During last night’s 11pm premiere of original SOAPnet soap opera MVP, about a group of well-paid hockey players, the following pop culture prime time soap clichés were maintained:

• Someone died
• The guy who died was last seen snorting coke with an AmEx Platinum card off a mirror
• A sex tape was made (with a young lass)
• The hot guys take their shirts off — in and out of the locker room
• The cougars are on the prowl
• The paparazzi cause trouble

The only thing missing? A homo. Actually, they’ve got that too, but he’s just a bit part, not a locker room patron.

See how MVP keeps it classy (ref. bullet point #4)…

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British soccer star Graeme Le Saux, who had long been plagued by gay rumors, recently sat down with CNN's Don Riddell to discuss homophobia in the sports arena. Here's a meaty bit:

DR: It's thought that only one professional soccer player in the world has ever declared himself to be gay. That was the Englishman Justin Fashanu and he committed suicide a decade ago. John Amaechi became the first gay player to be associated with the NBA last year, but such declarations are extremely rare. In many cases homosexuality remains pro sport's last taboo.

GS: It's such a terrible reflection on a sport that has so much positive impact across the globe that there is still this issue about gay people within the sport. If you look at so many other professions in terms of business and politics, across the board the gay community is represented but in football it still isn't and I find that disappointing. There may not be many gay players in the game but the sport should be grown up enough to be able to support those people in the football environment.

Word.

Studly footballer Ronaldo had quite the run-in with some ballsy trannies.

The 31-year old reportedly picked up three woman at a Rio de Janeiro club, took them back to his hotel, but asked them to leave when he discovered they were packing heat, so to speak. Not one to be cheap, the athlete offered them each £300 to vacate. Two of them accepted his offer, but another asked for a bit more: £15,000. And now she's speaking out:

Andre Luis Ribeiro Albertino, demanded £15,000.

Andre, who prefers to be called Andrea, says she has a receipt from Ronaldo of the purchase of three transvestites for Sunday night and also claimed the 31-year-old took drugs.

Ronaldo admitted he knew they were prostitutes when they met on Sunday night, but did not realize they were transvestites until they got to the motel.

Prostitution is legal in Brazil, so Ronaldo won't be facing charges. He blamed his transgression on "psychological problems because of his recent surgery," according to police. Great alibi, huh?

It's official. Speedo's new LZR swimsuit is the best thing to happen to water since Moses.

The suit, made of a "space-age" water repellent material, has been worn by 21 of the 22 world record swimmers, so obviously Speedo's on to something here.

While people debate the the tight fit's fairness, we're more intrigued by the suit's secret weapon, as seen on swimmer Michael Phelps:

How does it work? The secret, according to swimmers, is in the groin and abdomen. The LZR is built, there, with an inflexible girdle-like structure meant to hold a swimmer's body in the best position as he or she moves through the water.

Another benefit is seamlessness: The whole suit is "ultrasonically welded" together, a technique that bonds plastic using sound waves. This reduces any lines that may cause drag.

Honey, that is drag!

The ever-opinionated politico David Mixner talks jock this morning, chatting with OutSports about the strained relationship between the athletic and lavender worlds. Mixner, who's a Bill Clinton chum, hypothesizes that endorsements prevent sports stars from embracing social progression:

Outsports: Few athletes seem to embrace social activism. Why do you think that is?

David Mixner: The clear answer to this question is just one simple word - endorsements. I also believe that many professional athletes skipped college,where they might have gained access to more social activism, and went directly into a sports league.

We're going to indulge our cynicism and put more weight on the endorsement side.

There's a speedo-clad spoiler running around UNC. A basketball loving student continues a once-banned school tradition of distracting the opposing team with a different kind of basket.

Finally, a reason for us to care about college sports!

Sports-minded homo LZ Granderson found himself on the receiving end of some anti-gay hits at last week's NBA All-Star Game in New Orleans. While he wasn't seriously hurt, the incident spurred Granderson to speak out against a seemingly apathetic sports world, particularly with relation to this month's Brady Quinn scandal. Writes Granderson:

As long as we as a culture continue to make incidents like the one involving Quinn a news brief, then we as a culture will continue to give credence to the barbaric caste system that has led to several violent attacks and even deaths of people just because they are gay. Contrary to the mistaken notion that brings us comfort, this branch of hate crimes didn't stop once the nation eulogized Shepard. Some of us just stopped paying attention.

That's certainly a possibility, but our cynical selves suspect some of 'em just don't care.

We're not really sure where the following video originated (Brazil?), but these boys can do amazing things with balls.

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Britain's Rochdale Football Club enjoys tarting it up in thongs while getting felt up by getting felt up by game show contestants. Why did our forefathers revolt!?

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