Had you told us that little Nick Cannon would one day marry Mariah Carey, we wouldn’t believe it. Reviewing this video for Gigolo, however, it’s all starting to make sense. They’re made for each other.

Here it is: the new video for Mariah Carey’s latest single, “Bye Bye,” which was directed by her then-future, currently-new hubby, Nick Cannon.

Our soul sister Lauren Williams of Stereohyped fame described the video as “cheesy Mariah at her cheesiest.” Basically, this shit’s like fondu, only twice as fattening. Oh, and it’s looong!

Now that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have sealed the marital deal, the kids over at Pretty On The Outside offered this amalgamation of the celebrities’ features.

Is this what a Carey/Cannon love child would look like all growed up? And, if so, is this creature pre-op or post-op?

Mariah Carey and much younger man Nick Cannon have tied the knot, which means we’ll never fulfill our dream of being Mrs. Nick Cannon. Until they get divorced, of course. [SH]

Singer Mariah Carey celebrate her continued world domination yesterday by turning the Empire State Building pink, which now makes NYC the gayest city in the world. Hoorah! [CGL]

Mariah Carey’s latest album, E=MC2 sold 154,000 copies its first day on sale. [Reuters]

Recently slimmed down singer Mariah Carey intimated that her weight loss may inspire a work out video, but she’s well aware that it would be an insta-punchline: “…When you’re constantly having your picture taken and on TV like I am, well, I could see I really did need to lose some of the bulk. I might be doing a workout video, which will be a big joke anyway, but I can show how I did it.” This reminds us of her MTV Cribs appearance when Carey lamented that she wasn’t allowed to eat pizza or, basically, anything. Can you tape and sell that? [NME]

The gays love themselves some Bjork, which may explain why Grizzly Bear’s Ed Droste and Owen Pallett of Final Fantasy decided to cover the singer’s track, “Possibly More.” This isn’t the first time the gay gents have gone after more mainstream singers - they once tackled Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy.” It’s - um, you can judge for yourself.

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Singer Mariah Carey shouldn’t be allowed to speak - period:
Before a big show I’m not allowed to speak for two days. It’s boring writing notes. I need Stephen Hawking’s voice machine so I think and it comes out in a robot voice. Because God forbid Carey go two days without offering the world her wisdom.

• Yeah, Christ’s birth isn’t big on our list of religious celebrations, but we do love Mariah Carey’s carnal enthusiasm for the holiday!

• British gays taking advantage of civil partnerships.

• Did Beyonce and Jay-Z get married? Sources say “Yes!” Other sources say “No!”

• Adrian L. Acosta talks - and talks! - about taking his mother to a gay bar.
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• Whitney Houston and Clive Davis stepped out in New York today. Can we just say we’re so happy to see Whitney’s given up her crack head ways…

• Anti-gay Nigerian Archbishop Peter Akinola spoke at Wheaton.

• Miranda Grell fined for gay pedophile smear.
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Mariah Carey appeared at the unveiling of the new “Jury Duty” stamp yesterday. And, in true Ms. C style, the singer preened and posed for photogs. Broadway legend Bernadette Peters also appeared at the socially conscious event. Peters didn’t strike such dramatic poses, but she looked fab, anyway.

See more shots, after the jump…
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We once thought Mariah Carey could do no wrong.

Looking at this ad for her new perfume (”M By Mariah Carey”? Barf.), we realize we’ve been such fools! Mariah Carey can do wrong and you’re looking at it.

Aside from the entirely unnatural pose and impossibly svelte, smooth body, we’re particularly appalled by the scent’s slogan: “An ethereal presence. Captivating like a song.” What does that even mean?!

Does it mean, “This perfume’s cheap and will evaporate quickly, but I’m a musician, so you’ll buy it because you love my music”? Probably. And, you know what, Ms. Carey? We’re not buying it.

In fact, we’re launching an international boycott until you change that slogan to … Continued…

Paul Priore’s hoping for a grand slam. The former Yankees club house attendant sent out a call for a ghost write to help pen a gay “tell all” about his experience with the New York baseball club.

Priore first grabbed headlines way back in 1998, when he accused the club of firing him for being gay. The club, of course, denied the allegation, calling Priore a thief who snatched club house belongings. “Not so,” said Priore, who also claims teammates called him a “faggot,” then-pitcher tried to make him blow him. What’s more, Priore offers up a bit more fantasy-ready allegations: Derek Jeter and starting catcher Jorge Padosa got steamy in the team steam room before a Mariah Carey concert.

As if the alleged dick sucking isn’t enough, it happened before a Mariah Carey show? That’s so gay.
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Elton John traveled to Washington Monday to receive the National Association of Broadcasters’ Service to America Leadership Award. Ever socially aware, NAB honored John’s tireless work against that international nightmare, HIV/AIDS.

The guest list looked like a who’s who of American culture, with democratic Senator Barbara Boxer and Representative John Dingell sitting side by side with Miss America, Lauren Nelson and Inside Edition’s Deborah Norville. Meanwhile, Oleta Adams put a jazzy spin on some of John’s classics, like “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” which Elton no doubt did.

Taking the stage, Elton - who has cited Ryan White as his inspiration for his activism - told the enraptured audience, This is a chance to … Continued…