• Watching those Snickers commercials? No. Masterfoods yanked 'em, issuing the world's most flippant, indifferent statement in history: "We know that humor is highly subjective and understand that some people may have found the ad offensive. Clearly that was not our intent. As with all of our Snickers advertising, our goal was to capture the attention of our core Snickers consumer."

• Heading to rehab after admitting to fucking you former campaign manager's wife? No, that's pretty much San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's territory. (What's up with everyone going to rehab. Party poopers.)

• Going to Best Week Ever's "The First (and Possibly Last) Annual ZARFCON 2007"? Only if you join them in DC for All My Children actor Jeffrey Carlson's performance in Hamlet.

• Being named Human Rights Campaign's new chief diversity officer? Only if your name's Cuc Vu. (And, yes, they work "the nation’s largest gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization" into the first sentence".)

• Blaming your divorce from Nick Lachey on The Notebook? Yes. That is, if you're name's Jessica Simpson, who says, "I just figured out the statement." Yeah, that's how we read it, too.

• Barring The New York Times from your fashion show over a bad Cathy Horyn review? Only if you're Carolina Herrera. Well, she sure showed that bitch Cathy, now didn't she? Only if Horyn cares, which we doubt she does.

• Announcing your official presidential bid on February 13th? That's what Mitt Romney's reportedly doing. Happy fucking Valentine's.

• Justin Timberlake is to return to the Billboard charts with FutureSex/LoveSounds, his sophomore effort that sounds uncomfortably like he and Cam Diaz's bedroom soundtrack. [E!]

• It's a sad day when Nick Lachey is getting Ben Affleck's sloppy seconds. Especially when it comes to international marketing. And even more so when it has to do with a fragrance no man, gay or straight, should ever purchase. [MollyGood]

• Boy George is once again a top priority for law enforcement. Okay, not "top." After failing to show up in court Friday, a judge issued an arrest warrant for the performer — but isn't having the cops act on it till later this month. [E!]

• Gay media kingdom PlanetOut is naming Karen Magee as its new CEO, succeeding Lowell Selvin, who's leaving for medical reasons. Perhaps Magee can crack the whip and get new Out editor Aaron Hicklin to attend his own events. [GayWired]

• In Massachusetts, where it's legal, lesbians are outpacing gay men in marriages by 2-to-1. Now factor in the outnumbering of gay men to lesbians and that statistic is a even more intriguing. Now how about those divorce rates? [Joe My God]

• Turns out men are better at reading faces than women. Something to do with evolutionary theory. [NYT]

• Has marriage always been limited to a man and a woman? No. Was the Marriage Protection Amendment a waste of Congress' time? Substantially, yes. [OUPblog]

• Nick Lachey ain't gay, ya'll. He just likes to keep up appearances and if that means wearing makeup for magazine cover shoots, so be it. [Towleroad]

• A half million gays and lesbians will take over London for two weeks. The other 50 weeks of the year? Just 490,000 gays and lesbians. [24 Dash]

• When it comes to casting shows on Logo, just being gay isn't enough. [Manhattan Offender]

We bought the current issue of Rolling Stone magazine for the "Worst President Ever" story–three cheers for that magazine!–but we can't help but enjoy the pictures of Nick Lachey. No, we do not care about his failed marriage, we do not care about his stagnant musical career, nor do we care about his publicist's current attempt at getting him in every media outlet possible to bring him back into the public eye. He's just fun to look at.

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• Look how much these women are making from commercials! Brad Pitt is in there too, but he's prettier than any of the women on the list so he counts. Of note: Jessica Simpson makes $7.5 Million from Guthy-Renker. What is she selling now?…ProActiv? Pilates? Her soul? No wonder Nick Lachey wants alimony. We'd drain her for every penny too. [Jossip]

• Julia Roberts starring in Three Days Of Rain on Broadway. Movie stars hitting Broadway is cool as hell. Her performance? Eh. [H'Wood Reporter]

• Eva Longoria in The Sentinel, opening near you somewhere. TV stars hitting the big screen is…no big deal. Although honestly, while she has the best-written character on Housewives, her acting is about as engrossing as Julia Roberts on Broadway. [AP]

• Correction: Madonna isn't planning a crucifix disco ball in her concert; it's normal, but she rides it onto the stage. OH THANK GOD WE KNOW THAT NOW. [VirtualMatter]

All this talk of the Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson split has us remembering this Details spread. Eyeliner and fur never looked so good. Thanks Just Jared.

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• The American Family Association says this past weekend's muscle-fest, Mr. Gay International, was "designed to get homosexuals together for sexual activities." We must have missed the contest's mandatory orgy competition.

• Queer jock Boi from Troy raises the possibility that a USC football player might be responsible for splitting up America's most annoying couple, Nick and Jessica. And the quarterback isn't tackling Jessica.

• Over 1,000 brave Croats come out of the closet by having their names printed in the local rag! Well, first names only.

• UNICEF bombs the hell out of the Smurfs's gay village in a new ad aimed at raising funds. Our thoughts are with Vanity smurf's partner.

• A gay priest speaks out against the Vatican's upcoming ban on gays and (surprise, surprise!) reveals not all men of the queer cloth are dirty little sluts!