The Christian Right is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. With the Supreme Court set to rule on gay marriage literally any day now, quite possibly making it the law of the land, wing-nuts are clutching their Bibles closer than ever. Last week alone saw behavior so insane and inane we would laugh if they were not so pathetic. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.
Scroll down for a quick recap of all the crazy ass sh*t equality opponents did …
The Southern Baptist Convention declared war
During the Southern Baptist Convention annual hate fest on Monday, Pastor Ronnie Floyd proclaimed: “We are in a spiritual warfare,” he preached. “This is not a time for Southern Baptists to stand back!” Since we are in the middle of multiple battles raging across the middle east, maybe the war metaphor was a bit, well, extreme and insulting. Plus, it is a war, Ronnie baby is about to lose, big time.
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If that’s not enough, Ronnie tried to take down the high court a notch or five. You know, that court dominated by five religious conservatives appointed by religious conservative presidents: “The Supreme Court is not the final authority, nor is the culture itself! I declare to everyone today as a minister of the Gospel: I. Will. Not! Officiate. Over. Any. Same. Sex. Unions. Or. Same. Sex. Marriage. Ceremonies!”
Phew!
Concerned neighbor calls grieving widow relentlessly gay
On Wednesday, Julie Baker, a widow and mother of four living in Baltimore, received a nasty note from a “concerned neighbor” condemning her for stringing a set of rainbow-colored solar lights across part of her front yard. The note threatened police action if she didn’t “tone down” her “relentlessly gay” behavior.
In response, Baker launched a GoFundMe page and raised over $30,000 in a single day to buy more rainbow swag for her garden — and maybe even a new roof.
We’d love the anonymous note writer to step forward. It would be good for another laugh.
The couple that threatened to break up if gay marriage is made legal had over 175,000 people RSVP to their divorce.
Nick Jensen and his wife Sarah had the brilliant plan of dissolving their 10 year union if gays are allowed to get married. Because mindless divorce is such a Christian idea. The dimwitted duo claimed that “by changing the definition of marriage, ‘marriage’ will, in years to come, have an altogether different sense and purpose. We no longer wish to be associated with this new definition.”
This week, a Facebook event page was created celebrating the Jensen’s impending divorce. So far, over 175,000 people have RSVP’d to the party.
A DJ refused to play at a gay man’s 60th birthday bash.
Speaking of parties, Dani Tsakounis just wanted to do something special for her roommate’s 60th birthday. So she did what good people do: planned him a party. But when she called Ultrasound Deejays in Gaithersburg, MD, about providing music, the company’s owner, Michael Lampiris, told her: ” We won’t be able to do it, we’re a Christian organization and it would go against our faith, I’m sorry. … We ought to obey God rather than men.”
Evidently, the Bible specifically prohibits Christian disc jockeys from laying down beats at gay men’s birthday parties.
Rick Santorum is back at it
Rick Santorum promised that if he’s elected president in 2016 he’ll ensure all children are raised by parents of the opposite sex. None of this two dads or two moms or single moms or single dads business. He also said that if the Supreme Court strikes down gay marriage bans nationwide “that doesn’t mean we won’t fight and try to push back both as the Congress should and as the president should as a co-equal branch of the government.”
Good luck with that!
One Million Moms vs. enjoying Chobani yogurt in bed
When our favorite right-wing Moms saw Chobani’s latest TV commercial featuring a lesbian eating yogurt in bed while her lover sleeps beside her it got busy. “Chobani should be ashamed of their latest commercial for attempting to normalize sin by featuring two women naked in bed together,” it opined. “This commercial not only promotes same-sex relationships by including two lesbians, but also same-sex marriage because the two women wear matching wedding bands.”
Who knew Greek yogurt could be controversial?
Luis H. Lopez
Religious bigots lunatics homophobes !
Eric Erickson
It doesn’t affect them in the least.
Ladbrook
I guess they can all relocate to North Dakota. I don’t think anyone actually lives there, so they can have it. I’d then vote to let them secede. We’d be sooo much better off without them.
