Beyonce may be #flawless, but gay men certainly aren’t. As much as we’d like to think we’re without any faults, the truth is, there’s always room for improvement. Madonna, ever the sage, said it best with her throwaway song “Nobody’s Perfect” from her 2000 album “Music” in which she crooned: “Nobody’s perfect. Nobody’s perfect! What did you expect? I’m doing my best!”
The question now is: Are you doing your best?
Scroll down and see.
Here are 10 of the most obnoxious types of homosexual men.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
10. Unnecessarily Bitchy Twinks
You see them in the clubs, usually huddled together in groups of three or four, dressed in skinny jeans and no shirt, showing off their svelte, boyish frames while sipping fruity beverages and surveying the the other club goers with discerning looks of insecurity superiority. Yes, they want to be noticed. But don’t you dare talk to them. If you do, you’ll only be met with dramatic eye rolls and lots of attitude.
9. Total Tops
Otherwise known as guys who are afraid of bottoming because “it hurts.”
8. “No Blks Or Azns” Gays
We’re not trying to police who a person should be attracted to, because everyone has his own particular types and preferences. However, when you make a point of listing the specific races and/or ethnicities of men who you don’t like on your Grindr profile, it makes you seem, well, kinda racist, not to mention closed-minded. As the old saying goes: Don’t knock it ’till you try it.
7. Die Hard Gaga Defenders
Though they may be a dying breed, as suggested by her sinking record sales, there are still plenty of gay men out there who wholeheartedly believe Lady Gaga is the second coming of Madonna Christ and if you deign to say anything even remotely critical about their mother monster they will make it their personal mission to hunt you down and destroy you… Or at least accuse you of being a “bully” and then rip you to shreds on comment boards, Twitter and Facebook. Don’t believe us? Scroll down to the comment board right now and see for yourself.
6. Snarky, Self-Hating Gays
You know the ones. They like to scowl at dinner parties and grumble about how much the world sucks and how everyone else is to blame for their misery and blah, blah, blah. They have opinions, usually negative, about everything, which they spew at anyone who has the misfortune of sitting next to them. Their sole mission in life is to drag everyone else down into the mud with them. And when that doesn’t work, they just get more drunk and bitch about how they don’t give a shit if gay marriage is made legal because it’s not like they want to get married anyway, before slinging their albatross over the chip on their shoulder and making the lonely trek home.
5. Log Cabin Republicans
While we’re on the subject of self-hating gays, we’ve never quite been able to wrap our heads around gay guys who align themselves with a political party that is actively working against their equal rights. Seriously, guys, WTF?
4. Snooty, Self-Righteous, “I Do Not Hook Up” Homosexuals
Not on Grindr? Congratulations. Would you like a medal to go with your chastity belt?
3. Narcissistic, Self-Obsessed, Selfie-Taking Gays
You’ve seen them at the gym taking a break between reps to casually pose for a photo in the mirror. You’ve seen them on Facebook sharing pictures of themselves laying out by the pool or sipping wine at a Napa vineyard. And you’ve seen them at the gay bar snapping not one, not two, but ten versions of the same photograph, trying to get the angle just right so that the pic looks flattering while at the same time spontaneous and fun. They are narcissistic, self-obsessed, selfie-taking gays. And they have no shame.
2. “No Drama” Drama Queens
These are fellas who make a point of talking about how they are “not into drama” on their dating profiles, which is usually the first indication that they are, in fact, very much into drama.
1. “Ex-Gay” Gays
Despite global scientific consensus that one cannot voluntarily change one’s sexual orientation, there is still a rogue group of gay bisexual deeply confused Christians who claim that, through the power of prayer and with love from Jesus Christ, they were able to turn themselves straight. To help affirm their heterosexuality, they’ve married women and produced children. Some of them have even launched official “ex-gay” groups and campaigned against things like the closing of conversion clinics. Of course, a quick peek at their internet browser histories would likely betray their clever charades. But, hey, to each his own, right?
BONUS: Irritating Gay Bloggers Who Crack Bad Jokes And Point Fingers At Others
Guilty as charged!
Related stories:
10 Totally Obnoxious Things You Have To Be Gay To Fully Understand
Bad Boxed Blondes: The Platinum-Haired Homophobes We Just Can’t Stand
The Seven Most Annoying Grindr Guys And Two Who Might Change Your Life
enlightenone
#11 – Twink Tom Daley Fan Club members. Queerty?
Sweet Boy
This list is not very encouraging….it includes 99% of the so-called gay community
enlightenone
#9 Real “Total Tops” have a natural preference for the pleasure experienced, not experienced as a “Total Bottom.” Total tops for total bottoms makes PERFECT sense!
#8 Personally, I prefer to know that a male is afraid of a strong man. So I’m fine with them putting their preferences in their profile.
#4 Nothing “self-righteous” about not being into “hook-ups,” especially with a stranger who could be another Jeffrey Dhamer! It’s called “self-worth/value/respect” and enjoys “social” foreplay before the slow-dance!
#1 The sooner they ACTUALLY become extinct, we can breath again. We have to do everything we can to protect vulnerable gay youth and educate, if possible, their parents/caregivers!!!!
keithjd
The author comes off as a total #6.
Cam
@Sweet Boy:
Sounds like you need to stop going to your one bar and venture outside.
As for the rest of the list, normally when I see a list like this I figure it’s going to be some pathetic thing about guys who use straws in their drinks but yes, I’ll go along with some of these ones. lol
Aussiemate
I honestly think that total top isn’t a problem at all, neither is a total bottom.
Some guys aren’t just into it. Some guys don’t even like anal, but they are still gay.
Chris
The only people who I find are totally insufferable are people who are not genuine, for whom it seems like an act — whatever that act may be.
BJ McFrisky
Re: #8:
Downright petty that you consider it “obnoxious” that someone has specific tastes in their sexual partner, especially since most people prefer their own race. You never would have criticized someone who declared they’re “not into white guys,” would you?
How progressive!
