As anyone who’s ever hopped on a friend’s computer or tablet knows, Google search history is an incredibly easy way of involuntarily snooping on the device owner’s current state of affairs.
And that’s how this story begins — Reddit user HeMeYou asked to borrow his 13-year-old son’s iPad and noticed a lot of old searches popping up along the lines of “I’m gay what now?”
Luckily, there are dads like this one out there in the world. He turned to Reddit to seek advice on what to do, posting:
I love him regardless of which gender he loves, in fact when I was slightly older than him I had a few flings with guys, which he doesn’t know about, so I am 100% supportive. He has seemed slightly down recently, as in, he isn’t as cheerful as he once was, and I desperately want to tell him that I love him regardless of which sexuality he is.
What are my options? Should I wait for him to tell me? Or should I make a few hints at it?
I’m worried that if I don’t hint at it, that he will be worried about something that he really doesn’t have to be worried about… if that makes sense.
And even more luckily, there are people on the internet like the ones who flooded the thread with support and guidance.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
And since the responses were very heartwarming, he posted this update:
Firstly, I’d just like to thank all of you who commented and gave me advice on the previous post, and because the post got so much attention I thought it wouldn’t be fair for me not to make an update.
As many comments suggested that I do, is to slightly hint toward the notion that I am perfectly happy with having a gay son, while letting him do the work in actually saying the words “I’m gay”, and I thought that was a very good idea.I started off with talking about general media with him, for instance I mentioned how awesome it was that Tim Cook (CEO of Apple) came out as being gay and I asked him what he thought about it and I was completely expecting him to give a typical teenager response like “yeah.. its good” or something like that but he actually gave me a detailed response which I absolutely loved because for the first time in a good while I’ve actually held a conversation with my son that felt really… rewarding.
I also wanted to talk to him about how I’ve noticed that he’s not been acting as cheerful as he usually has and I sort of gave the cliche spiel of “I love you no matter what and I just want to see you be happy” but I didn’t get much of a response that time apart from “yeah I know..”
The next day as I picked him up from school I thought I’d ask him about any crushes he has, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t say a gender when I asked him, so instead of ‘he’ or ‘she’ I used ‘they’ etc.. Here is that conversation as I remember it…Me: So, do you have a crush on anyone?
Son: Uhm… no..m..maybe..
Me: Ohhh so who is the lucky person?
At this point he sort of looked at me slightly confused, I’m not 100% sure why, but I’m assuming it is because I said “lucky person” rather than “lucky girl”.
Son: Just someone from my french class…
Me: Oh yeah… so what do you like about them?
Son: Just.. stuff..
Me: Okay.. but.. like what?
Son: I donno they’re just kinda funny I guess…At this point I dropped the conversation but just before I did I told him “Well, whoever it is, they should be so lucky to have you as a boyfriend..” and while I didn’t see it, I certainly felt as though he was rolling his eyes at my cheesy comments.
At the dinner table the same day, while we were eating we had a couple minutes of silence, not much was heard apart from the cutlery and my son finally said “I actually wanted to tell you something in the car, but I was afraid you’d get in an accident..” I looked up from my plate and looked at him straight in the eyes… I could see he was thinking about something and all I could think of was “OMG this is it…” he said “Dad..” with a couple seconds of silence “..I’m gay”. I looked at him and couldn’t help myself from smiling, and I told him “____, you know I love you so much… right?” and I got up and gave him a huge hug. He even started to cry on my shoulder and because of that I couldn’t help myself but shed a couple tears. We talked for a bit while finishing our dinner about how I can’t emphasize enough that I love him regardless of which gender he loves etc…
After dinner and after he finished his homework we both lay in our pajamas on the sofa, while I was watching the Cooking Channel and he was playing on his iPad. I had my arm around him and he was leaning his head on my chest, and all I could think of was that I’m the happiest father on earth right now.
Thank you all so much for your feedback and suggestions on the last post. All of you are so kind on this subreddit, so many of you sent me PM’s explaining how I was a super dad and it honestly brightened my day.
For those curious as to what I will be doing next, I’ve already started doing some research in LGBT Youth Communities and I think joining one would be a perfect start to helping my son develop into the person he has the potential to being.Thank you all again…
And that, folks, is how it’s done.
More great parents on Queerty:
tabsea
FABULOUS!!!!! Brightened my day for sure- I too had a great father who loved me for who I am & never once judged- I miss him every day. Thank you for posting this.
