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  Week in Comments

Did You Inappropriately LOL? Are you Queerlicious? When Did You Come Out?

Time for the Queerty Week in Comments, with five of the most compelling, thought-provoking or just downright bitchy comments that came directly from you, the readers!  

 

 

“Send Bachmann a $150 rentboy.com gift card.”

rf always knows the best gifts to give to Marcus in, Should LGBT Activist John Becker Pay Marcus Bachmann The $150 He Owes For “Ex-Gay” Therapy?

 

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“It isn’t any of their actions. It’s the fact that they are open about their lives. Just like anybody else. Neil Patrick Harris being on a successful sitcom as a straight guy MIGHT start to convince the homophobes in Hollywood to stop their bigotry. The BBC seems to be far ahead of us. Not only is John Barrowman out openly, but Russel Tovey has been openly gay since he was 18 and he is currently starring as a leading man in two of the top BBC series. “Being Human” and “Him and Her”, in both he plays a straight man sexually active with a girlfriend.

So thank you to Neil, John, Russell, Ellen, Portia, Martina, Ricky, and the others that I have forgotten. You don’t have to be perfect, but being brave enough to live their lives publically makes each of you an example to all the closeted gay kids out there! :)”

Cam doesn’t care if you don’t want to be a role model, because you’re a role model anyway, in Neil Patrick Harris: ‘Please Don’t Look At Us As Gay Role Models’

 

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“I was 27, married to a woman, and a practicing attorney. The final event that set me off was when a middle aged man came in looking for representation because he had been arrested in the mall bathroom for the second time – all the youngsters can think of it as a late 80, early 90?s version of Grindr – and all he cared about was serving any time in jail during the week so he could let his wife think he was on a business trip. Suddenly all of the doubt, religious oppression, and selfishness – yes staying closeted is selfish – were revealed to me and I knew I had to be honest with myself and the world. That was over 15 years ago.

Looking back, my biggest regret in life – the one thing I cannot fix – is all of the time I stole from myself and my ex-wife because I didn’t have the courage to be honest.”

JDSwell gives you just one of the really amazing comments left by our readers, in Queerty Wants To Know: Why Are You Still Closeted?

 

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“He LOOKS crazy enough to stab someone 50 times. Speaking of lunacy, who clicked the LOL button to this story of murder?”

Slanty thinks someone is a sick puppy, in John Katehis Found Guilty For Craigslist Murder Of WABC Reporter George Weber

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“I was called FAGGOT literally everyday in high school, and I knew it as a hateful thing. Now that I’m in a gay community, and know that everyone else I love was called faggot, I wonder if the word itself doesn’t describe my kind of people: fierce, creative, cutting edge, and gay!

For this reason, I use it in select gay social circles (because it confuses straight folk when I say faggot) as an endearing term synonymous with rad, on point, or fierce.

“I’m a queerlicious yummy boy-fag that takes it to a whole new level.” Needless to say, statements like this are a bit incendiary and provocative, and have upset some around me. Stretching comfort zones!

xoxo”

Conrad Honiker reclaims his faggotry, in It’s Time To Reclaim The F-Word By Using It A Million Times Every Friday

 

 

 

By:           Tanner Efinger
On:           Nov 19, 2011
Tagged: , , , , , ,

  • 20 Comments
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      I read thru all the comments again on the “Why Are You Still Closeted?” thread, to see if there was some common denominator.

      I had expected religion to be much more of a factor (I might sympathize with that), but it usually wasn’t.

      Instead, I noticed that closeted folks are awestruck by their parents! And as grownups (according to the calendar anyway), they are awfully scared of their parents. For some mysterious reason, they seem to keep forgetting they’re not 9 years old anymore.

      Maybe it will help these weenies if someone assures them that their parents do not seem to be at all impressive – judging from the weenies’ descriptions of them – and they don’t seem particularly scary either.

      Tell your parents to go fuck themselves, if necessary, and grow the fuck up.

      Nov 19, 2011 at 1:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mav
      Mav

      @the other Greg: Maybe your parents were a couple of worthless fucks unworthy of respect, Greg (I don’t *know* your parents, so I can’t judge them, which is an example you should probably follow since you don’t know these folks’ parents either) but some of us actually DO respect our parents, had/have intimate relationships with them into adulthood, and are devastated at their rejection of who we have become as adults, not to mention their repetitive attempts to reforge our identities as gay and transgendered children/adolescents. We want to make them proud and when there is a part of ourselves that *we can’t change* which prevents that, even when we excel in every other aspect of our lives, it is horrendously unfair and is a burden that no person should have to carry.