QJ201
8 + 9 + 10 is a Grindr Trifecta
VampDC
#11
The gay men who judge each other. C’mon Queerty. Let’s be above this. This is stuff girls do, rank and judge each other.
crowebobby
How about 99.9% of the gay community who drink beer straight from the bottle, because they think it makes them part of the macho straight world even though you might as well be drinking it with a straw because beer was never meant to drunk that way and it makes it taste like shit.
Faulk
Whats this “are you doing your best?” BS? Doing best to be what? Not yourself? Once we preached about diversity… look at us now…
AWA1991
#11 Gays who refer to Madonna as “MADONNA CHRIST” despite the fact that she’s been stealing from our community for the last thirty years.
#12 The author of this post.
#13 Internalized issues that cause you to judge other gays.
Lvng1Tor
@Chris: Pretty much hit the nail on the head…almost all of these deal with people who are putting on some sort of persona rather than just being themselves.
For all of you taking offense with any of these. ROFL…it’s talking about extremes in each of these cases. You know the ones who it is their entire persona! Like the “I don’t hook up” one is about the guy who CONSTANTLY has to share that he doesn’t hook up like “those gays” ya know cause he buys his rent boys!There are always exceptions.
I actually don’t mind #8 if that’s your preference in a S#X HOOK UP why not be specific in what you like or don’t. Are they limiting themselves? Sure! Are they coming off r@cist? Yeah but who f’n cares it’s their life and now I know who to avoid.
There are plenty of guys of all r@ces who are ignoring any pic or message from a skin color they don’t like. These guys are just saying “let’s not waste time”.
@Sweet Boy: if this is 99% of what you see or know…Run Forest RUN….cause your world is too d@mn small.
Finally…it’s a list on Queerty not a personal attack on any of you..they don’t know you…you know that right!?!
Lvng1Tor
How is it I type Faggot but not r@cist and get my F’n comment flagged?
AJAnders
Spare me in regard to #4. You can hook up with as many guys as you want, I don’t care. But I personally could never hook up with a complete stranger. (The only exception being if Brad Pitt ever propositioned me…but that’s never going to happen unfortunately.)
That doesn’t make me snooty or self-righteous.
KholdStare
I don’t think it’s self-righteous to not hook up or use apps. I know some people can be really holier than thou about it, but neither one really does much for me.
You talk about obnoxious, selfie taking guys on here, but half the articles on this site involve hot guys taking selfies…
Marc
@BJ McFrisky: So true. Thank you!
mikesan
@BJ McFrisky: Not sure if that’s accurate. I remember some study 3-4 years ago (think it was from Brown or Comlubia, not sure) on dating and intimacy and it showed that while people do tend to date in their own ethnic and racial group, their sexual partner profiles are all over the place.
It’s not petty to criticize that kind of statement because it really is obnoxious.
Who you’d go in the street, in a bar, at a gym or any public space and yell: “NOT INTO BLACKS OR AZN!”
At the very least stating what your not into rather than what you’re into make you sound less douchy. Plus, you really don’t need to explain why you’re not into someone.
Number 8 could be about how people don’t do themselves justice and tend to take a defensive, negative approach or trow some group under the bus because why, it’s just personal preference right lol.
“not into white guys” just sound like some reverse racism excuse; something that’s hardly a thing, but work well to avoid self-criticism.
NoCagada
@BJ McFrisky: 1. You missed the point 2. “especially since most people prefer their own race”. You’re “FACTS” are from where? I am multi-ethnic. Who would I date, according to you? And most of my gay friends are of color and prefer to date white men.
People can’t help what they are attracted to…the point was how they go about stating it. One could state what they ARE attracted to rather than hateful statement of “NO blah blah blah” which reminds me of signs that I saw when living in the south that said “NO NEGROES”.
We all can learn a lesson of HOW we state things. People may not express it, but many do feel hurt when they read something so negative as “NO ASIANS”.
NoCagada
@BJ McFrisky: And another point…I have seen many personals stating things like “NO ASIANS”, “NO BLACKS” , “NO GUYS OF COLOR”. I have yet to see an ad that says “NO WHITE MEN”, which is not to say it doesn’t exist.
Open your mind a little because you COMPLETELY missed the point.
Wicked Dickie
#12, The gay guys who want equality, but only “white equality”, because…see #8. But hey, Matthew Shepherd died for a reason” right?
mikesan
@NoCagada: I’m curious, as an Asian/x guy, would it change your perception of “NO AZN” if there was more asian men portrayed positively in the media, if asian men where not practically non-existent of fashion publication and more represented in modelling agencies payrolls?
I’ve never seen or heard someone say there not into white guys, I do hear people say they are into asian guys or that they are not into asian guys, so I’m wondering if we are dulled into thinking as white as attractive by default. I’ve personally never paid attention to asian guys until recently (Godfrey Gao and Hidetoshi Nakata helped me be less myopic)
I’m really curious; if people are so into their own race, why do we commonly see, “no black, no asians” or other backgrounds , but not “no white”?
vive
@BJ McFrisky, @Lvng1Tor, it is one thing to have preferences and it is quite another thing to put down a discriminated-against minority in a public forum like Grindr. Nobody gets THAT many messages that they have to state this kind of thing in their profile instead of just deleting messages from the guys they don’t prefer.
“No white guys” is not NEARLY the same, given that white guys are a privileged group in this country.
Instead, think of how it would feel to you if a restaurant or bakery announced “no gays”? That’s just their preference, isn’t it? Would you defend them too?
wpewen
Interesting that San Francisco gay media has evolved into this. I was there in 84 and we didn’t have/want Grindr. If all you are writing about is 6-packs and hook-ups gay culture is pretty much hitting the pavement.
Wicked Dickie
The fact that most of the replies on here at attributed to point #8 offers an insight into the problem of separating sexual attracted ness only goes to solidify that there is an issue within the gay community that needs to be dealt with. I cannot and will not take you serious that you want equality, but yet you discriminate. Then again some gay guys define themselves by their grindr profile.
