Not to be un-Christian about a “pastor,” but this guy’s either a confused douchebag or a lying one. His sexual soap opera has been the subject of an HBO doc, countless TV interviews from Oprah to Dateline (not the Predator edition, though there was the case of young Grant Haas, “masturbation witness”), even an appearance on Divorce Court. Haggard was a hugely popular evangelical pastor in Colorado until 2006, when a male escort alleged “Pastor Ted” had been paying him for sex and crystal meth for the previous three years. A few days later Haggard was out, of his job, that is. His wife stuck with him, he’s got a new ministry, and he told GQ a couple years ago: “”I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual.” Yeah, we’ve all been bisexual, Ted.