The world seems to have forgotten the queer case of the amnesiac "piano man". And what a queer case it is. And certainly worth remembering…

On 7 April, 2005, Andreas Grassl washed up on shore in Kent, England, where police questioned the 20-year old. Unfortunately memory eluded Grassl, who wore a suit with the labels removed, adding another element to the mystery. At the Medway Maritime Hospital, doctors gave the lost boy a pen and paper. Rather than writing his name, as doctors had hoped, Grassl drew a picture of a piano. The kid may not have known his name, but he sure as hell remembered how to tickle the ivories. He played for hours, thus garnering the Billy Joel inspired moniker, "Piano Man". The media swarmed, following the story with tenacity, trying desperately to solve the mystery, break the story and put an end to the guessing game. It wouldn't be months, however, until we learned the truth: the son of a German farmer, Grassl fled his conservative upbringing and wound up in England.

But why did he leave home? And, more importantly, how did he end up in the English Channel? According to today's The Scotsman, Grassl's a gay.

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If you guys are looking proof that queers are born, not made, dive into that there jump to see Bill Kaulitz of German boy band Tokio Hotel singing "It's Raining Men" on a turn of the century episode of German Star Search.

It's pretty fucking gay.

(Also, is it us or does Kaulitz look like some lesbian from an apocalyptic future?)

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Sure, the wide-world of sports doesn't have the best pro-homo history, but European footballers and fans alike are joining forces to become more inclusive of their cock-sucking peers. Pink News UK reports:

LGBT supporters in Germany and Poland are participating in the Football Against Racism in Europe Action Week, which will see a series of events throughout the continent dedicated to promoting equality including anti-homophobia schemes.

A commendable gesture, yes, but we can't help but wonder: since when does faggotry count as a race? Not to seem like we're not down with greater struggles, but it seems a bit…off the mark. (But, in all seriousness, we think any movement against oppression's pretty excellent.)

• 100 Lawyers Can't Be Wrong: Oppose Anti-Gay Law in Virginia. [365 Gay]

• Gay Germans To Protest Pope. 'Nuff said. [Deutche Welle]

• South African Trannies Find Inclusive Bank. Yay! [Afrol News]

• Closeted Rabbi Nabbed by Dateline Convicted. Double yay! [The Advocate]

• Lohan's "missing" bag actually forgotten by assistant. Big shit. [Daily Mail]

• Again, things in Uganda not so good. [BBC]

• We know saunas are hot, but sheesh. [Leeds Today]

• Ex-gay leader ex-thief? Say it isn't so! [Wayne Besen]

• German's love that gay pol. [Gay City News]

• More gay comic news. Thank GLAAD. [GLAAD]

• Because we still can't get enough Whitney and Bobby tragedy. [Perez Hilton]

The minibar isn't the only thing that costs extra at the Ostfriesland Hotel in Norden, Germany. They have started charging guests by weight. The exact amount is about 60 cents per 2 pounds, which means that the old Star Jones would be paying about $45 more per night than the new one. Before you feel grateful to the conscientious hotel owners for caring about our general health, remember their reasoning: "Slim guests live longer and can therefore come more often and that is why we reward them."

And we thought it had to do with the bedsprings, in which case how much would a room cost if we put Al Reynolds into the equation with Star? Unfortunately that is a question with an unfathomable (and probably unspeakable) answer.

Fatter bills for hefty hotel guests [Ananova]
Star Jones on Life, Love & Weight Loss [ETonline.com]

We’ve been here before. Two queer penguins causing a stir in their NYC zoo by shacking up with one another only to be broken up by some harlot. Was one of them only in his Sean Cody experimental stage? We may never know.

What we do know is that it’s happening all over again, this time in a German zoo with 11 male on male penguin couplings. But this time even a visit by the female Swedish bikini team of Penguins couldn’t tear the queer penguins apart. But what were those zoo folks thinking when sending a woman in to do a man’s job. Yhou wouldn’t send Angelina Jolie to London to break up Elton John and David Furnish, would you?