Lvng1Tor
@vive: you obviously didn’t read my post clearly if you think I’m defending these guys. And umn yeah… I prefer people and business to wear their b!gotry on their sleeves. That way I know who to avoid. Welcome to America…you have a right to say stupid sh!t (like all of us on here now)
tazz602
OK – What is wrong with #9 – that’s perfectly fine in my book!!
#4 – YES – and even worse when they are on Grindr or Scruff and say No Hook-Ups in their ad, but then message you with a dick pic before saying anything else.
Evji108
@BJ McFrisky: His point was not that we don’t all have our preferences, but that making a list of them is unkind.
gameshowluver
I’m certainly no “self-hating gay” but since you’ve never quite been able to wrap your heads around gay guys who align themselves with a political party that is actively working against their equal rights I’ll explain the reason I do. Show me a Democrat who is pro-life instead of pro-abortion and I would consider supporting them. Nobody should have the right to stop another’s beating heart regardless of the stage of development they are in. There are some things more important than my interest of equal rights — the 55+ million lives who have been snuffed out through abortion, and all the future ones who will be that Democrats don’t care about. And by the way, abortion is by far the greatest “war on women” since it prevents millions of women from even being born!
Lvng1Tor
@gameshowluver: Someone drank the kool-aid!
Paco
I think some of the BS in our community deserves a good skewering from time to time. This list barely scratched the surface though.
I completely agree with #8. Having preferences is fine, but having to list the races you aren’t attracted to does make you look a bit r@cist, if not just a complete asshole. Your world won’t end if someone you aren’t attracted to messages you. I’ve never seen a profile that said no white guys. Ever. I have chatted with guys that weren’t into white guys, but their profiles never stated it.
About #9 on the list…
I didn’t realize total tops were such an epidemic that it needed complaining about. Fix the problem of the over abundance of total bottoms first, and then we’ll talk about total tops as a problem for the community. LOL
Kieran
The most obnoxious gay types are those who believe that anybody who doesn’t agree with their political points of view are “stupid” and beneath them. They are constantly on the look-out for even the slightest infraction against “Politically Correct” Orthodoxy so that they might instantly and self-righteously pounce in smug moral indignation. They are instantly recognizable by a noticeable bitter and bitchy attitude toward people and life in general.
cshields
I’m a gay that doesn’t like to hook up or go out partying. I am prude yes, I’m neither proud or ashamed about that though. I’m sorry if that makes me a ‘snob’, I don’t look for ways to shoehorn it into conversations…though sometimes I get insecure and want people (who just assume because I’m gay I must be some sexual deviant) to know what I’m all about, I’ll tell them.
Seriously though, I guess it doesn’t matter in the gay community does it? If I say I don’t hook up or go out partying and drinking—hardly anyone is gonna respect that or NOT think that I’m a stuck up snobby prude.’
Seriously, fuck the gay community and this judgmental bullshit.
Oli1023
#11 Judgmental gays.
Seriously, not being on Grindr or not doing casual hookups is obnoxious?
kevininbuffalo
@Lvng1Tor:Yeh, God forbid that someone should have a different opinion than yours.
imperator
Just a correction someone might want to make– I think you mean to call the ex-gays “rogues,” “rouge” is French for red.
vonric
having grown up in the fifties and sixties in the midwest, the only steriotype of “gayness” were the cliches of florists and hairdressers.. The concept that man who was gay could also be a firefighter, a soldier, a university professor or whatever, was utterly alien. seems that we have taken the rejection of diversity internally…
frankly, I may not much like b***** twinks forming their cliques at bars, but… they’re entitled – so are men who don’t incessently hook up and on and on through virtually all of the ten categories enumerated by this “author”.. Can’t we have a diversity tent, where chaste gays can stand next to snarky twinks? there are enough attacks on teh gay community, even yet – we really can’t waste time snarking it out internally… not worth it…
rcs831
@AJAnders: Uh..It kinda does.
vive
@Paco: “I didn’t realize total tops were such an epidemic that it needed complaining about. Fix the problem of the over abundance of total bottoms first, and then we’ll talk about total tops as a problem for the community. LOL”
LOL. You win the thread 🙂
Trippy
Note to the author… good points, but maybe you took the wrong approach. Instead of telling us what not to be, perhaps you could have written a column on how to be exactly who we are without coming off as negative stereotypes.
For Example:
How to be a young, happy-go-lucky barfly without coming off as a snotty, MTV reality show twit.
or…
How to avoid a life of promiscuity while not sounding like a pompous, judgmental prude.
or…
How to maintain a Libertarian outlook and not give money and votes to the Republican Party.
Lvng1Tor
@kevininbuffalo: Thank you….Right! God Forbid!
SPDuffy
@keithjd: Exactly!
vive
@vonric, ” they’re entitled [to be assholes].”
I disagree. Nobody is entitled to be an asshole, which the point of most of the article in my reading of it, not quashing diversity.
Kenneth
Ha ! #2 got me. I run into so many “No Drama” drama queens online ! And yep, those that shout the loudest and go on and on about no drama are absolutely the worse drama queens out there.
Now me…I am “no drama”. No…for real. I-am-no-drama-at-all. Yeah, that’s right. Stop rolling your eyes.
DarkZephyr
@gameshowluver: You don’t have to be a Republican if you are pro-life. I am pro-life but I would never align myself with Republicans. That party is EVIL. I can be pro-life AND be pro-gay rights. Why sell your soul just because you are pro-life? The time to fight for gay rights is NOW. You can’t put your head in the sand and wait for a later date because you are pro-life.`
onthemark
Replace #6 with: Snooty, Self-Righteous, Hypocritical Married Guys Who Think They’re Better Than Single Guys But Who Hit On Single Guys For Sex.
Replace #4 with: Grindr Sluts.
#7, Die Hard Gaga Defenders: “Don’t believe us? Scroll down to the comment board right now and see for yourself.” Looks like you guessed wrong? After 47 comments, no one has defended Gaga yet.
