You can already predict the scenario for the coming year. Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson reappears on A&E. To placate everyone Robertson insulted with his remarks in the GQ interview, A&E makes sure that Robertson is shown in warm family situations, talking about how he doesn’t have a problem with any of God’s creatures (except ducks). As a topper, Robertson appears in a carefully scripted PSA in which he talks about how different people can have different views, but we all respect one another. (He won’t mention the bestiality link in the PSA.)
Which makes Robertson the perfect choice for The Advocate’s next Man of the Year!
Having set the bar so low this year by honoring Pope Francis for his kind words, the magazine has vastly expanded the pool from which to draw future honorees. Under the new standard, Robertson’s predictable rehabilitation would make him an ideal candidate for the next year-end honor.
But why stop there? There’s a vast array of options to choose from under the new standard. Here are some possible candidates.
Paul Ryan. In 2013, the GOP Congressman and failed VP candidate showed just how progressive he is by proclaiming his comfort with gay adoption. Maybe ENDA will follow. Based on that timeline, his embrace of marriage equality can’t be more than 20 years away.
Peter Thiel. The PayPal founder and multimillionaire gay, so that would be a change. And just because he happened to provide the money that enabled Ted Cruz’s ascent and empowered the GOP shutdown caucus doesn’t mean we should penalize him.
Cardinal Timothy Dolan. True, his boss won the honor this time out, but imagine the setback to homophobia if the New York Archbishop just kept his trap shut.
Rand Paul. So what if the Kentucky Senator and presumed GOP presidential candidate thinks that marriage equality means you can now marry animals. As a libertarian, he’s so opposed to any government intervention that he’ll allow that as well.
If the list of people isn’t long enough, The Advocate can honor whole institutions. How about the Mormon Church for not pumping millions of dollars into stopping marriage equality the way it did in California? Or the Boy Scouts for allowing gay troop members, even if it still bans gay troop leaders? I mean, half a loaf is better than none, right?
Really, the possibilities are endless. We really look forward to seeing what The Advocate can produce in 2014. We know it will be hard to top.