‘Demonic’ Dwarf Loses A Few Inches

Words we never, ever want written about us or our collective cock:

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf”, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

Circus of Horrors? That’s the understatement of the century!