Despite reports to the contrary, David Beckham will not be guest starring on Desperate Housewives.

The super star soccer stud was rumored to appear on the ABC sudster with fellow Brit, Robbie Williams.

The equally attactive Eva Longoria put gossip to rest yesterday:

I talked to Victoria the other day. I told her about that rumour, she was laughing. David had a good laugh out of it. No, they are not coming on the show.

Never fear, queers: the hour-long drama will still be getting gay when Tuk Watkins and Kevin Rahm join as a same-sex couple.

It was a hodge podge of Who's Who in Hollywood last night as A-listers and Blisters came together in welcoming David and Victoria Beckham to America.

Super clique Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Becks, Posh, Jada and Will Smith led the crowd into Los Angeles' Museum of Contemporary Art. The not-as-selective-as-we-imagined guest list included a big looking Lil Kim, Little Britain's Matt Lucas, Eva Pigford, Eva Longoria, Posh's fellow Spice Girl, Mel B, Stevie Wonder and, for some reason, Jon Voight.

Check out some more pics, after the jump.

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• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are now officially man and housewife (forgive us). They'll do it again tomorrow. Obviously they're desperate for attention (Oh, it hurts!).

• If Enrique Iglesias were gay, he'd go for George Clooney. And, apparently, have no imagination. (Sorry, Ricky Martin.)

• Shirley Phelps-Roper has been charged with child abuse after letting her 10-year old stomp a flag while protesting a soldier's funeral. If convicted, she could receive 3-months in jail. God willing…

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We've never read Tipping The Velvet by Sarah Waters, but we were just discussing it last night, which makes the discovery of this story all the more surprising.

Apparently Beyonce Knowles and Eva Longoria have signed on to play repressed lesbian lovers in Sofia Coppola's big-screen adaptation of the novel. Those of you familiar with the text (or the BBC version) know that things get pretty sexy, including a scene in which one of the characters gets fucked with a strap-on. Of course, as pioneering career women, Longoria and Knowles are jumping at the opportunity.

Beyoncé and Eva are said to be incredibly excited about the steamy love scenes and can't wait for filming on the project to start.

A source revealed: "They weren't at all coy about the sex scenes. In fact they both seemed to think it would be more fun than doing the same work with a man. It's going to be very hot."

So, what's bizarre about this story? Well, while we haven't read it, our lesbian friend tells us there are no people of color in the book. We suppose Coppola's using her artistic license on this one, which - despite what you may think after Marie Antoinette - is actually a good thing.

(Oh, and in case you don't know: "tipping the velvet" is code for cunnilingus.)

• Look how much these women are making from commercials! Brad Pitt is in there too, but he's prettier than any of the women on the list so he counts. Of note: Jessica Simpson makes $7.5 Million from Guthy-Renker. What is she selling now?…ProActiv? Pilates? Her soul? No wonder Nick Lachey wants alimony. We'd drain her for every penny too. [Jossip]

• Julia Roberts starring in Three Days Of Rain on Broadway. Movie stars hitting Broadway is cool as hell. Her performance? Eh. [H'Wood Reporter]

• Eva Longoria in The Sentinel, opening near you somewhere. TV stars hitting the big screen is…no big deal. Although honestly, while she has the best-written character on Housewives, her acting is about as engrossing as Julia Roberts on Broadway. [AP]

• Correction: Madonna isn't planning a crucifix disco ball in her concert; it's normal, but she rides it onto the stage. OH THANK GOD WE KNOW THAT NOW. [VirtualMatter]