Someone out there, namely this queen, has a serious crush on conservative gymbunnies/noted heterosexuals Aaron Shock and Paul Ryan. And now the internet has what it’s always wanted though it never knew it needed: Beltgay fanfiction.
Here are a few snippets from Part 1:
It was early on a Wednesday morning. Aaron had just finished his workout in the member’s gym, located deep in the winding hallways of one of the U.S. House office buildings.
Aaron cared deeply about his physique, and he was proud of it. Perhaps just as proud as he was of his professional accomplishments. Two years before he’d landed himself on the cover of Men’s Health – “America’s fittest Congressman” the writer proclaimed. It was probably true.
But Aaron knew there was at least one other man who worked as hard at his fitness as he did. His was the body that Aaron really wanted.
This encounter ultimately leads Ryan to invite Schock to a clandestine meeting in his office later that night, tantalizing Schock’s furtive imagination:
“What the hell was that about?” Aaron said to himself, his mind racing. Does he want help with the debt limit push? Does he wanna talk about 2016? Maybe he just wants to chat, hang out?
The thought of Aaron Schock and Paul Ryan sharing a ticket in 2016 makes this sound more like a horror story, but all political pretensions are swept aside and the two Grand Old Partiers offer each other some oral arguments:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
He found what he was looking for, already hard as a rock. Jackpot. […] Aaron was good at most things. Making sure his partners were satisfied was no exception.
As he went, he could hear Paul moan. Aaron had never felt this horny in his life. He thought his pants might rip open he was so hard.
“Holy fuck, Aaron,” Paul gasped. […] “Fuck, fuck,” Paul softly uttered. Aaron looked up while still keeping Paul’s cock in his mouth. Paul was looking back at him, a look of pleasure and satisfaction that Aaron had longed for.
Turns out Aaron’s a swallower (SCHOCKING) but when Paul decides to return the favor, he has a hard time containing his excitement:
It still didn’t take long though. Aaron had been hard for so long that he quickly finished.
Been there, done that. Also with Paul Ryan.
While this is nothing compared to the Mitt Romney-Paul Ryan fanfiction from that glorious descent into pop culture irrelevancy known as their 2012 Presidential campaign, we can’t wait to see where the subsequent parts lead. Here’s a suggestion: things get complicated when Mitt returns, having left his wife and 12(?) kids to be with Paul, but only over Aaron Schock’s drop dead gorgeous body.
This basically writes itself.
h/t: Bilerico Project
Gigi Gee
I’d bury my entire head deep inside Maggie Gallagher’s cooch before I’d touch either one of those shitheads. Heck, if the last people on earth were Shcok, Ryan, Ann Coulter and myself, I’d eat The Coultergeist’s chocolate starfish if it meant never having to be in the same room with either one of those shitheads.
balehead
Both are so hawt!! They remind me of the fit guys at my gym I have fun with….
NateB79
Aaron Shock is smoking hot, but Paul Ryan frowns too much and reminds me of Eddie Munster.
Niall
This is one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot of things.
KittyLitter
More gossip.
Still nothing of substance……..
AuntieChrist
I could not stop laughing…Best crazy gay porn fiction ever…BJMcFrisky must be juicing his dockers right now.
jwrappaport
I’ll be honest: I find Aaron as attractive as he is dumb. Paul, on the other hand, suffers from an abundance of neither brawn nor brains.
ppp111
I think there are many handsome guys in the Right than I’d care to admit. Schock is handsome as is Scott Brown and Paul Ryan. Still, don’t let their looks affect your judgment because we all know how they vote and how it affects us.
Badger88
@Gigi Gee: So you, a gay man, would prefer two homophobic conservative women (Coulter and Gallagher) over two muscular men who you probably only despise because they’re homophobic and conservative?
Even for hyperbole, that makes absolutely no sense.
imperator
I’d get a kick out of tying Shock down and sodomizing him until he swore on his life to vote for single-payer healthcare, banking reform and nationalized daycare. Fuck ‘im in the ass ’til he squeals “regulate!”
Sansacro
@imperator: Yes!
AuntieChrist
@ppp111: I almost went there with Ryan, but then I remembered all the hot gay guys that told me everything I wanted to hear til I gave it up and then they dumped me. Yea it’s like that.
Jonty Coppersmith
@imperator:
LOL!!!!
MK Ultra
IMO Paul isn’t attractive. But Schock? Someone must have the dirt about him because there is no way he’s kept his closeted dick on a leash this whole time.
Joetx
Some ‘mos are pathetic & prove the superficial stereotype. Both Schock & Ryan are, to put it mildly, NOT allies to the LGBT community. Yet here we have some ‘mos who like them anyway.
jwrappaport
@Joetx: You misunderstand. A person’s physical appeal has nothing whatever to do with their beliefs, morality, or intellect. Have you never had angry sex with a person you don’t like? It’s really quite a lot of fun.