Charli Girl
GEE THANKS QUEERTY!! JUST messed up my eyeliner!
Sweeeeeet Dad!!!
Sammy Schlipshit
Hurrah!!!!
I salute that dad. By being so accepting and nonchalant, that dad,perhaps,just saved that boy years of anguish and self loathing.
The only suggestion I make to the dad….tell your son about your adventures in M2M experiences.
The son needs to know that.
Once the dust settles from such a pronouncement, perhaps the son will find the courage to ask his dad for some tips about how to do whatever.
Their relationship will get even more comfortable and supportive.
Don’t most of us wish we had had such a parent?
BRENT
This is a lovely story and I wish this kindly father and his son every happiness they could hope for. Wonderful!
It’s all a little different from my own ‘dear’ father. I’ve just discovered I’ve been cut out of his will entirely. The reason? Nothing much really — oh, apart from the fact that I met a boy when I was twenty and we’re still happily together forty years later!
Disgusting, isn’t it, the way some kids turn out?
gyntlgynt
Wow,that is an awesome father.I have tears.
Cam
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Now this was a fun read.
Hillers
Just beautiful. I wish this story was the norm.
Bryguyf69
I got misty eyed just reading this so I can imagine how carthartic the moment must have been for the son. Such a weight being lifted off his shoulders — off both their shoulders! Hence the many tears from father and son.
My only wish is that this had an accompanying YouTube video that can go viral. In fact, my guess is that they have Youtube, Facebook and Twitter accounts so maybe there’ll be a follow up there.
Aromaeus
I really hope this story is legit, I hate when these type of stories appear and I get so invested in it just to find out it was a hoax by someone trying to get attention. Assuming it is legit this guy is an awesome dad. It feels weird saying that because honestly this is how every dad should react to the possibility of their child being LGBT.
Bryguyf69
The father watches The Cooking Channel! I mean, how could he NOT be cool? I bet he likes chick flicks too. To paraphrase something the dad said to his son, the man’s partner is a lucky person. 🙂
blackberry finn
The dad might want to hold off on sharing his own sexual experiences with the son. Just my opinion. Most kids want their parents to respect the generational divide. If the kid wants to know, he’ll ask, in which case I’d tell the truth, but wouldn’t volunteer the information while he’s still a teen. Old-fashioned? Wrong-headed?
stonrdude
What a oool Dad. How can one not get emotional over a piece like this. My Mom died thinking I was deranged and sick. We never discussed it and she never wanted to know any more about me.
jason smeds
His son could simply be experimenting. Nobody – especially the corporate media – should be trying to pigeon-hole the son. Pigeon-holing someone can be just as destructive as being hateful. Let the son breathe. The father is a good Dad.
ric
Great Great story.When I told my parents that I was gay. I was more scared to tell my mom and not my dad. And a course my mom said she knew already and my dad just said be careful. But also my mom pointed out to me what could they say anyway. I was not raised by them. I was raised in a Children’s Home (orphanage type place).But they still love me no matter what. It will be 2 years since my mother passed and how I wish she was still here. But I’m thankful for the 30 plus years I did have with her. And my Dad is still here. Love and miss you Mom.:(
mcdfishfilla
I’m usually a negative nancy here, but this was a great post Queerty. Touching and thoughtful. Thanks
cubanogm
I wish my dad would have been like that.Unfortunately he was a homophobic to the end.I know he knew when I was 11 years old but he never talked to me about it.In retrospect I realize that he changed and from a caring and loving father he became distant and not so involved with me.My mother did whatever my father said.So I build my own character and happily came out pretty good and very caring to my friends so they would know there was someone that loved them and cared for them.Many died of AIDS and I was there for them either in my house or moved to theirs to take care of them lovingly.I feel wonderful being able to have be there at their last moment.As sad as it was,it was joyful knowing that they passed away loved and appreciated.God be praised.
Dakotahgeo
BRAVO! DOUBLE BRAVO! TRIPLE BRAVO!!! To Son AND Father!
jason smeds
Many dads have had same-sex experiences themselves. They can relate to it. You’d be surprised as to the number of dads – even very conservative ones – who have dabbled in homosexual experiences. Some still do.
SteveDenver
Wonderful! This is a PARENT who loves a CHILD more than EXPECTATIONS or FABLES.
jason smeds
It’s healthy when men who are currently in heterosexual relationships come out and say “I’ve had sexual experiences with men”. It’s healthy because it suggests that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It is more powerful than if a gay-identifying man comes out.