#9, Total Tops: As Paco pointed out, total bottoms are the real problem. Total tops should be given Nobel Sex Prizes or some monetary incentive, sort of like college (athletic) scholarships.
#10, Unnecessarily Bitchy Twinks: please define “unnecessarily,” since you imply that there’s a natural and appropriate level of “bitchy”!
enlightenone
@onthemark: @PACO “Total Tops” are total tops because it’s their pleasure preference! Am I missing something? Not “total” tops consider themselves to be versatile. Correct? And their are bottoms who will “top.” Correct? So why the negative attitude about “total” bottoms?
romeoinsf
Thank goodness for #9’s
demented
@gameshowluver: Good for you for taking a stance that people don’t stereotypically assign to gay people or gay-friendly people.
demented
@gameshowluver: That said, you might want to consider being an independent.
Paco
@enlightenone: “Am I missing something?”
Yes.
I wasn’t having a negative attitude toward total bottoms. I was wondering where this magical place was that had so many total tops that it warranted making this list of annoyances, since I’ve found there to be a more than adequate number of total bottoms compared to the much rarer total top. So why the total bottoms (too many of) didn’t make the list, but the total tops (not enough of) did, seemed strange to me. At least in my experience, the ratio of top vs. bottom tends to be very “bottom” heavy.
That’s what I find annoying.
enlightenone
Thanks for your response, and I understand your point now. I appreciate your perspective!
enlightenone
@Paco: Thanks for your response, and I understand your point now. I appreciate your perspective!
Paco
@enlightenone: No problem, and it really isn’t much of an annoyance since I am versatile, or try to be. LOL
Bob LaBlah
#3 and #10 had me rolling on the floor laughing. Yesterday afternoon two twinks were arguing over a machine at the gym and actually started swinging at each other like two little second grade girls. There were only eight of us in the gym plus three personnel. No one tried to break them up because we were all laughing too loud and hard. They started calling each other bitches and the hole nine yards.
One thing I have learned in regards to twinks; never try explaining to them (or should I say certain ones) that they will always have a fit, tone body in their MINDS but in reality their genetics will NOT allow them to get on the cover of Today’s Muscle Mary Magazine. Many of them have six-pac’s because they are malnourished but won’t admit it die to lack/not able to feed themselves on their salary.
The second thing is never tell them they are not going to live as comfortable as you do (if you are middle age like me) because the work force and benefits has created a slave worker force instead of one with some thing to look forward to at retirement, such as a pension and health benefits. Don’t tell them that HIV is not the only disease, illness nor fracture that might come their way one day.
Just sit back, watch and wink at them so they can roll their eyes while actually thinking you are interested in them. Especially if they are in a bathhouse and getting ignored by the guy they actually think is hot but the guy doesn’t think the same of them and actually prefers an older experience man to them. I love the ones who are so vain they won’t even take their shoes off nor show after having sex. How’s that for describing vain?
Twinks are so silly till they are just cute. To laugh at that is.
Saint Law
Notice a couple of fuckbuckets getting their panties in a knot at being attacked for preferring “their own race!”
Thing is, when it comes to human beings, there’s only one race.
And yeah I know “everybody had their preferences”, but as a white man I wouldn’t go near anybody who felt moved to declare they’re not in to Blacks, Asians, “orientals” or Hispanics for the simple reason that such narrowness is always symptomatic of a deeper character disorder.
Always.
Saint Law
Oh you missed: ‘straight acting’.
SportGuy
@Saint Law:
You sir are an awesome man! Thanks for not being a db like so many gays.
Paco
@Saint Law: I would have replaced #9,Total Tops, with that one.
armanvilleg
@Sweet Boy: i was thinking the same thing.
tardis
Bottoming does hurt, and Lady Gaga is cool.
armanvilleg
@keithjd: ha ha, I agree. The author does come across as a #6.
Brian
@BJ McFrisky: Stating preferences is saying “I like blondes”. Saying “no blacks or Asians” is just being a dick. Is it really so difficult to leave that part out, even if you have no intention of hooking up with black or Asian guys?
vive
@gameshowluver, aren’t you bothered by the fact that Republican policies are “pro-life” (in name, not in reality given their gutting of prenatal medical care access) only until the moment of birth?
ggreen
Older (55+) wealthy queen with more money than sense, sits around with likeminded queens bitching about how awful rent control is and how high taxes are. You see they got there first, bought at the bottom of the market and survived AIDS by being semi-celibate so they are entitled don’t ya know. What they are really pissed about is that escorts charge for getting blown.
hephaestion
@Sweet Boy: I don’t associate with any of these negative types. In fact, I rarely see any of them. If you don’t put up with such silliness, you won’t attract those folks.
vive
@ggreen, I agree except with the ageist part. There are even more wealthy yuppy, hipster, and trust fund gay assholes who do exactly the same thing. Why pick on the older ones? Do the young ones get away with it because you find them attractive or something?
Paul Nadolski
No, I’m not on Grindr. And I don’t have a cell phone either. And sorry, but I do only have sex in relationships. Call it what you want, I call it being responsible and looking out for what’s most satisfying and rewarding. I have nothing against those who hook up all the time using apps. But that’s not going to be me.
BitterOldQueen
Cute list, but I think #7 needs to be amended to include ALL pop divas. Those who think Madonna is still talented, that Beyonce ever was, that Cher defines aural purity, that Judy Garland, that Liza Minelli, that, that that…It’s not just Gaga’s monsters who are annoying, it’s all the idolatrous homos.
Chevelter
I have a lot of gay friends and avoid these types. Well, some have taken a selfie or two.
dave lopes
When trying to meet for SEX, it is important to be as specific as possible.
I am not having sex to save humanity or improve society, I am having sex to bust a nut.
I am black and I clearly states the age limit, the race, the skin tone, the body type I am looking for.
People who feel offended or hurt by No whites, No Asians, no blacks need to find out why they are hurt. They are the ones with the problem.
