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Clay Aiken, You’re Not Bringing Sexy Back/Sexy


Dear God,
Queerty here. Remember us? Yeah, it’s been a while. We’re turning to you because, well, we’re stumped. No, not the tired “What is the meaning of our gay lives?” We’ve got bigger fish to fry: why does Clay Aiken think he can pull off Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack”?
Bestest,
Us

Dear Queerty,
He can’t. And he’s a repeat offender.
Your pal,
God
PS: That’s the reason why Idol The Musical closed after one night. Even I’m not that judgmental.

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Aug 14, 2007
Tagged: , , ,

  • 29 Comments
    • BillieXX
      BillieXX

      Better be careful. The members of Clay Nation are going to slash your car tires.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 2:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james_boston
      james_boston

      Thanks Queerty. Thank you very much. Now I’m gonna have to go and gauge out my eyes and ears.

      And you’ve made me completely straight.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 2:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gaycurmudgeon
      gaycurmudgeon

      That was more like “Sending Sexy Out to Pasture.”

      Aug 14, 2007 at 2:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dw
      dw

      Gun. Now!

      Aug 14, 2007 at 2:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nycstudman
      nycstudman

      Posit: Clay Aiken is to Justin Timberlake as masturbation is to real sex.
      Discuss.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 3:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dawster
      Dawster

      yet… somewhere in the audience, a 12 year old girl orgasmed for the first time.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 3:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mittens Romney
      Mittens Romney

      Oh my gross! After that clip, I think the only person on planet Earth who doesn’t know Clay is gay is Clay.

      http://www.MittensRomney.com/

      Aug 14, 2007 at 3:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alexa
      Alexa

      You all do realize it’s supposed to be a parody, right? He’s not being serious. (and, yes, god help me, I saw him do it in concert. and, no, I’m not a claymate.)

      Aug 14, 2007 at 3:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james_boston
      james_boston

      Some things just aren’t funny Alexa.

      Studman, don’t disparage the God given gift known as masturbation by comparing it to Gayken. A more apt comparison would be Clay Aiken is to Justin Timberlake as cutting off your penis is to real sex.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 3:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • adamblast
      adamblast

      Thank you, james. I thought I was going to have to defend my hobby there for a moment.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 4:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nycstudman
      nycstudman

      With apologies to Woody Allen, far be it from me to disparage sex with someone I truly love.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 4:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • thatguyfromboston
      thatguyfromboston

      Well, at least we now know why sexy had to brought back. The poor dear’s been in hiding from gayken.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 4:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Qjersey
      Qjersey

      He is such a drag queen in the making

      Aug 14, 2007 at 4:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Woof
      Woof

      Why…oh dear God whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????

      Aug 14, 2007 at 5:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IDNY
      IDNY

      Oh my…. After just being stuck on the hot NYC subway for a hour, going the ‘great distance’ of one stop carrying 50 pounds worth of merchandise… I come back to the office to THIS MONSTROSITY! I thought it was going to be a usual Clay musings, you know him and his latest pre-teen delusional nut case fans trying desperately to deney his sexuality while drowning Jesus Christ in blood; which is always amusing to the more intelligent community. But NO such fun to be had this go around… it was FAR FAR worse.. So excuse while I go jump off the ledge of my building now. There is no hope for society anymore, not after that.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 6:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alexa
      Alexa

      Eh. Well I thought it was funny (in a good way) when I saw the whole medley live, but it doesn’t translate well to a short video clip. I guess you had to be there. The fucking awful TV theme medley is indefensible, though.

      As to being a drag queen in the making, he’s already done that, pre-Idol. They even showed a clip on TV a while back.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 6:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SeaFlood
      SeaFlood

      … something inside of me just died. Parody or no, that shit was WRONG.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 7:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Peter Eater
      Peter Eater

      Ew.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 8:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gamemonk0
      gamemonk0

      God save us… why are the baptists on our case when this unnatural being is rampant?!

      Aug 14, 2007 at 8:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jason
      Jason

      He’s mocking JT and why shouldn’t he? I mock JT too.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 8:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • slg111
      slg111

      For God’s sake, the guy is making fun of all the songs out there are are supposed to be “so cool.” He makes a huge point of the fact he’s not cool in his banter before this medley. The whole thing is in good fun. Gotta take something innocent and blast it, right? Makes all you jealous losers who sit around doing nothing all day just a little ticked off to see this guy still raking in the money for CDs and tours. You wish you had 5 percent of his talent and likeability. It is getting SO OLD and uncreative to bash Clay at this point. Find something else to write about.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 8:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • anne t
      anne t

      I am so disappointed in you!!

      There is no one so mean as a jealous queen. I’m not going to go into all that s–t about how some of my best friends and family are gay,,, (some are) but they don’t act like you. You give gay a horrible name!!

      Why don’t you give the guy a break!???

      Clay was making fun of himself for being uncool and it was terrific in concert. Most reviewers have enjoyed it!

      It is people like you (are you actually human??)
      pretend Perez Hiltons that keep this stuff alive.

      I have seen so many outright lies about him here.
      Why don’t you get a life and find someone else to write about. Someone who deserves it like Paris Hilton, and her ilk.

      I am ashamed for you! Itty bitty no talent losers. I agree with the poster who says you are driven by jealousy!!

      Aug 14, 2007 at 9:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Martini-boy
      Martini-boy

      And this is where the thread ends, unfortunately.

      No point in arguing.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 9:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james_boston
      james_boston

      Like Billiexxx said (and he was right for once), the 12 year old girls were bound to come out to defend their queen, er, homo, er, straight, manly, butch singer Clay. If you got a problem with hatas anne and slg111, you’re on the wrong site. Try a straight one.

      As for being driven by jealousy, HA! A person can be jealous of a Justin Timberlake or a Brad Pitt or a Halle Berry but a dried up queen like Gayken? You must be joking…get a grip little girls.

      Aug 14, 2007 at 10:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • al
      al

      “i’ll let you WHIIYYIPP me if i misbehave” – ?

      seriously. how could queerty – or anyone, for that matter – not make fun of that. ladies, am i right?

      Aug 15, 2007 at 1:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IDNY
      IDNY

      Well Said James-Boston.

      If anyone has ‘No-life” slg111 and annet, I would think it would be the people who search out sites to defend some no talent bigot/hypocrite like Clay Akin; Who only can make the little money he does have through taking advantage of a NOT SO SMART TWEEN middle American society. Silly little girls educate yourself with something that doesn’t have the word “pop” in it and develop a real argument or just SHUT THE FUCK UP. Its Clay Akin its not that big of a deal!

      Aug 15, 2007 at 9:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • anne t
      anne t

      James Boston and IDNY, (and anyone else to whom it applies.)

      I so apologize to you for getting upset and for anything I said referring to you and your intelligence. It is not nice at all to insult NOT VERY INTELLIGENT LOSERS!

      SOOOO sorry! as for not being that big of a deal take a look at yourselves. :-)

      Silly little girls?? Thank you very much. xoxox

      Love,

      Aug 16, 2007 at 4:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james_boston
      james_boston

      Obviously we were wrong. Anne isn’t some 12 yr old girl…she’s the other kind of Clay fan; a 300 pound shut-in.

      Aug 16, 2007 at 6:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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