Men who are currently in heterosexual relationships who admit to same-sex experiences as part of their development as men are very important to the overall understanding of homosexuality.
jockjack5
@blackberry finn:
I guess the father felt the need early on in his story to relate his own gay experiences “at a slightly older age”, which would have meant he was maybe 14 or 15 since his son is 13. The father doesn’t say anything further about his current sexual preferences so I assume he is now straight.
At any rate, I agree with blackberry that his previous “experiences” should be left alone for now. I couldn’t help being a little creeped-out when he related them lounging on the couch in just their pajamas and, quite frankly, it was starting to read like a Nifty story at that point.
I’m just glad the father did NOT volunteer to rub his sore muscles on the couch!
jason smeds
The father may have had same-sex experiences well into his 20’s. Many men do before they decide they wish to settle down and marry a woman. We should be saying this is a good thing.
The worst thing that happened to male homosexuality was its appropriation by gay identity politics. It turned a human experience into a political commitment. It’s the saddest and most damaging thing ever.
Merv
I’m very skeptical of stories like this, especially when they involve going to Reddit for advice. I suspect it’s a hoax.
Curtispsf
What I really want to know is: How do Joe Jonas and Tom Daley fit into this story? Queerty, were they omitted intentionally?
Seriously, hoax or not, this is a great story. I helped a 15 year old friend come out to his parents. Their response was “Will, it’s about time you told us. Any boyfriend yet?” Followed of course by, “we love you the way you are.”
enfilmigult
So glad to see this. I ended up in that “nobody really talks about it so you end up not telling your parents anything about your life for years” situation (originally inspired by fears they’d pull me out of college), and it sucks. Even though it’s all out now and they’re very supportive of everything happening in the present, it’s too much of a habit for everyone—for me to keep them at arm’s length and for them not to talk about why. Seeing someone break out of that before it starts is awesome.
Maleko
@cubanogm: I think we can one more Amazing person to this discussion, and it is You. I think you came out pretty well, too; being able to build your own character and become the caring man that you are today is quite the accomplishment.
My Dad got totally furious with me and told me in no uncertain terms that I Owed him grandchildren. Clearly, he didn’t think I had a life of my own to live, some serious co-dependency issues. Fortunately, this was a phone call home to Salt Lake (yes, they are very strict Mormons) from my home in San Francisco. We still can’t talk about anything but the weather and we are 35 years down the line. Some Dads choose to cut their children our of their lives when their kids aren’t what they want them to be. It is hard on the kids for a while, but it is the Dad’s that lose out in the run.
mezzacanadese
What a heartwarming story. I’d love to hear more stories like this. As the previous writer stated, it is the dads who lose out when they refuse to love their gay sons.
Silas Wegg
Maybe I’m overly cynical, but by the end, it sounds like he’s grooming his son.
Saint Law
@jason smeds: “The worst thing that happened to make homosexuality was its appropriation by gay identity politics.”
Yeah, that’s right. Worse than imprisonment, persecution, abuse and violence.
“It turned a human experience in to a political statement.”
We get it. You’re a tragic closet-case who is content to linger in restrooms in the hope some ‘straight’ guy will let you lick his dick. But not everybody wants to live that way.
Saint Law
@Silas Wegg: Not over cynical. Depraved.
Blackceo
Amazing….just absolutely amazing!!!! That was such a wonderful story. If only all parents can be that supportive and open mined.
@Silas Wegg:
Really? I saw a father who was happy that he had this new connection and understanding with his son; a father who is happy that his son can live being his true self. I know the affectionate father with their sons, especially by the time the son gets to adolescence is not the norm, but I find it wonderful and I’m very envious. My father has always been supportive of me, but he was never the hands on type. I know he loves me, but he doesn’t say it. I got whatever material things I wanted but he was not the hugging and emotional type I would’ve loved to be a teenager and had a moment to chill with my dad on the couch in our PJs where he had his arm around me and we could have that kind of closeness. I would love to have that moment now. I don’t see “grooming” in that unless u have a “daddy” fetish.
This kid will have such a better psychological stability going forward by telling his dad and getting the reaction and support from his bad. Such a great story.
Abaca
I’m not the dead inside bitch I thought I was. That brought a tear to my eyes.
