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Fantasy Casting Couch: Women We Love Playing Women We Love

From Mommie Dearest to What’s Love Got To Do With It? to The Iron Lady, the gays have long enjoyed the opportunity to see women we love embodying other women we love (or in Thatcher’s case, love to hate). Of course, for every triumph, there’s an epic failure: Lindsay Lohan’s Liz & Dick comes to mind. As we gird ourselves for Zoe Saldana’s upcoming Nina Simone movie, which is already earning the public’s skeptical side eye, let’s hypothesize about some other potential blockbuster biopics.

Check out Chris J. Kelly (of RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap fame)’s fantasy casting couch!

Latifah-Bailey

Queen Latifah as Pearl Bailey

This one is sort of the grandmother of casting opportunities. Latifah has even spoken in interviews about how much she’d love to take on this project. Beyond the physical resemblance, they have similar vocal qualities, meaning that the soundtrack album would be phenomenal. And who doesn’t want to see a movie about a woman that Richard Nixon appointed as the United States’ Ambassador of Love?

 

Caulfield Kahn

Emma Caulfield as Madeline Kahn

The beloved comedian who we lost too soon needs a movie made about her, and this former Buffy the Vampire Slayer star is just the woman to tackle the role. Both ladies share strong bone structure, deceptively innocent eyes, and impeccable comedic timing. Plus, Caulfield has the dramatic chops needed to bring Kahn’s private battle with cancer to life. You’d laugh, you’d cry, you’d cross your fingers for an Oscar nomination.

 

Messing Loy

Debra Messing as Myrna Loy

Not everyone would be familiar with this siren of the silent era, but she’d be worth resurrecting for all the twists and turns her life took. After starting in smaller, more serious roles, she became a huge star for her comedic talents. Meanwhile, her off-screen life included four marriages and several rumored affairs. Messing needs to jump on this gravy train before it’s too late and she’s relegated to forever being hate-watched on Smash reruns.

 

Stone Clinton

Emma Stone as Hillary Clinton

We’re going to need a Hillary Clinton movie sooner or later. And sure, watching Meryl Streep dig into some of the present-day stuff would be delightful, but I think it’d be a smarter move to explore Ms. Clinton’s less familiar past. Emma Stone’s career is getting huge, but she hasn’t had a moment yet. A part like this would have the potential to lock her into the A List for life.

 

Watson Malick Ephron

Emma Watson and Wendie Malick as Nora Ephron

Hear me out on this one. To do Ephron’s life justice, you’d need to see her progression from young writer to all-out icon. And while Wendie Malick is tailor-made for the latter half of the story, she’s not going to cut it for the early years. Emma Watson doesn’t look much like a young Nora Ephron, but she looks strikingly like a young Wendie Malick. Movies about how movies are made can be delicious when done right, and this insider story has serious potential.

 

RuPaul Storm

RuPaul as Storm

OK, Storm isn’t a real person and RuPaul isn’t a real woman, but try to tell me that the idea isn’t perfect. If this got made, I would never stop watching it. Never not ever.

  • 8 Comments
    • Marcio
      Marcio

      The Iron Lady??? Gays love Margareth Thatcher?
      Have you ever heard about Section 28?

      Brits hates Thatcher.

      Are you insane or stupid. man?

      Apr 19, 2013 at 12:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chris Kelly
      Chris Kelly

      Oh, snap! I didn’t quite think that through. You’re right, and I’ll edit it.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chris Kelly
      Chris Kelly

      So, to answer your question: stupid.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RomanHans
      RomanHans

      I’m not sure why we’re supposed to love Queen Latifah either. (“She’s my trainer! I’m not a lesbian! I’M NOT A LESBIAN!”)

      Apr 19, 2013 at 4:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mada
      mada

      Sigh… Madeline Kahn. Miss her.

      Apr 20, 2013 at 1:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DaddyCatALSO
      DaddyCatALSO

      Okay, noew here, but I’ve soem casting ideas you all *might* like. Amber Benson as Dolly Parton. Alyson Hannigan as Susan Hayward. Sarah Michelle Gellar as Sunnye Sherman.

      Apr 20, 2013 at 4:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dixie Rect
      Dixie Rect

      Queen Latifah is a terrible actress, not sure who keeps putting her in movies, or why? Did you the Steel Magnolias remake? She was absolutely awful.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 5:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jpatrickhanley
      jpatrickhanley

      I’ve been saying that about Messing/Loy for a while. I feel vindicated that a) I’m not the only one who thought so and b) I’m not the only weirdo who is out there thinking about this stuff. I also think that Messing could do a convincing Rosalind Russell – especially the physical comedy. (I was beside myself when they remade The Women and cast Messing in something other than the Sylvia Fowler role. But trying to choose one of the crimes committed in that film to complain about is whatever the opposite of a Sophie’s Choice is.) Tilda Swinton resembles Australia’s Julia Gillard, but unless the Prime Minister is abducted by aliens or has a complete nervous breakdown in public, there’s just no there… there. Also, Jennifer Lawrence clearly has it in her to become Jennifer Coolidge someday. Let’s hope she chooses the light and not the dark.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 5:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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