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Dear queer Questions, I think a new coworker of mine is gay. How can I confirm this? I mean there are no gay whistles being blown (i.e., Prada bag, great fashion style, ultra-muscular body). What other signs/tricks are out there aside from throwing my face in his lap and testing the reaction? Thanks, Curious To Know Dear CTK, First, do some investigative work: look him up on Friendster or MySpace and Google his name. If no luck proceed to the next step. We think the way to solve this mystery is quite simple actually. Tequila. Get a group of coworkers together for margaritas after work. Make sure it is mostly lightweights or coworkers with children with the hopes that everyone bails after a few drinks, leaving you and probable homo. When alone, make your move. Tequila works as truth serum. After your fourth drink suggest you head to an obvious gay bar. Gauge his reaction. If excited, it’s an easy call. If he resists, order two more rounds. After his sixth, he’ll go anywhere. After his eight, he’ll do anything. Trust us. It is a scientific fact that tequila turns straight men gay. |
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Dear Queer Questions, I’m dating a young blogger and no matter how many times I ask him not to, he keeps shaving his chest. What’s a sensitive way I can get the little bastard to conform to my wishes? Signed, Dear GIG, Well the real issue here is the fact that you are dating a blogger! By definition they are self-obsessed and controlling so you have a battle ahead of you. But do not fret. We have the answer. There is a compromise. Perhaps you can agree on trimming, or manscaping. This will keep his hair under control while saving you from his sandpaper stubble. Shaving does not need to be to the skin. A trimmed chest looks 100 times better than a bare chest covered in razor bumps. Look to Tom Ford for inspiration. He was a huge fan of the hairy chest and made it sexy during his reign at Gucci. You may also want to start watching 70’s porn. Get your boyfriend all hot and hard by watching all these hairy guys go at it. He obviously is not seeing enough positive images of guys with hairy chests. This could be a way to show him that hairy guys are hot too. Hoping for Hair, |
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