Raymond59
For all you skeptics that feel a father wouldn’t stand up for thier son… there are many that do. I was born into a family of nine siblings, 7 brothers and 2 sisters. When I was forced out of the closet from my then father-in-law, all hell broke loose! My dad told me I could resist and that he had done so as a young man, During this encounter most of my male siblings shunned me,thankfully not my brother Tony. He is now gone and I miss him terribly. Since then they have all came around as all families should. More so, my father became one of my most closest allies and friend. He spent many of his last years before his death, with my soon to be husband, (25 years together) vacationing and making up for lost time. He was thoughtful, encouraging and never judgmental. Exactly what you would think a father would be. I miss you dad!
cognitojoe
I was leaning towards just telling his son he saw some of Google’s history and tell his son that if he is gay that is ok. But I think this approach was great. And it worked well. Sounds like Dad is single doesnt it? And he fooled around with guys in college…. I wonder if would consider a re-match because he sounds like the kind of quality man I would be thrilled to date.
AnitaMann
Fake.
Bryguyf69
As a total aside…
I maintain an archive of LGBT memorabilia. I recently found an article about Stonewall 25 (1994). Because of landmark date, it was decided to hold Gay Games IV simultaneously, also in NYC. Amazingly, one of the competitors was a 13 y/o swimmer from Eastern Europe. Because of his age, his parents traveled with him. I don’t know the situation for gays in Eastern Europe back then, but even today, few [heterosexual] parents would be so accepting of a gay 13 y/o. I think that even many progressive parents would assume (hope?) it’s a phase, or at the very least, unsettled. Kudos to these parents, whose understanding spares their gay children years of doubt and turmoil.
gaym50ish
I have a bit different take on this story, and it’s because I don’t think a parent’s relationship with a son or daughter should ever get to this point. Parents need to understand that any of their children could turn out to be gay, and to make it crystal clear from the time the kids are little that they respect gay people.
Whenever I read coming-out stories, what strikes me is how often they involve a period of “stand-off” that is not healthy for anyone. The parents say, “We always knew, but we didn’t want to bring it up until you were ready to tell us.” The child says, “I wanted to tell you a long time ago, but I was afraid of how you would react.” In the meantime, the gay kid has died a thousand deaths anguishing about how to come out.
Parents shy away from such discussions when kids are little because they think it somehow involves “sexualizing” children at an early age, but the discussions don’t have to be any more “sexual” than the Cinderella story.
A young friend of mine who is a single mother was entertaining a group that included some gay male friends. One of them playfully sat on her lap and kissed her on the cheek. Her five-year-old daughter witnessed the kiss, then stepped up and asked the young man, “Do you love my mommy?” While my friend was still pondering how to answer such a question from a small child, the mother answered for him, saying, “No, Jason loves another boy.”
“Oh,” said the little girl, and she went back to her playthings. No big deal. Nothing earthshaking. No trauma. No further questions. If children are taught that there are same-sex couples from the time they first begin to learn about romance, they are not threatened or traumatized by the information. If that little girl enters puberty and finds out she’s attracted to girls, she won’t hesitate to talk about it with her mom.
That’s how it should happen — not with all this “should I or shouldn’t I” drama.
cvdixon29
He’s a good dad! Good for him for being supportive!
bottom72
Ohhhh I am so crying. This is so beautiful.
mattntpa53
THANKS ALOT!! Here I am in McDonald’s crying over my egg mcmuffin. With so much turmoil in the world, this story makes my heart sing. You are your son’s guardian angel. Blessings to you and your family.
Cam
@jason smeds: Jason, you posted about 5 or 6 posts on this article selling bisexuality. We get it.
LadyL
Oh, where to start. This posting made me so happy I was blinking back tears by the end of the piece. A beautiful and awesome story; what a wonderful dad.
Could it be a hoax as some have suggested? I don’t know, but I’m not going to worry about it because such loving and supportive parents do exist. Unfortunately we don’t hear about them as often as we do the worst kind, and too many of us have had the opposite experience of this kid and his dad, so maybe that’s why some here are casting doubt.
As to the negative reactions about this dad and his son on a couch together in their pajamas–again, that discomfort may be speaking to somebody’s experience with exploitation or abuse. More than anything it’s probably about the way American culture socializes men not to show their feelings, especially to other males.
Anyway, kudos to this dad and best wishes for his kid. (More like this please!)
Sammy Schlipshit
@LadyL:
I agree with your posting.
