Alright, so Amy Winehouse isn't really using her stricken, streaked face to sell cocaine, but she should: the singer makes addiction look so glamorous! Someone cut us a line and knock out our front teeth, please!

Case closed!

CONTINUED »

Remember when Amy Winehouse didn't look like a half-dead junkie from hell*? No, we don't either.

*Note the British singer's rosary is wrapped around her bra strap. Although, there's the possibility Winehouse is making a political statement. She is, after all, a nice Jewish girl. Or was, at least…

Seattle-based safe sex educators Lifelong AIDS Alliance takes an unorthodox approach.

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Scandal prone Boy George better learn to read before he writes! What started as a simple autograph turned into a very expensive agreement:

The gay entertainer was on the decks [at a nightclub] at 3am amid hundreds of revelers, when a lurking solicitor sidled up to the DJ stand.

Amid the writhing bodies and pumping music the lawyer, disguised as a clubber, handed the pop star a piece of paper. Thinking it was an autograph-hunting fan, the DJ duly obliged with a quick signature - which will now cost him £36,000 [about $73,872] - the cash he owes after being sued by a club promoter.

That promoter, Kasia Saleh, filed a lawsuit against George after he ditched a pre-paid gig to deal with his coke-related woes.

George, who also faces charges for imprisoning a Norwegian whore, must either pay Saleh the money or declare bankruptcy. The singer didn't have any comment, but one witness describes him as "gobsmacked," which is exactly what it sounds like.

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Amy Winehouse drew laughs when she snorted some coke during a recent concert and got gasps for her dysfunctional Blender interview:

Now her words are slurred, her eyelids drooping. Her head wobbles into a nod. She falls asleep for a second, wakes with a start, mutters and drops off again. The smoldering cigarette in her left hand falls to the floor.

“Oh, God, what is wrong with me?” she asks, coming to. “There’s something wrong with me…”

This girl has officially become a caricature of herself. What's more, her seemingly bottomless thirst for self-destruction's getting a bit tired. Either OD or clean up your act, girl!

• Exterface astounds once again with Orchid.

• "Harassed" lesbian soldier denies secret tryst with fellow lesbian soldier.

• OMG! Is Britney Spears a meth head?

CONTINUED »

Benicio del Toro's one good amigo. The 21 Grams and Fear and Loathing actor recently accompanied a strung out pal to a narcotics anonymous meeting at the Gay Men's Health Center here in New York.

A "source" tells Page Six that del Toro popped in last Friday to help a meth-addicted chum. When it came his turn to talk, del Toro stood and proclaimed:

Hi, my name is Benicio. I am not an addict, and I am not gay. I am here to support my friend.
…
Benicio is a sponsor to a guy who looks a little bit like Patricia Arquette. They met when Benicio was doing research for his druggie role in 'Things We Lost in the Fire' and kept in touch. Benicio is now his sponsor. But it's weird because usually sponsors are people who have been through the 12 steps and can coach you through them, not some guy who's just famous. But I guess it's sweet.

That's just swell. Too bad del Toro and his friend are going to have to find a new place for their no-longer secret meetings.

• We can't provide anything other than this picture, for this shit-based drug may be the grossest, most revolting thing we've ever. It leaves us wondering - pleading, begging and praying - "Why?!" [Note the slang terms. Our favorite: "Butthash".]

• Rev. Donald J. McGuire arrested for sexually assaulting boys:

A prominent Jesuit priest accused of sexually victimizing teenage boys who were his valets as he traveled the world leading Roman Catholic spiritual retreats was taken into federal custody yesterday in Chicago.

The priest, the Rev. Donald J. McGuire, was charged by the federal authorities with traveling to Switzerland and Austria to engage in sexual conduct with a minor. Father McGuire was convicted last year of sexually abusing two high school students on trips to Wisconsin.

So, he allegedly molested them and then made them drive him around? That's twisted.

• Anti-gay Russian nationalists march in Moscow.

CONTINUED »

The Republicans' actions and words at this weekend's Values Voter Summit prove one thing: the party simply refuses to evolve. Editor Andrew Belonsky explains why the Grand Old Party needs to embrace change, look beyond the walls of social conservatism and expand its definition of family values.

CONTINUED »

Ain't that sweet? Lindsay Lohan's fresh outta rehab and hamming it up with dear old dad! Months of detox didn't take the starlet's sense of humor. She describes her third stint in a year: "It was a sobering experience." Oh, zinger!

Lohan's exclusive (!) interview with OK does take a serious turn when she confesses: "I hit rock bottom. Everything in my life came to a point where I had to make a decision." Yeah, we go to rehab every time we have to make a decision, too.

Meanwhile, aforesaid father Michael's got a new lady friend. And, shocker, she looks like a future version of dear daughter Lindsay.

Frightful!

Boy George just got a lesson in karma.

The queer entertainer had been scheduled for a 2005 launch performance at Los Angeles' Club GAY USA. In exchange for his presence and talents, George received about 10,000. Unfortunately Georgie Boy pulled out ten days before the Halloween appearance. Why? He had to deal with a coke charge back in London.

The infuriated club promoter, Kasia Saleh sued. After years of legal wrangling, Saleh's finally getting some payback. A judge ordered Boy George to cough up over £31,000 - or about $63,000!

At least it wasn't everything he owns…

Stricken with muscular dystrophy, American citizen Clayton Holton's looking for a little relief - like a joint.

Unfortunately, our government continues to forbid medical marijuana. Hoping to find a sympathetic ear - or a great YouTube clip - Holton asked presidential candidate Mitt Romney if he'll allow medical marijuana. The answer: a resoundingly insensitive, flippant "no".

Do Mormon Republicans have a soul? Apparently not.

Did a hard on kill Dean Johnson?

Authorities are investigating whether or not the New York nightlife staple died after mixing erection enhancers with anti-depressants and other drugs.

Cops want to know if a bad reaction to Viagra or Cialis could be behind the mysterious death of a New York gay-club legend who died in a Washington, D.C., apartment last month, a pal said.

Dean Johnson - the second man in several days to die in the apartment - may have had a bad reaction by mixing the erection-enhancing pill with other drugs or medication, according to pal Dale Corvino.

Corvino said Johnson traveled to D.C. to comfort an acquaintance, Steven Saleh, whose friend died in his apartment just days earlier…

If we were the coppers, we'd be looking less at erections and more at Saleh. Two bodies in a week? That's not a hard one…

George Michael decided to get in on the party and start making fun of himself. The scandal-prone singer will appear on BBC's Extras Christmas Special:

The one-off show sees 44-year-old Michael mocking his own well publicized behavior, including spoofing his own past drug and public bathroom sex antics. We all know it’s been an up and down year for Michael, but the singer certainly hasn’t lost any of his sense of humor!

Next up: an Easter special with Cheech Marin.