      As someone who was disowned by my parents when I came out (at least for awhile) I can say that the pain of being rejected by them cuts deep no matter how old you are. It was the most heartbreaking experience of my life and I still haven’t totally forgiven mine for it, even though we’re on good terms now. I will never forget their kneejerk response, and how ignorant and unyielding it was. I had seen my parents as very level-headed, compassionate people up to that point, and they turned on me like a beloved family dog that mauls you without provocation. We are taught to depend on the UNCONDITIONAL love and support of our parents, and I learned that day that there is no such thing as unconditional love.

      The only thing that tempered the pain – and it took my mom over half a year to come to terms with my coming out, six months and change during which she refused to speak to me or even look me in the face – was the nonchalant acceptance of my only brother. My father also came to accept the situation within a matter of weeks. But my mom just couldn’t come to terms with it, at least until I made it clear to her that her rejection of me was not only unjust and cruel, but was damaging my psyche in irreparable ways.

      Nov 19, 2011 at 4:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Henry
      Henry

      @the other Greg: My Filipino father isn’t exactly the most open-minded person. Not everybody has good parents like you do.

      Nov 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      Congratulations on growing the fuck up, taking action, and coming out. You don’t seem to have noticed, but you followed all my advice!

      I’m glad your parents eventually got used to reality, but my other point was – who cares? Since by your own description your parents sound like assholes (you don’t seem to have noticed that either), what exactly was so awesome about them that you were so worried about their reaction in the first place?

      “We are taught to depend on the UNCONDITIONAL love and support of our parents…” Uh… you seem to have confused children with dogs?

      “…and I learned that day that there is no such thing as unconditional love.” (Oh the horror… hopefully you were under 40.) Well sweetie, I think most of us figure that out around the time we figure out Santa isn’t real.

      A lot of the closeted people in that thread refuse to take the chance you took. Unfortunately, your pitiful tale of woe won’t encourage them to do that. For them it will be a sales pitch for exactly the opposite approach – to stay in the closet. I don’t think this is what you wanted.

      Nov 19, 2011 at 6:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      Sorry, #4 was a reply to Mav @ #2.

      @Henry: Thanks for assuming I had “good parents” after Mav guessed they were maybe “worthless fucks unworthy of respect”!

      Since everyone wants to drag autobiography into it:

      If it helps you, Henry, my parents actually were not that good (my father was violent, beat me when I was little – blah blah blah – same story as a million gay guys I guess). However, when I came out to my parents in my 20s, they surprised me, they took it much better than I’d expected, and were fairly accepting of reality. Partly I suppose this was because they had already guessed. Even people who are not open-minded, may figure things out.

      So I think a lot of the closeted people who posted in that thread are actually underestimating their parents. I wouldn’t say however, that everyone must come out to their parents in every case.

      There’s a lot more to “coming out” in general than just parents, but it startled me in those comments how obsessed closeted people tend to be with the parent stuff.

      Nov 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mav
      Mav

      “If it helps you, Henry, my parents actually were not that good (my father was violent, beat me when I was little – blah blah blah – same story as a million gay guys I guess).’

      ^ Okay, well your childhood abuse definitely helps me understands where your misdirected contempt/random passive-aggressive behavior towards strangers comes from. Way to drag those issues into adulthood bro!

      “Since by your own description your parents sound like assholes (you don’t seem to have noticed that either), what exactly was so awesome about them that you were so worried about their reaction in the first place?”

      ^ Actually you don’t *know* my parents. You don’t know *anyone’s* parents, which was the main point of my first response to you. The only parents you know are your own, and as you say yourself, THEY were/are assholes (or at least were “not that good”, whatever the hell THAT means).

      Point being, you shouldn’t project your own experience on other people. Everyone’s coming out is totally different. And a temporary bad reaction to your kid coming out – a traumatic experience for most parents whether they’re willing to admit it or not – does not negate an entire childhood of awesome, which I had and you apparently did not.

      Your parents beat you as a kid and had no problem with you coming out. I was the golden child in my family and I was given a hard time coming out. Our experiences were *completely* different – don’t presume to know about mine or anyone else’s. Especially in the patronizing tone you used in your first comment, which seems to be pretty consistent with ALL of your comments that I’ve seen thus far.

