what homophobia has wrought by claiming it was never Christian to begin with and those who are still Christian homophobes are just doing it wrong. Apologize and say you’ll change your WRONG beliefs, don’t pretend you never held the beliefs in the first place!

      And the article’s focus on everyone who is “different” is a terrible affront. It advocates “tolerance” of gays, people with lots of piercings, gang members, and wife-beaters. It’s about showing how morally righteous the Christian is for piously restraining his desire to put us all in jail where we belong.

      I don’t want to be compared to a violent criminal or some teenager making a fashion statement for being gay. I don’t want you to gloat about how “tolerant” you are of my disgusting behavior. Christian “tolerance” and Christian hatred are two sides of the same coin. Stop saying that my sexuality is something you get brownie points for “tolerating” and start accepting my status as a human being who loses no moral standing for being gay, you invisible-man-believing fuck.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve
      Steve

      That is one brave young man. A lot of kids end up homeless, immediately after their parents learn that they are gay. A lot of others attempt suicide, and some of those “succeed”. I am very glad that his particular family was willing to love him unconditionally. Many others are not so lucky.

      The next question for them is, how to tell her church. And, of course, whether to stay in that church. If a church is unwilling to welcome any member of a family, the entire family should feel unwelcome.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 8:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hyhybt
      Hyhybt

      @ChrisC: There’s an inherent logical problem with your statement, and that’s in what it means to be gay, and what it means to be Christian.

      I believe that Jesus was and is the son of God. That makes me Christian, whether I agree with anything else any other Christian ever says or not.

      I am attracted to men in the way that most men are attracted to women. That makes me gay, whether I have anything else in common with anyone else who falls into that category or not. (I also believe gay sex to be OK in the same contexts straight sex would be.)

      There is no logical connection between those definitions. What I mean is, there is nothing about being attracted to men, or even about not seeing anything wrong with men having sex with each other, that proves that Jesus is not the son of God. And until you show that there *is* a direct link there, there is no VALID reason to fault gay people in particular for holding such a belief.

      (You might well fault us for holding it on other grounds, depending on your own belief (or unbelief, if you like) system, but those would apply to anyone, not just gay people.)

      Apr 4, 2012 at 8:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nicole Cunningham
      Nicole Cunningham

      Wow, it makes me sad to see people attacking Christianity with the same hatred and intolerance that they claim Christians show toward them. When will people learn that hate begets more hate, intolerance leads to intolerance, and painting a group of people with the same ignorant brush is bigotry and wrong, no matter which side of the canvas you stand on? The problem isn’t Christianity, atheism, homosexuality or any other -ity or -ism. The problem lies in the belief that you are the only one who is right.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 10:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 1equalityUSA
      1equalityUSA

      Dear ChrisC, who wrote, “Gay Christians are sell-outs and traitors.” Judgmental Christians usurp.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 3:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Parson Thwackum
      Parson Thwackum

      Oh really, am I going out and beating Christians in the street, calling for the government to ban Christianity, expelling my Christian child from my home? Then I guess I’m not “attacking Christianity with the same hatred and intolerance that they claim Christians show toward them,” now am I? Stop apologizing for your persecutors.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 6:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hyhybt
      Hyhybt

      @Parson Thwackum: The same hatred, yes. The same expression of it, no. You do know the difference.

      In the meantime… up above, you said “Tired of this nonsense where Christians duck their responsibility for what homophobia has wrought by claiming it was never Christian to begin with and those who are still Christian homophobes are just doing it wrong. Apologize and say you’ll change your WRONG beliefs, don’t pretend you never held the beliefs in the first place!”

      Would you mind, please, explaining how you have any grounds whatsoever to insist that all of those who say they never believed there to be anything wrong with being gay are lying?

      Apr 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Parson Thwackum
      Parson Thwackum

      Even now they’re saying it! They want us to pin a medal on their chest for not going out and hitting gays, or biker gangs, or meth addicts, or wife-beaters with a shovel. They are saying that we’re morally equivalent to those groups and that their mere toleration of our continued existence is such a praiseworthy act that we should be grateful for it. When that’s considered “progressive” Christianity you can see why I have no time for the religion or its apologists.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 7:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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