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Can This Video Game About Slaughtering STDs Teach Teens About Safe (Gay) Sex?

Call me puerile, but I like poop and sex jokes — yeah, it’s immature but I can be too sometimes. So I got excited when I first saw the trailer for PRIVATES, “a reproductive health education game for teenagers.” Finally: a fast, funny, gross game where condom-hatted heroes blast away germs and stray sperm lingering in people’s vaginas and bottoms. Heck, it might even teach kids a thing or two about STD prevention. But then I noticed that the game developers didn’t mention a dick level.

After viewing the trailer and synopsis, several troubling thoughts came to mind: “A game for teens that militarizes the inside of the vagina?”; “Are there no female marines?”; “I hope there is a disgusting disease-riddled penis.”

The trailer makes a serious subject seem pretty frivolous, and while “edu-tainment” always sounds nice, teenage boys will probably remember the crude one-liners and power-up locations more readily any useful advice to help keep their wieners from rotting off.

So I contacted Dan Marshall with the game’s development group Zombie-Cow. Not wanting to give away spoilers, he says there might sorta kinda be a penis level. He also understands the “military” feel of the trailer, but finds the word too strong since the weapons are actually spermicides, anti-bacterials, and anti-viral cocktails, not M-249 SAW automatic machine guns. Marshall also hints there might be a female Marine at some point in the game, but wouldn’t mention where.

Because of my sophomoric streak, I’ll definitely play it. But even while blasting away gonorrhea goblins with spermicidal shotguns, I’ll still wonder about its actual educational value. To which Marshall replies, “Sssssssh, it’s not educational! Kids won’t play it if it’s educational! It’s all GUNS and EXPLOSIONS and things going BRAKKA-BRAKKA and stuff, right?”

By:           Daniel Villarreal
On:           Jun 25, 2010
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
  • 3 Comments
    • Johnny
      Johnny

      Zombie Cow has come out with some of the greatest point and click games out there. If you want to have a taste of the kind of mind-numbingly enjoyable games, the kind of border-line “WTF” humor, they have a free full length game in the link above: Ben There, Dan That. It’s nothing short of fucking genius, so much so that I can proudly say that I did buy their $5 sequel instead of torrenting elsewhere. I’m not sure if they necessarily aim at “teaching teens of safe sex,” but hell why not if they do. Mind you, these are the same minds behind using used condoms as articles needed to progress through the game and Nazi dinosaurs corrupting the time-space continuum.

      Jun 26, 2010 at 1:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Qjersey
      Qjersey

      Is there an app for that?

      Reminds me of this

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-OGJw80tdw

      “GI Johnny vs. the evil Capt. Bareback”

      Jun 26, 2010 at 7:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mr. Enemabag Jones
      Mr. Enemabag Jones

      Call me puerile, but I like poop and sex jokes

      There’s a bear and a rabbit shitting in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit, “Rabbit, do you ever have a problem with shit getting caught in your fur?” The rabbit replies, “Why no bear, I don’t.” The bear says, “Good”, and picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

      Jun 26, 2010 at 10:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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