Tori Spelling is no longer just a New York Times best-selling author.

She is now a No. 1 New York Times best-selling author. On Sept. 14, her book, sTORI Telling, will move into first place on the prestigious newspaper's non-fiction list.

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Good news, sex club kids! Despite last year's rumors, the health department will not shut down the New York city's commercial sex venues:

Speaking at the Lesbian, Gay Bisexual and Transgender Community Center, a senior New York City health department staffer told an audience of more than 100 that the agency has no plans to shutter city sex clubs and bathhouses.

"I want to set the record straight," said Dr. M. Monica Sweeney, assistant commissioner for the Bureau of HIV/AIDS Prevention and Control, at the February 21 town meeting. "There have been no plans at all in the department of health to close commercial sex venues."

In honor of this blessed, sticky day, enjoy the this video of Heroes star Zachary Quinto getting some sauna love on the late So NoTORIous.

Out out did itself for this year's Out 100.

Check it…um, out, after the jump…

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It's never too early to get excited about Heroes triumphant return to television screens. Zink's certainly amped - the next issue features features on the NBC series' hunky hero and super villain, Milo Ventimiglia and Zachary Quinto.

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• Kyra Sedgwick, Academy of Television Arts & Sciences CEO Dick Askin and Jon Cryer are thrilled to be reading announcing the Emmy nominations.

• Fattie v. Fattie: Perez Hilton challenges Jason Davis to hot dog eating contest. And, also, a race. He's so health conscious!

• "First gay Latin star" Jade Esteban Estrada to play villain in Bruiser and Scratch video game.

• Cathy Horyn recalls Versace murder.

• God bless Tammy Faye: dying of lung cancer, weighing next to nothing, still going strong and appearing on Larry King tonight.

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Malibu has long been a bastion for the bent boys. Unfortunately some disgruntled diners were caught unaware: they found Tori & Dean: Inn Love producer John Hill and his gay pals' PDA a bit distasteful. Hill recalls:

A woman sitting nearby with her husband and children became so grossed-out at the sight of us holding hands with our boyfriends that she asked the waitress to move them to another table. Unable to re-seat the bigot and her family, the waitress tried to calm the beast down (she had ugly hair), but Mommy Intolerance was so sickened by the fact that adult homosexual men would want to hold hands in public that she boxed up her heaps of Greek food and left in a huff. Clearly, seeing gay people isn't what she expected when going to a restaurant in MALIBU (dumbass).

So did Mr. Hill cope with the family's frustration? He offers many sincere apologies, including "Sorry that we ordered k-bobs; looking back, they do look like weeners, which is not appropriate."

You should be more sorry for misspelling "wiener," Mr. Hill. More often than not, "weener" means "idiotic doofus". "Wiener," however, always means penis. Or a hot dog. Regardless, the entire situation sounds like the most traumatic thing in the entire world. We'll start a fund and, possibly, attempt to get a legislative bill named for you, you hot dog, you.

Tori Spelling can put another line on her resume. As you may have heard, the Hollywood princess turned inn keeper has been officially ordained and broke her nuptial cherry with a gay wedding.

in honor of the blessed event, the art fags over at Pretty On The Outside sent along this somewhat disturbing picture of a serene Spelling smiling as two men tie the knot. Not only are these guys gay - they're interracial! Illustrated Tori Spelling, you're the most progressive cartoon in history!

• Elton John reportedly had a royal breakdown after Prince Harry and Prince William's Concert for Diana. The singer got into with a police officer who ordered him to walk to the VIP area, rather than drive. John allegedly screamed,

Get out of my fucking way. Don't you know who I am? I've been working all fucking day and I need to get to my fucking dressing room.

Obviously Sir Elton is no lady. Nor does he get special privilege: he eventually walked.

• Is Tori Spelling a heinous bitch?

• Anti-gay Movement for a Better Hungary plans on protesting this weekend's gay pride. Whee!

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If there's one person gay people love more than Hilary Duff, it's Tori Spelling. So, it only makes sense the actress should turn to HX for all her publicity needs. In case you're not aware, Oxygen will be airing her new reality show Tori & Dean: Inn Love, which follows Tori and new hubby Dean's attempts to run a bed and breakfast.

The show isn't the only new project for Ms. Spelling - she's due to give birth any day now. So, is Spelling worried about having a baby? Apparently she's just going to treat it like a dog.

HX: Do you have a name picked out?
TS: We have two names, but we want to wait until we see him. I associate it with like a dog—you have to see your puppy before you really name them.

HX: Might your dog Mimi LaRue get jealous?
TS: I have concerns, but it’s really good we’re having a boy first so she doesn’t have to feel threatened that the baby’s going to wear her clothes. I totally would have them both in matching outfits…

Pretty close-minded for such a gay icon, don't you think?

Brian Austin Green's latest role will involve him taking it in the back door. The former 90210 heart throb has signed on to play gay in Will & Grace co-creator David Kohan and Max Mutchnick's new CBS comedy.

Unlike W&G, on which the fag/hag dynamics provided most of the punchlines, the new show revolves around two men - one gay and one straight - and their female coworkers. Apparently it's loosely based on Kohan and Mutchnick's real-life friendship. Sounds like a real laugh riot…

As for Green pretending to dig dick - it makes perfect sense to us. In fact, we always thought David Silver played for the other team. He did, after all, have pierced ears. Also, what straight guy would date a dog like Donna? None.

• Stephen Colbert had "mega" sympathy for Ted Haggard. [Huffington Post]

• Tom Ford's spritzing his shit all over town. And when we say "his shit", we mean his new fragrance, Black Orchid. [International Herald Tribune]

• Melrose Place's just been released on DVD. While we doubt Tori Spelling will get her father's residuals, we know that Doug Savant's chatting with AfterElton about his gay role on the prime-time sudster. [AfterElton]

• Is People Magazine the coming out go to? It looks that way, yes. [Jossip]

• Let's get one thing straight: if it weren't for the gay sex, Ted Haggard's gay sex scandal would only be a scandal. And don't you forget it. [Rocky Mountain News]

(from Fish Drink Water)

Alright, America, it's time to move on. This has officially gone too far.

Labelling Brokeback Mountain as the "Great Gay Movie" of our time is perhaps a bit short-sighted, in respect to the huge quantity of queer cinema out there.

In an effort to wean society off Brokeback, we'd like to make some other recommendations, and celebrate the brilliant gay films that were hitting the silver screen long before Jack and Ennis were hitting it in a tent. Plan a film festival party, invite over some of your favorite gays, and perhaps pick one of these stellar recommendations from our personal libraries:

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