But this is certainly turning out to be a great week for the gay animal kingdom. What would be even more of a breakthrough would be an interspecies coupling. Some male flamingo on male penguin action is just what the American Family Association to get all wound up over. And you know how much we love to see them get their panties in a bunch.

Female penguins fail to seduce males [The Age]

• Before eventually being dismissed by his Christian school, a gay student was told “to not dress in women's clothing, not slap others on the buttocks if he was a member of a sports team, not hug or shake hands with other men for too long, not "broadcast" his lifestyle, and not tell other students he was gay until he knew them well.” Because that’s all gay men do. [The Advocate]

• Jonathan Plummer was looking pretty gay during his appearance on Oprah a few months ago. But his pictorial in Clikque pretty much confirms he’s gone all homo-crazy. [Clikque]

• Mexico City has arrested a serial killer who targeted gays. He has no regrets and says he would kill again. Yeah. Throw away the key, boys. [The Advocate]

• It’s inspiring how quickly a country like Germany can evolve from one of the most dastardly to one of the most progressive. [Yahoo]

• Posting names of those who signed a petition supporting a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage in Massachusetts seems to have confirmed gay rights supporters' suspicion of fraud. Though Kenny Chesney doesn’t appear to have anything to do with this one. [Bay Windows]

This week Cologne, Germany was awarded the 2010 Gay Games. So what does this city have to offer fags like us? Tons. Even though almost half the city’s population is Roman Catholic, it’s very homo-friendly, something that probably doesn’t sit well with native country boy and frequent Cologne visitor Pope Benedict.

But you don’t have to wait until the games arrive in five years to unload on the city. Cologne has plenty of events to attend throughout the year such as its famed Carnival or the immensely popular Christopher Street Day parade. Over a million fags pack the place in July for one of the gayest pride events in the world.

Cologne is very liberal, so that means drag queens and fetish clubs everywhere. Star-Treff has two drag shows per night and they are supposed to be the best in town, even if they do have the scariest Diana Ross we’ve e ever seen. Chains is the place for you leather daddies. Enjoy those “only in Europe” dark rooms.

There is a lot of history to check out, too. By far the most popular attraction in Germany’s oldest major city is the Cologne Cathedral. This was at one point the tallest structure in the world only to be surpassed in length by the most well hung of all monoliths, the Washington monument.

We wonder if the Pope will be able to make it for the Gay Games. It was only a few months ago when he was in town hanging out with rosary bead clutching yutes for what's known as the “Olympic Games of Catholicism,” World Youth Day. Right. Not a freakin' prayer.

• Andrew Sullivan's blog has gone MSM. It will now be a part of Time.com. We're much too jealous to accuse him of selling out.

• Germany has won the 2010 Gay Games which will definately piss off their neighbor's new president.

• Just as we suspected. New York Magazine loves bears.

• This Thursday's Oprah is titled "When I Knew I Was Gay." Guest Carson Kressley will reveal that he knew in first grade. Most likely when his show and tell project turned out to be a make-over of his frumpy teacher.

• That much anticipated queer-restricting document from the Vatican is being released at the end of the month. What a thoughtful early Christmas gift from the Church to gay Catholic priests everywhere.

Arnold vetoed gay marriage in California, but in Europe, Germans are saying „Ja!“ to GTV, a gay television channel set to debut in 2006. Though the programming will at first only be available to German viewers, the channel plans to expand rapidly into the Swiss and Austrian markets. A media contact in Cologne, Germany, where GTV is headquartered, tells Queerty that the channel will be available to international cable subscribers, though details of which services will carry it have not been finalized.

The Promo-Teaser on GTV’s website shows our homo Brueder und Schwester doing some rainbow romping on the continent and so is worth watching even if you wouldn’t know an umlaut from a strudel. One great thing about gay TV from other countries is that it allows you to bone up on homo vocabulary in other languages before you go adventuring among the natives. For those of you who sprechen Deutsch already, and want to launch a European TV career, GTV is having on-going auditions; consult their website for details.