      Just sayin’ – nobody takes advice from someone who acts like a dick. It’s counter-intuitive.

      Nov 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @Mav: I hope more people do what you did. You did what I recommended that people do – you came out to your parents.

      Your parents “disowned” you for all of six months – BFD. Why should that be “the most heartbreaking experience of [your] life”? It was only six months! This will come as a shock to you, but millions of actual adults, who get along fine with their parents, only see them once or twice a year, if that.

      Again this will come as a shock to you, but when most reasonably well-adjusted grownups refer to something as dramatic as “the most heartbreaking experience of my life,” they are referring to an adult romantic relationship.

      “you shouldn’t project your own experience on other people.” I think an objective observer would say you’re way worse. A couple weeks ago you were all pissed off at me because you wanted “more” gay kids to fight back against bullies. You were bullied, you fought back (with success, you said), but you’re still obsessed with it and enraged all these years (decades?) later. I was bullied, I did not fight back (didn’t have the build or personality for that), and after high school I pretty much forgot about it. Who’s better off? If you really want to play the psychology card, you lose.

      I’ve never met any of the Republican presidential candidates in person either, but based solely on the reporting of their own FANS, most of us gay people can gather that they are all assholes to varying degrees.

      In your case, however – You can’t have it both ways. If you were bullied so badly as a kid FOR BEING GAY, why was your mother so dumb that she couldn’t figure out that you were maybe possibly gay? If she’s not a notably unintelligent person, that leaves you with… well, sorry!

      (As for my own parents, they did accept my gayness, and yet, to some extent they were and remained assholes – so what? That’s beside the point.)

      The common denominator is, closeted people worry way too much what their parents think. Parent idolatry is not standard in North American or European culture. In general, gay people should grow the fuck up and come out to their parents. None of the rest of the Gay Community gives a shit about your awesome nifty super-duper parents or how hard it is for you to come to them. As long as you stay in the closet, you create a problem for other gay people.

      What is the point of all these nauseating Poor Pitiful Parent stories? So it’s hard – get over it. Grow up.

      And if indeed your parents do reject you (permanently) for being gay, they prove themselves to be assholes. If they do come around and accept you, well, maybe they’re okay. Either way it doesn’t particularly matter to the rest of us. We don’t care about their reactions, we care about your ACTIONS.

      Anyway it’s over for you. As I said, I’m glad your parents did come around. I’m sure the vast majority of the Queerty readership is delighted at your good fortune.

      So now, what are you recommending closeted people do – stay in the closet? Do you want closeted people to NOT come out to their parents, because YOU personally had a bad experience? Is that what you want? Because I assure you (again!), that is exactly what some closeted people reading your rant will pick up from it. They are looking for any excuse to stay in the closet. Is that really what you want?

      I don’t get why you’re so pissed off at me when you agree with me.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      To clarify – “because YOU personally had a bad experience?” Your experience wasn’t even all that bad, as you describe it. Some gay people do get the answer (permanent rejection) they feared. Fortunately you got a relatively mild reaction.

      How do you want us to react to your story – “oh you poor thing, you shouldn’t have come out to them” (?)… I don’t understand what you want from me / us.

      I don’t get why you are describing your pitiful tale of woe in such vivid detail, UNLESS you are advising people to stay in the closet.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @the other Greg: What in the hell are you talking about? you just don’t get it. Some people have their parents throughout their lives and are there for them as they get older because their parents were always there for them. And if you even think that people are gonna start apologizing to those like you who are so in the dark about being grateful then you are onb confused wreck. Btw: you are the “weenie” for thinking everyone comes from the shitty background you obviously do. Newsflash fool: Some of us have amazing parents and will stand in front of a train for them.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @the other Greg: Why would it startle you that people are concerned about how people whom they love react to anyone in their lives? Remember, it was you who called them “weenies.” Listen. I don’t want to be mean but you yourself just stated that you come from a shitty background with a “violent father blah blah blah.” Do you know what that means? It means you cannot hold a candle to the experience of others more fortunate to have a loving father. You are in the dark to that experience. It also means you don’t have the personal experience to even stand up against what other innately have within themselves. You don’t have it cause you never received it. You just admitted that yourself. Key word is “LOVING” in case you didn’t follow Other Greg. I have met an awful lot of people who come from crappy backgrounds and the reality is that those who come from love and support can squash you like a cockroach. There is just no talking to you because you have absolutely no fucking idea what love is. It isn’t your fault. It is just the way it is. Again you admitted to that in relation to your own violent father. BTW violence is considered dysfunctional. That means it’s you that lost out not other people with a loving father. YOU. Fess up. The moment you do is the same moment you get some empathy and open the door to creating what is referred to as the extended family that gay people often create for themselves. And before you come back and respond with further negativity if that is what you plan on doing i wanna tell you i could care less either way. If you think what you said to people regarding coming out of a closet was supportive let me be the first to shake you out of your delusion. Of course you can throw away your parents reaction. Your father obviously sucked as a parent anyway. That is not everyones reality.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @ewe: Are you (like Mav?) advising gay people NOT to come out to their parents?