I am not depriving myself of anything, I am simply NOT SEXUALLY attracted to other races…the same way I am NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to women or transexuals.
I have had tried to have sex with other races in my horny younger days. It just was not satisfying. Like it or not, different races have different smell,texture,feel etc. I am incredibly aroused by dark skin, the texture of negro hair, the facial features, the aroma (smell) etc.
A4a has a filter option where you an select race. All apps should have that.
If a gay person cannot understand the above, try explaining your gay attraction to a straight person.
vive
@BitterOldQueen, I am happy you excluded Karen Carpenter from that list, though. She had the voice of a goddess. 😉
vive
@dave lopes, I can see the point of your stating “no whites” if your inbox is really swamped by white guys, given that white guys are not generally discriminated against so you are unlikely to touch a nerve, but how much work would it be to just quietly delete messages from Asian or Latino or older guys instead of publicly hurting them where they might be sensitive given the general culture of constant microaggressions against them? As a black guy one would think you’d have some understanding of this. Nobody ever taught you not to be an asshole? Or simply to be classy?
Brian
@vive: Exactly. It’s really not that difficult to be classy, even if you’re just trying to get some dick online. It’s much kinder to tell somebody “those pants are more flattering on you” instead of “these pants make you look like a fatass”, and the result is the same. It’s not like you’re going to like every guy of your preferred race who hits you up, so just respond to the non preferred guys in the same way instead of broadcasting “PISS OFF, CHINKS”.
dave lopes
@vive:
Vive, As a black guy I have absolutely no problem with someone stating NO BLACKS.
But I do understand that some people would get hurt.
I probably would get annoyed if I were attracted to other races and they were saying No Blacks.
Because it would reduce my chances of getting what I want……but it would not affect how I feel about myself.
The same way i am attracted to a lot of straight guys…but unfortunately they are unable to reciprocate.
So the people feeling hurt have deeper issues of personal and racial self esteem to deal with.
In sexual pursuits, i value honesty and straight forwardness. I give it and I expect it from others.
AtticusBennett
anyone who defends the use of things like “no fats fems asians or blacks” is a complete idiot who deserves all the internet shaming in the world. congrats – you’re broadcasting what a low-thinking, limited, stunted ninny you are. be proud. you’re less sexually-aware and liberated than my late grandmother.
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2011/08/thats-just-racism.html
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2011/09/carrying-self-hatred-into-adulthood.html
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2014/03/homophobic-gay-men-of-grindr.html
know who the most pathetic men in our community are? the anonymous internet cowards who use online-anonymity to spew their cowardly stupidity. you know the types, they tell everyone how “masculine” and “non-stereotypical” they are while remaining completely 100% anonymous, simply because the reality is they don’t have a pair of balls.
funnyguyla
I definitely take issue with #9. I’m a total top and had no idea this was considered “obnoxious”, nor does the author of the piece explain why. Is being a total bottom obnoxious as well? And if not, why not? In #8 he states “We’re not trying to police who a person should be attracted to, because everyone has his own particular types and preferences” So why in #9 is he trying to police what sexual position someone should prefer?
dave lopes
@Brian:
Brian, using “PISS OFF, CHINKS” does nothing to advance your argument.
I am never rude or disrespectful.
I value my time and that of others.
It is not that complicated. I tell others what I want, they tell me what they want. If there is a match we make it happen.
We are all grown man and should be able to understand attraction and hear the truth.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
The only idiot is you for calling others idiot and low thinking simply because you see things differently.
If you were much of a thinker, you would state your case without your emotional outburst.
AtticusBennett
@dave lopes: it’s very simple, and i’ll dumb it down so folks with your low-level of thinking can understand it: concepts of beauty and worth are not innate, like orientations are.. they’re societally influenced.
it’s not about “different opinions” in this case – it’s about what is known in the world of sociological, human sexuality and all fields of social study, and folks like you who don’t know what they’re talking about who want to be right, but cannot be, because you’re categorically wrong.
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2011/11/oh-abercrombie-fitch.html
if you’re not into “blacks or asians” then you are showing everyone that you have prejudice in you: you see all asians and blacks as The Same. you don’t see the person, you see THE ASIAN. THE BLACK. and if what turns you off IS THE ETHNICITY then there’s no way around the reality that you have a learned, and unchecked, prejudice toward that ethnicity. prejudice need not mean outright hate.
and everyone who says “then gays are prejudiced against women for not being into women” further shows how stupid thy are: orientations and concepts of attraction and beauty are not the same thing.
tdh1980
Re: #8 — When describing ourselves to others, we almost always default to affirmative language — i.e. who we are, what we like, what we do — because it’s a more effective way of communicating. For example, in the case that someone asks us what our profession is, we don’t think to respond, “Well, let me tell you what it’s NOT,” as that is a counterintuitive way of getting one’s point across. Most of the time when we express our dislikes, it is because we either are asked or they are presented to us *directly*. Therefore, when people use valuable profile space to singling out entire swathes of people as undesirable, I can only assume that they’re making a point to ridicule those in that group based on their biases, and that is never okay.
AtticusBennett
@tdh1980: AMEN!
the one good thing about guys who post “no fats fems asians or blacks” is that what they’re really saying is “I’m a complete f***ing loser, and your life will be all the better for avoiding me like the plague”.
which more and more guys are doing. 🙂
i’m not attracted to intellectually-stunted limited thinkers.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
“it’s very simple, and i’ll dumb it down so folks with your low-level of thinking can understand”
and with above statement, I did not read the rest of your post.
Again, the only IDIOT and non-thinker is you for LASHING out and attempting to insult others.
Here is the reality for you, You can jump up and down, scream, throw insults all you want…….that is not going to make anyone not attracted to your race sleep with you.
So deal with that.