It is pitiful that anyone sees some deviate motivation when a dad and son are relaxing with one another.
Given the fact that I am seeing a lot of sensitive, accepting younger dads these days I think father/son snuggles will become a lot more common. I’m talking about dads who have very young sons to dads with sons in their 20’s-30’s.
At least in my area of rural Northern California the younger men (under 50 or so) are nearly all sweethearts who hug, smile, play and accept anyone for who they are.
It pleasantly surprises me on an almost daily basis that I never see any signs of
homophobia, racism, ageism, or sexism.
I know it sounds too good to be real or true but I swear it’s the way it is up here. That’s why I’m always surprised….and very pleased to be living among such wonderful men…and women.
I also agree with your suspicions as to the validity of this story. It really does seem too good to be true but since I believed all the aspects and truth of Brokeback Mountain I’m pretty much a sucker for any happy, positive experience….true or not.
Thanks.
Blackceo
@gaym50ish:
Very good point about how parents should be instilling in their kids from early on that some men love other men and some women lobe other women and some men love women and vice versa and that its all good no matter what. I think it’s still easier said than done tho because I think any parent assumes their child is heterosexual until a clue comes along like in this story. I get a parent wanting to let their child find their path because they think that is the best for them, but agree that if they do know or have a clue they can say hey if u are having sexual identity issues or are bi/gay that I/we don’t care and love u unconditionally and will support u because you are what you are.
My mother knew early on when she found some pictures I had taken of me and a guy I was involved and i had written some personal things on the back of the pictures and she immediately asked me about it. I denied it because I hadn’t yet come to grips with accepting I was gay. She still told me that “I hope u know that it does not matter to me and i love u no matter what” Even tho I knew she was ok with it, saying the words was still hard for me at that time. I told her shortly after because I had that support. My dad was very easy going about it even tho I know he struggled only because he didn’t want my life to be hard for being a man of color and gay, but it turned out just fine. I had other advantages that made it easier. Everyone’s journey is different and I just can’t remark enough how beautiful I think this coming out story is.
lcandela123
crying now.
My own Dad was great, and did a similar thing with me 33 years ago.
cutemikey
???
http://tinyurl.com/mp247ak
Sebizzar
@stonrdude: I’m so sorry 🙁 *HUGS*
@gaym50ish: Exactly this! I hope this becomes the reality in the near future, I know a lot of lives will be saved. It’s not just the parents who play a part though, society and the media need to show more LGBT representation so kids don’t have to wonder what’s “wrong” with them, or feel like the outcast from the start.
@Abaca: Lol that made me chuckle, thanks 😀
LadyL
@Sammy Schlipshit: I think I want to live where you live…! Seriously, I think you’re right about a younger generation of dads being more at ease with loving their kids. At least I hope you are. I hope that’s the direction we’re moving in as a culture.
@Blackceo: Agree that gaym50ish makes an important point about the need to be straightforward with youngsters about LGBT people. It’s telling that little kids are so utterly cool with it–at least until they learn not to be. In this respect homophobia is a lot like racism. (How does that old Rogers and Hammerstein song go…? “You have to be carefully taught…”)
Your experience makes me think of my best friend, who once told me he was so terrified to come out to his parents that when his mother gently broached the subject he hotly denied it. He was so scared and conflicted he couldn’t bring himself to talk honestly about himself with her or his dad–yet it meant everything to him that she reached out to him anyway, told him it was okay and she just wanted him to be happy.
So that’s my standing advice to any parent wondering if and how and when to say something: don’t wait. Tell Your Kid You Know And It’s Okay. Tell them even if it’s awkward, even if they don’t want to hear it, even if they’re not ready to admit to anything. (Tell them even if by some weird misunderstanding it turns out they’re not gay. They probably know a kid who is and needs a friend’s support.)
Sammy Schlipshit
@LadyL:
Thanks, I can hardly believe it myself. I’m thankful each and every day.
Couldn’t have lived up here during my sex crazed glory days but now that my testosterone level has diminished I am right at home.
That said, there are thousands of younger gays, lesbians, transsexuals and others in our broad spectrum family who do enjoy living the life and style here.
Sure we do have a very small percentage of ignorant, mean people but they are so far overwhelmed by the super wonderful folks that one hardly notices them…and they have zero impact on my daily life.
Sadly it’s not all of Northern California but damn near it. People up here enjoy our more isolated location, outlaw society and laid back rural living.
