All sorts of people get cancer, yes, but not everyone's at risk for the same type of cancer. Breast cancer strikes more often in women than men, of example. Also, only men can get prostate cancer – women, bless them, don't have that magical gland.

Health officials in England realize that we queers may have specific concerns and questions about cancer. That's why a NHS trust has produced guides specifically for gay men and women.

The new leaflets explain the risk factors for gay men and lesbians – for example, a higher risk of anal cancer in HIV-positive gay men – and explain simple things they can do that might save their lives, such as checking for lumps and attending screening appointments.

If you're not down with checking yourself for lumps, we suggest you get someone to do it for you. It's the grope that keeps on giving…