AtticusBennett
@dave lopes: of course you didn’t read it. you’re not smart, and you’re proud of your stupidity.
i’m white – i’ve never had a problem with “people not being into my ethnicity” – white is, alas, still put on a plateau. i’ve never not got what i wanted sexually.
you’re proud to be stupid. i’m not surprised. perceptions of beauty based on ethnicity are learned. and they can be unlearned, granted that one is not a complete f***ing idiot.
dave lopes
@tdh1980:
Wrong, only people with self esteem issues would feel ridiculed.
The person is looking for SEX….meaning someone he is SEXUALLY attracted to.
The reason for such attraction or non-attraction is irrelevant.
We all are SEXUALLY undesirable to someone, be it age, race, color, height, weight, manners…etc…etc.
Stating Looking for blacks ONLY or saying NO WHITES/ASIANS/LATINS is the same thing.
No racial deragotary terms are being used, no race is being made fun of or ridiculed……..simply people narrowing their search.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
Keep whining and crying.
Yes you want people to force themselve to find you attractive.
Good luck….lol
AtticusBennett
“The reason for such attraction or non-attraction is irrelevant.”
only to intellectually-stunted low thinkers who are too lazy to think critically and thus grow 🙂
you’re more than free to post your limitations for all too see. and folks are free to see it as you being an incredibly limited person.
AtticusBennett
@dave lopes:
I’m a white man. I’ve never once, in my entire life, been turned down by anyone because of my ethnicity. Ever. we live in a “white-worshipping” culture, unfortunately. what i have, however, is understanding and awareness of not just my white privileges, but an academic understanding of how attractions and concepts of beauty are societally influenced.
i want people to self-interrogate and become better people. “it’s just the way i am” is not an answer, it’s an excuse given by lazy folks who are incapable of discernment and deeper understanding. i get it, though.you won’t be able to learn and grow, which is no great loss.
“Wrong, only people with self esteem issues would feel ridiculed”
Wrong, only people who are intellectually-inferior would continue to pretend, and defend, the idea that societal concepts of beauty and attraction cannot be broadened.
i get it. you like being a stunted and unintelligent person. kudos.
Manuelca
@AWA1991: This @AWA1991: It’s all in the bonus…
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
You keep repeating the same nonsense.
You may be doing the “white worshipping”….that is your own personal issue.
Speaking of broadening your attraction…..try women.
Some people are simply not sexually attracted to your race and nothing will change that.
There probably are sites for people interesting in interacial, intergenerational, interspecies and other inter stuffs.
I suggest you try one of those.
AtticusBennett
i dont’ do “white worshipping” – i’m white. my “preferences”? guys who don’t have Ethnic Preferences. I’ve been with guys of all types and backgrounds and ethnicities – i’m not into guys who are limited thinkers, as i find willful stupidity to be a massive turn off.
“try women” – you just proved me right, yet again, in that you don’t understand that there is a difference between orientation and societally-influenced concepts and ideals of attraction.
with every post you make, you just show how crushingly dumb you. we all get it, you’re uneducated and resent those who know more than you. which is practically everyone.
yaletownman
The only real problem I see in our world is lack of self esteem and fear of each other and it’s not limited to the gay world. It’s just being that we are gay we look to find acceptance and love from our own tribe so things that block that seem to eminate from our gay world the most to us. Finding a sense of self worth, self acceptance and self love is the basis for loving each other but it isn’t an easy task being that we are born into a world that doesn’t give us that. The way we judge others comes directly from our own self judgements. The more of us that set out on a journey to find self love the more we will find others who are on the same, imperfect journey and we will then find support from each other instead of rejection. I think it’s also important that we who are a bit older try find ways to support and esteem the younger members of our community because what we give we get and that was a foundation missing for many of us. Instead of seeing these negative traits listed by queery as a reason do dislike those who carry then we should try to understand the reason behind them and find compassion for them because it helps us to find compassion for ourselves. We are all wounded and we all have the power to heal ourselves and each other.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
Ok, so you are not into guys who are limited thinkers…..that is your right.
And I am not into guys that are white or asians…..and that is my right.
So why are you still whining.
See why you are a cretin and incredibly needy.
AtticusBennett
yes. it’s your right to be limited, and it’s our right to see your limitations and call them out. you’re a stupid person. not because you’re limited, but because you’re proud to be limited. your comparison of orientations to societally-influenced concepts of attraction is a testament to just how stupid you actually are.
i’m not needy. i have what i want. 🙂 i just like calling out stupid people and pointing exactly how and why they’re stupid.
tricky ricky
6. Snarky, Self-Hating Gays: is that a picture of Rupert Everett? I’m not sure what he looks like anymore.
Brian
I really can’t believe so many people are missing the point that yes, it’s fine to have sexual preferences, but it’s obnoxious to announce who you sexually exclude in a profile. Say you’re looking for a white or latino guy, that’s fine, but be decent enough not to say stupid shit like “no blacks or asians or fats or femmes”. It’s really not that difficult to stay on the side of politeness.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
“resent those who know more than you”
So far you are the only one showing hatred and resentment towards blacks who are not attracted to your whiteness.
I am sorry, but you are going to go thru life with much anger…as you are unable to satisfy that fever.
So keep crying and whining….booohooohooo…i want a black man….aint we all god’s children…lol
AtticusBennett
“So far you are the only one showing hatred and resentment towards blacks who are not attracted to your whiteness.”
false – i utterly loathe intellectually-lazy thinkers who choose to perpetuate the lie that concepts of attraction are not societally influenced.
it’s not about you being black or me being white – but the reality that a prejudicial preference based on ethnicity is a learned thing. and smart folks who aren’t complete idiots can thus unlearn them.
dave lopes
@Brian:
Pure play of words.
Stating looking for a white or latino and stating No blacs or asians is the same thing.
By stating the wanted race(s), you are excluding the non stated race(s).
I agree, one comes out as softer and more polite if you will.
My problem is with people screaming that one does not have a right to have racial preferences in sex……or have the audacity to attack others for having these preferences and attractions.
They remind me of some straight folks pushing the idea that sexual attraction is always learned and can be changed.
It is perfectly acceptable to state one’s desires and restrictions when looking for a sexual partner.
