Lance Bass came out on People. So did Ellen DeGeneres. They didn't need to, of course. We all knew they were flamers, yet the still felt the need to announce it to the world. While we certainly support the famous flamers burning down the closet door, Nick Denton Maggie Schnayerson over at Gawker raises an interesting question: why can't we just call seemingly gay people "gay"?

She specifically discusses could-be queer news anchors such as Bill Hemmer and Anderson Cooper, writing,

…It's 2008 for God's sakes, a news anchor can be whoever he wants to be… Ask the press to call a gay news host like they see one, and all of a sudden demureness is a virtue. For every stab taken at outing a closeted news man, a contradictory report pops up. ABC's Sam Champion made out with a chick! Bill Hemmer was seen loving a lady on the Empire State building! But let's be careful not to point out why both those things are newsworthy enough to be mentioned.

Maggie and her peers then provide five videos of five different news men, all of whom strike us as poofters: Hemmer, Cooper, Champion, Fox's Shepherd Smith and Sean Hannity. Here's our favorite clip of Smith doing his - um - job:

The Gawker kids seem to think that Hemmer's the least likely to take it up the pooper, but we're not so convinced…

We erroneously attributed the piece to Denton, when, in fact, Maggie Schnayerson wrote it. Sorry, Maggie!

We've lusted after former CNN anchor turned Fox Newser Bill Hemmer for - well, for far too long to admit. Our fantasies came crashing down this morning, however, when a reader sent us this very official missive:

Dear Queerty:
So, Bill Hemmer of Fox News Channel made it official this morning during his news program that he has a girlfriend!! In fact he took her to the top of the Empire State building yesterday, and proudly pulled out his cell phone while live on the air, found her picture on his cell phone and forced it in front of the camera for the world to see the lovely Mrs. future Hemmer.

His co-host of America's Newsroom, Megyn Kelly seemed shocked and amazed by stating "that doesn't sound like you"! I guess Mr. Murdock or Roger Ailes have finally figures out (and straighten out) Hemmers sexuality for him.

Finally!

Thank God we now all now know Mr. Hemmer is straight. Now I can sleep well now knowing there is no future for he and I!!

While this Boston-based reader may be sleeping well, we're vowing never, ever to sleep again. In fact, we'll never eat again, breath again or blink again. Our future has never seemed so bleak - or short. Why, Bill Hemmer? Why?!

Here's a Fox News snatch on a "brutal beating" in Norfolk, Virginia. As you'll see - and hear - a group of black teenagers beat up a white peer. Once hunky Bill Hemmer wonders, "Why would these kids do that to him?"

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