Come visit the mighty Redwoods or the Mendocino and Humboldt counties coastal towns some time and see what I mean. Plan on staying for more than a few days to get the flavor of it all.
Happy Trails.
SpykeTacular
Sometimes, I think these kinds of posts are just made up and are meant to make people think how cool being gay is. We have the loving father who stands by his kid no matter what, we have the heartwarming story of the kid coming out and the supportive community.
I am not one to judge whether someone is gay or not, but in my opinion, the media is trying to make this thing look cool. Where I come from, it’s not cool to be gay. And even those who have gay tendencies from childhood have no choice but to later on marry a woman and have kids.
Even if it means spending a lifetime of unhappiness. But that’s just the way things are. You’d rather be unhappy with a woman than face the consequences of being openly gay.
Just the other day, a woman was stripped naked for wearing a mini skirt. That’s how serious things are when it comes to morality and sexual orientation in my country. I am straight and I don’t support homosexuality, but that’s just my opinion. I’m not perfect and I am not one to tell the gays to do otherwise. My point is, why is it such a big deal that the message be put across. I mean, don’t we have enough problems in the world to be focusing and emphasizing on making this thing look cool?
Sammy Schlipshit
@SpykeTacular:
I think I know where you live….and it sounds as though you fit right in.
Your comment is absurd but the overlying thought I had is if you feel such a way then why the hell are you reading our site?
It’s not meant for the likes of you.
You’re just pitiful.
Hope you never have any gay kids.
topcat1201
I raised my son as a single parent from the time his father and I divorced when he was only 3 months old. We had ALWAYS had a pretty open relationship,(or so I thought) whereas he was free to tell me anything. My son finally came out to me when he was in high school. Unlike the teen in this story, MY son was a HORROR!!! He was NOT the cheerful boy I KNEW, but he was SO ANGRY all the time about ANY and EVERYTHING!!! One day on the way to school I finally asked him, “WHAT is your problem? Just WHY are you so PISSY ALL THE TIME?” His response was,”Do you want to know what’s wrong with me…I’m AGNOSTIC and I’m GAY!!!!” I replied, “BOY, I KNEW you were gay since you were 2…but we’ve GOT to talk about this GOD thing!” He just looked at me in disbelief and his entire body just sunk into the car seat. It was as if he had been carrying this HEAVY weight on his shoulders and it was now gone. When he came home from school we talked for hours about EVERYTHING and we’ve NEVER stopped!!!
aidanbh
By contrast, I am 56 years of age and my mother is 75. Despite having been a gay activist throughout the 1970s and 1980s, and despite having been known as a gay poet since I was 14, and despite having been on the national TV expressing my gay viewpoint, the sum total of my mother’s comments on the subject was 1. at the age of 15, saying that a man on TV was handsome, “Men don’t say things like that about other men,” and 2. at the age of 19, “It’s a phase you are going through” and “Why are you trying to get back at me?” And then 37 years of silence. The only thing more ridiculous would have been a deadline for when this “phase” was going to end. At least for some people, like the young man in this story, things have improved.
Sammy Schlipshit
@aidanbh:
My parents would put aluminum foil covers over any of the few books I brought them to read about gay kids and their relationships with the parents.
They didn’t want the house cleaner to know.
My mom once said that if I insisted in being ‘that way’ to not let my niece and nephews know. I told her they had know since they were little kids….and they couldn’t care less.
The last of very few comments from either of my folks was my dad saying once that being gay was nothing to be proud about. I responded that yes it was. We are a special people. I finished off by saying being gay was nothing to be ashamed of either.
BTW….my dad was a pedophile. Not a very active one but still molested me when I was a much younger child.
….and yet, being gay to him was worse. And yes, being molested does affect one throughout all adult relationships especially when one is attracted to the same gender that did the molestation.
Go figure.
LadyL
@Sammy Schlipshit: I’d love to do that–Northern Cal sounds beautiful–and perhaps one day I will.
Btw–about your dad… Jesus, Sammy, I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry about your awful childhood, but I’m happy for you that you seem to have found the strength to claim your life and move forward. Best wishes to you always.
And thank you for your reply to SpykeTacular; I could not have said it better! 🙂
Aradia_Silvermoon
I was talking to my 13 year old daughter about school and I (jokingly) asked “Do you have a boyfriend?” she said no so I asked “Girlfriend?”. There was a pause as she looked down at the blanket on her bed then she nodded. I told her that I had kissed (and more) with girls in my life and that it was normal to feel the way she did. I told her that as long as she found someone who loved her, cared for her, and didn’t hurt her then why should that person be rejected based on gender or race? She smiled and we moved on from the subject. To me it’s a non issue you are who you are and you can’t do anything about it.
