Sadly, though, many gay people fall to Projective Identification. (when we act like the stereotype that is thrust on us).

I would say this is true of all people. As one simple example, just look at straight men and their bullshit notion of what it means 'to be a man'. People are hard-wired it seems to act according to stereotypes, even whether those stereotypes are retarded.

I think the numbers are actually much higher. Hopefully we're moving away from those dinosaur ideas and towards faithful, committed relationships. Then we could act like…gasp!…adults.

Living a lifestyle you don't agree with does not make people any less of adults. People make choices for themselves based on what feels right for them, their desires, and their life goals. If someone decides that faithful, committed relationships are not the best way to express their sexual, romantic, loving selves – we should be celebrating that as a valuable addition to our culture, not ostracizing them in an attempts to be seen in society as "normal" or "good gays."

I hate the idea of promiscuity, and Im still in high school. I've "done stuff" with one other guy who I dated for several months and have dated several other guys who i haven't done anything with because I'd like to wait until it gets committed.

Finding that one special person to spend my life with is what motivates almost all of my actions. Im a hopeless romantic, I admit, and I have gay friends who fuck anything that moves and it makes me cringe.

That's a real shame. Monogamy is so boring.

YellowRanger,

Why is it a shame? Some people don't find monogamy boring.

PopSnap:
It is not being "a hopeless romantic" to stay true to what feels right to you. I truly wish you well. Keep in mind, however, that love finds you and not the other way 'round. My partner and I have been together for over 30 years as a result of a chance meeting. My you find yourself in a relationship based on love, honesty, commitment and sharing.

PopSnap: there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going after it. People would be better off if they were more like you…I know I would. :)

I do wonder though, why other people going after what THEY want makes you "cringe." Don't they deserve the same respect for their decisions as you do?

PopSnap: Love your outlook 'bout being a hopeless romantic, however you need to realize that despite everything you have heard, sex with a dude can be a lot of fun! ;-P You can "do stuff" with other dudes and explore all that Gay sex can offer without really giving yourself to someone special. That will come in time……….Not saying you have to drop trou everytime you get a boner, but explore and enjoy…………

haha, thanks you guys. Yeah, its nice to see im not the only one who thinks like that. =]

As we all know, the main reason that gays have historically been more promiscuous is that for decades there was no option to be in a "traditional" relationship, especially for those of us not from NYC or San Francisco. As we all become more open about sexuality and the world around us becomes more accepting of gay relationships, we don't have to skulk around in back alleys and bath houses.

Frankly most of the truly shocking behavior (e.g. getting arrested in the park on your knees in ladies underwear while 6 guys you've never met jerk off on you) is usually done by closeted and repressed individuals. It is not homosexuality that leads to high levels of promiscuity, it is the closet. Most adjusted and out gays that I know aren't any more promiscuous than the straight guys I know. Sure, we all love a random hook up… but at the same time, we would love to find the right guy to grow old with… who will still love us when we have wrinkly asses.

One of the theories about the stereotype of gay promiscuity comes from experiences with people who have been traumatized for various reasons. It's the idea that their psycho/sexual/'emotional "clock" can "stop" at the point of they were traumatized. In other words, if something terrible happened to you at a young age when you didn't have the necessary coping skills, it's difficult for you to then go on to gain those skills than it is for someone who wasn't traumatized, but went through a more standard development.

For a lot of GLBT kids, they hit puberty, at which point their straight peers go through "crushes" and "puppy love" and sexual experimentation. But a lot of the GLBT kids end up "freezing" as they shut down their feelings and desires in a homophobic environment.

In this theory, when someone goes through successful therapy, the "clock" starts up again–but it starts at the point it froze. Which for a lot of GLBT people would mean when they start to come out. This has no relationship to the actual age of the individual.

Just so,in this theory, the stereotypical promiscuous gay is really someone who at the age of coming out (in his 20s-30s-40s etc.) is really starting at the psycho/sexual/emotional age of an early adolescent…and acts out with "crushes," "puppy love," and a desire to be a "kid in a candy store."

What I find interesting with this theory and the study quoted by Queerty, is the fact we've seen a sea-change in terms of people coming out at a much earlier age (think 15 as the average) than we've ever seen before. To my delight, where historically, one's sexual orientation was often defined by actually having sex with a same-sex partner, many of the current younger generation are owning a GLBT identity while still virgins. If this theory is correct, then we would expect to see young people who come out around puberty are going to have their chronological "clocks" and their psycho/sexual/emotional "clocks" align. They would then tend to reflect their heterosexual cohort.

Actually, I think bisexually oriented men are the majority, not a minority. Most straight guys are bisexual, they're just too stigmatized to concede it.

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