We've got some good news and some bad news.

We'll give you the good news first: Jake Gyllenhaal is in the market for an assistant. Like, totally a wet dream come true, right? Well, wrong. At least for most of you.

You see, rather than hiring on merit alone, the Brokeback Mountain actor has a bit of queer requirement: ladies only.

Wait, isn't that reverse sexism?!

[Forbes via Mollygood]

Fox News' John Gibson caused quite a stir last week when he made light of Heath Ledger's death. In case you don't recall, the journalist used Ledger's role in Brokeback Mountain to poke fun at the Australian actor.

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Mel Gibson may have called Heath Ledger's death "tragic," but P.I. and alleged John Travolta lover Paul Barresi tells NYDN that Gibson told Ledger not to play gay in Brokeback Mountain. When Ledger refused, Gibson cut him off.

And we thought the cretinous, vulturous paparazzi were bad!

Fred Phelps and his brood of Westboro Baptist bigots have announced plans to picket at late actor Heath Ledger's funeral. Why? Because his role in Brokeback Mountain made him a fag enabler, of course!

Heath Ledger thought it was great fun defying God Almighty and his plain word; to wit: God Hates Fags! & Fag Enablers! Ergo, God hates the sordid tacky, bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as 'Brokeback Mountain' - and He hates all persons having anything whatsoever to do with it.

Heath Ledger is now in Hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there - beside which, nothing else about Heath Ledger is relevant or consequential.

Christ almighty these people are insane!

We wonder whether Phelps and company will be traveling to Ledger's homeland of Australia for the funeral. If, in fact, that's where he'll be laid to rest. Regardless, these people are vile, disgusting and, most of all, press whores.

• From "Abigail's X-Rated Teen Diary": "Vote John McCain, but do it quickly! He could be dead tomorrow."

• Amy Winehouse dragged to rehab after crack video. And her hair's black again!

&bull: Some enterprising schmuck has posted a Brokeback Mountain oil painting on eBay. Bid: $2,500. That's gross. And the painting's ugly.

• New research shows that same-sex couples "are just as committed in their relationships as heterosexuals and the legal status of their union doesn't impact their happiness". Because we're so gay!

• Police dispatcher behind teenaged swim team porn site pics.

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Did Brokeback Mountain really change the way Hollywood - and the world - deal with homos? This "Brokeback Jeter" clip and some startling evidence say "no".

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Just when we hoped the Brokeback Mountain jokes would go away, OK! claims Heath Ledger's "in talks" for a sequel to his gay cowboy drama.

Although we won't be seeing his pal Jake Gyllenhaal, 26, Heath Ledger, 28, is currently in negotiations to reprise his role as Ennis. "It will follow the nasty process of being openly gay in 1963 Wyoming, an insider tells OK!.� "Ennis will finally come out of the closet."

First, that sounds kind of like bullshit. Two, what exactly is the "nasty process of being openly gay in 1963"?

Harnessing their journalistic imaginations, the OK! staffers end by suggesting Ennis find a new profession with the Village People. The wit!

Meredith Vieira needs to keep her mind out of the gutter - and the anus. The Today show host hosted Jake Gyllenhaal this morning to hype his new movie, Rendition.

Naturally, a conversation about torture slid into a queer exchange about Brokeback Mountain:

MV: Talk about movies with a heart: Brokeback Mountain. Did you have any idea when you were making that what you were sitting on, so to speak? So to speak - I probably shouldn't use that term, actually. I apologize.

JG: Wow! Uh -

MV: You make this movie and - wow - I'm sorry…

JG: Very well put, Meredith.

Huh? We don't get it…Oh, because he gets fucked in the butt in Brokeback…sitting on…oh, Vieira, you clever, nasty bird!

We're not really sure why, but New York Times' Collier Schorr recently shacked up with a bunch of rodeo men for a little vid-estigation into the wild world of cow poking.

Check out what the boys have to say about riding hard, riding long and riding with just boys. No, there's no stemming of the rose, but there's enough material here for a relatively satisfying wank. And, really, what more can we ask for from The Times?

Stefan Olsdal and Brian Malko weren't the only boys locking lips this weekend.

Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Farrell got down and dirty - no, seriously, they were down on the ground getting dirty - when they received their MTV Movie Best Kiss Award for their smooch in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. As AfterElton points out, this marks the second year in a row that two men have won the honor. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger took home the prize last year for their gay lovin' in Brokeback Mountain.

Take a peek at the Cohen/Farrell make-out session, after the jump.

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• We have to give a huge thanks to reader Nathan, for he led us to this Marvel Comics-endorsed website where you can make your own super hero. It's fucking rad and you should go make one. Here's our first attempt: Ass Licker! And, yes, the exclamation mark's part of his name. You have to say it like that: "Ass Licker!" no matter what, even if you're whispering. His power: he licks ass, of course. We expect he'll have some friends soon. [heromachine]

• Speaking of heroes, Britney Spears apparently has three: her mama, her ex and her lawyer. We'd argue the third's the most powerful. [TMZ]

• Here's a heroic Hebrew: orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg. He's lent his voice to the great gay marriage debate. His argument revolves around the necessary distinction between civil matters and those of faith: "By denying the right to civil unions, states are in violation of civil rights…" [Emory]

• Yee-haw! It's time for the Gay Rodeo, y'all. [Dallas Morning News]

• Sounds like Kenneth Hill needs a trip to that there Gay Rodeo. He's getting all nostalgic for Brokeback. [QueerSighted]

• Meanwhile, Rupert Everett's hosting Sydney's Mardi Gras. Naked. Okay, not naked, but he's apparently at a loss at what to wear. Also, Also, he's got a new book out. Not sure if you've heard… [Sydney Morning Herald]

There's really only one word for this: stupid. Janice Scott-Blanton, the esteemed authoress of My Husband is on the Down Low and I Know About It, has filed a $250 million lawsuit against the makers of perhaps more esteemed gay movie, Brokeback Mountain.

It seems Scott-Blanton was having a sit-down, watching a little BM when she noticed some "eerie" similiarities between the Academy Award-winning film and her based on a true story book. She alleges there are more the 50. Of a few, BlackNews reports:

[A] stark similarity is exhibited after James' and Annette's ninth wedding anniversary, when Annette from Scott-Blanton's novel confronted James regarding his homosexual activity. James told her that he had purposely written a confession in his journal because he knew she had been secretly reading it; he did not know of any other way to tell her about his secret. This scene transpires in a kitchen setting. After Thanksgiving dinner, in the movie Brokeback Mountain, Alma confronts Ennis (her husband) regarding his homosexual activity. Alma told Ennis she had purposely written a note and put it on the end of his fishing line for him to find. This scene also transpires in a kitchen setting.

Shame on you, Brokeback Mountain makers! You had the ingenuity to adapt a movie from a 2005 book, travel back in time to 1997, get Annie Proulx to publish Brokeback Mountain in The New Yorker to cover your tracks, but you didn't think to change the scene setting? You should pay $500 million!

Although, you can't really blame Ang Lee and the rest for wanting to steak Scott-Blanton's page turner. Even the first few lines scream, "Take me as your own!":

The old cliche goes, "If only I'd known then what I know now". The cliche has been a part of my life for some time now. It has been like a bricks that's held me down for over ten years.

Like a ton of bricks, she says! Really grabs you, doesn't it?

(PS: Scott-Blanton also wrote Succulent Sex, which some believe was later adapted in The Passion of the Christ.)