Do it in a respectful manner. Letting potential suitors know in advance that one is not attracted to certain groups is not in the least disrespectful.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
God you are dense.
He writes
“but the reality that a prejudicial preference based on ethnicity is a learned thing. and smart folks who aren’t complete idiots can thus unlearn them.”
Who is talking about ethnicity? Do you understand the difference between race and ethnicity?
“Prejudicial” Do you understand the meaning of the term?
Did you have to test a woman before knowing you were not attracted?
Sexual attraction is what gets your sexual senses aroused. It does not need testing or judgment or explanation.
what is so hard for you to comprehend? or are you that much of an emotional mess?
AtticusBennett
NOBODY is saying “you don’t have a right to your preferences” – at all. literally, nobody has said that. what’s so telling is that people can’t separate how their divulging of their preferences reveals their own learned prejudices.
yes. prejudice. i do understand the meaning of the term. you do not.
i’m not the dense one, you’re the one who keeps letting everyone know how unintelligent you are, and how tragically uneducated.
“Did you have to test a woman before knowing you were not attracted?”
orientations are not the same as concepts of attraction. this is Day One information on any sexual studies class.
we all get it – you’re not smart, you’re not a critical thinker, and you don’t have a post-secondary education.
orientations cannot be changed. concepts of attraction can – they grow with us, if we allow ourselves to grow.
it’s just the same old thing when this discussion comes up, people like dave lopes get upset that others aren’t as stupid as they are.
Jamal
Most of the people who make it a point to specify race, have never been
with someone of another race. I am always open to giving White guys a chance, even when
Im being objectified and all they talk about is “bbc.”
Why? Because i realize all guys can be idiots, and sex feels the same regardless.
Why not just not respond if you arent interested or just say im not interested if they message you.
, instead of saying things that further devide us. Plus i think you can have preferences without coming off as a jerk.
I am always excited about other people who happen to be gay, we get so much hate
so why do it to each other?
AtticusBennett
“Sexual attraction is what gets your sexual senses aroused. It does not need testing or judgment or explanation.”
HAHAHAHAH! Which is why it’s utterly explored and studied in fields of academia 😉
you really are stupid. i don’t know why you’re so proud of it, though.
vive
@dave lopes, so your nastiness is not your responsibility, but rather the problem of whomever is hurt by it.
That’s the reasoning of a psychopath.
AtticusBennett
@vive: he’s comparing orientations to concepts of attraction – any educated mind knows that they’re two wholly separate things.
his comments amount to “DUUUH DERRRP, i don’t know anyyyything…DERRRRRP”
dave lopes
@Jamal:
And that is your choice Jamal.
It is not up to you to tell others what to do or how to advertise their desires.
Some people don’t desire other races and are not intereted in trying other races…..and that’s it.
ggreen
@vive: Sorry, you are right being an a-hole is not age specific!
dave lopes
@vive:
Show me where I was being nasty.
AtticusBennett
@dave lopes: “Some people don’t desire other races and are not intereted in trying other races…..and that’s it.
”
because some people realize that they’re stupid inferior beings and refuse to learn to grow.
“some people don’t like gay people and are not interested in learning to not be as limited and hateful in their thinking”
jmmartin
O, boy are you going to get it! They’ll call off the White Party and use the money to buy a hit man with a bullet for the guy who wrote this piece. Not to mention I died laughing.
JennyFromdabloc
@dave lopes: You seem confident and have a good sense of self.
@AtticusBennett: You seem very interested in showing the Queerty world how cool you are because your bedroom looks like a Benetton ad.
Negative language is unnecessary. Everyone is wired differently. We like different foods, different music, different types of partners.
Then again, I may have become #11 – the know it all gay.
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
Oh yeah, you are so educated….lol.
You don’t even know the difference between race and ethnicity or the meaning of prejudice.
Again, keep crying and whining……seems like that is all you know how to do.
In the meanwhile, find some interacial sex sites to help you with your fetish.
Can’t help you.
dave lopes
@JennyFromdabloc:
Thank You.
Finally some common sense.
“a benetton ad”…lol…lol
AtticusBennett
i’m neither crying nor whining – like i said, i’ve never had any problems getting what i want. i’m merely pointing out that what you and jenny tout is empirically false. and your defence of it is the mark of a stupid man. was your father a stupid man too, or did he not stick around to raise you?
Ms Urethra Johnson
The reason I don’t hook-up “online”… If you go outside, actually meet people in person, at a bar let’s say, well you won’t to tell them: “don’t talk to me betch, you’re asian or black or fat or a ginger”…get it? Not hooking-up is self respecting. Why does the author want to portray us “gays” as being hook-up machines in the first place?
I’m a germaphobe… so, even in person, I’ll have to “get to know you” before I even kiss you, much less want to touch your turtle…
Ms Urethra Johnson
*have to tell them…
dave lopes
@AtticusBennett:
Seriously dude, how old are you?
So now you are talking about someone’s father. What’s next my mother?
You are like a whining pre-teen unable to articulate his thoughts and unable to make a rational argument.
The only thing left is to have a fit and call names.
It would be funny except for the fact that you are a grown “azz” man…..which makes it sad indeed.
Paco
@dave lopes: You said…
“Stating looking for a white or latino and stating No blacs or asians is the same thing.”
===
No it is not the same thing at all. Stating that you are looking for something specific is stating a preference and something you find to be a positive trait. Stating what you aren’t looking for, is stating a dislike, or something you find to be a negative trait (or boner kill). Pretty big difference. So why choose to be douchey at all, when you don’t have to be?
Personally, I find a list of dislikes to be a big turn off compared to a list of what they actually do like (preferences).
AtticusBennett
@dave lopes: except that what i’m stating is sociological reality, while everything you’ve stated shows that you didn’t pursue an education.
you’ve compared orientations to societal concepts of attraction, numerous times. had you an education, you’d have known better. you don’t want to be educated. i get that. many guys like you seem to take a false sense of pride in their stupidity. thank goodness you’re gay, though. the family bloodline of stupid ends with you.
dave lopes
@Paco:
To me it is the same thing.