I have told her since she was a child that she could ask or tell me anything and I wouldn’t get angry but that I would help her out. Apparently lots of her friends don’t have this type of relationship since one day (after we discussed her sex ed homework with an honest and open dialog) I came home to see her and her best friend perched on the couch. Alison (my daughter) started asking all kids of sex ed questions, which I answered, but I could tell (from the side looks she gave her friend) that she wasn’t the one that wanted to know. I asked Hailey (the friend) why she didn’t ask her mother and she replied “My mom would kill me. I think Alison is the only one who talks to her parent about this stuff.”
Parents need to realize that these topics need to be discussed else kids grow up thinking their sexual feeling are sinful/gross/wrong/abnormal.
MissZombiePants
As if I don’t cry enough with being such an emotional person, then I had to go and read this article.. I loved it, what a brilliant father and what a brilliant son for coming out to his Dad despite what he thought the reaction would be.. How scarey to come out to a parent, how much courage it must take.. These 2 are going to have the most wonderful friendship, not just a father son relationship.. I so wish there were more stories like this in the world <3
Andrew Yang
This is one of the best stories I have had the pleasure of reading this year. Thanks Queerty. This made my eyes very misty. Sorry I never had the chance to say to my dad before he died. This father is a hero in my book. Well done sir…
rico g
I have to say I’m still tearing up but with joy not sorrow. It is stories like this that reassure me that the world is moving forward. My dad passed 8 yrs ago and before he did I cared for both him and my mother. I took a sabbatical from work, had an elevator put in my home, the medical van with the ramp, nurses, anything that would make life easier for them, mostly him. we didn’t have a bad relationship but we never really spoke about me. They knew I was gay, and single but they never took interest in my personal life. I respected that they really didn’t want to know, and kept things very social. As him withered away we did finally have a night, alone in his room. He told me he didn’t deserve the care and love I was showing him. That he was wrong for not taking interest in me more, after I spent a my whole life trying to please him. the football, the interest in cars, the boy scouts, all the things I did to be what he thought I should be. I told him I did enjoy all of it and yes part of it was to impress him but that his vision of what a gay man is was wrong. He told me he had started to watch will and grace and queer as folk to better understand me. He was bed ridden as a he had a tumor pressing his spinal cord and the tv was his escape. I told him appreciated his efforts to trying to understand, but why now? and that I was more will than jack, and I have never been to the back room of any club. Then he finally asked me about how I got hiv, did I love him? was I a promiscuous guy? I told I fell in love in college and that we did do the recommended things as a couple, but that he cheated and gave it to me, that he died long ago, and that is why I’m single today I don’t trust easily. He cried and cried because I lived in silence for 18 yrs about it. how hard it must have been for me to feel scared about dying, scared about being alone, and that I couldn’t talk with them about it. I told him that everything happens for a reason, and that if it didn’t happen I might not have been in the position I was in to care for him, and that was my destiny all the time. to care for my family, my sisters, raise my niece, take care of him and mom and all hiv really did was push me into the direction of survival and gave me the gift of never taking one day for granted. To use my life in a way that really meant something. That night I finally felt the love he had for me, and I laid in his bed with his head on my chest telling him he is and will always be the guy who made me who I am even if the path was wrong the result was right. I am so happy that you and your son won’t waste all the time that we did and you won’t miss out on twenty years of friendship with him. You are the best example of fatherhood and I wish you the best.
godot515
I was a little older when I finally came out to my parents….and it was done through a short story I’d written at The New School in NY and they were 3000 miles away in Los Angeles. Their comment? We always had a feeling and we just want to make sure that you are happy and that what we taught you regarding the importance of treating others with respect and concern and offering your best to others works for you in your life. We love you. And that was about it. There was NEVER a question about who I am and what I believe in. I was their son, they did the best they knew and the rest was up to me……was I lucky? Is this unusual?
Andrew Yang
@rico g: Thank you for sharing your beautiful story my friend. It made me misty eyed. You could be a friend of mine I think haha! Congratulations on being a great son and an inspiration to the rest of us.
Brawny71
Love the story and also want to hear about Dad’s adolescent flings with guys!