Realitycheck
I hope the supreme court doesn’t require additional time to deliberate on marriage equality,
I have been literally sitting on needles while waiting to hear the verdict………any day now……….
Stephen Samuel Louis Ferry
And what, pray, would you say if the court not only ruled against you but declared that homosexuality does not exist? Does the court have the competence to make such a proclaimation? If not, what does the court have the competence to decide?
Michael Davy
These people need to go and create a new religion, because they have no concept as to what Christianity really is. Maybe, at the same time, they could go off and find a new place to live.
Realitycheck
Stephen, none of that is realistic. LOL
The supreme court decides on cases appealed from lower courts, in the USA we have a system where a case can go from the lowest to the highest court.
And what can the court decide on? Only on the specifics of each case.
So to answer your unusual question, NO the court cannot decide Homosexuality doesn’t exist because that is not what the case is about case, and it could never do so anyway, because every one from conservatives, to liberals, to historians, and doctors recognize the reality of homosexuality. LOL
Last what would I do if the court would rule against marriage equality? I would
be extremely surprise in light of all other pro gay ruling all over the USA, gay marriage equality has won in the majority of USA states and there is no stopping it. Just recently Mexico has legalized gay marriage and Canada has done so years ago.
Even Japan that doesn’t have any gay marriage equality laws now recognize gay marriages to Japanese citizen officiated outside of Japan.
From your Facebook page I see you reside in Rome, as you know, Italy still doesn’t allow gay marriages, for now, yet the city of Rome does allow gay marriages. I also see you are a devoted catholic, I hope you do realize that one religious believes do not apply to others but only to one self, to that effect we do have a
separation of church and state in the USA, and in Italy people will laugh at you if you were to express conservative moral believes………..
Victor Barry
It will happen and then nothing will really change. Then this little tempest in a teapot will fade away.
Leon Wilborn
I don’t know whether to shake my head or laugh my ass off at these folks…
Scott BonAmi
I thought only toddlers threw temper tantrums…
Donald Martin
Michigan’s losing its sh*t, trying to legislate it so that marriage *has* to be registered by someone who is a “religious leader” — apparently without realizing that not every “religious leader” opposes SSM.
onthemark
Is the guy in the top pic a Queerty staffer who posed for that amusing photo? If so, kudos!
RRT
Having been raised Catholic, I find that stock photo ironic. That crucifix is more than what it appears. We had a very similar one in our house. It contains the “ingredients” needed for the administration of last rights. You know, just before your really, most sincerely dead. Some holy water, some oil, and a candle.
Unknowingly a most appropriate image.
Transiteer
Grasping onto Straws. Everyone can see what a bunch of hateful screaming looney’s the religious are. Rubber rooms required. A meltdown defending a stone age book of Fiction. Simple minded buffoons.
rand503
@Donald Martin: or realizing that it is fantastically easy to become an ordained minister via mail order or the internet, so any gay person can then officiate.
BlueDude
@Eric Erickson: But it’s a “SIN”, an “ABOMINATION”, and still worse, we all know “GOD HATES FAGS!” I can’t wait to see the religiotard meltdown when there are no earthquakes, tsunamis, or volcanos from God’s wrath!
Brandon E Donovan
What are they going to do next? Beat people with hammers?
Patrick Laney
Maybe they should burn down their own churches in protest… Idiots..
NoCagada
@Brandon E Donovan: They have already done that
Alison Bourke
I’m going out right now to stock up on Chobani
SeeingAll
Is that photo supposed to represent both Catholics (the crucifix) and Protestants (the Bible) ??? Why no symbol of Eastern Orthodoxy, which can be quite homophobic ?
AzLights
@SeeingAll: You got that right. They are every bit as vile and homohating as the bible thumpers. I should know. I was Eastern Orthodox for almost 20 years.
Justin J Villeneuve
That’s about all I have to say to them
James
Nobody wants to join the ugly baptist church anyway. Losers.