To you it is not….nothing wrong with that.
You see it as “douchey”, I see it as frank, time saving and honest.
Then by all means you should ignore ads with dislikes.
That is the beauty of the whole thing.
We advertise and people judge us by how we present ourself.
And yes some type(s) you are not attracted to is a (boner kill).
Paco
@dave lopes: How much time are you actually saving? How long does it take to look at a profile of someone showing interest and then deciding if they are “worthy” of a response from you? I think the time saver excuse is just an excuse. You can be frank and honest about what you are seeking without making a point of telling whole groups of people just how undesirable you find them to be without even knowing them individually. It is unnecessarily dismissive and very egocentric.
witcomb
Point #7:
You’re welcome to have whatever opinion you want about her, but the “Gaga is over” narrative is tired and unsubstantiated. ARTPOP sold less than Born This Way. It’s true. But it still charted at No. 1 and received ample play time on the airwaves and in the clubs and bars. Moreover, Cheek to Cheek debuted at No. 1.
Provine
You forgot one – Religious Gays.
Essentially they’re the Log Cabin Republican Gays… but with incense and prayers.
iggy6666
@AtticusBennett: haha stop trying to advertise your blog. Not once, but multiple times…. just because you have something to say doesn’t mean its worth listening to……
Saint Law
@dave lopes: At the risk of provoking forty odd posts of tds self justification I have to say you sound pretty whiny – if not positively squeaky. I mean that whole one sentence as paragraph thing? Stop it. It gives the impression you’re hyperventilating.
Also – your prose is awful.
Hope this helps.
xx
dave lopes
@Saint Law: get back when you have anything to say on the subject being discussed.
stadacona
Seems like 40 posts by AtticusBennet and not one well written. Don’t you just hate faux intellectuals? DaveLopes is telling it like it is with well written posts…the other guy sounds like a stammering politically correct idiot.
seaguy
Great list I find each one of them annoying.
jigs
@dave lopes: Wow, with everything going on in the world and all the hatred already out there, it’s really too bad people like you still exist, especially in our community.
dave lopes
@jigs:
Yes, people like me who DARE to express their sexual preferences still exist.
You have a final solution for us who do not follow your political correctness, but insted decide to be true to ourselves?
What’s your plan? the concentration camps with a triangle?
Gaelforce
Re: “total tops,” he can think of it what he likes. I’m a top because I dislike getting fucked and love playing with man-ass. That simple. As for “tastes,” why not just state them positively? I, for example, am pretty much exclusively drawn to men with body hair, so that’s what I say. Doesn’t mean I’m hating on smooth guys, and they’d be welcome to message me as long as they get that they’re missing something that’s a pretty basic part of what makes a man sexually attractive to me. (Full disclosure, I’m in a relationship that’s been 13 years so far, so this is a mix of memory and hypothesis.)
Realitycheck
@Chris:
I agree with Chris, fake people are a big turn off with me, I would also add, mean people,
I guess that qualify as the necessary bitchy guy, met several of those over the years and
they all end up alone and isolated for the obvious reasons.
There is simply no excuse to be gratuitously mean to anyone.
Last and not the least the emotionally challenged Gay guy, I strongly suspect
that society oppression of gays in some cases has serious emotional consequences,
that might lead to mental diseases from environment.
For example I have seen guys always targeting some one once they enter a room, that is
not simply bitchy or jealousy, that is a mental disease, or a vey NYC thing, a guy at a party that
suddenly in a conversation, they just scream with a very upset face what ever was boiling
in their mind, that is also not normal LOL.
Just like the bitch y guys, this kind of person are quickly dropped from social circles…..
maxdadmark
@Sweet Boy: really? You need to get out of your narrow zone more. There are PLENTY of men that don’t fit these stereotypes. AND this is just another list by a lazy “author” as filler on Queerty.
Realitycheck
@maxdadmark:
It is also what readers on Queerty expect and like.
Can you see daily reports on politics? LOL
Danny72
I find this to be one of the funniest things I have read.
And I love how all these post have proven the point. ????????????????????
PupSilver
After reading many of the comments, sounds like alot of guilty dogs barking! Just an older, plaid shirt and jeans Human Pup here that likes his pack and sailing and drinking a beer out of a glass, oh and it’s gotta be domestic and local.
kkC
@dave lopes: I think is cruel to write in my profile , that am into asians men , Yes I really am no into asian .But to me it is more important ,don’t make them fell bad ,than make my sex search faster. I am very emphatic with other people felling and I don’t want because of me, a Chinese young man get depresses.I still I think you have the right to do it , but probably if I read it in your profile , I would have prejudices about you , since I would find you a cold selfish person.
Regardless that I think you won the argument vs Articuss , he really doesn’t seem being thinking rationally , he lost when he started to insult you.
D'lo Frost
@keithjd: Totally =/
Farty
Talk about snarky! I agree with a few. Add “Queen who talks loudly in bars and trashes other gay men”. But what type of gay man is “acceptable” after these ten no nos? Where is acceptance here? If you delete the snark from each item seems you would have a fit man who is discerning in sexual partners, studied politics and faith and made an informed view and is an individual. Would be nice to meet a gay man like that.
Farty
@PupSilver: I agree! Article allows only men who fit in a rigid category as “acceptable”. So much for support and inclusion.
Farty
@maxdadmark: agree 100 percent. Our community marginalizes many men which is a shame.
chrispychicken
Did you really just say that all gay people have to have a Grindr or they’re self-righteous?
sfsilver
Can we add “Gays who makes lists telling other Gays that their way of expressing themselves is wrong”? I find that to be the most irritating kind of Gay person of all.
Tombear
Fuck who you want and avoid who you don’t want. It’s your life. Enjoy it because life is way too short! Avoid bitchy queens like AtticusBennett who claim intellectual superiority to all of you peasant gays because you only have baccalaureate degrees. You will be a lot happier!