What could be more adorable than a cute little old lady lesbian? We love and cherish our elder dykes, because we have them to thank for so many victories of the early LGBT liberation movement, and also they bake delicious cookies.
And apparently Dear Abby has a soft spot for the Daughters of Bilitis as well, because the advice columnist just offered some tender words to a lesbian grandmother who’s having a difficult time with her son. The situation is a bit sad: the woman came out when her son was four; he’s now 30 and married with a child; and he’s decided that he needs to “protect” his family from LGBTs. Ugh.
There’s a hint in her letter that what’s really going on is a domineering religious wife who’s decided to cut the lesbian grandmother out of their lives. Abby has no patience for any of this bigoted nonsense: “If your son is under the mistaken impression that he is going to somehow ‘protect’ his children by isolating them from gay people, he must be living in an alternate reality,” she writes.
Abby goes on, “You can’t force your son and his wife to have contact with you if they don’t want to. Leave open the possibility that they may, over time, reconcile their love for you with their faith.”
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And that’s pretty much all a person can do when a family member is being terrible: let them know that you’ll be there for them if they ever come around, and then give them as much space as they need to be far away from you. In the mean time, Abby suggests volunteering with PFLAG to fill the grandchild-shaped hold in the grandmother’s life, which really does not seem like a sufficient substitute but what else can you do?
It’s worth mentioning that Dear Abby has a track record of solid advice when it comes to queer issues, dating back decades when such positions were not quite so popular. Last year, she had stern words for a couple in Texas who wouldn’t include gay neighbors in a gathering, and she also counseled a closeted gay who was getting harassed at work. Even in 1979, the original columnist was advising bigots who complained about gay neighbors that they were in the wrong.
tdx3fan
Depending on the state, grandparents have various legal options. Ohio has something roughly called “grandparent rights” in which the grandparent can challenge the parents to get visitation rights if visitation rights are in the best interest of the child. I am sure a decent lawyer could spin a child knowing their grandparent as being in their best interest.
Milk
So the son who come out of the vagina of a lesbian is afraid of mother’s gayism will affect his children? Yet he live to be 30 to get straight married? Pray jeebus!
Palto
Change the will now and leave them NOTHING
Desert Boy
Dear Abby has always been progressive. Love her.
jwtraveler
We should love and cherish “elder dykes”, but I’m not sure they’d all appreciate being called “cute little old lady lesbians”. Some of them are big tough old broad lesbians and proud of it.
Paul Nadolski
I can’t imagine being cut out of my niece’s life. Especially since I’m her favourite uncle. Fortunately my sister is very progressive so I never have to worry about that. It’s really sad that some people in 2015 still have this idiotic point of view and think that you need to “protect” kids from gays.
passingthru
Religion can be so STUPID!
Xzamilio
Domineering religious wife? Bitch better read her bible and learn her place… she submits to the MAN, according to Jeebus, so she better smile and shut her damn mouth.
xiandarkthorne
I can sympathise with Granny. I have to limit contact with all my nephews and nieces because I don’t want their parents to think that I’m “unduly influencing” them and cutting me out of their lives.
Femmelita
My straight daughter would NEVER keep my grandsons away from me because I’m queer, nor would she ever allow their father to influence her to do so. My 7 year old grandson knows I’m gay (lesbian doesn’t fit me, I’m way too queer to be a lesbian, plus I like the word gay). I explained to my grandson what being gay meant, right down to explaining what it means to be FTM, because my late fiancé was FTM. I asked him what he thought and how he felt about my being gay. He said, ” It’s a little different, but you’re still my grandma.” He tells me all the time that he loves me. He and I are very close. The fact that I’m gay doesn’t matter to him at all.
My daughter is the world’s best daughter, and the world’s best mom. I am so very proud of her, and grateful for her.
If anyone wants to know what it’s like to be raised by a gay parent, I’ll be glad to have my daughter contact you. I caution anyone who may attempt to approach her with negativity on the subject – she’s from Brooklyn, and can be a bit feisty.
Femmelita
@jwtraveler: I’m a sweet little 53 year old femme grandma, who likes – well, expects – to have doors held open for me, loves all things pink, and damn proud of THAT!
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