Eternal pop star Madonna released a video today “thanking” everyone who made videos of her recent, shitty single “4 Minutes.” The material mom puts on a happy face, but we can tell she’s simmering.

Also, can someone explain to us why she’s pretending to clean? Seriously, we don’t get it…

Madonna’s buying a third apartment in her Central Park West building. Why? Because she can… [NYDN]

Kylie Minogue suggested yesterday that her cancer battle ain’t over. The singer told Ellen DeGeneres: It’s not over.

The ‘voyage’ doesn’t end suddenly. That’s why it’s so difficult to talk about it.

I remember one day in Paris during my treatment when I was in a cafe on a corner - and at the time I was really glad if I could make it as far as there.

A young man approached me and gave me a rose. He said simply: ‘Be brave. We’re thinking of you’. We sure are, Kylie. We’re specifically wondering how you survived singing on Ellen DeGeneres’ stage yesterday - those paper flowers look suspiciously like man-eating vaginas. See what we mean after the jump…

Meanwhile, in other Kylie news, that diva Madonna took a swipe at the singer by stealing her choreographers. It’s War!
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Only the most die hardest of die hard Madonna fans will like this collaboration with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland, “Four Minutes To Save The World.” It’s terrible.

[Thanks !!omg!! for new video.]

Behold Madonna’s new Vanity Fair cover, which is a step up from her last two shoots. Sure, she still makes us feel uncomfortable, but at least she’s not flashing her crotch.

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We don’t know what to believe! Page Six reports that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are headed toward divorce, but E! quotes the singer’s rep. as saying “Mr. and Mrs. Guy Ritchie remain happily married.” What, isn’t it Mrs. and Mr. Madonna? Ow! Our heads hurt! [NY Post & E!]

Are we the only ones tired of Madonna crotch shots? Apparently the material girl’s ‘gina didn’t get enough exposure with “Hung Up,” so now it’s prominent featured on the cover of her new album, Hard Candy. And it’s making us limp.

A little known pop singer called Madonna got the recognition she deserves at last night’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
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Former Baywatch actor Jaason “Double-A” Simmons (center) came out of the closet this week. Via Same Same: [Simmons] has ended years of speculation in the hope of raising awareness of African adoption.

Simmons has appeared in Australian New Idea magazine with his boyfriend of eight months, Irish actor John O’Callaghan, and his adopted six year-old Ugandon son saying that they want to get married.

The couple plan to wed in Canada as same-sex unions are not legally recognized in California where they both live. Well done, Simmons! And we totally support your mission. We warn you, however, Madonna and Angelina are very territorial, so you may want to sleep with one eye open.

She may speak with a British accent, but Madonna’s still got her American civic responsibilities.

The singer spent at least some of her Monday milling around a Los Angeles court room waiting to be called for jury duty. And she wasn’t necessarily happy about it - but that didn’t stop her from making some press-friendly funnies: While serving jury duty Monday in LA, sources said she “complained that she got only three hours of sleep because of her Oscar party Sunday night, and then asked another juror if she could lie down on the bench.” One spy said, “She was laughing with jurors and said she hated the movie ‘Enchanted.’ ” When the … Continued…

Madonna and Gucci teamed up last night to raise controversial moolah for UNICEF and African nation Malawi. And, as you can see, all the big names were there. While we weren’t in attendance (our invitation must have gotten lost in the mail), our sources tell us everyone had a gay old time. Except for Gwyneth Paltrow, whose silk bow reportedly tried to decapitate the actress.

Function over form?
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Pop star Madonna shelled out nearly $12 million for a new home that will soon become her new gym. No, seriously, this woman, this great humanitarian, spent $12 million on a house that she will turn into her private gym. That’s madness!

What’s worse than two mega millionaires making even more money off of shampoo?

When they bring a dead girl down with them: [Madonna] has teamed up with hair care brand Sunsilk in hopes to inspire women around the world to leap from their couches and live life to the fullest with the debut of their massive “Life Can’t Wait” Campaign.

During the broadcast of Super Bowl XLII on February 3, the Sunsilk “Life Can’t Wait” Campaign will feature the iconic pop stars Madonna, Shakira and Marilyn Monroe This shit really makes us sick - Marilyn can’t even spend money! And, again, she’s dead!!

Tyson Beckford’s not afraid to work the proverbial “it”: When starting out as a model, Make Me a Supermodel co-host Tyson Beckford was willing to wear almost anything, even “if you gave me a thong and said, ‘Look you’ve got to wear these heels and this thong down 42nd street,’” he said. Meanwhile, MSNBC’s The Scoop also informs us that Madonna spends about $10,000 a month on special Kabbalah water. That’s dumb.

Actors, singers, diplomats and various celebrities will turn out in full force February 9th for the Gucci-hosted “A Night to Benefit Raising Malawi and UNICEF.” Held at New York’s UN headquarters, the event will rake dough for Madonna and Kabbalah-guru Michael Berg’s non-profit, Raising Malawi. Fox News’ Roger Friedman, however, claims the two are up to no good: …Neither Gucci nor UNICEF is aware — even though it’s been noted here many times — that Raising Malawi is merely a front for Philip Berg’s Kabbalah Center of Los Angeles. In fact, before anyone writes a check: Raising Malawi is also still not a registered charity. All of its forms, filings and press … Continued…