Princess Diana's former butler Paul Burrell's probably shitting his pants right now. Sources claim that the 49-year old gets his rocks off cruising for gay sex. One person told the press: "Whenever he got the urge he'd say, ‘My chemicals are up. I need a man!'" Ew.
Daily Star reports that Burrell fears the allegations will negatively impact his business:
Paul’s management team are particularly worried his huge US fanbase will be stunned at the allegations, which were made yesterday, and turn their backs on his books, home furnishings line and even etiquette classes.
Wait, wait. They're worried gay allegations will harm his "home furnishings line and even etiquette classes"? It seems to us this shit can only help sales – everyone knows we gays are experts on such things!
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I thought everybody knew dude was a poofter.
Uh, you think?
I hear a collective
DUH!!!!!!!!!!
when reading this headline.
Yeah, sorry, Paul. I didn't know you thought I thought you were straight.
So he wasn't out? Huh, coulda fooled me.