      The relationship should be better after you come out. It worked that way with Mav, it worked that way with me. (I like/liked my parents all right.) So I’m not sure what exactly we are disagreeing about here.

      Do you people want a medal from the Gay Community for being oddly obsessed with your parents? – who would hate you (or secretly DO hate you) for being gay? Why is that supposed to impress other gay people?

      If someone is aiming a train at someone’s gay-hating parents, sorry, I’m rooting for the train.

      But maybe you’re right – maybe the weenies who worship their amazing awesome parents (who hate gay people including their own kid) should just stay in the closet, and mommy’s basement, and not date, and not participate in regular adult gay life.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 2:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @ewe: (saw your 2nd post after I replied.)

      Yes, I have an “extended gay family.” What on earth does that have to do with my, or any of my friends’, parents? My god, what is it with you guys and your obsession with supposedly “loving” parents who, possibly, hate you for being gay? (Not that you know for sure – you’d need to be brave enough to find out!)

      Okay – if you haven’t come out yet to your “loving” father, who may or may not hate gay people, I agree that you should not do it.

      All closeted gay people with loving parents who are afraid to come out to them because they’re afraid maybe the loving parents HATE gay people, should definitely stay in the closet.

      Happy now? I presume you, Mav and I are all in agreement.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 3:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      Also, what’s with the childish obsession with autobiographical stories? Thinking of my gay friends: some had a great relationship with their parents, some didn’t, some (like me) are still working on it. And some, I guess I don’t really know because being regular non-neurotic adults, they are not obsessed with parent stories and don’t yak all the time about their parents.

      I’m guessing, some of you DO yak all the time about your parents? Jeez, that seems kinda creepy, maybe your friends can deal with it better than my friends would, but I don’t see the relevance to the original point.

      The point was, is it good to COME OUT or not?

      Nov 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @the other Greg: You are not rooting for anything Greg. You are speaking on behalf of people you don’t know and you are telling them the type of parents they have and the relationship they share. So save it cause you are making a helluva lot of assumptions.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 4:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @the other Greg: In response to the point of coming out i will say that i do not even consider it a question. Of course one should be themselves. If we are going to analyze it we should consider the people who think the whole concept of a closet is rediculous. There are people who are, were and will always be who they are without ever feeling the need to publicly or privately state they are LGBT just like so many straight people who do not feel they have to tell anyone their sexual orientation. That is to say that the whole topic of a closet thankfully does not encompass all people. Hasn’t anyone ever said to you “excuse me, but can i ask you a personal question?” Oh here it comes i always said to myself when that happened. Answering that question is not me coming out. It is the inquisitor coming in.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @ewe: Did you come out to your “loving” father or not? You forgot to say. :-)

      If you did come out to him, and it went okay… uh… why are you mad at me?

      If it didn’t go so well… maybe he wasn’t so “loving” and awesome after all? In that case, get mad at him, not me.

      If you haven’t come out to him – seriously, don’t do it. I’m not being sarcastic, I’m not kidding. Don’t do it – ever.

      I should add (for the general readership, if any) – I would not advise anyone who’s still a teenager, or anyone still living at home who’s financially dependent on their parents, to come out. I was referring to adults living on their own.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 5:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @ewe: Oh… we get it now. It’s not just your father – you’re the kind of weenie who’s in the closet to everyone?

      Nov 21, 2011 at 5:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike
      Mike

      Sometimes I get so sick of reading all the nasty bitchiness on this site day in, day out.

      Nov 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      @Mike: And other times, you find it amusing?

      Nov 21, 2011 at 6:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike
      Mike

      @the other Greg: Other times I have a high tolerance for bullshit, which surprises even me.

      Nov 22, 2011 at 6:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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