Dear Nightclub Homosexuals: Please Do Not Attack The Talent, No Matter How Sparkly Joe McElderry’s Eyes

We already know what happens when the gay winners or reality singing competitions drop in at G-A-Y in London: The fan boys go nuts. But when X Factor winner Joe McElderry performed there over the weekend, singing his single “Ambitions” and a handful of other new tracks, things got slightly out of control.

“Towards the end of his last song a fan clambered on to the stage and tried to haul him off it and into the crowd,” says a G-A-Y spy. “Bouncers waded in and dragged him go safety. There was a stampede!”

I’m not sure what’s worse: An attempt at being mauled by your fans, or Lambert’s assault on stage with a dildo.

[3am]