Dennis Hastert / Queerty

» New Hire.

Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert has taken a job at gay and trans loving lobbyist firm Dickstein and Shapiro. And the right-wing is pissed! They weren't so pissed, of course, when "Hasturd" helped cover up fellow Republican Mark Foley's underage page loving ways. [Eisenstadt]

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Funny, True, Gross

Obviously we're into toilet humor.

Remember when we called former House Speaker Dennis Hastert "Hasturd"" That was fun, right?

Well, when do jokes cross the line? No, we're not talking about potentially anti-gay zingers. We're talking about elderly vagina jokes:

The retired wrinkly set in Florida, armed with prescription drugs, time and freedom, are enjoying shagging well into their twilight years. The men have a new term for it:

"I'm gettin' me some Prune-tang tonight".

We suppose the same could always be said about butt sex, since anuses are wrinkly and all, right?

May 8, 2008 · Link · 6 Responses

Hastert Failed To File Foley Legal Bills

The Mark Foley scandal got an extra epilogue today. The Washington Post> reports that former House speaker Dennis "Hasturd" Hastert settled with the Federal Election Commission after failing to file his Foley-related legal bills.

According to FEC documents, Hastert (R-Ill.) failed to disclose in early January 2007 that his 2006 reelection campaign had run up $147,000 in legal bills stemming from his connection with the Foley investigation. Hastert agreed to settle the matter and pay a $1,000 penalty.
…
Through the first half of 2007, Hastert raised more than $540,000 in campaign funds. More than $130,000 of that went toward paying off old legal bills, FEC records show. On Sept. 30, the end of the most recent reporting period, Hastert had $1,557.86 in his campaign account but more than $52,000 in outstanding debts. That includes the last $11,000 owed to his law firm, McKenna, Long & Aldridge, which represented Hastert during the Foley probe.

Hastert was complicit in Foley's explicit exchanges with underage Congressional pages: they failed to heed reported warning about the Congressman's carnal pursuits.

Jan 3, 2008 · Link · 1 Response

Hasturd Out!

Quitting Months Earlier Than Expected

Former Speaker of The House and Mark Foley enabler Dennis "Hasturd" Hastert will leave his post earlier than expected:

The Illinois Republican had announced in August he would not seek re-election in 2008, but said he planned to finish his current term, which ends in January 2009. Republican aides, speaking on background only because Hastert had not yet publicly announced his new plans, said he now intends to leave office late this year or early next year.

What's really funny is that Hastert's the 13th Republican to announce his resignation in recent weeks. Meanwhile, Congressional outcast Larry Craig refuses to quit. More proof that the GOP's backwards.

Oct 18, 2007 · Link · Respond